• Published 18th May 2014
  • 3,548 Views, 506 Comments

Archmage: Square One - Loyal



Thousands of years following the story of Archmage, Twilight takes on a new student. One who doesn't know the first thing about advanced magic. One who needs to start from Square One.

Comments ( 20 )

So basil's a Changeling? I suppose thats a way to bring this story back to life!

Good job Loyal !

This is an excellent chapter to return to the story on. We get some character development for a main character and a history lesson from Celestia herself.

Well...didn't expect that. Certainly explains a few things though...

Nice to finally get an explanation for why the Apples turned out the way they did. And I think Celestia found out why the phrase "Hindsight is 20/20" exists :derpytongue2:
This chapter also answered quite a few questions, like why Basil hates Apples so much, and how Goldy's reassurances that "That isn't in my contract" doesn't mean anything to him.

Nice chapter.

I still don't get it. How can you bill someone due to a contract that they do not agree to? You can do as much paperwork as you want. How can you bill someone for a service they never agreed to pay for? By that logic, any given pony could do a contract with any given other pony, so that if anyone sleeps with any one of them, that pony would have to give them everything they own. Or possibly more. After all, it's all in the paperwork! /s

Not to mention that in this case, arguing semantics is actually all there is. It's paperwork, after all.

Seriously though, I need a better explanation for that. Please. Otherwise Celestia, Luna and Twilight will simply appear to be stupid.

Other than that, I like the chapter. Does give some explanation to Basil's raging (possibly justified) prejudice. Again, I can't judge that until someone explains how the retroactive billing for something you never agreed to works. The Apple family, no matter how bad, still isn't Comcast after all.

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That's the whole point of the chapter. To show that they really ARE that bad. Think about it this way: Sure, you slept with this person, then they pulled out this bullshit about some retroactive billing or whatever. Well fuck that noise, that sounds faulty on the basest level, you aren't gonna pay.

... until six burly motherfuckers track you down and pound on your door, and they have paper to back up that muscle.

Equestria doesn't appear to have an over-arching police force or even an obvious guard presence is many towns and cities (E.G. Ponyville) so there isn't any authority you can run to, and these guys are REALLY persistent about those twenty bits.

Naturally, things will reach Twilight's attention before too long. She goes to investigate, lays down the legal hammer, and devises the Clarity Mandate. Now, Apple contracts have to be REALLY simple. Simple enough for a foal to understand. That doesn't stop them from saying 'oh by the way you owe us if you ever sleep with one of our employees,' but considering the lack of a legal presence anywhere but Canterlot, a dragon attack probably, and the flawed way Equestria's legal system is in general, Twilight can't or won't untangle that particular little rats nest of fuckery just yet.

It's flawed, it sucks, and I'm an awful writer for ever letting this into my story so I'm trying to explain what can't be explained and regretting ever making Basil as a character in th first place.

Satisfied?

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I honestly agree with the first part. Yeah, they can force you to pay if you have a legal obligation. What bothers me is the fact that there is a legal obligation and Celestia/Luna didn't do anything about it because it's "legal".

The thing is, you need to already have a contract with the Apple family in order for them to be able to say to you 'oh by the way you owe us if you ever sleep with one of our employees'. Unless almost everypony in Equestria has already signed a contract with such a clause in it, I don't follow how a contract can be legally binding to someone who never agreed to it. That might be the case, I don't know, please tell me if it does, then I would be satisfied. It could easily be possible if a company/family/sect/guild/whatever is extensive enough. That's the only thing that bothers me, the fact that people who never seen, signed nor know about any contract can be bound to follow it.

To summarize: The admittedly rather nitpicky tiny thing that is bothering me far more than it should be is:
The Apple family can form contracts with other ponies that are legally binding for third parties that are not involved at all in nor even know of said contracts; the only thing they've done being sleeping with one of the Apple family's employees.

As a side note, any note involving intercourse is not understandable by any foal, making any such contracts arguably invalid.

Edit: (Yes, I'm being even more nitpicky, petty and arguing semantics with that side note. Then again, that's the whole point of loopholes, isn't it?)

Just to be clear, I might seem like I'm writing this in a negative tone, but I'm not. I just suck at sounding positive, happy or generally interested. But trust me, I really like the story.

Commence read.

Alrighty...so Basil, that's something.

That Clarity Mandate sure is an intriguing prospect.

“And to this day, the Apples have abided by that mandate,...

Missing the end quote to this large part.

This is exactly what I was after.

Please...continue.

Hmm. Yeah, the legal handwaving doesn't work for me either. I guess that's what happens when you've written yourself into a corner. That said, I'm excited that the story is updating again!

So glad I saved this so I could be notified when it updated. I like Star's character development, you writing style has certainly grown!

"Well, with options like those..." I looked at the three of them, their faces conveying concern and sympathy equally. “So, right back into the jaws of the wolf then?”

out of the frying pan and into the fire

happened top her family

to

TLDR: this is what happens with unregulated free market capitalism?

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They hooked a Turbine up to Granny Smith in 2498 and have had free electricity for the entire seaboard since.

Just a shout out for this fantastic story!! Can't wait for more!!

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I get what you're saying, but that chart is fucking awful, man. It's nearly impossible at a glance to tell how it's meant to be read. You'd be better off just having a series of the first one than that... thing.

“But…” Goldy’s eyes were wide, and I could see her quivering. “Changelings just… feed off of love, right? You guys don’t—”

Another thing that needs retconing in other stories (or fixed up in this one).

In Ascendance. The Changelings make peace with Equestria and find out how to feed eachother via camaraderie. So it to go from that 3k yrs ago, and had time to build up. To that bit of story building going out the window needs looking into XD.
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Ponyville was also the ancestral home of the Apple family, and one of Twilight's closest friends, Applejack. She was an honest, upstanding mare, and as you know, an element of harmony.

Cap.
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By including a clause about prostitution and all sexual activities being retroactively billable, they could still garner favor, albeit through more… under-hoofed means.

Needs beginning " marks.
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And the Acquisitions Bureau became their enforcers.

wrap in " marks.
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She took the changeling under her wing, curious about his development from a mindless, love-sucking drone into a heartbroken and potent mage

Again needs to be changed. Or Ascendancy needs to be retconned.
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Okay. so other than 3 Continuity errors (The Rainbow Dash one also needs to be retconned in Crystal Mirror. On the Vacation chapter since Twilight says that Rainbow Dash never had children there as well. When she learns of Nocturne.).

It's a decent story so far. I look forward to more.

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Actually that's the whole point. You can take any random color wheel and it's the same thing. Autism isn't a single thing, or even the same thing between people with the same Autism Spectrum score.

I was originally going to just put up a color wheel, but I thought the words on that alone was more fitting than just tossing out a:

media4.giphy.com/media/xTiTngc7khy7Zah3UI/200_s.gif

Since it does explain things a bit. Since there are many different ways, and different symptoms of different intensities that go together in ways that's semi-unique for each individual ^_^.

And now we'll never know how it ends....

We miss you dude

I read archmage then the crystal mirror and then this one all back to back. This probably sounds clique but I cannot write in words how awesome this story and the entire series has been. I really want these stories in a real paper back or hard cover book, just so I can pull them out and read them again.
I know that it shows that this story is cancelled, but I really hope sometime in the future you'll come around and complete it.

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