• Published 3rd Jul 2014
  • 1,819 Views, 71 Comments

A Part of Me - Gleaming



Scootaloo tries to impress Rainbow Dash by showcasing a trick that she saved just for the occasion. A trick that daredevils edged their names in stone, hopefully she can pull it off.

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The Shining Sun

A Part of Me: The Shining Sun


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As the golden rays of the sun shone over the horizon, Scootaloo stood atop of Ponyville Hill determined to perform one of the most stellar tricks out there. The Shining Sun, is a trick that has been attempted for centuries but not one pony has been able to pull it off... without paying a heavy price, their own lives. While only a few ponies have tried, they have all paid the price which ranged from slight injury to critical condition.

Here is how the trick is supposed to play out: The one performing must find a spot anywhere in Equestria that will allow themselves to gain enough downward momentum to be launched into the air via any style of ramps. Once suspended above the ground, they must complete their most difficult signature move while the bottom end of their scooter reflects off the sun. Afterwards, they must stick the landing without the use of wings or magic.

Hmmm... Scootaloo thought to herself. This is too easy. I mean, what makes this trick so hard? She shrugged, Oh well, time for me to make history.

Backing herself up, Scoots squints her eyes to focus on the bottom of the hill. Meanwhile, she holds a tight grip on the handlebars while adjusting her posture to brace for what is about to commence. Then after waiting for the exact moment when her mind and body allowed her, she kicks off the ground and sends herself rushing down the hill.

Feeling the wind blowing through her mane as the surge of adrenaline began to take over her entire body, Scootaloo pushed herself farther and farther towards the lower end of the hill by buzzing her wings desperately. Hitting the arc, her potential energy generated enough centripetal force to thrust her body onto the scooter as she entered the apex. Launching off the natural ramp, Scootaloo gracefully soared to meet the ascending sun.

Now flying in the air with her little body undergoing a huge momentum boost, Scootaloo smiled while standing up on the handlebars with her back hooves planted on the front base of the scooter. She stuck her chest outward, her unkempt, purple mane glowing in the light of the yellow sun.

The very thought of completing this trick unscathed as well as being able to tell Rainbow Dash about it made Scootaloo more excited than ever.

When Scootaloo met zero gravity at the top of her jump, she came off of the metal handlebars of the scooter with the gentle sound of her wings buzzing. Suspended in midair by herself, she spins her body around in one revolution before grabbing the top of her scooter and pulling herself back onto it. Meanwhile she was plummeting down to the ground, feeling a sudden rush of heat from the top of her head.

''This could be my chance to do the impossible.'' Scootaloo claimed, with a sly grin on her face.

As the sight of the ground came closer to her eyes, the once the warm sensation faded away from her forehead. To her surprise, a huge crowd of ponies have gathered to show their support for her by cheering, stomping, and clapping their hooves together. This motion suddenly overwhelmed Scootaloo and the split second she had to prepare for the landing was gone.

Realizing her impending doom, Scootaloo clenches her scooter as she braces for the agony of the crash. Letting out her rebel yell, she smashes into a stack of wooden barrels and leaves her body almost completely lifeless. Screaming in pain from the wooden shards stabbing into her skin, coating themselves with the trailing blood of Scootaloo, the crowd's applause died down as they gazed upon the gruesome scene before them.


Ponyville Hospital

Paramedics rushed through the two double doors of the hospital without a moment to waste, taking Scootaloo to the emergency room to remove the wood from her coat. Delicately and slowly, they worked on the injured filly, with every passing minute to at least prevent any more injuries to occur.

Surgeons strapped their masks around their chins, looking down at the filly. An assortment of tools were laid out on a silver tray in order by size and shape: scalpels, forceps, and clamps. ''Okay, we need to be as gentle as possible.'' Doctor Red Cross announced, telling his team to start with the scalpels.

The surgeons removed the wood from her coat with the scalpels and the clamps, they used the forceps to take a large piece of wood out of Scootaloo's legs. They looked down at her body, removing their masks. ''Take her to one of the vacant rooms, so that she can rest until her body fully recovers.'' Doctor Red Cross stated, as the nurses took Scootaloo to a vacant room.

The wheels on Scootaloo's gurney screeched and came to a complete stop, while the nurses stand near the gurney. While the nurses all exchanged looks at each other, Nurse Redheart spoke up and said, ''Lets give Scootaloo her well deserved rest, hopefully that she recovers from that accident.'' All of the nurses, including Redheart, left the room and turned off the lights.


She opened her eyes to the environment all around here, looking out the window as the bright light of sun shined through the reflective glass of the window. In front of her, she saw a familiar face.

''Hey squirt, how's my little sis doing?'' Rainbow Dash smiled with a smile that glistened like the morning sun.

''I've been better, I'm still trying to recover from my injuries.'' Scootaloo pointed under her covers.

''Good luck on your recovery. You took a nasty spill when you attempted to finish The Shining Sun, though you could not stick the landing in time, I still think that you did a really good job.'' the cyan mare cocked a confident eyebrow, hugging her little sister.

''Thanks, Rainbow Dash. So what brings you here?'' Scootaloo responded.

''I came to visit you just to make sure that you were okay, also that I brought you, your scooter!'' Rainbow Dash whipped out the scooter from her saddlebag. The scooter looked brand new, like it was never damaged in the first place. The wheels, the handlebars, and to top it off with a 'Get Well' letter.

''Wow! It looks so awesome and thanks for the get well letter, I love you Rainbow Dash!'' Scootaloo rose up from the covers slowly and embraced her big sister in a warm hug, she felt the warm embrace like it was a confidence boost.

''Love you too, Scoot. I have to go clear the sky again in 10 seconds flat, the sky has to be clear today and I'm the pegasus who can get the job done,'' Dash flew out of the window and went off into the sky, to do her daily cloud busting.

Scootaloo placed her scooter down on the floor near her bed and took a look at the letter, that Rainbow Dash left her.

Dear Scootaloo,

The gang and I heard about what happened to you earlier today, we hope that you make a speedy recover and always live your life to the fullest if it was your last day alive.

Life will always open up new opportunities for you to achieve the impossible and accomplish whatever you set your mind to, always remember to keep your chin up because you are awesome in more ways than one.

You can always rise up to the challenge, take care and stay strong!

Sincerely,

Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Fluttershy

After she finished reading the letter, she turned around to look at her wings. Don't stop believing... Scootaloo's train of thought stopped for a minute, a single tear made its way down her chin and splashed on the letter.

The Shining Sun: The End

Author's Note:

A story that I was planning to write, is finally done. I hope to get the other projects that I have planned done and have fun while I write them, as always feedback is highly appreciated!

Comments ( 70 )

Yay! Well, now that that is done...
What about a ButtonBelle story I have been hearing about? *wink wink, nudge nudge*

4634556 You'll be getting it, don't you worry! :twilightsmile:

Wonderful little story! :twilightsmile:

While the writing does seem rough cut, I like the little details that you added towards the end that made it fell all heartwarming with the letter from the "Mane 6."

Good job, overall!

- JR Black Wing

P.S. I would love to edit it

:twilightsmile:
Nicely done. I especially liked the "Get Well" letter.

4634643 Thank you, JR! :twilightsmile: I'm glad that you liked it, if you ever want to edit it, don't hesitate to tell me.

4635938 Thank you so much, glad you liked it! :twilightsmile:

4637536 Fantastic! I will give it a shot and see what happens! :twilightsmile: :heart:

4637566 What parts do you want to edit though? :twilightsmile:

nice little story, it could use some padding but overall well done.:pinkiesmile:

4637645 Thanks! Someone offered to edit the beginning of the story, so it will get the padding to make it a bit better. :twilightsmile:

Personally, I think it could also use an epilogue where she attempts the trick again. (Crowd and success of the trick optional :twilightsheepish:)

4639829 Sorry to leave you hanging with that, but I hope you enjoyed it though. :twilightsheepish:

4639833 Oh, indeed I did. :pinkiehappy:

I love this story, I think it has a great lesson for kids. This story is officially %100 Beatrice approved. :raritywink:

Signed:
Beatrice :heart::pinkiehappy: My OFFICIAL Stamp of aproval :raritywink: Keep up the good work.

4639929 I will, Beatrice! I humbly accept your stamp of approval. :twilightsmile: Glad you enjoyed it!

Wow... this story is nice! :pinkiehappy:
Forgive me for not reading it sooner, like I'd promised, but here I am now. :ajsmug:

Well, I did notice a few mistakes (:unsuresweetie:).
I'll point them out to you. This way, you can fix them and this story will then be PERFECT!! :pinkiehappy:
I hope you don't mind. :ajsmug:

As the golden rays of the sun shined over the horizon

Um... "shined" --> "shone"
Don't worry, I make that same mistake at times... :twilightsheepish:

The Shining Sun, as told by legend, is trick that has been attempted for centuries but not one pony has been able to pull it off... successfully. While only a few ponies have tried, they have all paid the price which ranged from slight injury to not being able to recover from the fall.

These sentences are a bit awkward...
"is trick" --> "is a trick"
The word "successfully" makes the first sentence a bit too redundant. I mean, "attempted" is there, and "not one pony has been able to pull it off" is there as well... Either remove the sentence "as told by legend...successfully" entirely, or try to rearrange the sentence in a way that successfully emulates suspense.
Also "which ranged from slight injury" is pretty standard, but "to not being able to recover from the fall"... um... that's kinda awkward...
How about "which ranged from slight injury to critical condition" or something? :duck:

gain enough downward momentum to be launched into the air via. using any style of ramps.

Should be either "via" or "using", it can't be both. Personally, I'd get rid of "using" and keep "via". :pinkiesmile:

Hmmm... Scootaloo thought to herself. This is too easy. I mean what makes this trick so hard? She shrugged, Oh well, Time for me to make history.

Two mistakes in here: "I mean" should have a comma after it, so it's like "I mean, ..."
Lower-case "Time".

Backing herself up, Scoots squints her eyes to focus on the bottom of the hill. Meanwhile, she holds a tight grip on the handlebars while adjusting her posture to brace for what is about to commence. Then after waiting for the exact moment when her mind and body allowed her, she kicks off the ground and sends herself rushing down the hill.

No problems here, it's the fact that this paragraph is written is present tense while the rest of the story is in past tense.
I don't particularly mind it though. :twilightsmile: You can keep it.

Scootaloo pushed herself further and further towards the lower end of the hill

This one is debatable, but it should be "farther and farther", not "further and further" - "further" relates to something else not related to distance, which "farther" is. :twilightsmile:

the potential energy of Scootaloo generated enough centripetal force to trust her body onto the scooter as she enters the apex.

Well, "the potential energy of Scootaloo" seems awkward... replace it with "her potential energy".
And then... "trust"? You mean "thrust". :pinkiehappy:
And another switch to present tense - "as she enters the apex" - , only this time it has to be changed.

Sticking her chest outward, the unkempt, purple mane glowed in front of the yellow sun as the thoughts of completing this trick with no scratches on her, along with the fact that she could tell Rainbow Dash about it, made Scootaloo more excited than ever.

Okay... perhaps consider: "She stuck her chest outward, her unkempt, purple mane glowing in the light of the yellow sun." and then make the second clause a new sentence. "The very thought of completing this trick unscathed as well as being able to tell Rainbow Dash about it made Scootaloo more excited than ever."
Whew.... :twilightsmile:

Okay, that's enough pointing out of mistakes for now.... I'll probably come back and finish it but.... *sighs*.... :ajsleepy:
I hope you appreciate what I've done so far! :pinkiehappy:

Pointing out of mistakes aside, I enjoyed this one-shot very much and I'm glad to have read it. :pinkiehappy:

4643088 Thank you, I'll be sure to fix the mistakes! :twilightsmile:

4643115 No problem! :pinkiehappy:

Also, I updated Chapter Four of my story. :pinkiesmile:

4643128 I'll be sure to check it out. :pinkiehappy:

4643156 Thank you! :pinkiehappy:
And review/comment as well! I won't bite. :twilightsmile:

4643165 Oh wait, I read Chapter Four already. :twilightsmile:

4643168 Yeah, but I added a few scenes onto it! :pinkiehappy:

4643170 Well played, I'll look at the new scenes.

Somehow in this story, I have a problem with keeping my present/past tenses consistent. :twilightoops:

4643180 Thanks! :ajsmug:
And, I have no idea either.... some places it's nice... but other times it's not good... :unsuresweetie::derpytongue2:

You'll fix it.. so don't worry. :yay:

4643190 I fixed it in this story, thanks to you. :pinkiegasp:

I just hope I don't make the same mistake in my next story.

4643201 No problem! :ajsmug:

And I hope you don't make the same mistake as well! :pinkiehappy:
(Even though I'm among those who don't mind if a whole paragraph has a tense change while the rest don't. It's a problem, however, if the tense change occurs in a single sentence... also I don't really get why it sometimes is applied to dialogue tags and overall dialogue as well... :pinkiecrazy:)
Oh, well, guess that was just a one-time ordeal... :twilightsmile:

4643217 Those are the rules, I guess. :rainbowlaugh:

4643222 Well, screw the rules, I have a pen! :pinkiehappy: :rainbowlaugh:

But, dialogue tags? seriously? :rainbowhuh:

4643227 I don't make the rules, the man does! :twilightblush:

4643232 :pinkiehappy: lol!
Yeah! and sometimes, we can break those rules! :rainbowlaugh::yay::ajsmug:

4643244 :pinkiehappy::yay::eeyup:
(Don't forget to comment when you read my story! That'll help me a lot! :pinkiehappy:)

4643252 I'll try to. We should collaborate on a story sometime. :twilightsmile:

4643254 Okay. :twilightsmile:

:pinkiegasp:

Oh, that [collaborating] would be fun! :pinkiehappy:
Whatcha think? or whatme think? :duck:

4643261 I think it would be fun. :pinkiehappy:

4643271 Let me guess, need an idea on the story that we should collaborate on? :rainbowlaugh:

4643274 Yeah, I guess... :unsuresweetie:
Though it should include Kirby. :yay:
Not a lot of stories here have Kirby in them... :ajbemused:

4643285 Well, we could try. :scootangel:

4643310 I guess you have to continue your Kirby story now, huh? :scootangel:

4643319 Yeah.... still lots of continues! :ajsleepy:
But the show shall go on~ :yay:

My Recent Blog Post

Yeah, as that says, I've been stuck in a writing rut for a while before I thought up those scenes... :twilightblush:
So, yeah, it's got a LOT more to go before it's finished... (if I could guess, I'd say about 20-23 chapters or so... :pinkiecrazy::applejackconfused: but it could go over... :pinkiehappy::twilightblush:)
(That and I'm considering entering the story to the Royal Guard and talked to Obe about it too...)

4643333 You can do it! :pinkiehappy:

4643357 .....
Yeah.... :ajsmug:
Yeah!!! :pinkiehappy:
I'm gonna be that little Train who Could (? :rainbowhuh:)! :yay:
I'm gonna be that catalyst! :pinkiehappy:
I'm gonna finish this story! :rainbowdetermined2:
....although it may take long... :pinkiecrazy:
I'm not gonna push myself either.... :ajsleepy:

4643379 Take it slow and be cool, that's my mantra. :rainbowdetermined2:

4643407 And I like your mantra. :pinkiehappy:
*adopts among other mantras* :raritywink:
Quality over quantity is what I always say! :pinkiehappy:

4643413 Exactly, take those mantras to the heart. :pinkiehappy: All you have to do is BO-LIEVE!

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