She's looking at you. Yes you. And she is judging you with her eyes. There is no escape.
I Just Want a Comment15,685 stories ·3,666 members
Authors Helping Authors8,585 stories ·2,461 members
Philosophical Phiction79 stories ·80 members
Stories on Goodreads28,595 stories ·492 members
Adda's Bookshelves1,852 stories ·69 members
This is a prequel to Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions.
It explains the backstory of Quercus Alba, a unicorn who was down on her luck, and how she came into custody of Shady Patch, a zebra foal. Both characters are yet to be introduced into Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions.
Warning: this story deals with a graphic depiction of suicide. You have been warned. While this can be read as a stand alone story, it is meant to go with Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions.
Page generated in 0.139 seconds
Total duration
877 users online
718,371 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice work ya did.
Some people just can't handle the topic, as it IS a bit touchy.
4418000
Thank you.
It means the world.
Why the downvotes? This is a good story
I thought the writing was a bit bland and unengaging. But that was all. It is rather difficult to build a character and detail her desperation in such a short time.
Maybe you should have started this at the funeral and just did flashbacks or give details in dialog? Was it really necessary to create Quercus just to kill her?
Not hating, just commenting for your consideration.
Please, carry on.
4418107
Quercus is alive.
4418110 GAH! I meant Rill Runner.
4418133
I didn't feel right leaving this much story to exposition in PLSS. It broke the story down. I couldn't make the conversation option work. I tried.
So I tossed off a short story one off, and hoped for the best.
It is sudden, brief, and tragic.
But it lets you know where Quirky comes from. And why she has a zebra foal.
This was pretty good.
A great introduction to what I'm sure will be engaging characters in the main story.
I agree that this could have been written a bit better: it certainly stirred some emotions, but it could have been a lot more heart-wrenching and I'll admit that I was expecting something slightly more grimdark. Maybe a bit more time fleshing out the characters so we can empathize with them? I can understand why you wanted to keep this out of the main story, but it doesn't really seem like it warrants it's own as it is right now. Admittedly this is just my opinion and I'm not sure exactly how you'd go about improving it, but hopefully my vague observations help you a little.
4418107 4418661
I second these opinions. This reads more like a first draft, a backbone of a story rather than a completed work. It's...not up to your usual standards, Kudzu, in my opinion. There are many minor grammatical issues here as well, such as:
Unless she's asking the young foal if he'd like her to be the physical manifestation of love, there needs to be a comma in between "be" and "love". And so much of the dialog comes off as robotic, when it should be heartfelt. Lines like “I know, let it all out,” or “Yes Quirky, I need a mommy right now,”, rather than stirring much emotion, just feel trite here. There's just not enough time for these characters to come into their own here and gain their own voices, and not enough time for us to feel anything towards any of them. I'm glad to have the backstory for PLSS, but...I can't say that this work works very well, either as a standalone or a component of that tale. And honestly, I'm not sure this fic does much more than tell us:
I do hate to say it, but that's about all this story does for me right now – and that much, I'm sure, can/will be inserted into the main story. For this to stand alone, though the ideas are there, I think this is a case where you're telling us way too much, and showing too little.
Just my opinion, though, for what little it's worth. Hopefully my ramblings at this time of night are at least somewhat coherent.
4418959
All fair points.
I can fix the grammar errors if they are pointed out.
I was aiming for "brevity is the soul of wit" and I confess, I may have cut too deeply.
Sad, decent fic... enough said. XD No butthurt.
I don't like the amount of racism, but I can't dispute it. While Ponyville had never heard of zebras, I imagine that those closer to the Sea of Grass would be more familiar with them, and misguided resentment would more easily fall on zebras than other ponies. (After all, the moral of Hearth's Warming Eve is "get along with your fellow pony or spirits of cold and hate will kill us all." It says nothing about zebras.)
In any case, a well-written story of ultimate despair. I look forward to seeing how it ties in with Suicide Solutions.
4419632
The Sea of Grass lies beyond the sea, out near the griffon lands.
So... Foreigners.
I dunno, adds a realistic feel.
The only reason I read this is because you say this will be a major character in 'Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions'. I knew what was going to happen, but it still was a hard pill to swallow.
I will be going back to your other story now.
This story really lacked all impact, unfortunately. We had no reason to care about the Zebra, or any of these characters, so their death doesn't matter at all.
This is a terrifying reality many people face. Right before their salvation comes, they give up.
Moral of the story: Never ever ever give up.
4421235
Agreeing with this user. It was rushed and made me feel little.
I commented on PLSS about your 'showing, not telling' and it's far worse here. You shouldn't just tell us how they're feeling, you should show us through their expressions and behavior. In addition, there's hardly any sensory details, literally dialogue taking place in an empty room, without actual ponies there. It feels detached, so to say.
Your ideas are good, but your execution needs work. I can go into far greater detail, but only if you want it.
My only thought from reading this. "I know it's a personal question and don't feel obligated to answer but it really feels like you either have a slightly unhealthy obsession with suicide or you have been affected by it. Am I warm?"
I was driven to this thought because the "sequel" to this deals with suicide in quite a decant manner but this just felt like suicide for suicides sake.
4424625
You wouldn't be far off.
This was carelessly tossed off for the sake of back story filler. No matter how I tried to wedge it into PLSS, it felt wrong somehow.
So this felt like the right solution. I may be wrong.
4424628 Whatever floats your boat, I wish I could offer some constructive criticism but not being a writer makes it hard.
4418110 Thank you for including Zebras. Suggestions: Take the approach were they sterilize Zebra ways. Like eating foals.
Just saying
I think you mean 'woken'. In any case, the phrasing feels a bit weird.
You threw me off when this appeared in the plss description. I was wondering how I had missed it before. Anywho, good story, as per usual
So we have a pyrokinetic mage pulling a wagonload of kindling through a scorching desert village. This sounds perfectly safe.
Quirky's desperate for money, she's almost considering prostitution but after that she also consider's asking her parents for help, but won't out of pride. Quirky's parents must either be really poor to make her hate to ask them for anything, or she must really hate her parents.
Really I don't think this was as good as PLSS. Possibly because with the warning on a 2k word story it was utterly predictable, I just didn't feel this story. It was a bit repetitive, and could be summarized in a couple paragraphs in PLSS.
I found myself focusing on how the Griffons had invaded yet another country instead of the actual story. I know this isn't the point of the story but between the Zebras, Donkeys and the Griffon dissidents as refugees, I could see Equestria descend into a WWII-like scenario very quickly.
4442561
I have entertained that story idea.
I liked it, and the rude people can shove it
You made me cry. At work.
It takes a good story to punch me in the gut like that. Good job!
This feels... detached. It's not bad, just not really engaging. I can't really justify a thumb either way.
And now I'm sad...poor Quirky... of course now we get so many more questions... like why did Rilly do it? Why?! Okay I'm done.
The only problem I have with this is Rill talking about not wanting to do *that* in Las Pegasus after you already said that they came to a consensus that they didn't want to only a few paragraphs before that. That being said, it feels like it should be a bonus or side chapter rather than a separate story, but this is fine.
Coming back to this after getting further in PLSS; I like it a bit more. My main problem with it had been you warned us there'd be a suicide, and it's only 2,000 words, making the story painfully predictable. It's obvious what Rill will do and you want to shout at Quirky to say that she wouldn't take care of Shady Patch, so Rill would need to stay alive to care for him.
In hindsight though, that is what Quirky would be feeling; thinking how obvious it was what Rill was thinking, and blaming herself for not seeing the signs when they were right in front of her.
As always your stories are descriptive and powerful, but I have to agree with the comments that it did not have the impact that your other stories have. I understand that this was just a backstory to help flesh out a character in PLSS, but I think making it a running side story like the catch is to the chase would've made it more meaningful and less predictable.
Either this story wasn't very feelsy, or it was the effects of both my stone heart and the fact that I was having a conversation about why clouds wouldn't make good beds, but this didn't exactly affect me much. Maybe it's because I haven't read PLSS yet. I dunno.
Hmm, interesting, but I think I've been too long away, and I've pretty well forgotten these characters, so coming into this with zero background information is what blunted the impact for me. I get a hint of the desperation at work here, but her despondence wasn't really realized for me. It seemed like she was depressed and upset, and leapt to suicide.
Now, like I said, I think it's largely due to the fact I entered this pretty much clean, and I think the writing was solid. Honestly, I'd just like this to be a little longer to really flesh out her despair which, now that I look at it, makes me sound like a horrible monster, but you know what I mean.
So pretty much the most complimentary critique one could receive: I enjoyed it, I'd just like more of it. And really, familiarizing myself with the main story again would probably do much to bring me further into this tale.
All in all, well done.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
Well, I've had PLSS in my read later list for a while now, and when I went to read it the other day, I saw the note about this. Seems well written so far. Enough to warrant a thumbs up. Seems like it could have a lot of depth on the story, so if you pull that off, you'll probably see my name again in the comments. 'Till then, farewell!
OMC this was so sad, Amazing story but still sad.... I will now read PLSS
This back ground info was pretty decent, but showing not telling would make the experience much more immersive. More details would help too. The overall quality of this piece of literature is (don't get mad) sub-par in my opinion. However, your other works (The Catch, The Chase, because I read those first) may have bigoted me with better grammar, plotlines, etc (as well as the fact that they are probably newer and thus, you have more experience writing). Now I will go absorb PLSS into my brain. (This was nothing more than criticism, please don't be mad
)
Quercus Alba?... Hmm....
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/aceattorney/images/2/24/True_Alba.gif/revision/latest?cb=20100321235455
...
...
...
No sir...
There's actually a warning label specifically for self harm and suicide related content, if you wanted to add it.