• Published 17th May 2014
  • 2,005 Views, 63 Comments

Back to school for Lulu! - Evilhumour

Following the events of a simple test from the bureaucracy of Equestria, Luna has decided to take this chance to learn what she has missed during her thousand years absence. Will she pass this time around? Will she be fail kindergarten?

  • ...

Chapter Five

Shining Armor smiled at the other pony in front of him, wiping her runny nose with a hoof, still laughing with him. On one hoof, there was a part of him, a small part, screaming that he was going to be banished forever to the moon for doing this to her, but that was a dying part he was forcing down. He remembered what Princess Celestia told him and what his special orders were for Luna.


“Please come in Captain.” Princess Celestia sat down at her desk in her office, glaring at him. Shining Armor felt less like a Captain of the Royal Guards getting a strong reprimand for corrupting the freshly returned Princess and more like a colt that was facing his mom for teaching his little sister to swear, but only for her to say it in front of their grandparents at the worst possible moment. It was beyond terrifying, yet he knew that Cadence would be even worse and that made his legs weak. “I do believe we should go over some ground rules about how you are to treat my sister.”

“P-p-princess Celestia, I swear that I didn’t mean to teach her-”

“Don’t worry about that too much.” She gave an annoyed snort. “It was expected that Lulu would be so curious about the new way of saying things and it’s in her character to not offend her friends by getting how they say things wrong.” She gave another snort, looking out the window, leaning onto the desk. “I should have seen it coming, with Lulu trying to figure out the phrase.” She gave him a soft, amused look. “Lulu always scrunches her face a bit and bites the tip of her tongue just slightly to the left when she is trying to think of something important.” She sighed sadly. “And she always hides behind her wings when she gets truly embarrassed until I can coax her out of it.” She leaned her head down, clearly getting more depressed.

Princess Celestia had stayed at the press meeting to get things cleared up and try to get as few as possible ponies to publish what she said while Luna had turned into smoke and flew towards her bedroom to hide. Cadence had stayed to make sure the nobles would keep as quiet as possible, leaning on Fancy Pants to manipulate Blueblood into thinking it would be a great idea if the nobles would be quiet about the whole matter Princess Luna would be very grateful to him and the annoying lug had got almost all the noble to swear their silence on it. Shining Armor had gone to his men to make sure that they would keep their mouths shut before being summoned to Princess Celestia’s study with Cadence going to talk to Luna out of her bathroom.

“Shining Armor.” He looked up at her Princess in a bit of a shock, looking at how devastated she appeared to be. “She views you as a friend. I cannot stress how important that is to her and to me. I know you can, and will, do all that you can to make sure she is safe during this whole stupid mess.” She shook her head, clearly still in the belief that this was a waste of Luna’s time. “You know that I don’t believe that she needs to go school to learn about our nation. But, I think that time away from all this would be good for her.” She raised a hoof, gesturing to something out the window.

“This?” He blinked, trying to see what she was talking about.

This!” She pointed at the city, gliding over to him quietly and quickly. “All of this, all of the backstabbing, all the plotting, all the harsh judgement from the noble ponies, all of them that have such a massive stick up their plots that they won’t give her a real chance.” She gave an annoyed snort, wrapping a wing around him, her voice started to crack. “I’ve heard rumours from when I sneak around my servants that some think that Lulu is only biding her time to try and take over again, that she is really Nightmare Moon regrouping her strength to kill me, all those hurtful things that would just crush her.” She leaned her head next to his, nuzzling him slightly. If it weren’t for the fact that he was engaged to one alicorn, spent last night drinking with another, he would have been rendered a mess from getting nuzzled from Princess Celestia. As it were, he was just intrigued that Princess Celestia had been sneaking out and was already making a mental note to have his guards were watching out for an alicorn with a sun on her flanks being sneaky. “But, I think, she needs time away from me most of all.”

“Princess?” He looked at her confused…

“I’m no fool. A lot of what happened to Luna was much as my fault as it was hers.” She sighed sadly. “She craved for attention, any sort of attention. Just be to acknowledge by somepony. That’s all she ever wanted.” She turned her head downwards in shame. “I cast a very large shadow that many ponies have pushed Luna into, to the point she thought I had placed her there myself so that I could have all the praise from everypony all for myself.”

“But that’s not true!” He blinked, and looked at her wince slightly. “It’s not, is it?”

“I-I don’t know anymore.” She gave a small whimper, a millennium of guilt starting to show at long last. “I-I think that there may have been some part of me that enjoyed all the praises, that let me think that my little sister was just being silly and there was nothing to worry about, that the problem would resolve itself.” The tears that fell were the ones from eons of hidden shame, guilt and fear that she was to blame for what happened to her sister . “If I truly was the good sister that I thought I was, I would have seen the warning signs and none of this would have happened. I failed her so horribly, and I don’t even know how to begin to fix it.” She paused and whispered. “I don’t even know if it can be fixed.”

She turned her head to Shining Armor, tears running down her face.

“This trip,” She paused, taking a breath of air before looking back down at the floor. “I think it will help her to grow, to stand on her own hoofs and show to everypony who she is without me standing above her. She needs ponies like you, to help her to become her own mare. Not just Celestia’s little sister, not the younger Royal Pony Sister, but simply as Princess Luna, as Luna, as herself.” She chuckled, wiping a tear away. “I think she would faint with joy or squee loudly if somepony would call me her sister.”

Shining Armor smiled, shaking his head.

“So that’s what that you want me to do Princess?” He looked at her, feeling a connection; from one older sibling to another.

“Yes. Help her grow, make sure she tries to make friends, don’t let her hide away in her room. Don’t let her shut herself off from everypony. Be the friend that I failed to be for her.” She leaned down, looking at him in the eyes with hope in her pink eyes. “Please, help my little sister become the strong, beautiful, wonderful mare I know she can be again.”

“Of course, Princess, of course.” He nuzzled her before he realized what he was doing, and he pulled back, blushing. “S-sorry Pr-”

“It’s alright,” She laughed softly, pulling him into a hug with her wings. “You have done much for my family already; giving my niece so much joy and being the first real friend my sister has had in a very long time.” She smiled, nuzzling his head. “Are you sure I can’t persuade you two move your wedding up so I can call it our family sooner?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “I’ll see what can be done Princess, but you need to talk to Cadence about that. I’m still kinda in trouble for bringing my bar friend home last night.”

She laughed at that, pulling her nephew, er soon to be nephew-in-law into a tight hug.


“Feeling better?” He smiled, taking a step back so Luna could get up.

Nodding her head, she gave a very un-princess like snort and slowly got onto her hooves, fluttering her wings a bit. “Ye-yes We art.” She gave him a warm smile, shaking her mane. “We thank thee for-”

“Pri-Luna,” He fought the urge to roll his eyes as she slowly walked towards the sink to wash her face. She gave a bit of a jerk, seeing how bad she looked right now. Her face was all matted, her eyes were a bit puffy and there was a bit of snot still on her muzzle. “You don’t need to use We, art, thou,,” He waved a hoof, trying to think of more words. “It’s a bit…, um outdated and…” He blushed, trying to think how to really approach the topic and how bad he was doing it.

“But We art accustomed to speaking in thy manner…” She sighed as the latest splash of water didn’t get rid of her horrid appearance and the fact that she had invented spells exactly for this was still absent from her mind. Not many knew, but Luna was the mother of spells designed for fixing one’s appearance after a hard night of drinking. If Celestia knew how many times Luna was hiding just how drunk she was behind her magic, she was sure her big sister would introduce her to mister soap again.

“I can see that, but if you are willing to try, I’m pretty sure that you’ll get used to speaking normal like.” He smirked a bit as the alicorn was wiping her face for the third time but still had that stubborn snot in her coat. She was grumbling loudly about it, blinked and looked up at her horn. She then face hoofed and sighed heavily.

“We art dumb.” Her magic went to pull out the mucus but was blocked by another magic aura. Blinking, she turned her head to Shining Armor who had a look on his face that she knew well. It was the same look that Celestia had when she was trying to teach her something.

“I am dumb.”

“Yae, as thou art blocking Thine magic.” She frowned at him, getting a bit annoyed.

“No,” He drawled it out the word. “Say it with me, ‘I am dumb, yes as you are blocking my magic.’” He glared back at her, not budging an inch. “You must know that I am very good at shield magic and blocking stuff with my magic and I’m not letting you go on this one.”

She glared at him; it took all her princess pride not to kick him between his hind legs as her amplified earth pony strength would ruin any chance of grand nephews and nieces. And it wouldn’t be that nice to kick her friend there.

She huffed out her cheeks, rolling her eyes slightly and took a breath of air. “Fine. ‘I am dumb, yes as you art-are blocking my magic.’” She glared at him, annoyed at how smug he looked.

“Good.” He let go of the block he placed on her magic, and moved towards the door. “I’ll order us some lunch, ok?”

“Actually, We-I feel like it would be better to rest our, I mean, my eyes.” She bit her lips, trying her hardest not to yawn, feeling drained after sharing that with Captain Shining Armor and being up when she was usually asleep. She was nocturnal after all and being up so long was not fun. Nor was sleeping on the bathroom floor.

“Actually…” He blushed, tapping his hooves together. “I’ve got orders from Princess Celestia, in her own words, ‘Make sure Lulu gets used to a day schedule and please try to make sure it happens before her first class. The last thing Lulu needs is to get detention for falling asleep in class.’” He blushed and stepped away from the muttering alicorn, who’s horn was glowing as her wings flapped angrily.

Sighing heavily, she used her magic to make sure she was presentable, no signs of her crying or dribbling mucus on her coat. “Very well. Lead on.” She was proud that she was able to withhold her yawn, so much that she didn’t notice that she was rubbing her eyes.

Shining Armor just smiled and shook his head at her, watching as she struggled to keep her eyes open as she shovelled a fork of her cold pasta into her mouth, making sure to give her a light flick behind her ear whenever she started to doze off, which earned him a deadly glare. After their late lunch, Luna retreated into a corner seat to ‘rest’ her eyes. Shining Armor decided it was time for a simple lecture lesson, making sure to go over as much words as they could, helping her transfer her diction to the modern age.

It was late in the day when Luna raised a hoof to stop them. Shining Armor had been a thorough teacher and Luna for the most part was an eager and patient student, if not being completely exhausted, causing her to stumble more often than either would normally expect of her.

“Shining Armor, one qu- question.” She was yawning more often now, dropping that pretence a few hours ago. Her eyes were drooping more and more, and he was finding it harder to keep her awake and not let her just sleep. “Af-yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw,” she shook her body, her wings fluttering as she bit her lips to keep herself awake. “Excuse me. Was not very Princess like.” She chuckled softly at him, rubbing her eyes again. “As I was saying, after-”

“After that, you’re going to bed.” He said sternly, making sure she knew he was serious. “Don’t argue about how going on for more lessons or-”

“Captain Shining Armor, please allow Usme! to finish.” She flashed him an annoyed look. “W-I am more than willingly to rest my head.”

“Oh.” He blushed, rubbing the back of his head. “Wh-what do you want to know?”

She looked at him, with the biggest eyes that a mare her size could muster. She was far too tired to keep her voice regal, so she was speaking in a more normal tone for a mare of her physical age that was very tired, although maybe a few years younger then what would be expected. Her tone was more befitting that of a very bored filly, she asked him one of the Golden Questions; the ones that have no answer, ones that have driven ponies to madness, ones that countless fillies have dared to ask their elders in hopes of learning what could never be truly known.

“Are we there yet?”

Author's Note:

Cthuhlu HELL, it was so damn annoying to find that ONE blasted formating error!