Ravens Overhead

We hoped to escape her rule. She rules us with her iron hoof, that pretender. I will find my queen and restore her rule. But will my skill be enough?

Thanks to Starlight Shadow for the idea.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Aurafluff

Aurafluff #1 · May 29th, 2014 · 3 · ·

Concept is great, but this really could use some severe fleshing out.

TheEquestrianWing

TheEquestrianWing #2 · Jun 19th, 2014 · · ·

Usually, I tend to avoid stories that are told in the first-person narrative. Mostly because a one-sided witness of events can be very limited and general in terms of detail. However, I must admit that this story was rather impressive. It had an interesting premise, a vivid display of emotional, and superb execution.

I'm curious; in this universe, does C.E. still stand for "Common Era?" Or does it actually mean "Celestia's Era?" Heh heh heh...

Anyway, I like how you chose to open this story at this specific point in time. A lot of people have visualized how a war between the Equestrians and the Changelings would turn out. By contrast, you chose to skip the bulk of the war altogether and focus on its aftermath. That's certainly an original idea, so props to you on that.

This whole Great Changeling Immigration was another fascinating aspect. I like the idea of having the Changelings settle in Equestria. Such a shame that it did not have desirable results for any of the parties involved.

The princesses' abhorrence and mistrust of the Changelings was understandable, but I was still somewhat astounded by their complete lack of hospitality towards the shape shifters. I mean, every culture must have rules in both war and diplomacy. In almost every major war in human history, the winner has made an effort to help the loser recover and find a way for them to peacefully coexist together. Considering how benevolent Equestria normally is, I would have expected Celestia and the others to show at least a little leniency to their former enemies. Then again, it's quite possible Trachea was exaggerating on their nature. I'm certain she did not just make it up, but I feel the need to question the authenticity of some of the things she wrote.

I'm still left wondering who killed that one pony on September 24th, as well as who killed Chitin. I guess the murderers are supposed to remain anonymous to maintain the aura of contempt between the ponies and the Changelings.

By the way, that one scene where the Changelings were forced to wear necklaces to single them out... It made think of that one event from World War II when the Nazis forced the Jewish peoples of Germany and Poland to wear armbands imprinted with the Star of David. I'm not saying I equating Twilight with Hitler, but the unfairness of that decree really stood out.

While I can understand that Cadence and Celestia would harbor a personal resentment towards Changelings, I would have thought Twillight would have been at least a LITTLE forgiving. After all, her grudge was mostly just towards Chrysalis. There's also the fact that she spared Sunset Shimmer in Equestria Girls, even though Sunset actually tried to KILL her.

Overall, this story was very good. It had some minor plot holes, but no major problems. While it's possible that either side won the final battle, I'm going to speculate that neither of them did, and that the battle was somehow halted before the death toll became catastrophic. That's just my theory.

Excellent work on this. Look forward to reading more of your "ideas."

Starlight Shadow