• Member Since 17th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen April 25th

MegatronsPen


Other than a Cybertronian writing utensil, I am an avid brony that is partial to writing novice-level stories whenever an idea pops into my head, whether I like it, or not. It's mostly the latter.

T
Source

Applejack is in love.

Having fought against her desires and hidden her sexuality for far too long, Applejack comes to terms with the prospect she has fallen hard for a certain young princess she believes is way out of her league.

What will she do?

(Featured on 29/10/14. Woot.

Because of popular demand, this is no longer a one-shot. But guess what? This fic is now a collaboration, with an alternate universe! Want to know what would happen if Twilight was the one in love with Applejack? See below for details.)

This Universe Written by: Me
Alternative Universe Written by: Creed Located Here: Chasing Applejack

(Click the picture for source. The owner of the picture is not me, and if asked, I will remove it.)

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 165 )

SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL!

4433441 :rainbowlaugh:You took the words right out of my mouth!

MP, you can't let us dangle like this! Get AJ to work her courage up, and get these two together...pronto!!!:ajsmug::twilightsmile:

Yes, continue it for the story is too short and it can be expand far beyond what it is now.

MORE MORE MORE MORE PLEASE MORE!

Go to Twilight and ride her like a cowgirl... :rainbowlaugh:

Wah! This is awesome! Moar pls! :ajsmug::heart::twilightsmile:

I vote for more.
This has great potential and it is sad to see it go to waste on a one-shot.
But it is you'r decision inn the end.
Since i'am not cretin on if this will continue i won't give you a rating.
~Tobben

It's a bit more blunt than I would like for my choice of reading (the obviousness that Applejack what's to do more than just cuddle and kiss Twilight. X3), but this sounds far too interesting. I'm with the others, I vote that you expand on this, at least a little bit. :pinkiehappy:

DAMMNIT IT HATE IT WHEN AUTHORS DO THIS CONTINUE THIS PLEASE!!!!

Continue! This is one of the most unique writing styles I have seen!

Hey I think you need to continue this, if you look at what people are saying and then don't continue... it may start a riot... because this was amazing and needs to continue. What you set into motion can't stop the fans... good luck

I...I FREAKING LOVE IT!
It's beautifully written and has so much potential. Don't leave us hanging.:twilightsmile:

4435224
4433441
4433483
4433576
4433971
4434492
4434631
4434713
4434999
4435161
4435224

Wow. I'm speechless. Good thing I'm typing then. Thank you all so much for the praise. I never intended to expand this, as I treated the fic as an experiment to do my version of Curify's writing style. I do have an idea where I could go with it, and I am reconsidering its one-shot status.

I'll throw a blog post up once I've come to some kind of confirmation that I will do it. For now, I'll ponder, and see if I am up to the task to continue working on it and maintain your high praise.

Once again, thank you so much for putting this story on the Popular Stories listing. I never expected that to happen.

4435500 Anytime sugarcube.:heart:


4435593 Thank you muchly! Keep an eye out, I may post more. :pinkiehappy:

4435706 Thank you for that! Highly appriecated. The action scene bits are sorta seperated, but not clearly. Normally I quote things like diary entries and inner thoughts in italic, but this style Im gonna stick with, becuse its a style I never done before. I do have the same concerns in terms of flow. Buuuuut, eh, can't win em all. :pinkiecrazy:

I like this, it really sounds like prologue to a longer story. That said, I'm interested if you decide to write more.

4437192
Did, easy to miss things reading off a phone.

Comment posted by MegatronsPen deleted May 24th, 2014
Comment posted by MegatronsPen deleted May 24th, 2014
Comment posted by Salvador Dickens deleted May 24th, 2014

The troll has left the building.

If there is one thing that this fiction that this fiction managed to do it was intrigue me. Certainly, many may think that a short column of words would fail to catch one's interest, however with this fiction I was grappled by the first sentence.

I sought the end to which would reveal my happy ending with the positivity of a child. Instead, I am nothing more than a friend who is valued, cared for, and loved in other ways to what I want.

Who is this person who does not give her the love she seeks? Well, that catches your interest does it not? Although the cover may spoil a bit of if, of course we know she wants it on the bloody front cover. However the language, yes the language, it what brings us into a false pretence of knowledge. I assumed this would be taking the point of view from Twilight, as these types of romance fictions typically do, mainly because despite Twilight's characterisation we still do not know the entirety of her background so we are capable of building around it. However when I read the lines:

So who is it? Who is that reader? Who is that observer?
Celestia?
Luna?
Twilight or even Cadence?

That right there caused my hand to move from my cheek to my chin, like the line of a fisherman's rod I was hooked in the inescapable piercing that had managed to pierce my intrigue instead of my cheek. What I like the most is self conflict it's typically not viewed in a great light because it's either too pessimistic, too quote-on-quote 'emo' or just not portrayed very well. However the actual conflict that she had with herself was done excellently, with genuine hurt other words, but what makes that more truthful is how you didn't specify exactly how she was feeling, but the fact that we can make the emotions out ourselves just goes to show how fantastically written it actually is.

I give this fiction (Based on what's actually presented not the entire fiction because as far as I am aware it's not actually completed.) a solid 8/10

The only gripes I had about it were mainly due to it's layout of writing, this may have been intentional and allowed the reader to actually imagine what Applejack was feeling, but if this was the case then it will bump up to a 8.5/10. Now the rest of the gripes were sourced from the, for a lack of a better term,feeling. Even though I have already brought up the fact you can feel Applejack's emotions the overall conclusion of this chapter felt bizarrely rushed. I also found the overall 'atmosphere' of the fiction torn when I read the line:

I am going to do everything I have ever masturbated to-

I will come back to read this fictions overall conclusion and I will rate accordingly.

Good evening.

Okay, so after reading this a couple times, I'm not entirely sure where I stand with this fic. It's an interesting (and rather enjoyable) take with the journal entry opening, but there're more than a couple things I'm not sure how to deal with.

For starters, Applejack appears... overly poetic in her journal entry. For example,

I work to support others and supply the social and vital needs of the many; yet does that make me selfish in denying myself the simplicity of carnal desires? Does it make any sense at all?!

Now, I'm not denying that Applejack may think and/or write differently than she talks, because she very well could. I'm just saying that, based on how I understand Applejack's character and her quirks and speaking patterns, the way she's written here with this journal entry doesn't exactly sound like her. I went and read through "Chasing Applejack" as well, and I couldn't help but notice that Applejack is more poetic than Twilight was. I'm all for Applejack being metaphorical and poetic, but not this poetic. It almost doesn't sound like Applejack at all (at least at the start).

Second, the "it's wrong to be gay" thing... I dunno. It's a very real issue in some places, and while it is true that Equestria's stance on homosexuality hasn't been broached at all by the show, this seems to be a rather extreme take on it. The way it's presented here makes it sound like anyone thought to be homosexual would be crucified and sunk at the bottom of Ponyville lake. Now, this may just be my own headcanon, but a place that promotes love and friendship all over the place doesn't strike me as such a place. Like I said though, that's my opinion, but I will say that the way it's presented here is a little extreme for my tastes. Especially when she thinks of herself as "sick" for being in love with Twilight.

Third, this line:

Twilight an’ me? She’s one of those fruu-fruu Canterlot gals, an’ am nothing more than a mud pony.

I'm all for Applejack feeling like she isn't good enough for Twilight. Hell, that sounds like a rad premise to a promising TwiJack fic. I'm just not sure about the usage of the term "mud pony." Again, you seem to be going to the extremes here as Applejack really doesn't seem to think much of herself here. I mean, calling oneself a "mud pony"? I dunno man. It's a tad much.

Lastly, Applejack has what one might dare to call an unhealthy obsession with getting in Twilight's metaphorical pants. Like here,

I’m going to win her heart, and feel her lips against mine. I am going to do everything I have ever masturbated to—

And again here:

“Ah need her. Ah want her.

It's just... really, really looking like Applejack has a very, very unhealthy obsession with Twilight Sparkle. You could call that love, but I dunno, to me (and remember, this is just my opinion here) it looks like obsession.

Please understand that none of this was meant to be offensive in any way, I just wanted to throw in my two cents.

4437854 Thank you. I much appreciate what you said, and the flaw which is the blatantly clop reference. I'm happy to get a 5/10 on this fic, let alone an 8+. I hope I can justify your continued interest. I don't really want a review. I just want people to enjoy it for what it Is, but any input is great at this level of detail.

And feels. I am bad at feels. Read my other fics and you will know it is grim-dark, and it is a poor excuse to instill feels, but this one? It's total romance. And if I want to give those feels over, I need to write something which can do that, and... I can't do that. Without angst.

I don't expect a 10/10 from anyone, but, I'm working for it towards its eventual end.

But thank you. Really.

4437935 Thank you too! And... Yes. I used a lot of words that seem strong in terms of what Applejack calls herself and the fact she seems more obsessed than in love, and you may or may not have hit the nail on the head, but, we all do it. We put ourselves down some times to building ourselves up.

And yes, it is poetic, but, I always do believe the seemingly dumb ones can appear more than meets the eye. It's a bad an excuse. I just hope I can justify it for you. I have always been myself alluded to being dumb, due to my shit handwriting. I can't write for shit. I had to take a special course in education where I typed without aid of spell-check for my exams, which would determine my outcome in the English language courses. I passed. A*. That's my personal justification for the reasoning of AJ's writing ability. But I can see where you are coming from. It does seems OOC, and I agree. It was kind of. But I had to do it.

When it comes to the unhealthy obsession? Don't we all do that? I know, maybe not ALL, but, when you fall in love (insert EM dash) from my experience, you want to make sure that the target is everything you think about and they think about. By default, you create a fantasy where you are just that. An obsession. That's love to me. Irrational and unpredictable.

Thank you though, for your review and I will take it on board.

And no, you didn't offend me. It's cool, *brohoof*

4437935 Also, Dr Who fan comment. You ready for the coming of Peter Capaldi?!

4433483 Also, yes. It will happen. Sorry for the lengthy reply.

4438150 Cool!:ajsmug:

And that's quite alright, MP. You should see some of my replies to things at times!!!:twilightblush::twilightsheepish:

If the next chapter isn't going to come out soon I'M going to go crazy! :pinkiecrazy:

...

i.e. please hurry :fluttershysad:

Seeing Applejack like this is an interesting concept. Normaly she is level headed and confident. Great story, I hope to read more.

4440449 I was going to go with what we talked about, but I saw an opportunity for some early interaction. Terribly sorry if I suprised you there Curi. Have fun with yours, bro. :pinkiecrazy:

4440532 Lol. I could had went on, but, I found it better to leave on that note. :pinkiecrazy:

thank you for continuing this, yes I know you said you would but I really did not think you would update so soon!
Im really not complaining though, I love updates on the stories that I read!

looks great so far, I thought you would have had AJ ask Lyra for advice with it... but nope, Twi out of the blue! ... but then again she can still ask lyra for advice... :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by MegatronsPen deleted May 24th, 2014
Comment posted by MegatronsPen deleted May 24th, 2014
Comment posted by MegatronsPen deleted May 24th, 2014

4440605 Thank you for liking it. I had an idea for the chapter when I saw how popular the fic was getting, so I HAD to post a chapter as a thanks of some description.:rainbowkiss:

Comment posted by MegatronsPen deleted May 24th, 2014

Thank you for adding a new chapter! :pinkiehappy: I'll read it when I get back from Fanime con

That was fast.:pinkiegasp:
Thanks for the continuation. I love where this is going.

Damn, AJ's got it bad for Twilight. :twilightoops:
I wish her luck.


May the apples be with her. :ajsmug:

4441600 I hope you enjoy it.
4441843 Thanks! I'm glad you like the direction. I don't do romance normally. Just grim dark... And angst. So hopefully you will forgive me if I end up putting in just a LITTLE drama in the next coming chapters.
4441882 Glad ya like this one bro. Not like D=S-M huh?

Login or register to comment