• Member Since 7th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 29th, 2023

Redbook


I am nothing great, just a pony who enjoys reading great stories and trying my best to tell some myself.

E

Letters can help ones deal their feelings and some letters are harder to write. This letter will lead Twilight to learn a lesson she needed learn.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

So sad but so far it's good for a short chapter.

Very intriguing start. Easy to see what's next.

Mac seems a bit too... What's the opposite of mellow? Too energetic? A little out of character, anyway.
Mixed feelings otherwise. Fic seems to bounce between joy and sadness constantly, so neither feeling gets a chance to sink in...

4423059
Thank you.

4423185
Yay, can you tell me what is going to happen next? Cause I don't know. :pinkiehappy:

4423604
I'm sorry about all that. Trying out new things here. :twilightsheepish: I guess I still got some bugs to work on. I was trying to show a different side of Big Mac or what I thought he would be like when around his spacial somepony. I think the next story I write with him, I'm going to talk to a friend who knows the big guy better then me. Thank you for the feed back and I hope I can make the next chapter a little better. :twilightblush:

4424975 You know, I don't have the foggest clue anymore. I think I had some more thinking power when I was tired last night reading it

4424991
Where is Pinkie Pie when you need her? She could easily break the forth wall and tell us what is going to happen or at least tell me so I can write it all down.

4425027 True, but I think I saw her giving Cthulhu a slumber party.

4423604 Have you seen 'Hearts and Hooves Day?' Seeing as he isn't talking like a lovey-dovey idiot, I'd say that would be as excited as a pony like him gets.

First off, this is off to a great start. I'm left wanting more, the characterization was top notch and I just really wanna know what's gonna happen. Really looking forward to an update

The romantic flashback seriously jars with the introduction of Spike's death. I don't know why you killed off the lizard, but as a framing device it pretty well cancels out Twilight's saucy huggles with Mac, and I don't know if you're trying to show me the pain of losing a close friend or if this is just "Twilight and Mac's life together and ohbythewaySpikekickedthebucket."
It would be best to draw these events out more and feature them in separate chapters. Having this much backstory dumped on the reader all at once hurts the narrative.

Login or register to comment