• Published 5th Jun 2014
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Wear Flowers in Your Mane - jkbrony



On a day she spends with her surrogate little sister, Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash receives news that will change her life forever. Everypony must deal with loss at some point or another....

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Epilogue -- Moving Forward

Rainbow Dash was almost entirely out of breath as she landed outside the small office building of Dr. Hoofs J. Eyes’n’Neck just in time for her one o’clock appointment. Her face carried a satisfactory grin, having reached the office in a new record time—only twenty-seven seconds from her home, an improvement over her previous time of thirty-one seconds. Ever since receiving her Wonderbolt uniform, Rainbow now felt closer and more connected to them than ever before, and had since been challenging herself to get from place to place as quickly as she possibly could.

She took a minute to catch her breath before stepping through the office door where the spectacled, finely-dressed, and gray-bearded unicorn she had come to see was waiting for her.

“Good afternoon, Rainbow Dash,” said Dr. Hoofs. “Right on time again.”

“Afternoon, doc,” Rainbow replied, taking a seat on the red, polyester couch which was situated against the wall just across from him. “I just got here in twenty-seven seconds flat!”

Dr. Hoofs raised his eyebrows, though he did not appear particularly impressed. “Is that so?”

Rainbow grinned and nodded. “I’m still trying to be the first Reserve who advances to become a full-fledged Wonderbolt. Since openings are few and far between, I have to ensure that I get in early. Otherwise, I could be waiting for years.”

“I see,” said Dr. Hoofs. “Well, I wish you luck on that.”

“Thanks.”

“Anyway, as before, I feel the need to stress to you that you do not need to continue having sessions with me,” noted Dr. Hoofs. “I have already determined that you’re mentally well enough to no longer require them.”

“I know,” Rainbow replied with an acknowledging nod. “But I want to be here. I didn’t expect it, but I really enjoy these sessions. I think you really know what you’re talking about.”

Dr. Hoofs chuckled and magically levitated a clipboard and pen from off his desk, releasing the clipboard into his forehoof while keeping the pen hovering beside him. “Well, I should certainly hope so. This is what I’ve dedicated my life to, after all.”

“Well, I’m no expert, but I really think you made the right life choice,” said Rainbow Dash.

“So do I,” Hoofs replied with a nod. “Anyway, it’s now been over four weeks since your father’s death. How have things been going for you since the last time we spoke?”

“I’ve been getting along alright,” Rainbow answered. “I’m still not quite there yet, but I’m really starting to enjoy life again. And with the Equestria Games just two weeks away, I have something big to look forward to.”

“And you’ll still be competing in the Games, correct?” asked Dr. Hoofs.

“Yup,” Rainbow answered proudly. “I’m still going to be in the relay race, flying for Ponyville.”

“Well, I certainly hope you do well,” said Dr. Hoofs. “Are you feeling nervous about it at all?”

“Just a little, but it’s only because I’ll be up against the Wonderbolts,” answered Rainbow. “If I’m racing against Spitfire, I really can’t say for sure if I’ll win the gold or not.”

“I see,” Dr. Hoofs noted. “If I recall correctly, the last time we talked about it, you were worried that you would feel too much anxiety to perform because your parents would not be there to see you. Do you still feel that way?”

Rainbow Dash shifted her mouth and went silent for nearly half a minute, and the confident look on her face and tone of her voice slipped away.

“I don’t know. I’m not as worried about it as I was last time, but this is definitely one of those moments I wish they could be alive for. But I’m only going to be competing in one event. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to keep myself together.”

Dr. Hoofs gave her a nod, and then moved his levitated pen to the clipboard to jot something down.

“It’s funny,” Rainbow continued, causing him to look back up. “If my dad were still alive and nothing had changed between us, it wouldn’t bother me at all if he wasn’t there to watch me perform at the Games. How does him being gone change that so much?”

“The short answer is because now you know that there won’t be another chance,” replied Dr. Hoofs. “Perhaps there could have been another Equestria Games sometime in the future after your relationship had been repaired, but unfortunately, that’s no longer the case. You did not expect that, and truthfully, only few of us ever really do.”

Rainbow Dash nodded in understanding. “Yeah…”

“I’m sorry,” said Dr. Hoofs. “I interpreted that question as though you were looking for a genuine answer, but perhaps that wasn’t the case...”

“I did want an answer,” replied Rainbow, shaking her head.

Dr. Hoofs wrote on his clipboard again, and Rainbow Dash waited in silence for him to finish.

“Do you feel any responsibility for your parents’ deaths at this moment?” Dr. Hoofs asked after his pen ceased contact with the sheet on the clipboard.

Rainbow exhaled a sigh. Throughout their previous sessions, this question was the only one that had remained consistent, and she had thus been expecting it.

“Well, the doctors tell me that they still don’t know what caused my dad’s infection,” she answered. “I don’t think I’m going to feel sure until I have that answer.”

“I can understand you wanting an explanation for his death,” Dr. Hoofs replied, magically straightening his glasses. “But the unfortunate truth is that sometimes, things like that simply happen without much reason. Sometimes our bodies just stop functioning properly and become unable to fight off certain infections. And after all, our bodies are only designed to last so long.”

“Yeah, I know,” Rainbow said with a reluctant nod. “You told me that last time.”

“I only tell you again because it’s possible that you may never truly find out what caused his infection,” said Dr. Hoofs. “It really could have been any number of things, but as far as my own medical knowledge goes, there’s no infection in existence that can be caused simply by being apart from a relative for years, or anything remotely similar. As I told you before, you’ll have to learn to accept that whatever it was, it had nothing to do with you.”

Tears penetrated the surface of Rainbow’s eyes as she struggled to imagine what must have been going through her father’s head as he received the news that his life was at risk, as well as when he was writing his final letter, which he had known would likely be the last thing he would ever do. Since the funeral, Rainbow Dash had visited her parents’ shared headstone again and vowed to her father that she would find out exactly what it was that claimed his life.

“What about going back in time?” asked Dr. Hoofs as Rainbow wiped her eyes before the tears fell. “Do you ever still feel like you’d want to do that?”

“If I did, it’d only be to meet my mom,” she answered. “I wouldn’t try to save her life, but I would still love to have the chance to meet her.”

“How do you envision that meeting would go?” asked Hoofs after his levitated pen had swiveled upon the clipboard again. “Say you’ve gone back in time and you’re given one minute to talk with her. What would you say, and how do you think she would reply?”

Rainbow Dash thought deeply before answering.

“Well, I would hug her before I would say anything,” Rainbow answered, feeling slightly embarrassed. “More than anything else, I want to remember the feel of her touch.”

“I imagine she’d be more than a little confused if you did that,” noted Dr. Hoofs. “If you didn’t say anything to let her know who you were, how do you think she’d respond to you?”

“I actually think she’d know exactly who I am,” Rainbow answered confidently. “I mean, yeah, she’d probably be really confused as to why I’m suddenly fully grown, but I don’t think it would really matter. She would still know her daughter.”

Hoofs nodded his head in understanding. “Alright, then, what do you imagine she would say?”

Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin, now feeling as embarrassed as though she had been asked to read her diary out loud. Though she appreciated his help, there were times when she felt that Dr. Hoofs’ questions seemed more than a bit too personal—the things he occasionally asked her to share were not things she would easily share with her own friends.

“Well, I’m sure I’d be crying as I hugged her, so…I guess she’d probably say something to comfort me,” she answered silently.

Dr. Hoofs ran his pen across the clipboard again, and Rainbow Dash nearly protested against his doing so.

“So would you just hug her the entire time, or would you also try speaking to her?” he asked.

“I would tell her how much I love her,” Rainbow said, closing her eyes as she tried to imagine the moment. “Other than that, I don’t really know what I’d say. I would just want to feel her touch again.”

Dr. Hoofs did not reply for a moment, nor did he write her response down on the clipboard. Before long, Rainbow Dash opened her eyes, which were again glazed over with tears that she did not permit to fall.

“What about your father?” Dr. Hoofs asked. “You said you would only go back to meet your mother, but would you go back to see your father again?”

“Yeah, but my mom would come first,” she said with a nod. “And if I only had one chance to go back, I would choose to see her.”

“Okay, then,” Hoofs noted. “But speaking hypothetically, let’s say your father was present when you went back to meet your mom. How do you imagine he would react to seeing you?”

“He’d probably be a lot more confused than my mom,” Rainbow said. “He was always skeptical about magic, so it would probably take him a long time to accept that time travel is possible, while my mom would have been a lot more open to belief.”

“Do you also believe that he would know who you were?” asked Dr. Hoofs.

“Yeah, I think so,” answered Rainbow. “But as I said, it probably wouldn’t click as quickly as it would for my mom.”

“So what do you think you would you say to him?” asked Hoofs. “Would you tell him about his fate?”

“No,” Rainbow replied guiltily, shaking her head. “But I would probably tell him that I would become a Wonderbolt someday, and that he shouldn’t envy me for it.”

Dr. Hoofs wrote on the clipboard again, and like before, Rainbow Dash felt uncomfortable about it. Though Dr. Hoofs had insisted that there was a confidentiality pact between them, Rainbow could not help but feel that her thoughts became decidedly less private whenever he wrote them down.

“So, just to clarify, if given the chance to go back in time, you would not try to warn your parents about the nature of their deaths?” Dr.Hoofs asked.

Rainbow Dash shook her head, feeling starkly irritated by the question.

“No, I already decided that it wouldn’t be worth it,” she answered. “I have to learn to move forward. Changing the past is too risky.”

“Nopony alive can be saved from death,” Dr. Hoofs replied with a nod. “There’s no spell to reverse it or to stop it from coming, nor is there any field of scientific study that has ever come close to finding a way to stop it, or to ‘cure’ it. We simply have to accept that we’re all living on limited time.”

Rainbow Dash bobbed her head slowly, struggling to hide her irritation. “I know. Again, I’ve heard that before”

“Well, I have to say, Rainbow Dash, you do seem much better than you did the last time we spoke,” noted Dr. Hoofs. “It really seems like you’re well into the process of moving forward.”

“Um, how long does it usually take?” Rainbow asked, suddenly somber. “To move forward, I mean?”

“There’s no easy way to answer that,” said Hoofs as he magically lifted his glasses from his face and simultaneously levitated a cloth from his pocket to clean them. “As a matter of fact, there’s no easy way to define what ‘moving on’ even means. The way I define it is that you resume functioning in life without being overwhelmed by the pain of a loved one’s passing. I think that’s what you should focus on striving for. Take it one day at a time and try not to let it occupy your thoughts. As to how long it takes, I can’t say. In general, it normally depends on how close you were to the one you lost, and how much regret you still have.”

“Well, I still have plenty of regret…” Rainbow said.

“So I understand,” noted Dr. Hoofs. “Has that gotten any better lately….or perhaps worse?”

Rainbow delayed her response for a few moments, and a sudden spasm of uncertainty flashed through her crimson eyes.

“Not everypony can move on though, can they?” she asked, ignoring his question. “Like my dad almost didn’t move on after my mom died…”

“Unfortunately, no,” said Dr. Hoofs, somberly shaking his head. “It is indeed true that not everypony can find that strength. For some, the pain often seems too great. And indeed, sometimes ponies do the only thing they think they can do to rid themselves of their pain. But I’m certain you’re not one of those ponies, Rainbow Dash, are you?”

Rainbow shook her head slowly. “I guess not...”

Dr. Hoofs chuckled humorlessly to himself. “Oh, come on, you could stand to give yourself just a bit more credit than that, can’t you?”

She returned a casual shrug, and Dr. Hoofs quickly came to the conclusion that there was something even deeper on her mind.

“Well, in that case, I think we’ve put it off long enough,” he said suddenly. “How are things with Scootaloo? Have you made any progress with restoring your relationship with her?”

Rainbow’s ears lowered at the question, another one she had known was inevitable. They had spent most of their last session speaking about her anxiety over never being able to rekindle her relationship with Scootaloo again.

“Nothing’s changed,” she answered somberly.

Dr. Hoofs frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Rainbow Dash appeared to want to say something more, but only solemn sighs emerged from her open mouth.

“So you are you saying that nothing new has happened at all since our last discussion?” Dr. Hoofs asked once it became clear that she was not going to speak again. “You haven’t seen her or spoken to her since?”

“I haven’t spoken to her,” Rainbow said, once again feeling as though Dr. Hoofs was prying into her personal life as though he was armed with an emotional crowbar. “But I did see her the other day.”

“I see,” noted Hoofs, marking on the clipboard again. “So did you see each other face-to-face? Did anything happen when you saw her?”

“No, not face-to-face,” Rainbow answered. “I saw her, but she didn’t see me. I was out flying near the schoolhouse and I just happened to see her outside, playing with her two friends. She really seems to be doing fine.”

“Is that so?” asked Hoofs. “How does that make you feel?”

“Like I told you last time, the more I think about it, the more I feel that she was right,” Rainbow said with a sigh. “I really did once think that no matter what, she would always have my back and never stay angry at me. I really do think that this was something I needed to learn.”

“Do you still feel that you’ve lost her?” asked Dr. Hoofs, his voice not carrying quite as much compassion as such a question would warrant. “Do you think she still wants you in her life?”

Rainbow Dash said nothing for a long while as the question flowed through her ears and caused her entire body to go numb.

“I don’t know...” she answered silently.

Dr. Hoofs’ missing compassion finally spread across his face, breaking away abruptly from the serious demeanor he had maintained since they had begun speaking.

“I’m truly sorry, Rainbow Dash.”

His expression made Rainbow uncomfortable, and she quickly shifted her eyes to the large window on her left where the partly cloudy sky was easily in view, and the clouds strangely appeared to take on the form of Scootaloo’s face.

“I keep on wondering if she wants me to do something,” Rainbow said once she was willing to speak again. “Like, I keep wondering that maybe she’s just testing me. Maybe she really wants me to fight for our relationship, instead of just standing by, waiting for her to make the choice. She told me that she just needed some time to sort it out herself, but I still hate to think that there’s nothing I can really do but wait for her. I mean, for all I know, it’s going to take months.”

“Well, I know this is yet another thing that you’ve heard from me before, but I really don’t think she’s going to ignore you forever,” said Hoofs. “Regardless of what she chooses, I imagine she’s going to give you an answer at some point.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head sorrowfully. “Maybe not. Maybe she’s already made her choice and I’m just expected to understand that she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Maybe it’s just easier for her this way.”

“Now, I certainly doubt that,” Dr. Hoofs replied flatly. “I may not know Scootaloo personally, but I’ve spoken with enough estranged friends and family members to know that this approach isn’t easier. I would wager that she’s likely thinking about you almost every single day, and she most likely understands that she’ll have to address this sooner or later.”

Rainbow shrugged nonchalantly at the little comfort his words offered her.

“Well, it worked well enough for me, didn’t it? I was completely serious about not seeing my dad again until I was a Wonderbolt.”

“That may be so,” Dr. Hoofs replied with a nod. “But you still had a goal, did you not? You knew exactly what would need to happen before you were going to see your father again, correct? It was never your intention to keep him out of your life forever because you were certain that becoming a Wonderbolt was all but inevitable for you.”

“Well, yeah,” Rainbow answered, “but it’s not like I was thinking about him every other day either. In fact, it really didn’t take too long for me to put him out of my mind. I was glad that I didn’t have to listen to him crushing my dreams anymore.”

“I would suppose it also helped that you moved away from Cloudsdale,” said Dr. Hoofs. “You weren’t bothered by the notion that you could just happen pass him by on a street corner on any given day. That’s a sort of luxury that Scootaloo doesn’t have, and that’s why you’re going to remain on her mind until she’s settled her issues with you in one way or another.”

Rainbow Dash paused for a moment before speaking again, no longer interested in continuing the conversation until it was offering her actual advice.

“What do you think I should do?” she asked as she pierced Dr. Hoofs with a look of genuine desperation, convincing him that the fragile nature of her relationship with Scootaloo likely hinged upon his answer.

Dr. Hoofs magically lifted the clipboard from his hoof and set it back down on his desk, along with the pen. He then looked back at Rainbow Dash as thoroughly as if he could see through her, and after a few moments, he finally spoke again.

“As I told you, I haven’t spoken with her,” he replied. “I couldn’t tell you for sure what she does or doesn’t want, because I honestly don’t know. I’m simply basing my judgment of this situation purely on everything you’ve told me about her. And with that thought in mind, I would imagine that she would need some sort of proof that this has affected you. I cannot help but feel that if she hasn’t forgiven you on her own by now, she’s likely going to need an extra push to do so.”

Rainbow Dash shifted her mouth. “What kind of proof do you think I need?”

“Well, that’s a bit trickier to answer,” noted Dr. Hoofs. “But I would think that above all, she would want to see proof that the relationship you share still means a lot to you. You said it yourself. It’s entirely possible that what she truly wants you to do is fight for your relationship. Show her that you’re determined to see it thrive again.”

Rainbow nodded in understanding, even though she felt that it seemed almost too simple a solution.

“So you’re saying that I should try talking with her again?”

“I think you’d be taking a risk either way,” said Dr. Hoofs. “Don’t misunderstand. I’m not going to offer you any guarantee that this will work. In fact, it could honestly backfire. I’m just telling you that based on what I know about Scootaloo, I feel that the course of action I’ve suggested is probably the best one. And at the very least, I think it would be worth speaking with her again just to ask whether or not she’s come to a decision yet. Even if she’s chosen not to forgive you, you deserve to be told about it directly.”

Silence permeated through the room again as Rainbow Dash pondered his advice, feeling a bit more uncertain about his proposed solution than she would have liked.

“I….I’ll have to think about it,” she said.

“Of course,” said Dr. Hoofs. “I would not expect otherwise.”

Their session ended a short time later as Rainbow Dash became so focused on the thought of speaking with Scootaloo again that she lost all motivation to answer any more of his questions. With some good-natured parting words and a hoofshake, Rainbow left Dr. Hoofs’ office, suddenly interested in finding out what the rest of the day would have in store for her.

****

Peaceful comfort from the sun engulfed Rainbow Dash as she trotted away from the small office building. A sunny afternoon such as this almost always made her want to find the nearest fluffy cloud and lie down upon it for an afternoon nap as the sunlight caressed her to sleep. Although she had no intention of napping at the moment, she could not help but smile at the realization that it was something she could do if she actually wanted to. It was all the more evidence that her life had almost entirely returned to a state of normalcy.

Though her relationship with Scootaloo still remained in question, Rainbow could not deny how much the status quo of her life had since corrected itself, which was something she had not expected would happen so soon after her father’s funeral. Nearly every facet of her life had miraculously managed to return to the way it used to be. She had since resumed her job as the head of Ponyville’s Weather Team, she was eating regularly each day since her appetite had returned, and thankfully, she was once again sleeping all the way through the night, without any troubling thoughts preventing her from getting enough rest.

However, new changes in her life still challenged the state of normalcy as they gradually settled into it. The Wonderbolts tended to keep her busy with hour-long exercises and drills up to three times a week. The box of her mother’s pictures remained within the closet, and almost every day, she debated whether or not she was finally ready to look at them, fearing that doing so would only cause the hole of her mother’s absence to sink even deeper. Her mother’s flower book sat on her bedside table, and she slowly cycled through one page a night, reading the written descriptions next to each flower in the book which gave her only the tiniest insights into the nature of her mother’s fascination with nature and life itself. And almost every other day, Rainbow dropped by Fluttershy’s cottage for lunch, their relationship having strengthened since the funeral.

With her session finished, and the hour of two o’clock approaching quickly, Fluttershy’s cottage became Rainbow’s next destination. Rather than screeching through the sky in an attempt to set another record, she decided to take her time in arriving, allowing the anticipation of digging her teeth into the freshly-baked scones Fluttershy had told her she would be making build up steadily. By the time she arrived at Fluttershy’s doorstep, her stomach was emanating a silent, yet firm rumble, and she pushed her way inside, expecting that the sweet scent of baked goods permeating the air would rise up to meet her nose.

“Hi, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy greeted while in the process of inserting her forehooves into a pair of hoof-mits.

“Hey, Fluttershy,” Rainbow replied as the enticing smell of the scones drew her directly into the kitchen.

Angel was standing cross-armed on the counter at the fact that his feeding bowl remained empty after a mere five minutes past his own scheduled lunch time. As Fluttershy carefully removed the hot scones from the oven, he jumped to her back and stamped his foot repeatedly, as though he believed that the only reason he had yet to be fed was because he was simply invisible to her.

“Just a few more minutes, Angel,” Fluttershy said apologetically.

Angel shook his head angrily in response.

“Here, I’ve got him,” Rainbow said with a chuckle.

She opened up the refrigerator and removed Angel’s usual lunch assortment of lettuce, carrot slices, cucumbers, and tomato slices. With the impatient bunny scrutinizing her intensely, she mixed the medley of vegetables into his bowl, then placed it in his usual feeding spot on the floor. Angel rushed over to it and examined its contents thoroughly, only to soon turn away and stubbornly cross his arms again.

“What?” Rainbow said, irritated by Angel’s disapproval.

“Umm, you forgot the cherry,” Fluttershy silently reminded.

“Oh, right,” Rainbow replied, rolling her eyes. She then went back to the refrigerator, pulled a cherry from out of a jar and squarely positioned it at the centermost point of the bowl.

Angel gave Rainbow a somewhat-appreciative nod, then immediately dug right into his lunch, savagely tearing through the vegetables as though he feared that the bowl would be taken away from him if he did not scarf everything down as quickly as he could.

Rainbow Dash watched him with a cocked eyebrow. “Um, aren’t you chowing down a little too—?”

Fluttershy nudged her in the side, urging her not to say any more. Angel hated it when he was told that he was eating too fast.

“Uh, nevermind,” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes at the hungry bunny who was not paying her any mind anyway.

“Lunch is ready,” said Fluttershy, motioning over to the kitchen table.

Rainbow Dash took a seat as Fluttershy placed the dozen of scones on a tray alongside a pair of serving cups full of cream and strawberry jam. She then carefully set the tray down on the center of the table, between their two empty plates. Rainbow’s stomach lurched at the sight of the scones, and she was almost left with the temptation to dig through them almost as savagely as Angel was with his own lunch.

“So, anything new?” Fluttershy asked as she placed a few scones on her plate.

“Had another session today,” answered Rainbow, doing the same.

“I can’t believe you’re still having them,” Fluttershy replied. “When Dr. Horse suggested that you have therapy, I told him that it was something you wouldn’t want at all.”

“Well, yeah, I didn’t want it at first,” said Rainbow, “but I think I really should have given it more of a chance. He’s helped me more than I ever thought he would, though at times he can be a bit...intrusive.”

“Well, as long as you think he’s helping you, I hope you have as many sessions as you need,” said Fluttershy. She waited to swallow a bite before speaking again. “So, umm, have you looked at any of your mother’s pictures yet?”

Rainbow twisted her mouth with discomfort. “It’s just too soon right now.”

“I understand,” replied Fluttershy with a slow nod. “Sorry. I really should stop asking that.”

“I’m still looking through her flower book every night, though,” said Rainbow Dash. “I can’t believe she loved those things so much. The way she writes about them, you’d think they were the most valuable treasures in all of Equestria.”

“Maybe they were to her,” said Fluttershy. “Maybe she just connected with them the most, like I did with animals when I first came to the ground.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I guess.”

They fell momentarily silent as they swallowed one scone while moving onto the next, swiping it over with both the cream and jam. Having finished his lunch, Angel fled from the kitchen and jumped up on Fluttershy’s couch to settle himself in for a nap.

“So, the Equestria Games are just two weeks away,” Rainbow acknowledged. “I’m sure you know what that means, right?”

“That in only two weeks, I’ll be performing in front of a crowd of thousands upon thousands of ponies who will be watching my each and every move, including a number of fans from Ponyville who will be expecting us to bring home gold medals?” Fluttershy said, her rapid speech overflowing with nervousness. “Yes, I’m aware of that….”

Rainbow blinked.

“Yeah, well, I...wanted to ask if you still felt comfortable about performing,” she said. “If you’re having second thoughts, I really need to know about it so we can make arrangements for a replacement. Not to put pressure on you, but our team is really counting on you to pull through.”

Rainbow’s words did appear not make Fluttershy any less nervous.

“I’m sure I can do it,” she said with a self-comforting nod. “My time in the Pony Tones has really helped with my anxiety about performing. All I need to do is focus on the race and not think about all of those…..eyes….staring at me.”

She shook her head quickly, as though trying to erase the nervous thoughts from her mind, and her face was refreshed with a look of confidence.

“Anyway, I’m not going to let you or Ponyville down,” she said firmly.

Rainbow Dash nodded once, expressing her satisfaction by her response.

“How about you?” asked Fluttershy.

“Huh?”

“Are you nervous at all?” Fluttershy asked. “I mean—”

“Hah! I don’t even know what that word means!” Rainbow Dash interrupted with an arrogant boast.

“Even knowing that Scootaloo will be there?” Fluttershy asked, and the question immediately erased the smug grin from Rainbow’s face. “That is, unless she decides to patch things up between the two of you sometime before the Games.”

Rainbow Dash sighed, stuffing another scone into her mouth to delay a response, but Fluttershy continued staring at her with the sort of curiosity which made it apparent that she was not about to retract the question or even say anything else until it was answered.

“I’m not really sure,” she replied after swallowing. “I talked to the doc about it today, and he thinks that it might be better if I just took a chance and spoke with her again. He thinks that she wants to see actual proof that I’ve changed.”

“Oh, goodness,” said Fluttershy, her eyes widening. “What do you think about that? Last time we talked about it, you said that you were just going to give her the time she needs.”

“I actually think he might be right,” answered Rainbow Dash. “After all, my dad decided not to speak with me again until I was ready, and all that happened was that I missed my chance to ever see him again. I can’t help but feel like giving her time is the last thing I need to do at this point.”

Fluttershy briefly looked down at her plate in thought. “Well, it doesn’t exactly sound like the ‘wrong’ answer, I guess. It has more potential to make things better than worse.”

“Either way, I’m just tired of the tension between us,” Rainbow said with a sigh. “I’m tired of waking up every morning and hoping that we don’t happen to cross each others’ paths. I’m tired of wondering whether or not the day will come when she finally decides to forgive me.”

“Well, I really hope it goes well,” Fluttershy said comfortingly.

“I’m not sure if it will,” replied Rainbow Dash, rejecting the comfort. “I mean, if my dad had decided to speak with me before I was ready to see him, I’m not sure I would have been that open to forgiving him.”

“Don’t think like that,” said Fluttershy. “If your dad made an effort to show his remorse, you wouldn’t have just turned him away. And Scootaloo won’t just turn you away either.”

Rainbow Dash forced a half-hearted grin, then they both turned their attention towards the scones until there was nothing left on the tray but the two now-empty serving cups.

“Thanks for lunch,” Rainbow said as Fluttershy collected their plates up and carried the tray over to the kitchen sink.

“Of course, anytime,” Fluttershy replied contentedly. “So….what are you going to do now?”

Rainbow’s mouth shifted from side to side in uncertainty. “I guess I’m just going to go take the plunge. There’s only one way to find out whether it’ll work or not...”

“Well, I’ll be rooting for you,” Fluttershy replied.

Rainbow Dash rose from her seat and promptly stretched her limbs, now even more ready for a nap than she had been before. But a surge of determination promptly spread through her joints and ensured that she would be incapable of receiving any rest before she and Scootaloo were standing face-to-face again for the first time since the funeral.

Fluttershy followed her back to the front door, and as they passed by the still-asleep Angel on the couch, Rainbow Dash turned to face her closest friend for a final time before heading out of the safety of the cottage.

“However this goes, I just want to tell you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me these past few weeks,” she said tenderly. “I really hope that one day I’ll get a chance to be there for you the way you have for me.”

Fluttershy smiled warmly. “As I told you once before, I owe a lot to you, more than I could ever repay. And nothing has changed since then.”

They shared a lengthy hug, within which contained the sisterly affection of more than ten years of a bond as close as family, unbroken by time. As they slowly released each other from the embrace, Rainbow Dash finally felt ready to see Scootaloo again. She stepped out of Fluttershy’s home and simultaneously entered a state of limbo, upon one exit was the void of nothingness she had escaped from weeks ago, and upon the other was the life she had led up until the Saturday four weeks ago, when she was back in that field, innocently playing a game of catch with her once-surrogate younger sister…

****

The minutes gradually ticked down to the hour of three o’clock, and Rainbow Dash hovered above the Ponyville School House as she awaited the ring of the school bell and the subsequent release of the fillies and colts inside, some of which were struggling to stay awake in their seats, while others still hung onto Miss Cheerliee’s every word.

Despite feeling confident as she departed Fluttershy’s home, the reality of speaking with Scootaloo again had caused Rainbow’s nerves to become overrun with doubt, and she found herself silently debating whether or not this was truly a good idea after all. She wondered how much the outcome of the meeting would affect her life’s return to normalcy. After spending so much time in a depression that she never thought she would find her way out of, the last thing she wanted was to be thrust back into its encompassing clutches….

Before long, the bell sounded off with all the startling force of a bucket of icy water being spilled over Rainbow’s sleeping face, and just as the fillies and colts spilled out of the schoolhouse, she quickly took cover on a nearby cloud, now more full of doubt than before. She peered over the cloud’s edge to watch the last of the students make their exit, each of them excited to have the rest of the afternoon to enjoy. After a moment, she finally saw the three Cutie Mark Crusaders stepping out of the schoolhouse together, chatting amongst themselves as they joined the rest of their peers in the outside rush. Rainbow Dash’s heart skipped at the sight of Scootaloo. Like before, the young pegasus filly appeared to be perfectly content, with no apparent signs that she had been struggling internally with a difficult choice—no apparent signs that she truly missed having her older surrogate sister in her life....

Rainbow’s doubt almost immediately eroded away while fear instantly rose up to replace it. Suddenly, there was no longer any question as to what she was going to do. If Scootaloo had become used to her absence, it likely meant that the window to repair their relationship was closing fast, if it had not closed already. The only option available to her was to pry it back open, even if by force...

Utilizing her unique talent of enhanced focus from above, Rainbow Dash watched the Crusaders, hoping that they would eventually disperse and go their separate ways. But the longer they walked, the more it became apparent that they were headed in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres, which meant that they were on route towards their clubhouse. Rainbow groaned silently, knowing that any Crusader activities they had planned would likely last for hours, and they were hours that she was unwilling to wait.

For nearly ten minutes, she followed them while still using the cloud for cover, deciding not to make her approach until their lengthy conversation had ended. They were nearly a quarter of the way to their clubhouse before she could no longer see any of their lips moving, and Rainbow Dash seized the moment to break away from the cloud and zip down just in front of them, causing all three fillies to stagger wildly at her unexpected appearance.

“Hey, guys,” Rainbow said with a confident smile.

“Uh, hi, Rainbow Dash,” Sweetie Belle replied.

Scootaloo looked almost terrified, as though convinced that Rainbow’s appearance was some sort of ghostly apparition.

“Uh, hey…” she responded apprehensively, the first two words Rainbow had heard her speak in weeks.

“What brings you here?” asked Apple Bloom.

Rainbow Dash fixed her eyes on Scootaloo, who avoided eye contact with her as she stared down at the road beneath her hooves. The fairly cheerful expression she had worn just minutes ago had been sapped from Scootaloo’s face and replaced with a look of disappointment, as though she had just come to the understanding that Rainbow Dash would never allow her to live her life in peace...

“Um, do you have a moment to talk?” Rainbow asked her.

Scootaloo immediately looked at her two friends, both of whom returned encouraging nods as though they had been awaiting this very moment for a long time, far longer than Scootaloo had herself.

“Go on ahead,” urged Sweetie Belle. “We’ll meet up later.”

She and Apple Bloom then continued on their route to the clubhouse, while Scootaloo fought heavily against her desire to keep walking alongside them.

“Okay,” Scootaloo said unenthusiastically. “I guess we can talk, then.”

Her reluctance was easy to pick up on, but Rainbow Dash nevertheless remained intent to continue this through to whatever end it would have. She motioned to a nearby bench and walked over to it, and Scootaloo slowly dragged her hooves to take a seat beside her.

“Um, how’ve you been lately?” Rainbow asked once they were seated.

“I’ve been...fine,” answered Scootaloo.

“Looking forward to the Equestria Games?” Rainbow asked, forcing a smile. “They’re only two weeks away now, you know?”

“I guess so,” Scootaloo replied, her voice carrying no excitement.

“You ‘guess so?’ That’s it?” Rainbow said, almost surprised by her apathy. “I’ll never forget how excited I was to carry Cloudsdale’s flag in just the month before the Games. I thought it was going to be the highlight of my life. And up until then, it probably was.”

“I know that. You’ve told me the story before,” Scootaloo said, her voice laced with irritation. “Sorry, I’m just not really that excited about it right now.”

Rainbow Dash frowned, and neither of them spoke again again for nearly a minute as they watched various ponies pass them by with little more than a glance in their direction. Rainbow bit her lip as she realized that Scootaloo had no intention of mentioning the ambiguity surrounding their relationship, and that if she did not continue the conversation, it was likely only a matter of time before the filly would eventually get up to rejoin her two friends.

“I have to ask. Have you….um...decided anything yet?” questioned Rainbow.

Scootaloo’s face went stiff and her answer was delayed for several seconds, each of which made Rainbow feel more hopeless as they passed.

“No, not yet,” replied Scootaloo, keeping her cold eyes fixed directly ahead of her. “Is that all you wanted to know?”

Her response called forth a surge of frustration to split its way through Rainbow’s already-tense body. She suddenly felt as though she were sitting within a rotting cell while Scootaloo stood outside, dangling a key to freedom just out of her reach, keeping her hope alive while irreparably damaging it at the same time.

“How much more time do you think you need?” she asked, trying not to display her frustration through her voice. “It’s been three weeks already.”

“I’m aware of that,” Scootaloo replied sharply. “I’m just a little...”

Scootaloo rattled her mind for a way to finish the sentence, but ultimately came up with nothing, inadvertently triggering another brief silence. Rainbow Dash knew that the time had finally come for her to take her biggest leap of faith.

“I really don’t think you need any more time, Scoot,” Rainbow said firmly. “I think you’re really just stuck with a problem that you don’t know the solution to. I think that you either don’t want to forgive me because you think I still won’t learn anything if you do, or you no longer want to have anything else to do with me, and you’re not sure how you’ll be able to avoid me forever if we’re still living in the same town and have most of the same friends.”

Scootaloo said nothing as she gazed at Rainbow with a look that was mostly lacking in any emotion, but Rainbow Dash avoided meeting her gaze as she clung to the hope that Scootaloo would continue listening.

“If I’m going to have any chance of getting us back to the way we were, it’s going to start by proving to you that I’ve learned the lesson you wanted me to learn,” she resumed. “Because the thought of not being able to do anything with you anymore, the thought of you telling me that you no longer want me in your life, it terrifies me. And I don’t have any shame in admitting it.”

Scootaloo remained in silence. She took her eyes off Rainbow Dash and opted instead to watch a small group of her classmates playing a game of tag in the grass just a few yards away, giggling with joy as they chased each other down. As innocent a sight as it was, Scootaloo’s jaw clenched as she watched them.

“I was wrong for what I did to you,” Rainbow said, also turning her attention towards the fillies. “You went out of your way to be there for me before I even knew how much I needed you, and I responded by turning you away. You never deserved that, and I’ll probably never forgive myself for it, even if you do manage to forgive me. But I just can’t let that be the end of the sisterhood we’ve shared for such a long time. My dad waited for five long years to see me again, to beg for my forgiveness, and I let him down. Maybe we could have shared a better relationship if I had just cared enough to go back and visit him, or if he had been confident enough to visit me. But it’s too late for that now. I can’t just go back in time and try to patch things up between us either, and believe me when I say that I’ve actually considered the possibility. But what’s done is done, and that’s why I’m here now. I have to try and fix this before it’s too late for us.”

Rainbow Dash paused to wipe at the fledgling tears beginning to overwhelm her eyes. She slowly cast her gaze to Scootaloo, who lifted her head to stare back, her face now brimming with emotion while her jaw remained shut.

“I’m so sorry, Scootaloo,” Rainbow resumed, looking deeply into Scootaloo’s eyes. “I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry for pushing you away, and I’m even sorry that it’s taken me three weeks to come to you like this now. But I can’t wait another day. If you would give me the chance, I’ll do anything to prove to you just how much I want to save our relationship—to prove to you that I no longer have the hold over you that you thought I had. Would you allow me that chance?”

In an instant, the laughter and joy of the fillies no longer made a sound as the world around Rainbow Dash slipped into slow motion. Her eyes remained locked deeply into Scootaloo’s as the remainder of her body went stiff, awaiting the answer that would finally determine whether or not this leap of faith had been worth the effort....

“I think you have waited long enough for an answer,” Scootaloo replied, her face heavy with doubt. “And the truth is that I really don’t think I want our relationship to be over. I miss you. I miss having fun with you, I miss being as close to you as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are with their own sisters. And I miss having you as the pony I can look up to. But even if I decided to forgive you right now, do you really think we could just go right back to the way we were before? That’s the real question I’ve been struggling with, and I don’t have an answer for it.”

Scootaloo’s words offered Rainbow little more than a hollow victory, devoid of any actual accomplishment.

“No,” she said as her ears flopped. “I don’t think we can just go right back to it. It would take time, maybe even a lot of time. But I do think that we can get there again someday.”

The doubt weighing down Scootaloo’s face was cast aside by a smile, displaying her faith in Rainbow’s answer.

“I really hope we can.”

A confident smile spread across Rainbow’s face faster than she could possibly stop it, and she felt the sensation that she had just returned home from a very long trip. For the very first time since that moment when she had thought that the mail pony was delivering her Wonderbolt uniform nearly a month ago, Rainbow Dash felt that she had finally reclaimed her life again.

****

The weather over the next few weeks was almost entirely sunny, as Rainbow Dash refused to allow any rain to fall in Ponyville before the arrival of the Equestria Games, mostly as a reflection of her significantly improved mood.

As the days gradually passed, Rainbow’s life continued to fall back into place as the lingering fragments were picked up. She had since learned from the doctors that her father’s death had been caused by a lone parasite that happened to infect his digestive tract until it made its way towards his heart, and she could not stop herself from crying as she shared the news with him, at last feeling absolved of any and all guilt for his death. She had finally managed to find the willpower to scan through the box of her mother’s pictures, and her heartstrings pulled nearly to their breaking point as she savored each and every one. Eventually, she came across one that she loved too much to store it back into the box—a photo of her parents happily dancing together in the rain. It now sat within frame on her bedside table, filling her with a silent joy each time her eyes fell upon it.

Wind Lily could barely contain her enthusiasm about the Games, and was even excited just by the prospect visiting the Crystal Empire for the very first time. Rainbow Dash was thrilled that she would be attending, feeling that her presence would easily be enough to make up for the absence of her parents.

And today, the day just before all of Equestria would witness her racing against the Wonderbolts, Rainbow found herself returning to her favorite field alongside Scootaloo, their relationship still gradually weathering through the long process of repair as Rainbow was determined to be a better sister than she ever was before.

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be training for tomorrow?” Scootaloo asked her as they arrived in the field. “Besides, I think Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle wanted us to go over our own routine again.”

“Forget the Games,” Rainbow replied nonchalantly. “You’ve run that routine like a million times already, and it’s not like doing any last-minute training now is going to make me any faster than I already am.”

Scootaloo chuckled. “It sure been a long time since we’ve done this, hasn’t it?”

“It was a lifetime ago, Scoot,” Rainbow replied with a nod.

They took a moment to reflect as the memories of their last game of catch came rushing back to both of them---the day Rainbow had excitedly told Scootaloo about how she would soon be wearing a Wonderbolt uniform for the first time, and the day she had received news that would go on to change her life forevermore…

A "lifetime ago" was putting it quite accurately...

“Go long, Scoot,” Rainbow said with a grin, and the young filly turned on the spot and dashed several meters away from her older sister, just before she punted the ball through the clear, blue sky….

Their game lasted for hours, and somewhere high above the atmosphere, two ponies smiled contentedly as they looked down upon their daughter with pride, eager to watch her performance in the Equestria Games, and unable to wait until she was telling them all about it.





The End

Author's Note:

This story is dedicated, and this epilogue is released in tribute to Mary-Lane Talton (August 26, 1952 -- July 4, 2009), whose funeral was the first I ever attended, and to all the readers who have put up with my annoyingly long delays to see this story to its end.

Comments ( 21 )

I may read this some day

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That ending was so sweet.
I think the discussion between RD and Scoots is one of the most heartwarming things about this feels heavy story.

This entire story was so emotional. I'm really sad to see it completed. I eagerly awaited each and every update.

Thank you for writing this. It was a masterpiece to cherish and cry over and I don't think you know how much I appreciated that.

7364697 It's better than the last one, believe me

A fitting conclusion to a wonderful fanfic.

My god I love this story. The feels were powerful:applecry:

Well, the story's done. I won't remove the favorite.
Well done. Keep the favorite and the upvote, it was a great story.

You have pulled off an amazing story, and I'm glad to have stuck through it!

I literaly have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for writing this amazing story.

Been putting off reading this because the subject of death and funerals are hitting me a bit too close to home. Maybe I'll get around to reading the rest of this some day, but right now I just don't think I can manage it. I've enjoyed what I've read for certain, and this will be up there amongst my many faves.

I kind of waited until this was completed. It's sat in my "Read It Later" list for the longest time. And I had every intention of reading it when it did finally show as completed. But only now did I get to sit down and read it. All the way through in one shot. I knew this would tug at every one of my emotions. It did that & then some. As well as draw up quite a few of my personal memories. Mind you, I'm lucky to still have my family & friends present in this world. But as the short description says, "everypony must deal with loss at some point or another." And I'm definitely no stranger to that. If anything, this just reminds me to treasure life, treasure friends, treasure family & not take anything for granted.

Splendidly done story. :pinkiesmile:

And so, the feels trip ends.

And it was a good trip.

Well this was an amazing ride from start to finish. This has definitely become one of my most favourite fics to have had the pleasure of reading. It blossomed into a beautiful flower of emotion and story, and then all came together so nicely in the end. Scootaloo's arc was gripping and I was legit afraid of what the outcome might be. I've never read a story that explicitly deals with the death of a family member. It hit close to home and gave me the feels that I enjoy so much when reading fiction.

Thank you.

not much I can say on this, as I simply don't have the words... Bravo my good fellow, you have done an exceptional job capturing that feeling we all hope to avoid and then showing what must be done to start fixing it. Well done indeed!

I enjoy good drama.
Immensely.
Nothing pleases me more than a well fit, well thought out situation of grim mixed with deep consideration.

I have only twice been disappointed by the longer fimfics on delivering on a good drama.
Once, when I slogged through "Background Pony"
And this story just now.

Background Pony should be a disappointment to any drama reader as it's set up, while intriguing, hence why I read it, was long winded, and the ending, was arbitrary, confusing and meaningless.

This story, although decently proportioned, and containing of at least some compelling moments, such as the party and tryouts scene, opted out with over-dramatising, spiritual nonsense, lack of any kind of decent psychological analysis, and the characters relationships, although very well written- To your credit the whole story was actually written rather well. -were completely lacking in development.
Not to mention the static characters, though characters themselves are usually static in drama so as better focus on the relations between characters as they encounter the dramatic events in the story.
If you had actually had rainbow dash develope at all in the story it would be able to make up for or even play off of the extremely realistic, and therefore, uncertain and tentative relationships.

All in all, very well written, good concept, poorly executed.
Somewhat enjoyed some tense moments, mostly just irritated and distracted by cumbersome characters and almost utter disregard for the basics of what makes a good drama.

There is something to be said about the listless nature of the grim world. That it doesn't need a reason to be cruel and give rise to drama, with that in mind you could make a case for this or in fact most dramas.
But if your going to write a story on that concept or even touching on that concept you REALLY need to have a firm grasp on it, and incorporating unexplained and otherwise senseless moments of drama that don't build your characters or the world presented in any way just comes across as incompelling and a somewhat callous tagging something as dramatic when in fact it's just poorly thought out.

I didn't want to strictly complain. It was still very well written.
You just don't understand drama.
No big deal most people probably don't either.
I would read up on more gripping stories of loss such as this to better put into perspective the various aspects of how these things really work, instead of just the like, two or three you have a decent to poor grasp of.

Love this story. Definitely one of my all time favorites. Excellent work :heart:

8741201
Odd to see a review of a review of a story I don't really remember crop up 2 years later.

I'm usually pretty, and probably unduly harsh with reviews, particularly in the past.
Now honestly I can't say for sure how accurate or if I was even correct about this story looking back.
I did not clearly emphasize what I was trying to get at and if I do remember correctly it was a more general dissatisfaction I had with drama writing at the time.

I would want to delete it but, it should remain there just as a staple of what some people may be thinking when reading this story, and as I can no longer relate to the opinion, is stands as a unique viewpoint.

Though I have no particular interest in re-reading the story in order to correct my review, I can remember enough of the story and including the part you cited, to write a better review.

Now reviewing a story like this is harder than for most stories that embody a theme or follow a plotline, as the only really defining factor of the story outside of the characters is it discussing the subject of familial rejection and emotional recovery.
You can't REALLY consider anything "bad" writing in this area of the genre because the only way to be untrue to that is to blatantly misrepresent characters or have them act in ways that are inconsistent, which, given the full range of how emotions present in people, is very unlikely to happen unless you're particularly dense when it comes to other people.
And since the writing itself is actually very good, of course, there really ISN'T much to say about it, it's just a drama, good or bad don't really apply in this case.

Now when I read it, I was dissatisfied because situationally based drama that relies on believably realistic characters going through a 1-2 process of whatever we construe to be "dramatic" is extraordinarily bland, or just ordinarily bland.
Aka I found it bland, which directly contradicts it's point, which is to be dramatic and draw out the feelings of the reader.

The only point of writing a story, at least, one that's supposed to be read by other people, is to say something to the reader.
*that's a whole authorial intent argument I'm not getting into, unless you REALLY want to, but I'd rather avoid*
Political or social or anthropological stories have morals, most stories have morals, or lessons, or provide insight.
Some stories are written to incite feelings in their readers as a method of entertainment, and are therefore much less easy to quantify because how we enjoy things varies from person to person.

Dramas, horrors, thrillers, and adventures usually don't have as much of a theme or POINT to the story and thus fall into the realm of pure entertainment, and thus can only really be evaluated as such.
Well I suppose you could make the argument that this story was... informative? At least?
It didn't go deep into the subject and there are so many facets to this issue that I don't think I could in good conscious give it extra credit for that, because it would seem that was merely incidental to the entertainment factor.


When it comes to character-driven, emotionally charged drama, you come to a blurry, blurry area of evaluating writing, and for me, at least at that time and place, this story simply was an over-emotional, and meaningless slog instead of the impactful and interesting story I was hoping for.
I didn't really understand these concepts as well two years ago, so I probably shouldn't have judged the story on my experience alone, but who isn't guilty of those kind of oversights?
Does that actually devalue the experience I had then reading this story? Nope, those opinions are still valid from the viewpoint of the person I was then. Doesn't make them right, doesn't necessarily make them wrong.



In a side note, I think you give a tad too much credit to the more long-winded, emphasis-heavy style of writing the intense scenes used in this story.
They are a bit too wordy, sometimes less is more.

I just read though tjis a second time and im crying as I lie in bed. Freaking beautiful.

Thank you for writing this beautiful story!

This story was written amazingly.

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