• Member Since 8th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Feb 17th, 2015

steeperswine


T
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inspired by the video game OUTLAST, I bring you the pony version with my made up story line with sadness and thrilling darkness. a earth pony named Sun Light Gets trapped in an abandon asylum for the criminally insane. She must find a way out of this hell hole and tell the world about this mental destruction with everypony for themselves and the massive blood and gore/cannibalism (spoilers). Will this pony get out without a scratch? or will she be next in the dinner menu For Pinkamena?

Find out!

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 45 )

My opinion on the story: 7.5/10

Kinda 'uninteresting'

Of course, not being rude or anything.

I really enjoyed it
Truely you captured Outlast's image perfectly
Good job sir!! :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by steeperswine deleted May 20th, 2014

Please reply to this who wrote it. I would like to follow you :twilightblush:

This is pretty good so far I cant wait for more

This feels similar to outlast. Good job.

Some part of this story are related to Outlast:Whistleblower.

And I liked it :twilightsmile:

I think it is the DLC
4419484

4420030 meh ish I guess thinking about it I'll fix that next chapter

This is really good so far. Can't wait to see more.

If you liked the song thing in chapter The kitchen then like because I will make the next chapter EPICish its pretty emotional! also I edited the first chapter in the last paragraph I hope its better!

4408358 I like this person, they give feedback, and they aren't a total butt. :pinkiehappy:

4432830 and you shall my good sir:rainbowlaugh: i'm writing the next chapter as we speek

if you have any requests for a good book or chapter idea, tell me I'm always interested

WHY,why is Derpy have to suffer from the blindness,the throat cutting and being the last mare alive :raritycry::raritycry:

Comment posted by Chrome Reader deleted May 23rd, 2014
Comment posted by Chrome Reader deleted May 23rd, 2014
Comment posted by Chrome Reader deleted May 23rd, 2014

4435175 I'm not saying those to make you feel bad,I just feel the same way if I was in her hooves:applecry:
And that's what makes this story...AWESOME:yay::yay:

Piggy Piggy time!

4437268 I'm right!? Oh crap ...

Hey guys, I was thinking that after this is done I will make another Equestrian asylum story. but this one is based on poor derpy. And her adventure is exciting! If you wish for me to make this reply because I really extremely want to! :yay:

True, not on DLC, but why the fat guy. Did it for the lolz?:rainbowlaugh:

Hmm, where to start.
I think that the lack of atmospheric description would confuse those that are not familiar with Outlast. Most of the visual narrative is derived from fans of the game, relying on the visuals from it to fill in the gaps as to what the asylum looks like. Without having seen/played the game, this leaves one to imagine for themselves as to what it looks like, completely bypassing the desperate, run down tone that appears more fit in a post apocalyptic atmosphere.

The pacing is rather fast, and as I read through each chapter, it felt as if there were mere seconds between changes of scenery. The shot-gun approach to the initial build of the character disconnected me from him (Her? it is very unclear to me) The short-shucking of action to build up the trial that the character must overcome had me feeling like I was on a runaway train. There is so much that can be pushed out further if the pacing was slowed, much of the 'scenery' is speeding by that it feels like reading a script of basic events. The other characters, even though unimportant, come fast and hard. They feel like cardboard pop-ups, something to bat away with a quick jab before moving onto the next one around the corner.

The main character doesn't seem to be reacting in the environment, but rather reacting to what is happening with an air of a nonchalant disapproval. It seems as if there is very little emotion towards what is happening, and most of it is white washed with a few blurbs of 'scared' and 'annoyed'. It's a first person perspective, meaning that we are meant to connect on a direct level to experience everything rolling through one's mind, and I am getting the feeling that this is more of a third generation story. A story that you would tell to children sitting around a campfire, far from the warm safety of walls and a roof, displaced from comfort of a bed to let the alien sounds of the wind through the trees in the darkness and the imaginary monsters shuffling through the leaves just out of sight.

I read this because I ABSOLUTELY love asylum pieces of art/writing, and the title alone drew me in. There is potential here, but as somepony that wants to feel the desperation in every paragraph, read about the terror of one displaced and wrongfully put though things they should never feel. To know that around any corner there could be two guards, waiting with an open straitjacket to drag you to a chair and give you a lobotomy. The mental horror that you could spend the rest of your days drooling on yourself, a mere shell of what you once were, if you didn't escape what feels like the inevitable.

I absolutely hate the up/down rating system here, so I'm not going to rate it, but rather let my words speak for my rating.

4444831 mmmm something tells me you like destroying people's feelings...even though I may have skiped half of it but still I have one question

Why are people liking it and I only got dislikes when the first chapter was relised? And when the second one came out no more dislikes...so why can't you not understand now I know what you had said before but people who had never heard of it told me they now whated to play the game...but thanks for feedback I guess.

Also about the he/she thing I know why you are confused

He reason is that if you search this up the description will say 'he and blue nail' and if you enter it and read it again it says 'she and sun light' and this problem can't be fixed.

Also I know what you mean by not telling about the area. I may had lack of it for the past week because I was too worked up on it so I never really thought of it so yea.

Also I read about how I use words wrong. Yeah I kinda know that because I am not a big thinker and suck at English at school but I did find this system that will help me a few days ago. So it will be improved

Thanks again

4444718 he was on outlast non DLC

im making a new story if you want to check it out on the side

When I first saw that someone was making a My Little Pony crossover with Outlast, my first thought was "Damn, someone beat me to my idea...".
My second thought was "Oh well, might as well check it out. Maybe it'll be a pretty decent story...".
After reading your first chapter, I saw a lot of potential directions this story could go in. A LOT of potential directions. And I could see this story being pretty interesting if you knew what you were doing.
Unfortunately, after reading these last couple of chapters, I can see that you know where you want to go with this story, but are rushing to get there as fast as you can.
There is hardly any description of the setting the character is in that isn't longer than a couple of sentences. Everything in the story just feels rushed, with encounters with other characters beginning and ending within a couple of paragraphs (Oh! A couple of mares that helped you with your hoof! Oh, wait, they're all dead now.). An entire chapter could have been dedicated to the main character trying to out-run and/or hide from "The Big Guy", tons of potential suspensful moments that could have been, but weren't. Instead you have Pinkie appear out of bucking nowhere, and gutting him within the space of a few sentences. You need to slow your pace dwn by a lot buddy, focus more on fleshing out the chapters, being more descriptive with the surroundings and atmosphere. Make us feel like we are in the asylum, frghtened for our lives, hiding and peering around every corner for fear of what might be there. As someone who's played and beaten Outlast (I have yet to play Whistleblower. But that will be one of the first things I do over the Summer break.), I can tell you right now that the atmosphere, the ambiance, was half of what made the game so terrifiying.
Overall, the fic has a ton of good potential, you just have to slow the buck down and not leave the story a jumbled, half-comprehensible, wreck. I have faith that you'll consider my, and other critics, suggestions. Stay awesome and keep on writing, mate!

4469382 yea I see what you mean I do rush to my ideas because I guess I'm exited but still you learn from your mistakes

Comment posted by Kylanight deleted Jun 7th, 2014
Luz

The art is not from Outlast

Hell, it's not EVEN related to Outlast.

It's related to a spanish movie called [REC]

pls do research

LOL i just saw the camera and like the game outlast u can use a camera and u know freaky background like outlast and stuff

Please continue! I have to say that the story feels rushed, so please continue with a slower pacing.

I hate to say it, but this story appears to be dead. :fluttercry:

Is the fat guy a mare/applejack in this:rainbowhuh:

They should make a outlast fanfic about a journalist who says somethings are going wrong in a place in the abandoned town where he gets sucked into a portal into the rainbow factory.

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