My Little Bubblegum Crisis : Friendship is Mecha

Decided to cross my Favorite series with my current favorite series ... the results are...... intresting.

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Comments ( 9 )

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Centauri

Centauri #1 · Oct 26th, 2011 · · ·

First of all, this needs a very solid proofreading: you have double-spaces everywhere, and commas, full stops and suchlike after the space, or between two spaces. A few examples:

In the second paragraph, commas should be used to separate items on the list, so it looks like "Massive armies were used, great spells were cast, and the land and people suffered." I think there also should be an 'its' after land, just to make the point clearer.

You had a double full-stop in there, it should be either an ellipsis or a single full-stop, probably the latter in this case.

Again, watch for commas and full-stops with spaces, just to make it more legible.

Finally, semi-colons and colons are brilliant things: learn how to use them properly. It's hard to stress that enough, so do it.

Otherwise, an intriguing start to a fanfic; keep it up!

AggroViking

AggroViking #2 · Jul 31st, 2012 · · ·

fairly good

TDR

TDR #3 · Sep 9th, 2012 · · ·

One of these days i need to go back and redo this. I have learned quite a bit Writing SiS

Gundamdragon

Gundamdragon #4 · Mar 2nd, 2013 · · ·

I love the idea and the twist of sunny but going meglomaina is absolutly brillyent. Also i get what you mean about raity allready from having seen 3 difrent vertions of bubble gum. just please tell me that you made Rainbow dash as Priss in the story shes the only one that could pull of the biker babe and do the hard rock singger..... I need to lisen to the song mad mashine again now. You rock