Hello! I'm a new author to FimFiction. I am a huge pony fan and I hope you all like my stories! Enjoy!
When the Mane Six are out of town saving Equestria, the Cakes ask Discord as a last resort to babysit the twins. When you have Discord around, you of course never know what will happen.
Thank you for reading. I took a break from my other story to write this and I hope you find it funny.
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It's very good; but I feel like the excessive profanity is unnecessary. This could be a brilliant kid's story if you just altered a few words. Nonetheless, this has been a wonderful read so far.
4518326 Yeah. I like everything except DISCORD.CUSSING.ALL.THE.DARN.TIME.
Please, fix the cursing. It's stupid.
This could be very good if for some points.
* Refrain from Discord swearing.
* Paragraphing.
* Maybe expand it.
Even discord has standards dude...
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I agree with everyone else here, The idea of Discord having to do something as responsible as babysitting by himself the potential for comedy is golden. But so far I am less than impressed, all I've gotten so far is a punk-discord who is all about talking trash with his homies. I could understand him letting a word or two slip periodically but not this non-stop business. If anything, I think Discord would do one of three things if put in this situation, chortle heartily at Mrs. Cake for thinking he of all creatures would do something as mundane and responsible as Babysit, make a plethora of bad jokes about sitting on babies, or three pull off the classic "how hard can it be" schtick.
This story had the potential to be comedy gold, and perhaps you were inspired by the movie "Meet the Fockers" with Ben Stiller, in which Stiller teaches unintentionally the word ***hole. If this was the case, I must point out that this was but one joke amongst many in the film, here you use that as really the only joke. As such I highly suggest that this story is revised in two critical ways 1) cut back on the swearing, it doesn't fit Discords personality in the least, a word here or there would be fine, but not this amount. And 2) expand upon the plot points, make jokes regarding Discords ineptitude, crying infants, diaper changing, etc.