If Equestria was real, would it be anything like the cartoon? When a creature resembling Twilight Sparkle appears in the middle of the Big Apple, one man gets the chance to learn the truth behind the fiction - and to help change the world.
But even though many people would welcome the magic and knowledge that this powerful being offers, others fear it. Dramatic change can bring massive upheaval to society, upsetting the balance of power, and many of the 'powers that be' would prefer to maintain their comfortable status quo at any cost.
How much does this visitor, and her home, have in common with the imaginary characters and world we've seen on the television screen? Can she and her new friend survive in the Big Apple, avoid those who would silence them, and convince those who might help them? How will the Big Apple, and the world as we know it, be changed by her arrival?
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This is my first 'published' fan-fiction, so please do rate and comment. I'd love to know what I'm doing well and what I could stand to work on.
This story grew out of a single scene that sprang to mind while I was struggling with another story, one which I intend to complete with as much polish as I can before submitting. I was having a bit of writer's block on an important scene and took a break to write the ideas down, and ended up expanding on them more than I'd expected. So now I'm working on this as well. This one isn't my highest priority, though, so updates to it may be rather infrequent.
Regarding the 'sex' tag: One chapter contains non-graphic descriptions of nudity and reactions to it. It's primarily situation-based humor. This isn't really a romance/shipping story, but it seems my muse missed that left turn at Albuquerque and is trying to slip in some such elements for humor purposes.
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Cover image from Wikimedia Commons under CC BY 3.0 license: original photo by Jean-Christophe BENOIST
I'm open to suggestions for a replacement, this was hastily chosen to avoid lack of cover art. Artless stories are sad stories. Don't let your stories be sad.
Wow, awesome! I really love this story so far. I hope you do continue it- you've really got something going here, and I like it!
This is an interesting and original take on the ponies on Earth story. I like it!
Pretty good. Keep going.
You don't get enough attention. This has a lot of potential. Don't stop :P
Thanks! I appreciate everyone's encouragement. I was a little concerned by how much red was on that ratings bar, but unless they leave comments it's hard to know what it means. I'm wondering if people aren't expecting the 'non-cartoony' version of poni that I'm using in this story, and I suppose the first chapter does make it sound pretty weird... Too much, maybe?
I have chapters that aren't posted yet (still reviewing, editing and such) and I'm actually writing more today. So despite the warning in the description, there should be another handful of chapters popping up daily, at least over the short term. And I find myself liking how the story is progressing so far, so I don't plan on stopping any time soon, especially since I'm still mulling over modifications to that other story. (Working out complicated interactions of events and getting them to go where I need them to can be quite tricky!)
I don't understand why you don't have more positive ratings either, this is really good.
Yes, yes, yes.
Very interesting concept I will have to keep an eye on this
This is good, and the pacing is really good. Don't stop now.
Now that chapter 6 is published, I have a question. (Read the chapter first!)
Ponies in the 'real' Equestria of this story are naturally less anthropomorphic than in the cartoon, but I've been considering the 'Anthro' tag. This chapter is the reason why. Twilight will most likely be spending a lot of time in this illusionary 'human' disguise, but she can't just keep it going all the time (it would be a waste of magic while sleeping, for instance). However, the physical transformation under the disguise is a bit more 'fixed'. (I'll probably go into some more detail eventually, but for now that's sufficient.) Even if she does change back to her natural form at times, she'll be spending a lot of time as an anthro pony. When the illusion is going, underneath it she'll have that form. When sleeping in a human-size bed, she'll probably have that form. This may affect the story. I'm not yet entirely certain how, but it's very likely.
So my question to those who have read through this point in the story is, should I add that tag?
Also, fair warning: I've reached the end of the preexisting material. I am still writing more, but don't expect daily updates anymore. :)
Okay. This is pretty good. Don't stop :)
"Pony goes to Earth, does *not* turn into a human, and meets a brony - except that it happens in public."
The concept of this story is something I surprisingly have seen very rarely.
Only read the first three chapters so far, but I do certainly like your writing style and am looking forward to see where this is going! Fav and upvote!
Well that's a different start I like it
Don't look to much to the bright side of things twi hole city's could shift plains and end up in the sea
I enjoyed reading this story so far
Your more realistic take on the world of Equestria was something I especially liked.
As for the Anthro tag dilemma... well, you said it yourself that Twilight will be "spending a lot of time as an anthro pony", so I think the tag will be relevant here. Some people might just instantly downvote an "anthro" tagged story without reading it (then again, many would do the same with stories tagged "human"), but who cares about those silly morons
For the Anthro tag, I don't think this story needs it. And it would probably be confusing for new readers, who would assume going into the story that the ponies in Equestria are Anthro, which isn't correct.
For the "sex" tag, I also don't think this story needs that either. The brief descriptions of Twilight's reactions to human nudity taboos are not enough for that tag, and again, readers would probably get the wrong impression that there is more mature (or maybe immature) content than there is.
And for the love of Celestia, please don't mix those two tags.
4456119 Yeah, crowds and publicity are (at least theoretically) a big factor here. Glad you're enjoying it!
4460304 Half their size? I assume you're referring to the first/second chapter scene where Twilight pulls Casey inside the shield... If you're under the impression that she's half his size in that scene, you've got it backwards. She may be shorter, but she out-masses him by a considerable factor (in her natural form) - look up the weight of your average real pony, and how hard they can kick.
You might as well say "I hate it when people make ponies defenseless against humans and their guns / tranq darts / insert unbalancing force multiplier of choice here." Taking something like that too far, yeah, I can see it being distasteful no matter which side was on the receiving end. But that's not the sort of situation I was trying to portray here.
If this had actually been a fight against an average Equestrian pony, he probably could've done alright. Even if we were talking Applejack, she'd probably walk away with at least a bloodied nose. But it wasn't a fight, nor did he wish to start one. It was Twilight Sparkle and her magic, and it all happened very quickly. Remember that by the time he might have been willing to do anything other than try to avoid whatever she was trying to do, she'd already taken the precaution of immobilizing him.
Besides, he wasn't actually in any danger, something which was quickly reasserted. It was just his fear talking. If her attitude had been different... If she'd been bearing down on him with malicious glee, for instance... But even when the crowd was pressing in on her, she'd refrained from injuring anyone and just forced them to back off. He was worried about her, and didn't truly believe himself to be in any danger, even when he thought she was going to go rooting through his memories. If that wasn't clear enough, I can go back and tweak it a bit if I get around to revising things.
4463658 Yeah, that's precisely why I haven't added the anthro tag, and probably won't (but thanks for your input on that, GloomyFace). My understanding of its general usage is that it refers to a specific kind of "alternate universe" in which all ponies are anthro. Can't please everyone all the time, so anyone who's put off by Twilight using an anthro form for disguise purposes or otherwise will just have to 'deal with it' I guess.
As for the 'sex' tag, it's entirely appropriate. I asked a mod to be sure. Remember, this is listed as a 'teen' story, so anyone who thinks it always means 'adult content' may want to read up on what the tags mean. (You can find that in the FAQ.
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Interesting, go on.
Nice as always! The question is: how many time will it take for them to be spot?
The people who are chasing them are simple amateurs or FIB and co, but i think that twilight don't have cause enough attention for the latter.
Keep the good work!
The only complaint I have that it is so short! More! Sate my eternal hunger!
It's really nice!
The question now is to know if it will turn in a tourist tour with silliness and good time or if the cops/FBI/whoever want Twilight will find them.
Heh, deli meat is about as far from meat as you can get. I love the to-do list spell.
4578608 Yeah, the stuff on his sandwich is decent quality but it's still processed a bit and machine-sliced. Someone who isn't familiar with all of that (and this Twilight definitely isn't) could easily have trouble recognizing it.
And I figured a spell like that would fit her like a glove.
Hmm but cloudwalking would be very important ability for pegasi. They fly alot and the ability to rest on cloud would be important. It wouldn't be good and safe to fly to the ground for evry rest. It's evolution. Those who weren't abel to rest on clouds died when resting on the ground. They don't fall through because their magic telekinetic field make them highly hydrofobic and hold the cloud together.
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Some good points. It would be advantageous, certainly. Our birds get by without such an ability, but that doesn't mean it couldn't have evolved if it were possible. It still might not have of course, but for pegasi the potential certainly is there.
I had debated that point a fair amount and originally chose to nix it because of the differences between cartoony clouds and real ones, which are huge and diffuse, like mist or fog. There's very little substance to them. In order to be 'supported by' a cloud, a pegasus would have to be almost entirely weightless. Otherwise, even with their magic grabbing hold of the cloud, all they'd do is drag it down toward the ground with them. And they'd have to 'grab' a rather large volume of cloud, too. It seemed to me that it would be nearly as much exertion as weather duty, if not normal flight.
On the other hand, that approach is certainly feasible if a pegasus simply wants to perch somewhere high, not exactly 'flying' because that implies motion... It might be more efficient than hovering in open air. Some pegasi might not be good at or capable of hovering without using their wings, and those especially might prefer to 'grab' some cloud if they're already high in the sky. And taking the weather manipulation abilities into account, they might be able to pull a bunch of it into a more compact form as long as they maintain a hold on it with their flight field.
This wouldn't exactly be 'cloudwalking' like in the show, and there still wouldn't be anything constructed out of clouds. And as soon as they left the perch they'd created it would quickly disperse. But I'm considering a minor revision to reflect this possibility, now that I've put more thought into it.
Wow, this is really good.
"You bear a very strong resemblance (to) our horses and ponies"
I've got to say Tallinu, this is a really good story and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
You've obviously put a lot of thought into a really charming and in-character story about a character we all like. I really enjoy stories about the meetings of two cultures, because there are just so many good ways to write them, and your's does not disappoint. I'm also interested to see how the quest for clothing turns out; most authors would reach for a convenient female friend to bring in on this, but personally, I'm hoping he takes her to someplace like 'Goodwill', 'Salvation Army' or 'Gabrial Brothers'. All these stores offer a much wider selection, with much more to discuss, and the option to find some truly hideous or offensive garments that could provoke funny dialog. How about an 'If you can read this, the bi___ fell off' motorcycle t shirt? Outfits from the 1970s? Those 'Gansta' sneakers with gold plated chains for laces? A 1960s plug into the all 'marital aid' in the original box? Religious statues or nativity scenes? The possibilities are endless. 
And for extra fun, he should suggest she get some pajamas after they have already left the store, explaining that they are comfortable clothes for use around the house. This could then lead to her visiting a 'specialty' store, and using her halting english from the new translation book they got to ask for "something more comfortable... for the bedroom..."
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Thanks for catching that, I could've sworn that 'to' was present in the google docs version!
She'll end up getting some female help later on, but for the moment it's just the two of them. I like the thrift store idea, that'll be a lot easier to write than what I was originally thinking of and makes more sense for a single guy on a budget, too, especially with funds limited to what they can carry.
Some of those ideas could be quite amusing! I'll have to see what else I can come up with and what I can work in. Getting her into really "inappropriate" pajamas will take more than a Hungarian phrasebook (dirty or not) though, since she won't find anything written in Equestrian and can't just do magic text translation. The symbols on a page have no inherent meaning, after all, only what we give them.
Thanks again for the feedback, I'm glad you're enjoying the story!
Are you going to start updating this again? I'll be honest, I forgot this story even existed.
It's a cute story so far, not sure where it's going though.
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I'm hardly going to give up writing, nor do I have any desire to abandon this particular story. I've just been busy with other things.
Like it says in the description, don't expect regularly scheduled updates... But assuming nothing drags me away again for the next while, I'll hopefully be able to get some more chapters done without a huge break in between.
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The fun is in the journey!
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Yeah, I just read that part again. It's been so long since I read the description, though, that I forgot about it. Sorry.
So Casey is upset that Twilight used a scan spell without consent? I'm afraid I don't see why it is so bad. I wouldn't be exactly happy myself, but it isn't like I'd been seen naked, is it?
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That's not all there is to it, though. (And for all he knows, that could be exactly what the scan was like.) Maybe I was too wrapped up in getting a chapter break to work *somewhere* in the wall of text I had building up and didn't make it clear enough why he was upset here, leaving too much of that for the start of the next chapter? I'll have another look at the ending here, and try to get the basic gist of it across.
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I've added a sentence to the start of the last paragraph, hopefully that will make things a little clearer.
5086787 It is now, thanks!
This is turning out pretty good now.^_^
A great fanfic.^_^
I like it.^_^
Good work dude.
Any chance of getting Sunset Shimmer mentioned in here?
5198221 Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it.
Sunset Shimmer is not a character I'd thought about. At all. I've been basing this on just the show so far, and I know some people don't even like to treat EQG as canon. I don't see any harm in that normally...
But since this particular Equestria is such a different "alternate universe" version, I'm not sure how I'd fit her in. She certainly wouldn't have ended up in some colorful human world populated by analogs of pony characters, although it's possible that the basics of her backstory would be the same (assuming I'm remembering it correctly) and she's simply another of Celestia's students. Or maybe she was a bit of a rival for Twilight. I'll keep her in the back of my mind and see if I find a good place to give her a mention, or perhaps find some role for her to fill story-wise. No promises, though.
I have enjoyed this story a lot as it depicts things fairly realistically. I really like the alternative universe you created and explained how a lot of things would be expected to work compared to the more unbelievable things in the story.
I am eagerly waiting to see how the family reacts to twilight, and of course how the plan to get to the media is going to work.
Well done, and keep up the good work
5217387 Thanks, I'm looking forward to some of those scenes myself. Writing them and tying everything together smoothly has been tricky though, and I've had to do a lot more work on outlining the plot than I originally anticipated. That, along with the work on my other story, has slowed progress on this one much more than I'd hoped.
As a silver lining, I'm getting quite a lot accomplished on the other story, and I'd say it's at least half complete - the main plot for it is laid out in full, although there are plenty of scenes left to write (and undoubtedly plenty of editing and some revision to do after that), and I keep getting ideas for additional touches that tie things together more, and overall just make me smile gleefully. Months of work ahead, at least, but for probably the first time I have the feeling that I WILL get this one done.
I'm thinking of making a blog post with a teaser description for that story and maybe discussing it more there, instead, if anyone seems interested, since it's only relevant to this story in the sense of "what's keeping me from working on this".
5217439 i can't wait for more chapters. Your writing is really good.
When is a new chapter coming out?
I love this story so far!
It's such a unique and different take on a combining of the human and MLP world, and I am very intrigued by it, and I'm excited to read more. 
Never been a fan of detailed un-cartooning of ponies. You either invoke the uncanny valley yourself or you spend time and effort describing something that is almost immediately forgotten. Often, both.
I like where you're going, though.
I retract my compliment. Headcanon misfire
5805525 Hah! Thanks, that's a great term. "Headcanon misfire..." I'll have to remember that one.
I knew going into this that I'd be taking quite a few liberties, and it wouldn't necessarily be for everyone. Sorry to hear that it wasn't your cup of tea. :)
To anyone else watching, no, I'm not dead. And I'm still poking and prodding this thing from time to time, inspiration or no, along with some other (unpublished) projects. Can't rely on having the words fall into your lap from on high, after all...
Late to the party, but I think I'd like to see a good pic of this Twilight.
4436852 I really liked it but it's been almost 2 years since the last update, I seen so many good stories just loose steam and just stop. I hope you will continue this awesome story so day.
7041273 Unfortunately I've had a lot of other demands on my time, and this story was not a high priority even when I was getting ideas for it semi-regularly -- and lately I'm not even getting ideas for the one I really care about (before anyone asks, that one's unpublished and will remain so until finished).
Maybe if I keep checking it'll be updated XDDD
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bruh