Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence

by Broseph_Stalin

Good Night Kiss

Chapter V. – Goodnight Kiss: Willow Bough

“It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.”

-John Steinbeck

. . . .

After all the patients had been situated inside the sun room, Twilight followed Dr. Glass onto the grounds. She realized that Patient Group Four must have included all the ponies capable of enjoying themselves outside. Those that remained in open air all sat around listless and unmoving, or simply stood around, not really sure of what to do.

She felt the familiar sense of her view being drawn in a single direction, and allowed it to take over as her eyes rested on the prostrate form of a lilac unicorn on a white wicker couch, and spotted the unicorn's cutie mark upon her flank: a pastoral butterfly. Twilight realized with a shock that her left wrist was bound in a snow white bandage and red scars seemed burned into her skin all up and down her forelegs.

Behind a gentle curtain of flowing white curls, the mare's ebony eyes stood out bold and endearing to Twilight. She nudged Dr. Glass, who was talking with a white-garbed assistant.

“Who is that, over there?” she murmured.

“That would be Willow Bough," he replied with a heavy sigh. "Poor mare...I doubt there’s a single scribe in Equestria that could write out her story as tragic as it truly is.” He nodded slightly at the bandage. “She is the kind of pony that would never hurt a fly, but suffers from a very acute case of depression. Post-partum depression, to be precise. Losing her two-and-a-half year-old filly foal out of the blue couldn’t be easy on her, let alone on anypony.

“The bandage,” he said, indicating with a nod once more, “is actually from last night. We had found her in her room with a shard of metal she had picked up around the grounds…She’s been in infirmary since late this morning, due to traumatic blood loss.” He nodded at the large assistant who stood just apart from Willow. “She has been on close watch ever since.”

Twilight felt her violet eyes go wide at this, but she was so thoroughly enraptured that she felt strangely drawn at the unicorn’s plight. Her story was something straight out of tragedy, after all. But at the same time, Twilight felt grossly uncomfortable shame at the unicorn’s self-destructive habit that stood blatantly across her arms. Finally making up her mind, she asked the doctor:

“May I go talk to her?”

“You may, just be sensitive about what it is you say,” the doctor confirmed sternly.

Twilight walked slowly over to the unicorn. As Willow regarded her visitor's approach, Twilight was struck at her most prominent feature: her ebony eyes seemed to capture the very light of the day and hold it lovingly, but also seemed dried out and tired, presumably from incessant amounts of crying. The purple unicorn put on the very best smile she could muster.

“Hello. A beautiful day, isn’t it?” Twilight looked around at the rolling green pasture. The lilac unicorn sat up lazily, paying special attention to her bandaged hoof against the white wicker chair. Twilight caught herself staring out of the corner of her eye at the scars that riddled her arms, and quickly looked away.

“I suppose so,” she said in a husky tone. She eyed Twilight with a casual indifference. “Who are you, if I may ask?”

“My name is Twilight Sparkle,” she said, and offered a hoof carefully.

The lilac unicorn took it delicately. “I’m Willow,” is all she said, and dropped the proffered hoof listlessly.

“So how long have you been at Sunny Pastures, Willow?”

Willow’s ebony eyes looked around as she dredged up thoughts from the depths of her mind.

“It would be four years this Tuesday,” she said finally. “Apparently I get a cake. That’s really nice.”

There was nothing hopeful about the unicorn’s tone. Twilight’s face dropped slightly at what she said.

“Well, that does sound really nice." An awkward pause held over as Twilight grasped for something to say. "What are you here for, if I may inquire?”

Willow shot an arbitrary glance at Twilight, and readjusted herself with a sigh. “The doctors tell me I’m depressed. Of course, that wouldn’t be so bad, would it, if I weren’t so prone these.” At this, she lifted a scar-ridden arm, showing them off like jewelry. Twilight was taken aback at her flagrancy, and almost took a step back at the shocking display. “Something I can’t really help,” she added morosely. Her mouth fell to a slight frown as she saw her listener’s reaction.

“I suppose not, no,” Twilight said quickly to cover her embarrassment, and readjusted her footing anxiously.

A thick pause was held in the air for a brief second. Finally, Willow broke it.

“And what, exactly, are you doing here at Sunny Pastures? You seem just fine.” Her tone was flat and slightly scathing, but Twilight smiled kindheartedly as she tried to counter the unicorn’s negative vibe.

“I’m just here to visit, to meet special ponies such as yourself.”

Willow sighed, and sat up, finally at her full height. Opalescent white curls fell around her face, framing it in a way that reminded Twilight oddly of her own mother.

“Honey, I’m no ‘special pony.’ I’m just a silly filly who’s lost her mind.” Her voice held a deep, maternal air, and as she said this, she looked off into the distance; tears clouded her brilliant eyes.

Twilight took it as a silent notion of being the end of their conversation. With a slight bow, and a “Thanks for your time,” she slipped off to meet back up with Dr. Glass.

As she trotted over to him, she found the doctor giving her a curious glance from over his shining spectacles.

“And how was your conversation with Miss Willow?” he asked, genuinely interested.

Twilight could only shake her head at his question. “I don’t know if I could say for sure.” A heavy pause held still as the sounds of chirping birds punctuated the air.

"Doctor?"

"Yes, Ms. Sparkle?"

"Do you know...why she does that? With her arms?" Twilight said awkwardly. Hot emberassment rose up as she realized that she wasn't sure how to address the unicorn's cuts. The doctor's eyes seemed to light up as a memory flooded to him.

"I well tell you, Twilight. This is something Willow had shared with me some time ago. She said that for her, cutting meant consistency. Every time the metal slid across her skin, it was the same feeling. Every time the blood let...it was the same. I believe that, in her eyes, it replaced the mindset that was her lost foal, and instilled upon her something of a solid ground for her shattered mind to alight unto." He paused, and glanced over at the reclining mare with a careful eye. "Do you get what I'm saying, Ms. Sparkle?"

Twilight nodded.

"I think so, Doctor." She let her gaze fall on the poor unicorn too as her voice dropped to a whisper.

"I hope so..."

. . . .

"...I can only imagine what could have happened to bring a mother to such desperation."

In the murky embrace of the previous night, Willow Bough was alone. Caught helpless in the darkness of her room, she cried relentlessly, face buried in a tear stained pillow. Between sobs, her mind drifted back in time…

A velvet colored little philly was prancing around the backyard, her hooves muddy and mane sandy from the simple red sandbox that stood in the middle of the green yard.

“Look mommy, I’m building a house,” she giggled gleefully, pointing to the bricks and sand castles she had constructed in the sandbox.

Willow let out a slight sigh of strangled ecstasy, and said with a smile “Yes you did! Good job, my little pony!”

“Uh oh...It’s falling down,” the tiny red unicorn said. “Timber!”

Rose Petal ran around the yard, her peals of laughter seeming to come from the springtime grass itself.

These were the best of times.

. . . .

“Good night, momma.” Rose Petal’s expectant eyes searched her mother’s face lovingly as she snuggled deeper into the comfortable bliss of her brand-new big-filly bed. Stuffed animals lay piled around the tiny unicorn.

“Good night my silly philly,” Willow said with a whisper, taking extreme care to lay a delicate kiss on the little unicorn’s forehead. “I love you.”

Goodnight kiss in your night gown, lavender in your bed…So innocent as you lie down, she thought, a pining smile touching her lips. Oh, the sweet dreams that run through your head!

It had been the very last time she had said I love you to her daughter.

. . . .

Willow choked on sobs as the enchanting memory faded away into black mist. She looked out the barred window, the moon a brilliant silver bauble hung in the dark sky. A resounding ache settled in her gut as she knew that even the moon had the stars to keep it company…

She reached out with her thoughts miserably.

Are you lonely without mommy’s love? I want you to know I’d die for that moment. You’re just a poor foal, afraid of this cruel world. Taken away from it all!

Her head shot straight back into the cold pillow, and her eyes burned as tears streamed out of them. It was like this every night, as far as she could remember.

It’s been five years to the day and my tainted blood’s still the same, she sobbed, mind reeling in a familiar sea of depression as the blame shifted to her own self. She felt trapped on a sinking ship in the tumultuous ocean of regret.

Willow felt a hoof glance over the cold glint of metal under her pillow- a very recent companion, and the only one she allowed in her dark thoughts as she lie alone under night's watch.

Can’t help acting this way, she thought to herself miserably, as her mind focused on the razor shard of steel. A crack of lightning sounded inside her mind now. The bounds of the impetuous sea rushed into a far off land as anger took over her thoughts: Those bastard doctors are gonna pay!

It was they who had killed her foal, her poor little Rose Petal.

. . . .

She had woken up that fateful night to find Rose Petal gasping for air. Her purple face had sent waves of horrifying shock through Willow’s psyche as she grabbed her choking foal and sprinted as fast as her hooves could take her to the hospital.

She had burst in screaming, pleading hysterically through tears to help save her baby foal. The nurses made short work of the intrusion, and had Willow seated, sniffling in the waiting room as her Rose Petal was put into intensive care.

After what seemed to be half a lifetime, the doctor came in, face stoic and voice level. The poor mother broke down as the nameless doctor told her flatly that her daughter had died in surgery of complications.

. . . .

I’m just so lonely without baby’s love…

She felt the cold metal slide across her skin, ever so delicately. It was against everything they told her, ordered her, but she did it anyways. She had to. It had been far too long since the last cut, since she had felt the surety it gave to her in this storm of fear.

I want you to know I’d die for just one more moment.

She gasped as she felt the blood let. Tears of ecstatic pain replaced those of sorrow.

I’m just a poor mare, afraid of this cruel world…

She had been screaming. The guards burst in, proceeding to hold her down as they took away the bloody shard of metal and hold fast the flow of hot crimson liquid as it splashed upon the white sheets; a virginal snow, tainted.

Taken away from it all…

Comments

[AtrocityEquine]

406840

Actuaaally...I've been recently doing 'SFAM: MLP Style' on my account ^^;;.

[AtrocityEquine]

I was actually thinking of doing a fan fic like this(I originally had a story planned with my 5 friends including myself),but looks like you beat me xD!

It looks good so far,Please keep it up!

[Broseph_Stalin]

408310 The plot line in that album confuses the heck outta me I still have yet to really delve into the whimsical mastery that is SFaM

[AtrocityEquine]

409308

Oh,can I explain the concept to you if you want too ^^!I have been doing the story,but I've been stuck recently on 'Fatal Tragedy'.

[Broseph_Stalin]

409316 If you'd like, I'd love to preread/read your story for you sometime

[AtrocityEquine]

409324

You can ^^!I'll send you a message about the Plot line and all.

[William A Grey]

"These were the best of times."

First Dream Theater song that ever made me cry (BC&SL was the second album I heard, after Octavarium). That ending solo... One of my Top 5 All-Time favorite guitar solos.

It has little to do with the chapter itself, but I just couldn't resist to make a comment only about that xD

[Broseph_Stalin]

1177643

In all my Dream Theater based stories, I like throwing in little bits that true fans will recognize. I just realized you mentioned this