• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 42 minutes ago

Gabriel LaVedier


Just another University-edicated fanfiction writer who prefers the cheers and laughter of ponies to madness and sorrow.

T

The village of Trotford is like the other small towns in Equestria. Quiet, unassuming, very nice. The stallions, however, are flighty, and the mares are upset they can't find a decent husband.

The stallions are satisfied with things, being free and clear to just have their own fun when they like. Nothing seems likely to change, and yet, things start to. More marriage, with the husbands so very happy and satisfied with their new lot in life. Some investigation is quite necessary...

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 50 )

I got a bad feeling about this.

4426410

I wish there was a "Mystery" tag. "Dark" was the best fit.

Nope. Doomed. Dooooooooooooooooooomed!

Blech, tag spoilers. I know you can't avoid it, but... blech.

4428476

It has tripped me up many times. But I'm hoping the writing makes up for having necessary spoilers.

4429090

There should be a spoiler option for tags. If an author feels there are spoilers in the tags, they can mark it so when they upload the fic, then the reader has to click it to see the tags.

4432223

I agree. There should also be a "Mystery" tag. Dark is a bit much.

Oh, well that wasn't quite what I expected.

Wow. That is ingenious. That is impressive.

4461310

I wish that mind control group hadn't been so quick. How do I remove a story from a group to which I don't belong?

4461414

Thank you. I was kind of "priming the pump" so to speak by trying to evoke "Shadow over Innsmouth" in the scene going through town at night. That way the reveal would be more shocking.

have a good times. have a good time.

but they weren't many. but there weren't many.

Wind saw gold. Wind saw Gold.

lot of look. lot of looks.

him to indication. him no indication.

barely hard breakfast. barely had breakfast.

i'll. I'll.

Better get some napalm while in Canterlot, it seems you have a pest problem.

What a :twistnerd:! So are all the guys changelings who've forgotten they're changelings? I guess it's time for the next chapter.

The second said. the second said.

The first one. the first one.

asking question. asking questions.

penny. Penny.

one ad. one had.

Her goat. Her coat.

this to have happened. this to have happened."

Man, these ponies suck at not being suspicious. Huge groups out in the middle of the night? Tsk, tsk.

So is this in continuity but before citizenship or separate?

spock. speck.

Another pegasus. another pegasus.

Agent lane. Agent Lane.

“Iris. Iris.

int the. in the.

good fellow. good fellows.

And before I forget, how about you write your own tag at the top of the description if there isn't one? That seems like the best solution for now.

4471898

I'll do the corrections next week.

This is yet another universe. Just a small one, for this story. It follows the show up to the invasion but posits some Changelings went further than others. Half a siege division went down outside of Trotford and the mares took them in. I really wanted to play up the "Stepford Wives/Invasion of the Body Snatchers" angle (and have a TINY homage to "A Shadow over Innsmouth" in the description of the town at night and all the sneaking around) but violently subvert the expectation. Mostly because Changelings have sort of grown on me.

4472186

Okay. I do think it'd fit rather nicely if you changed your mind though.

4473267

Not quite. Not with the way they went about it. Because of the time implication, it's likely Changelings would have been granted general amnesty well before the investigation. Also I would have used the OCFG; in the Spoiled Barrel universe Changelings had been considered heretics, with Chrysalis as the head of a personality cult. With the oaths of loyalty to Equestria the Changelings were stricken from the OCFG rolls.

4474123

I was thinking the OCFG would be an issue, but it's still vague how much time passed from wedding to Trotsford/ our favorite prison couple getting caught.

4474841

Heh. The implication here is near a year, because each stallion needed a few weeks of teasing and data-pumping plus the time to gather the funds for bribes. For Marianne and Thunder it was more like a few weeks.

This was just a fun side-universe, and another chance to write adorable things.

4471776

As a note on this correction, dropping closing quotation marks is a common practice to link paragraphs of quotes by the same person such as when someone is speechifying.

4476068

For that to make any sense you'd also have to drop the beginning quotation on the next paragraph. Otherwise it just looks goofy to have a half quote followed by a full quote.

“I always knew it would happen. I thought it would be some other cause. But I always had that doubt in the back of my mind. I was happy with how it worked out, but we should have expected this to have happened.

“We gave it our best shot, and that was very important. What really makes me sad is... we couldn't finish what we started. The process was so slow. Too slow. Necessarily slow, but that always made me uncomfortable and upset. We had things to do, but we played the waiting game, we made ourselves drag it out, setting up all the pieces. I wish it hadn't been so, not for my own reasons, but for... well, it doesn't matter now, does it?

“I guess we're at your mercy now, Agent Lane. We won't restrain you, or fight you. We don't have it in us, not us or... we're surrendering, in a sense. You can leave, we'll unlock the door and let you out, to contact Canterlot and do what you need to do.”

If it was like this:

“I always knew it would happen. I thought it would be some other cause. But I always had that doubt in the back of my mind. I was happy with how it worked out, but we should have expected this to have happened.

We gave it our best shot, and that was very important. What really makes me sad is... we couldn't finish what we started. The process was so slow. Too slow. Necessarily slow, but that always made me uncomfortable and upset. We had things to do, but we played the waiting game, we made ourselves drag it out, setting up all the pieces. I wish it hadn't been so, not for my own reasons, but for... well, it doesn't matter now, does it?

I guess we're at your mercy now, Agent Lane. We won't restrain you, or fight you. We don't have it in us, not us or... we're surrendering, in a sense. You can leave, we'll unlock the door and let you out, to contact Canterlot and do what you need to do.”

Then I could understand it.

4477254

I thought I knew the rule on that. At this point it has just become a personal preference.

4477823

Never heard of it before. To me, it just looks really weird to start a quote and not end it.

Nice story. I was wondering how it would turn out, and I think you did a great job.

Good ending to a good story, also cute.:twilightsmile:

CCC

4477823
4479629

Gabriel LaVedier is correct in his usage.

A multi-paragraph quote takes quotation marks at the start of each paragraph, but only closes the quotation marks once, at the end of the entire quoted section.

CCC

Well. That is an interesting twist.

Very enjoyable story. Simple, yet when it starts your left wondering what horrors are happening behind the scenes in the dark. Yet it turns back around into something that would fit in an actual episode.

Very well done my good author. Jolly good.

If we want a female to command us... well, that's why we get married.

That line.

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4496594

Thank you all for the kind words!

I did everything in my power to make it sound like a standard horror story (I actually tried to emulate Lovecraft's "The Shadow Over Innsmouth."

4496744

I wanted to close on a laugh.

So what would they call this? Burning Mare?

*RUNS!*

4497966

The Burning of Queen Olaf... I mean, Chrysalis?

Hehe.

Now I wanna know more about Verdant and that Changeling she was with at the end~

4542770

That's one of the things I try to do with my stories. I want to create a world which is full and rich and makes others want to see more and more of it, even if that 'more' is simple slice of life moments.

4543530 I am aware of that but now...do us a kind favor...
Make sequel...NOW :flutterrage:
Please and thank you :twilightsmile:

4543598

Heh. If I ever have time I should.

4543598

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4428476

To all who expressed interest in this story, chapter one was broken somehow, and almost a page was just... gone from the end. Please do read the expanded chapter.

4834381
Where exactly do you mean? I don't see anything different than when I read it.

4838037

Reviewing the story earlier chapter one cut off when Gold Bug was talking to his friend about the mares. Specifically it ended abruptly after "All the mares?" There should now be details about the wedding and an encouter with post-wedding Gold Bug.

4838338
Unless I was somehow hallucinating when I first read it, it was there then. Maybe it disappeared later on?

4838343

It seems to have done so. I checked from two different computers and it was just gone. But I replaced it so everything should be copacetic.

That was a neat little mystery. Somehow I figured it wouldn't turn out quite as dark as the tag implied.:twilightsmile:

4961935

Thanks! I continually say that we need a "Mystery" or "Intrigue" tag.

That was good, there is only few fics with some good written mystery.

but uh wow those guys were seriously kiddish (not sure if i used correct word)

4962351 We've got a Mystery tag now....

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