• Member Since 19th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 3rd, 2016

Color Wonder OLD


Every universe exists. Every dream is another's reality.

T

Cancelled because this was rushed for a contest and is very terrible XD

Twilight is falsely accused of killing Princess Celestia and is banished to the other side of the planet. There, she must find a way to return to Equestria, even while dark magic is slowly corrupting her...

Art is by me..

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 17 )

Well this story is gonna be interesting, and I shall now fav it

Okay, this story does not read well at all. That is not to say it's bad, the spelling and grammar is excellent, and the plot seems solid.

But I have yet to read a story written in present-tense that actually works. When I read a story like this it feels like I'm reading a set of instructions, it would read so much better in past-tense.
Another issue is the age old problem of Show me don't tell me. You tell a lot, but you don't show a lot, everything is stated rather plainly, you say what happens, what the characters say and move on, you need to give out more emotion, what are they thinking? feeling?

Sorry if I'm not too helpful but I'm not an expert on creative writing and so I don't know how to phrase my thoughts on this very well.

I get the feeling that Discord's Reasons may be something else.

Tell me where my mentor is and your punishment wont be as severe

Typo: won't

Pinkie Pies stammers.

Pinkie Pies, it doesn't carry an s

I thought the Bat ponys name was amber eyes Because you then switched the name to bright eyes :pinkiegasp: good job though :heart::heart::heart:

Woohoo 16 chapters in 5 or so hours!

:twilightoops::fluttershysad:::derpyderp1::trollestia::pinkiegasp:well this interesting. im gonna just......read the 4th chapter now

You added this to the exiled contest folder. I wish you good luck in the contest.

4503197 Thank you, I've been working on it everyday nonstop. :pinkiecrazy:

:derpytongue2::raritycry::applejackunsure:i need to waitttttt::fluttershysad:FINISH IT.FINISH IT NOWWWW!!!!!!!

cant come up with a good combat?
comeback i assume?

periwinkle is a slightly more blue kinda purple... but with a freaking lame name, i get it that you like the color of it but i think twilight is wearing glasses tinted periwinkle, for she only is able it seems, to see that color

2 Things
1. Wasn't rainbow's leg and wing broke
2.

Then the ivy pulls them upward and hangs them against the walls so that they are spread out flat on them

Insert joke about tenacles

4626961 dear Fluffle Puffs, shut up, this ain't a clop fic! :flutterrage::rainbowdetermined2::facehoof:

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