• Member Since 13th May, 2013
  • offline last seen January 12th

Vertorm


Something CAN be done about it!

T

When Twilight Sparkle revealed that she used to play 'Adventures and Alicorns' as a little filly, Rainbow at first found it pretty silly. However, as time went on, Rainbow found herself wanting to spend more and more time around Twilight. That was most certainly not because she was developing feelings for her though. Absolutely not. It was entirely platonic.

Regardless, with the intention of spending more time around her purple friend, Rainbow Dash agrees to give this 'role playing' game a shot. Not once did she think that she might actually enjoy it. However, things aren't always the way they seem, and Rainbow quickly finds herself sucked into the game. Literally.


First off, yes. This is an anthro fic.

Second, this story is an effort on my part to gauge my strengths and weaknesses in writing. As such, it will not be sent to my pre reader or my editor. That's right, the only eyes to work on this story are my own. Seeing as this is an exercise to improve my writing, I encourage you to point out flaws and problems with the story. The more that are found and handled, the more I will learn and the better my writing will become.

Thanks for reading!


Cover art was commissioned by me from MysticAlpha.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 225 )

A plot line centered around TwiDash with a bit of D&D? I like! :twilightsmile:

The torch-in-mouth bit was funny.

*Squee* So fluffy and adorable!:rainbowkiss::yay::twilightsmile::heart:

If god didn't want us to carry our torches attached to our helmets, he wouldn't have given us duct tape. :derpytongue2:

Crit the mummy in one hit?


It reminds me of a time where a bunch of nerds were playing a session and they killed a shitload of guys. The door suddenly flew open and the mage, on reflex, threw a flask of acid. It wasn't the cultists they were fighting. It was their sponsor, the immortal god of war who holds the entire city under his boot. And this dumbass just crit him. In the face. A flask of acid to the face.

And just because any proper D&D fanfic requires this in the comments somewhere...

4402806 that sounds like something i would watch what is it from cause i kinda want to see what his team says/reactions (ps if its the video you posted i did not watch because i only really watch long videos if its from a youtuber i like)

“No Rainbow, you can’t hold the torch with your teeth,” Twilight said, rubbing her face with her hand. “We’re ponies, we have hands to hold items with. You’re not a barn animal, you don’t use your teeth to hold things. Really, that’d be ridiculous.”

img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130725043242/mlp/images/b/bd/Twilight_holding_book_in_her_mouth_EG.png

4401673
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4402106
Thank you! I'm glad you guys liked it. ^_^

4402717
I'm not sure how wise that would be to actually do. I'm imagining the smell of burning hair already. O_o

4402806
That's funny! I've never heard that story before. Was it from a movie or a book, or something like that?

4404134
That is the exact scene I was imagining while writing that.

4404657
Seriously, though, good job; I'm excited to see where this goes. I've never played D&D before, but I love writing, RPGs, TwoDash and Denial Dash, so this is a bit of happy I'll gladly take in my dreary, dreary world.

4404674
Oh, thank you! I'm glad you liked it. Maybe now, seeing as I edit for you AND have two of my fics in your favorites list... *cough cough* >_>

Also, I am not familiar with TwoDash.

4404678

Was I unclear? Dash/Dash is best ship; I'm glad you're writing it!

EDIT: Also, it's three fics. However, only one of them is complete! :P

4402806
Yes, the Spoony one tells the best D&D stories:pinkiehappy:

“No Rainbow, you can’t hold the torch with your teeth,”

Would have totally let her hold it in her teeth... and let it burn her face after awhile.

4404913 /
The Spoony One!!! Teller of D&D stories, Avatar of Britannia, and Reviewer of the Fantasy's.
Here's a link to the Flask of Acid story. If you're a D&D fan, and since you're writing a D&D story I think you are, then I suggest watching his Counter Monkey stuff, their a blast:pinkiehappy:

4404913 He's an internet reviewer. Funny most of the time. Used to be on "That Guy with the Glasses."

4404963
4405533
Ah, okay. I have seen him around the internet then. I'm going to check out some of his videos then. He looks to be pretty funny!

After reading the description I think I'll be doing something I don't normally... Not when reviewing, which is pointing out errors in grammar and spelling!

Rainbow however had laughed, thinking that only an egghead would enjoy a game that required lots of books. She had the tact to now say anything however, and had kept her thoughts to herself.

I uh... Wow, I don't know what's wrong here, it just makes little sense to me. "She had the tact to now say anything however..." She now knew better than to..? She now had the tact to say anything? I just... What is it? Am I reading it wrong?
More will be posted as I find them, since my memory is poo.

Goddamnit, the undead are immune to critical hits unless you have the proper feats!

4402717 God didn't give us duct tape, he gave us Jesus who we brutally tortured and murdered...
Silly person.

you are a scholar and a gentleperson

4405849
Wow, thank you! Yes, in that sentence 'now' actually should have been 'not'. I have fixed it. Thanks again! ^_^

4405887
Shh! >_>

<_<

It's a secret to everybody.

4405995
Thank you! As are you. :twilightsmile:

so hey, i have a question. is the picture an accurate depiction of what they are supposed to look like? because they only have three fingers in the picture (that i could see), and it never mentioned something like that in the story. if you look at RD, she's holding a can of soda, but she's only got three fingers.

4406284
Yes, as far as the anthro forms go, they only have three fingers. However, I didn't really mention it because it's not very important. You could imagine it either way. When I commissioned the picture by MysticAlpha, I gave him free reign over the body style of the anthropomorphic characters. The amount of fingers was his own personal touch on the style, as well as the keeping of hooves for their feet. I saw no reason to change any of it, so it stayed in the final version of the picture.

The cover art exists mainly to give a good representation of the anthro characters in the fic.

4406334 just figured i'd ask, that way if it comes up in the story at some point, i won't be confused. i mean, if they say something like 'i can count the number of times i've been wrong on my fingers' then there's a four finger difference as to the maximum number of times they could have been wrong. just saying. but i still love this story!

I may not know D&D nor RP, but I DO know how to tell when you've got a grammar error:

There was seven different dice in total,

First, I'm going to give you the best advice I received from a friend a while back:
The word "there" can usually be removed entirely from any sentence and with the right re-wording, it'll sound just the same, if not better. I see a lot of "there" in fics these days, I'd suggest trying:

Seven different dice fell from the bag, each one...

Or something like that. Just removing "there" makes the story a load more descriptive and successful at keeping us enthralled. It is a transition word that lets you Cheaty-Face your way through a descriptive block of text. :eeyup:

Next, this line alone held I think...3 errors? If you choose to keep the "there", you'd wanna change "was" to "were"; also "differently" to "different".
:twilightsmile:

That's as far as I read before you started to lose me, I'm not one for tabletop games.:ajsleepy: That said, interesting premise, and good job on the feature. Hopefully, someone else will see the edits you need and tell you besides fanboying over it like everyone else seems to be doing. Hope all goes well!

~Dash The Stampede

4406453
Thank you very much! Your input is greatly appreciated. I went ahead and tried what you suggested, and by that I mean that I actually went and practiced describing things without the word 'there'. I have not yet gone through the fic and fixed any occurrences (other than the one you pointed out, which again, thank you for that! :twilightsmile:) but I will be doing that soon, as well as attempting to curb my usage of 'there' in future writings. You are right, it makes the description feel like it's more... active.

Yes, I do hope that someone else can help me catch bits like this, because what you did for me here was fantastic! This was exactly what I was hoping to achieve in writing this fic. No pre reader to watch for flow, no editor to catch my grammar screw ups... Just me. You helped me learn more so I can improve. For that, you have my gratitude. ^_^

I like it so far liked & faved/followed.

I assume the "gore" tag is mostly for the in-game fight descriptions?

4406577
That is correct! While this chapter may not have been too heavily into the gashy descriptions, some future chapters very well might be. I didn't want to have to worry about tip-toeing along a fine line, so I figured it'd just be better to be safe than sorry.

4406555
I'm glad I could be of some assistance. I pride myself on being able to be neutral to most, if not all, fics. That way, I'm not losing myself in the lines and missing edits:twilightsheepish:

I mean, I can read through the fic and from a purely-prereader state-o-mind, point out more stuff to ya if'n you want, but I'm not sure it'll catch my fave.

If you wanna find instances of "there", you can open any chapter, hit ctrl+f and type "there", and it'll highlight all occurring words. That way, you don't have to painstakingly read through each sentence.

Have a like for being respectful and taking it in stride!
:raritywink:
~Dash The Stampede

4406587
S'all good. I'm not really big on gore myself, but in the context of a D&D-style game it's pretty unavoidable and far more tolerable.

Also I chuckled quite heartily at the "we don't hold things in our mouths" bit.

4406595
I appreciate the offer, really, but I wouldn't dream of asking that of you. DnD and role playing are going to be very heavy in the story and if that's not your cuppa tea, then reading it probably wouldn't be a very enjoyable thing for you. :twilightsheepish:

On that note, you have been more than friendly and even assisted me with my grammar. On top of this, I absolutely LOVED TriGun and your name/avatar pic just has me sitting here feeling super nostalgic (and also happy, because Rainbow Dash as Vash the Stampede is just FULL OF WIN). For that, you have earned my follow. If you have Skype, you're more than welcome to add me.

4406854
Eh, I offer pre-reading/editing whenever I can, I love to read new stuff/help aspiring authors. I'd give 'er a look tomorrow after work, I've got early shift. :fluttershysad:

I appreciate the follow, and humbly offer it in return.

What I'm surprised about...is that this profile pic came from 2012...and the username wasn't taken till April 1st of this year, when I thought it'd be a smart way of fooling erry'one, but the name.. it's so good, I HAD to keep it! Ahh, nostalgia. I know thee well.
:moustache:
Have a gif!
31.media.tumblr.com/4d55ae0627f2186f69006976ddbfdffa/tumblr_inline_n45xcid1yh1rg21wj.gif
Keep being awesome!
~Dash The Stampede

TwiDash D&D story, ye say? Methinks I'll be stickin' around fer this one, mateys, :moustache:
s6.postimg.org/dd47s96ap/Pirate_Approved.jpg

4404587
4404059
If you have two hours of time.

I know nothing about D&D.

But I'll still enjoy this probably, I'll give it a read later :twilightsmile:

That's cute Twi, not holding stuff in your mouth. In another universe, you do that from time to time, when you don't use your magic.

When Twilight Sparkle revealed that she used to play 'Adventures and Alicorns' as a little filly, Rainbow at first found it pretty silly. However, as time went on, Rainbow found herself wanting to spend more and more time around Twilight.

:pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::raritystarry::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

Moments pass ,and then:

First off, yes. This is an anthro fic.

:fluttercry:

I'm glad it's doing good for you, all the same. Just sad. :fluttershysad:

4407580
Thank you for the support! I'm sorry that the anthro killed it for you. :twilightsheepish: I have no plans to write anthro in any other fic, ever, because I also adore them as ponies. But when I considered how to write a 'roleplaying fic', I really couldn't see them holding weapons and doing dungeon crawls too easily without hands.

Seeing as you were excited by the prospect of TwiDash in the fic, I could recommend some other, absolutely fantastic non-anthro TwiDash, if you'd like. ^_^

4407605

I've had that issue, but what I usually tell myself is, "Just gloss over it." Because, realistically, hooves don't do anything hooves on the show do.

Anyway: If you wanted to, I wouldn't say no. I've been itching to read some escapist romantic stuff, and TwiDash works well for me (not my OTP, but not everything can be as perfect as RariJack. :raritywink::ajsmug:)

4407621
Ahh, RariJack! Another of my favorite ships. :twilightsmile:

Well, if you're in the mood for some longer stories, my absolute favorite TwiDash fic is:

Spellbound Fireflies by bats. It's a relatively long fic, ending just a little beyond 75k words, but it touches on what it truly means to be a family. Oh, and it's Scootadopt TwiDash, so it's just all kinds of adorable!

If you want some shorter stories to just cuddle up with in front of a warm fire, then here's a good list for you:

Vanilla Twilight by Quillery.
Little Wonders by bats.
Unrequited by The Wizard of Words.
Letters From a Secret Admirer by Subsolar Drift.

Of course, there are lots of other TwiDash fics I love to death too, but I don't want to overwhelm you with a massive list... so I only picked these five stories. GOD it was hard to just pick five. Anyways, since you said you were looking for some 'escapist romantic stuff', I actively avoided anything dark. All of the above stories are adorable and heartwarming, guaranteed to give you 120% of your daily recommended dosage of 'squeee!'

Not bad, rather good story, however:

"Clad in plate mail armor"

Sorry but... there is no such thing as Plate Mail Armour, you can have plated Maille/Mail, you can have Maille/Mail (commonly mis-said as chain mail), can have Mail and plate armours worn at the same time but there is no plate mail armour. Sorry, but this is just my innter historian and RPG player coming out.

4408407 It may not be correct historically, but it's correct usage of D&D terminology.

Perhaps the better description is Dash is Daring Do, Twilight is A. K. Yearling writing Ahuizotl as the antagonist.

...
Is this Dungeons and Dragons with ponies?
Oh fuck the hell yes.

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