Twilight OP pls nerf

by SpiritDutch

Winter Soldier

The white snows blanketed the hills around Ponyville. Inside the village, diligent snow-plowing and the gentle heat radiating off the houses kept it walkable. Ponies chatted and laughed, going up and down their business with their friends and family. It was a lovely time of the year, cozy, quiet, and delightfully lethargic.

And Twilight Sparkle, pretty alicorn princess, was as miserable as always. Slumped against her mailbox, in just her fur, she stared disdainfully at passers by, up to her waist in snow.

“Winter is a time of death. In winter, famine and frostbite gnaw you into dust.” She mumbled, just loud enough to be overheard by the ponies crossing the street to give her wide berth. “By the rules of nature, the weak will crack, wither, and become dust in winter. The strong survive to repopulate.”

She heard the Golden Oak Library’s front door creak open and closed, the the crunch of somepony approaching.
“Twilight, we’re out of cocoa. I’m going to get some from the store, okay?” Spike said. The little dragon was wearing a scarf and boots.

Twilight looked over her shoulder to him. “Society is a wretched thing, isn’t it? All it has done is make it possible for the weak to survive and prosper. The strong, like you and me, are hobbled.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda the point of society.” Spike scratched his cheek. “Also, I think that was the single nicest sentence you’ve ever said to me.”

“The advances of civilization have made ponies fragile. They don’t know how to ration themselves, knowing that when reserves run out they can just import food from elsewhere.” Twilight went on, speaking in a bitter whisper. “They complain when their outrageous luxuries falter even for a moment.”

“Twilight, you minge CONSTANTLY when we’re missing your treats. That’s why I’m getting more cocoa.” Spike pointed out, torn between snickering and sighing. “Like, you could conjure unlimited amounts of cocoa from the eather, but you specifically want to complain about not having it.”

That did not produce an improvement in Twilight’s mood. “I’m complaining about your failure! How are you going to improve as a logistician and survivalist if I don’t complain about your mistakes?”

“Logistician? Twilight that doesn’t make any sense.” Spike walked around in front of her. “And since I am going to get cocoa, I’m not making a mistake. What do you think of that?”

“Yeah whatever. You’re lucky I’m too lazy to poke a hole in your argument.” Twilight said, laying her head back against the mailbox and closing her eyes.

Spike strongly considered leaving her there. “Alright I’ll bite. Is something wrong, Twilight? Why are you so specifically angry at ponies surviving the winter?”

Twilight shrugged. “It’s just… It’s all a ridiculous farce. In the old days winter was an unavoidable climatological-atronomilogical phenomenon. Now, it’s so closely controlled and manufactured. Like, what does winter DO for anypony? It just exists as an antithesis to the productivity and fertility of summer. It’s just a waste of time! If I’m going to be trapped on this planet among the prole ponies, it might as well be an actually interesting time of year, like spring, summer, or autumn!”

Spike was starting to get an idea of her actual frustration. “You asked Celestia to cancel winter, didn’t you.”

“And she laughed at me!” Twilight threw up her hooves. “And Luna took her side! Something about how many hours of night there were versus other times of the year. Fickle minx! I thought she was supposed to take my side.”

“You know Twilight, just because you don’t like winter doesn’t mean everypony feels that way.” Spike said.

“And they matter?” Twilight arched a brow.

“They might know something you don’t.” Spike said, then immediately regretted it for the dirty look Twilight gave him. “I mean, their perspective might be interesting and make you look at things differently.”

“That’s highly unlikely. Anyone who appreciates this miserable time of year is either crazy or sour.” Twilight said. “But… I’ve been convinced of worse things before. Eh, whatever. Let’s see what ponykind’s worst has to offer.” She stood up, disturbing the pristine layer of snow that had fallen over her. “Come on Spike.”

“But what about the cocoa?” Spike asked.

Remind me later and “I’ll just conjure some.” Twilight promised.

Spike rolled his eyes, fully knowing that she would shout at him if he ever brought it up again.

----

Rarity was sitting in the riverside park, trying her hoof at some idle hobby craftwork, making wicker bird nests. She wasn’t very good at it yet, but she relished how much she’d improved over the past week.

Suddenly a familiar voice from behind her. “I could make all this go away you know.”

Rarity felt a sinking feeling. “Oh hello Twilight darling. Finally decided to destroy Ponyville?”

“Hmm? No, I mean winter.” Twilight clarified, much to Rarity’s relief, then confusion. “Doesn’t it feel hollow knowing its artificial, that it could be made to go away at any moment? Doesn’t that take away from the romanticism of the ice and snow? Nature didn’t give you this frozen wonderland: Ponies did.”

“You can say that about a lot of things, darling. Night and day, the tides, the breeze and clouds… Ponykind is master of its domain.” Rarity thought on the fly. It was usually a good idea to capitulate to whatever mad arguments Twilight Sparkle made, but there wasn’t the usual venom in the princess’s voice, so Rarity decided it was safe to have an actual discussion. “All the same, we are its daughter. The way nature has been controlled is like a daughter caring for its mother.”

“Uhh, it’s more like a daughter confining its mother. Last I checked, nature didn’t need our doting to do its thing.” Twilight said. “If anything, your analogy just heightens the horror. You’d be disgusted if you saw a mare shoving around her mother, elderly and decipit or not.”

Rarity’s expression drooped. “Yes, quite.”

Spike nudged Twilight. “Twilight, try asking a more open-ended question.”

“Sure.” Twilight cleared her throat. “What do you like about winter, Rarity?”

“The picturesqueness of snowy hills, warm cottages, and blanketed forests. It makes me feel fuzzy inside. It’s a time to snuggle under the blankets and close my eyes.” Rarity said dreamilly. “All the better if you have a friend or lover by your side.”

Twilight glanced away. “Uh huh.”

Rarity pursed her lips afraid she’d touched a nerve. “The change of seasons is the beating heart of my dress shop. I can’t help but be attached to the poetry of it.”

“It’s plagiarized poetry.” Twilight muttered. She shrugged. “Okay then. I’m not getting anything mindblowing out of you. It’s all sentimental garbo.”

“Twilight that’s what we were asking for.” Spike frowned.

“I don’t relate to Rarity’s experiences at all. She’s giving me anecdotes that resonate like a brick.” Twilight said. “It’s like Wittgenstein's lion over here.”

“If I understood that reference I’m sure I would be insulted, so I’ll be properly incised if you want me do be.” Rarity offered.

“Don’t bother. I have to go ask the others about their thoughts.” Twilight said, turning her back and taking a few steps. “Well, I don’t have to, but you know how it is. Come on Spike!”

----

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were in the town square, enjoying mugs of hot chocolate, when Fluttershy’s look became fearful.

“Code purple.” She whispered to Pinkie.

“Hey what’s up!” Twilight galloped over to them. “How are you two enjoying winter?”

“It’s, um, cold.” Fluttershy said softly.

“The snow reminds me of powdered sugar.” Pinkie nodded enthusiastically.

“Do either of you have deeper beliefs about why winter is good, and how that it’s just an artifice of pony creation doesn’t undermine its meaningfulness?”

“By controlling winter, we become winter’s custodians. Ponies do take control of nature, but only so we can make it more humane and peaceful. Pony winter is calm, gentile, and makes sure no creatures of the land or forest suffer need because of it.” Fluttershy said.

“So, completely removing every thematic tooth of winter.” Twilight deadpanned.

“You want creatures to suffer?”

“At least it’s something! At least it’s not this mealy-mouthed sputtering, ‘winter’, quote-unquote. Why not have perpetual summer and spring, if we didn’t want creatures to suffer the depravities of winter.” Twilight hissed. “And yes I know about animal life cycles or whatever, but you’re presenting animal suffering as a-priori bad. Might as well lock all animals into cages and inject them with dopamine or cocaine if all we care about was that they felt good.”

“You know, snow reminds me of cocaine too.” Pinkie interrupted.

Fluttershy sighed. “I don’t want to argue with you Twilight. Animal caretakers have a creed that seeks to be as minimally disruptive as possible, but still give animals a good, fulfilling life.”

“Death is part of life, Fluttershy, and we’re stealing death from them.” Twilight grunted. She turned to Pinkie Pie. “How about you? Anything to add?”

“Not really. I just really like powdered sugar.” Pinkie shrugged. “Oh, and ice-skating is pretty cool, even if we have those year-round rinks nowadays.”

“I hate ice skating.” Twilight growled.

“So nothing convinced you yet?” Spike prompted.

“No. I’m feeling even more secure in my hate of winter.” Twilight announced. “Have a nice day girls. Try not to think too hard about the thin veneer of it all.”

“Bye Twilight.” Fluttershy whispered over her hot chocolate.

“See ya!” Pinkie beamed.

----

“And here we come to what promises to be the two most compelling opinions, from the two most unlikely sources.” Twilight said to herself, approaching Applejack and Rainbow Dash who were making snow-sculptures outside town.

“Ahoy! Twilight’s come to see us!” Dash shouted across the field.

“Celestia be praised.” Applejack said.

“Yeah yeah.” Twilight snickered. “Having fun?”

“Generally? No. Not much to do on my farm during winter.” Applejack said. “But this right here is kinda fun. Look, I made Apple Bloom over there, and this here is a cow.”

Twilight regarded the amorphous piles of snow. “Uh huh.”

“I’ve mostly been making snow-angels.” Dash supplied.

“Yeah, that’s all great.” Twilight cleared her throat. “But I want to know your opinions about winter, specifically how we ponies build and control it.”

“I think controlling the weather’s pretty neat. It’s challenging and rewarding.” Dash said. “The winter strategy room in Cloudsdale is the most amazing place. Planning clouds, calculating snowmelt, and all that stuff.”

“Drivel.” Twilight said.

Dash made a hurt expression. “Snowmelt is important.”

“Just have more rain.” Twilight bit. “And besides the absorption coefficients of snow versus ground means you’re spending much more time adding then melting snow, as opposed to rainclouds once or twice.”

“You’re making that up. Snow is an efficient time-dispersal method of water.” Dash said, crossing her hooves.

“Then that’s pretty embarrassing if its the best method you’ve got.” Twilight laughed.

“Ya sound like you’re anti-winter.” Applejack observed.

“I’m anti whatever this fake winter we have can be called.” Twilight said. “Pseudo-winter.”

“Yeah, I’m not a big fan of it myself. Winter used to mean something scary, that stuck in your head. It was hard times back in the day, when winter preparation was the difference between life and death.” Applejack said. “But before y’all think I’m agreeing with you, I don’t think those hard times should be romanticized as such. I don’t glorify perseverance porn.”

“Exactly MY point. I think we should abolish winter, if the only way to have it is if its half-hearted and artificial.” Twilight said. “Year-round summer and spring.”

“Ya can’t have spring without winter.” Applejack pointed out.

Twilight frowned. “I’m sure we can find a way.”

“That sounds like a bunch more trouble than putting on winter.” Applejack said. “Even a short winter moves the plants and animals into the next part of their life cycles. Recreating that animal by animal sound like the most laborious thing ever.”

“Wow Applejack, you sound like you’ve really thought about this stuff.” Dash said, impressed.

“Don’t a year go by a farmer doesn’t think about getting rid of winter.” Applejack chuckled.

Twilight thought for a moment, having been presented with the first good counterpoint. “Why have a long winter? Why not have a winter as short as possible to sustain the ecosystem?”

“Well Twi, it think it’s that truncating winter like that would be even more artificial than it already is.” Applejack said. “If we get rid of winter, we’ll be getting rid of a part of ourselves. We don’t suffer during winter anymore, but experiencing it reminds of us our past when we did have to fight to survive.”

“Sounds like a very shallow commemoration.” Twilight muttered.

“It does be like that sometimes.” Applejack shrugged. “Better than no commemoration at all.” She motioned at Dash. “Besides Twi, we live in a society, and I don’t mind too much to have a winter if ponies like Dash or Rarity enjoy it.”

“That’s really sweet, Applejack.” Rainbow Dash snarked.

“And y’all snow angels look like boogers.” Applejack laughed.

“Uhh, hypocrite alert. Your snow cow looks like a three year old made it.” Dash said. She nudged Twilight. “Hey Twi, can you be the judge here? Which one looks better, hers or mine?”

Twilight, who had been lost in thought, blinked. “Uhh, what?” She looked between the mares. “I don’t know, its about equal. Dash, I literally didn’t know those were supposed to be snow angels until you said so. They just look like weird depressions in the snow, and that’s not helped by the fact you trampled all around them, muddying the shape. Applejack, I’ve seen truer to life representations of ponies in deconstructivist postmodern art, than what you’ve made here today. They’re gaushe and amateurish.” She sighed. “But in your own ways, the innocence of your efforts are too cute to criticize. There’s an earnestness at work here. There’s an earnestness in all ponykind. I think that’s why I haven’t turned this village into a molten puddle of stone yet.”

“Wow, that was a trip. I was insulted, heartened, then afraid.” Dash said.

“Y’all have any more questions for us Twi?” Applejack asked.

“Nah. I’m just wondering where I left Spike.” Twilight said. A scowl came over her features. “You know what, I bet he slipped off to go buy cocoa after seeing Fluttershy and Pinkie with their hot chocolates! That twirp. I told him not to.”

“Fluttershy and Pinkie have hot chocolate?” Dash’s ears perked. “Wanna join them Applejack?”

“I ain’t doing much else, since art critics just shut down my creative career.” Applejack nodded.
The two mares started on the way back to Ponyville.

Twilight lay down in the snow again.
“Grr.” She didn’t like that Applejack’s arguments had been decently persuasive. “Buck snow. Buck winter.”

She lay there for a while.

She didn’t know how long it was when she heard the crunch of snow, approaching steps.

“Twilight?” It was Rarity’s voice. “Twilight, we’re all having hot chocolate at your house. Spike wanted to see if you’re okay and if you want to join us. It’s almost dusk. It will get cold out.”

“Cold doesn’t affect me.” Twilight said bitterly. “I could shave myself and go diving at the arctic circle, and my alicorn god-dom would leave me hotter than I went in.”

Rarity was silent for a while. “Twilight, we want you to come join us. It’s warmer by the fire… and with friends.”

Twilight let out a strained breath. She rolled onto her stomach, then pushed herself up. “I don’t feel any of this. Cold, heat, sure it gives me sensations, but none of the context. No pain, no discomfort. Wittgenstein's lion again. I could force myself to feel something, but that would be an even greater artifice, without the real biological urgency behind it.”

Rarity shifted on her hooves. “I’m sorry about that.” She offered quietly.

Twilight stared at her for a long while, then asked. “Did Spike get talking?”

“He wasn’t indescreete, but he did imply you had very difficult times as a filly in Canterlot during this time of year.” Rarity said sympathetically. “Growing up an alicorn sounds like it would be very hard on a developing young mare.”

Twilight ground her teeth a bit. “Nah. It was whatever. It’s like normal except you’re massively powerful, can’t get hurt… and, you know… various things stemming from those two things.” She trudged towards Rarity, eyes distant. Then with a sudden sternness she said. “Don’t talk about this ever again, Rarity.”

Rarity nodded.

The two mares made their way back to Ponyville, where the heat from the homes had melted the snow. The wet streets were empty now. All the sounds had been withdrawn into the houses.

Twilight had to concede that there was a good argument about how the snows brought the ponies together. Perhaps that had been engineered, or just a coincidence, as pony society had worked to replicate with science the patterns of nature that had forged their culture in the primordial past. Ponies didn’t struggle with famine or frostbite anymore, but there were still plenty of problems that could be solved by simple banding together. Approaching home, Twilight experienced one of them, as her nervous tension slowly dissipated as she thought about spending the next few hours joking and sipping hot chocolate with the ponies she tolerated most.

Author's Note:

Read back through the past chapters of this story makes me cringe. Newsflash past me, gay panic and ablism is gaushe. I am tempted to revise them, but ultimately, they will stand as a testament to the past. Revisionism is a strong instinct within me. I'm self-conscious like that, paralyzingly fearful of judgement, hungry for validation. I wish I was brave enough to smoke weed- That would either vastly improve my writing or instantly destroy my neurotic creative urge.

Oh crap, I forgot to make any jokes this chapter. Uhh...

Comments

[Russian Bank Teller]

actually hilarious

[LEGION55]

Nice philosophical problem here.

[K-O-D-E-X]

So deep I was able to see china.

very good work.

[K-O-D-E-X]

Re-read this and I like this story more than I have any right to do so, it just fills the void up just right.

[LEGION55]

More please.