A Grave Escape
“Well… this is new.” I muttered. I had expected many different things when I passed out. Strange dreams, a tunnel of light, fire and brimstone, a lot of things really. And I have to say, I’m rather disappointed that a game show studio wasn’t one of my expectations.
Well… not a REAL studio. I’m sitting in front of a podium like you’d see on any prime time television network situated on top of some large crystal pillar. The floor, if you can really call it that, is covered in cracks with bright neon colors that pulse randomly every few seconds. It reminded me of the floor in the infirmary yet it seemed, rougher somehow. As though the one in the infirmary was a flawlessly cut gem, while here it was still raw. Gorgeous but unrefined. Above me bizarre holographic monitors, most of which playing broken fuzzy images I couldn’t make out, blinked in and out of existence. Long strings of light seemed to twinkle as they drifted between the screens like rivers of tiny stars, adding a touch of mystique to a pale blue sky that looked cloudy and unclean as though looking through a dirty glass.
I looked below, turning my head to get a view over the edge behind me. There seemed to be no bottom in sight in my new location, just that same pale cloudy blue that eventually turned into endless darkness spanning into the void. I made a mental note not to fall as I turned my gaze across from me to find that on the other side of this strange place was a vibrantly colored stage that gave a bit of energy to the otherwise stale colors of blue and white that surrounded me.
“What in Fausts holy name is going on here?”
“Well clearly you’re on a gameshow silly! :D”
Not having expected an answer I looked at the stage to find a strange pink mare dressed in a top hat and suit.
Also I swear I can actually hear the emoticons when she speaks.
“Howdy there!”
"Hello?” Normally I would have an intelligent or witty response, but even I’m not mentally prepared for all situations. There are occasionally moments where even I just have to look around, throw my hooves in the air and say ‘Buck it!’.
“Huh… you’re a lot calmer about this than I was expecting! X3”
“I suppose so. Hey, you mind telling me where we are or maybe what your name is?”
"Not at all!"
......
......
"Please tell me your name and where we are?"
“My name’s Pinkamena Diane Pie, current element of laughter and party pony extraordinaire! As for where we are just look down!” Ah, thought she looked familiar. Well at least I know I can trust her. Looking down as she tells me to though introduces me to a rather interesting sight.
“I appear to be bleeding to death.”
Yup, just like before I passed out there is now a sword of spiraling pink energy sticking out of my stomach which, in case you’re wondering, is gushing out blood like you wouldn’t believe. No seriously, every cheap horror film in existence has nothing on the amount of blood that’s currently pouring from my abdomen. The weird thing is it isn’t making a mess. It seems to flow onto the ground and somehow make it’s way into the lights on the floor.
And yet… there’s only a slight tingling sensation. Weird.
Pinkie rubbed her head rather sheepishly before correcting me. “Technically you’ve already bled out.”
“… so I’m dead?”
“Eh… it depends on your definition of dead. Have all of your bodily functions stopped functioning? Most definitely! Does that mean you’ll STAY that way? Not at all! Of course that’s entirely up to you.”
“How so? And please don’t say I need to fight off the physical embodiment of death or some demon or something to keep my soul because that’s WAY too cliche.”
“Of course not silly! :3 The truth is, if you stay as you are now you’ll die for sure! Your body is too weak and doesn’t have the necessary power to save you. However, with MY super awesome terrific help, you’ll be unlocking all of that sealed potential giving you just enough magic power to survive, though you won’t be back in fighting condition at all.” She said as her ears and… is her mane drooping?
“How do I do that?”
“Well when you were alive you were WAAAAAAAAAAAAY stronger than you are now! Like CRAZY MEGA BLOW THINGS UP WITH YOUR MIND strong! Problem is all of that power and knowledge is sealed away in your memories, so we’re going to unlock each core memory one by one and as you grow to understand them and the impact they had on you you’ll eventually have enough power to survive!”
“... I was talking about making your mane droop but that works too. So basically… you traded the ‘fight for my soul’ cliche with the ‘have a higher entity help you understand yourself and reach an epiphany’ cliche?”
"I wouldn’t call myself a higher entity but yeah! More or less! X3”
“That’s just as bad as the first one.” I grumbled. Really I know I can be hyper but this is ridiculous. She's as bad as me at my worst, only ALL THE TIME.
“Well we’re we’re also doing a game show with it so at least there’s SOME originality! Cut me some slack I didn’t have much time to prepare this! >:(”
“Okaaaay… Why are you here though?”
“Silly I just told you!”
“No not WHY are you here. Why are YOU here.”
“Oh! Well that’s easy!”
……….
……….
……….
…….....
“You uh… mind telling me why that is?”
“Not at all!”
……….
……….
……….
…….....
“Will you please tell me why you are here?”
“Certainly! If you want the technical story based answer then I’m currently stuck in limbo alongside the other elements. But truthfully it’s because I’m about to lose A TON of screen time because the fans of this fanfic didn’t vote for me enough so now the author is throwing me in here so that I’ll have a bit of time in the limelight before he has to violently off me in the next few chapters. After this it’s unlikely you’ll see me again until the second to last arc which, with the update rate of this story, could be five years from now… maybe. :/”
“You know what? I’m not even going to touch on how ridiculous that sounded.”
“Good because we need to get this thing started!” Pinkie suddenly stood on her hind hooves and pulled a microphone out of… somewhere. “WILL THE OTHER CONTESTANTS PLEASE COME ON DOWN!”
Pinkies voice boomed from every direction forcing me to cover my ears. When I lifted my hooves I was met with the sound of wild cheering and wolf whistles. I spun around violently to find the empty abyss had been replaced with a giant stadium rising up all around me.
It was chock FULL of people. Creatures of every shape and size under the sun were cheering and calling my name as they clapped, or in the ponies case stomped, in excitement. The golden metal rafters shook violently from the sound of the crowd.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Griffons, dragons, diamond dogs, ponies, minotaurs, zebras, and several members of other sentient species were looking directly at me with big smiles on their faces as they cheered. From elderly dragons to adolescent griffons and diamond dog pups there were people of every shape, size and color and for whatever reason they were covered in gear that was in some way shape and form related to me.
Some of the younger ponies wore wigs in the style and color of my mane, others had the words I <3 RADE spray painted onto their fur (thankfully that was mostly the mares… mostly), and others still had wrapped black bands around the base of their tail just like mine. But all of that paled compared to the one other detail I noticed. The one other thing they all shared.
Burns. Every last one of them was horribly burned. Enough to the point it was clear that they had likely died from their injuries. Though it seems it was some time since they had been injured. What I’m sure were once terrible and disgusting scabs of flesh had long since peeled off to be replaced by innumerable amounts of scar tissue.
In that instant my mind was assaulted with pain as images and sounds flashed through my head.
YOUR MAJESTY! THEY BROKE THE BARRIERS ON SECTOR SEVEN! THEY’RE STORMING THE CASTLE!
I was… a ruler?
HAHAHAHAHA! HOW DOES IT FEEL, RADE?! DO YOU ENJOY THE TASTE OF TRUE DESPAIR?!
Nirvana… we were at war with a pony named Nirvana.
SIR! THESE FLAMES! THEY’RE UNNATURAL! WE CAN’T PUT THEM OUT!
She… she did this. Took everything from me.
RUN! RUN MY CHILDREN!
My people… my… children…? Seriously? Did I develop some kind of weird Father complex or something?
RUN! IT IS NOT A SIGN OF COWARDICE! RUN! RUN AND LIVE! LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY! LIVE FOR THOSE WHO CAN’T! RUN AWAY AND LIVE!
No one ran. They all stayed. Refusing to abandon their… what was I? A prince? A King?
WE’LL NEVER ABANDON YOU FATHER!
Father complex it is… geez I’m such a loser.
QUIVER IN DESPAIR, RADIANCE! SHIVER IN FEAR AND NEVER FORGET MY NAME! THE NAME THAT BROUGHT THESE HORRORS TO YOUR PEOPLE! THE NAME THAT BROUGHT YOU TO YOUR KNEES! NIRVANA!
She… she killed them. All of them.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
My...
DESPAIR, RADIANCE! DESPAIR!
My…….
DESPAIR!!!
“My precious children…” I said in but the faintest of whispers. Another memory, this time with details that made sense. I was a ruler of a kingdom at some point, no doubt about it now. But what kingdom? And when did I rule? There’s no point in history where I could have run a kingdom and if I had it would be in the history books… unless… did I rule during the dark century? That must be it. The hundred years where history has been lost… wait… no that’s not possible. Celestia and Luna would surely have recognised me the moment they saw me in the papers. So that can’t be it… can it?
And these people… are they… are they the ones I failed? If so how can I face them? Knowing their deaths were likely brought on by my own incompetence? An icy feeling gripped my heart as the world around me seemed to fade out. Was this… fear? What am I saying, of course it was. I was afraid of confronting them. Afraid of seeing the anger, the disappointment in their eyes. Now that I think about it, I’ve never really dealt well with people having negative opinions of me have I? Well, opinions I didn’t intentionally want them to have.
Ugh, my head hurts. Too much info at one time. Everything’s swimming around in my head quicker than I can process.
“Father?” That voice, so small and meek, pulled me out of my inner musings. A child’s voice. With that one word I felt this almost invisible tug lifting me, providing me with strength I did not have to look into eyes I did not want to see.
And of course in front of me now stood a young colt, covered in burns like all the others. He didn’t look like much. Rather typical honestly. Light brown fur with a darker brown for a mane that hung low and covered his left eye and a cutie mark of an anvil. And his eyes… they… held nothing but concern? “Father… are you okay? You’re crying.” I let a shaky hoof reach up to my face and sure enough I found tears.
“I… yeah. Yeah I’m fine just… sad memories… that’s all.” Confusion took hold now. He wasn’t angry? Why not?
“I know. We saw.” I gave him a look of confusion before following his pointed hoof. The strange holographic monitors were showing brief flashes and replays of the memory I’d just regained. It was… a rather gruesome sight. I shut my eyes, trying to will the monitor to stop. Eventually it did and I opened my eyes before turning to face my people. My people who… who I don’t even remember.
“I… I’m-”
“Save it, Father. And Anvil, get back to your seat!” The little colt now named Anvil gave me a quick bow before letting go and rushing off and out of sight. Surprised by the new and noticeably closer voice my head snapped to the right to find a gryphon sitting at a podium just like mine. She had black fur and wings, a white head and a vicious scar going down her blind left eye. Strangely though, unlike the others she bore no burns. Instead, like myself, she had a lance pierced through her chest.
“Who are you… and why aren’t you bleeding comical amounts of rainbow floor blood?” She gave me a strange look before tracing her eyes to my chest and then the ground. She turned her head from me, the floor and back again several times before sighing and face palming. Inwardly I grinned.
Even in death I’ve still got it.
“The ugh… rainbow floor blood as you call it is the representation of your current state. The closer you are to accepting life the more blood flows and the brighter and faster the lights become. The closer you are to accepting death the less blood flows and the dimmer and slower the lights become. Until eventually they stop and it’s at that point you die.”
“As for who I am I’m former Captain Falknera of the third division of your troops.” I opened my mouth to ask a few more questions but was promptly cut off by a held up talon. “No I can’t tell you how many divisions there are. No I cannot tell you what kingdom you lead. No I cannot tell you what level royal you are. And finally no I cannot tell you how many licks it takes to get to the juicy center of a tootsie pop.”
I opened and closed my mouth several times, gaping like a fish before I let a small fragile smile grace my lips. I had a feeling we were good friends once if she could read me like that. But did she still feel that way? She was too difficult to read so I couldn’t tell. In the end I decided to go for it. “We were good friends at one point… weren’t we?”
Like a light in the dark she returned my grin great enthusiasm. “Damn right we were. Enough for me to know you feel guilty for something you don’t even remember.” At that she frowned before whipping her hair out of her face. “A fact that just makes you feel even worse.”
She sighed, shaking her head and drumming her talons on the ground. “You used to do that all the time, blaming yourself for things outside of your control and refusing to meet the eyes of those you feel you’ve wronged unless they address you first. And even then you always looked like somebody just killed your dog. I guess some things never change. Take a look around you. Go on look.” I did as she said and let my gaze sweep around the stadium and was both shocked and confused.
“None of you… are angry?” It was true. The crowd was filled with smiles of love, warmth, and encouragement.
“Of course not sir.” Falknera replied. “We would never be. You may not remember us, and that’s just fine for now, but we remember you. You were a kind and fair ruler then, and you’ll be so again when all is said and done.” The crowd burst into cheers of approval at this.
I looked at her curiously. What was that supposed to mean? Falknera just chuckled at the look on my face. “You’ll have to wait a while longer for the answer to your question. Right now we’ve got to get your memories back and then get you to the world of the living. I, the crowd, and several others are here to help in that regard. The others should be here in a moment. Their names are-”
“NOW HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE! D:<” Falknera jerked back in surprise when Pinkie Pie appeared right in her face. “I do the introductions in this game show lady! If you want to do that then you can host YOUR OWN episode of-” She stopped just as suddenly as she started before disappearing in a puff of smoke and reappearing on the stage in a blast of confetti. A sign flew down from the sky to land at the top of the stage. “A GRAVE ESCAPE!” Fireworks took off into the air as strange contraptions I could only assume had no legitimate purpose aside from aesthetics began to twist, turn, and spin.
Oh wait! A Grave Escape! Ha! I get it!
“Heeeeeeeelloooooooo everypony! Oooh I guess it’s everybody huh? Whatever the case I’m your host the one and only Pinkamena Diane Pie!” Her voice turned to a whisper for a moment. “But you can call me Pinkie!” She finished with a wink eliciting a round of giggles, mostly from the children.
“Welcome to todays episode of ‘A Grave Escape’! A show where we help a young person decide whether or not he wants to live or die! The subject for today’s episode is a master of magic, a hero of incredible proportions, a strategist without rival and one of the greatest warriors to ever grace Equis! His accomplishments range from- oops! Not allowed to talk about that. Anyway he’s the current consort to one Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, though I hear he’s pretty bad at his job if you know what I mean!”
“HEY! Our relationship is strictly platonic!” I tried to argue. By Faust’s rump why does everyone have to make fun of Candy and I?
“Don’t get angry because you’re stuck in the friendzone sir.” Falknera said while a snicker graced her lips.
“I-I’m NOT in the friendzone!”
“YES YOU ARE!” Urk, my pride. Was… was that the entire crowd? Did a whole kingdom seriously just say I was in the friendzone? I can’t believe this. The only thing I could think to do was look around at everyone before slamming my head into my podium and mumbling.
“I’m not drunk enough for this.”
“Sir, nobody could get drunk enough for this.”
“Perhaps you’re right Falknera.”
“Speaking of Falknera!” Whoops. Looks like we forgot about Pinkie again. “Ladies and gentlemales! Let me introduce you to Falknera Griffith! Former Third Squad Captain of the ********* royal army! Originally born in the gryphon kingdom, Phoenicis, she was forced into slavery as a child before eventually being found and rescued by our very own Glorious Radiance. With his help she grew into a powerful warrior and became one of the founding members of arguably the greatest kingdom ever created! The mighty ********* empire! Give her a round of applause!”
And the crowd did just that as Falknera’s picture took up the numerous screens hanging in the sky. I found it rather amusing whenever Pinkie mentioned this supposed empires name. Clearly from their reactions everyone else could hear it, but all I got was muffled nonsense. How strange...
“Next up is a crowd favorite! She was a rising star in the kingdom of old! Everyone and their mother knew her name and her concerts were always sold out! It was said she had a voice so beautiful that she was once asked by Faust herself to sing her a song. Heeeeeeeeeeeeres Bluebelle!”
A bright pillar of light shone on a podium to my left before a figure appeared. When I looked it turned out to be a female minotaur with pale white fur and dark black hair that flowed in long curls to the middle of her back.
Now, contrary to popular belief, female minotaurs are typically quite slim unlike their male counterparts who are famous for their large muscular builds. However in minotaur culture females are held on a higher pedestal than males. Their lithe frames have made them symbols of absolute beauty and perfection in their country and therefore they rarely venture outside it as they are generally waited on hand and hoof. As a result few ever see female minotaurs and assume that they must be hulking creatures like the males.
This minotaur, Bluebelle, wore a simple sky blue dress with a white sash around the middle. A pink bow was tied around her tail where the white tail met black hair. For whatever reason she had a cowbell of all things acting as a necklace but lacked the typical ring piercing in her nose. If anything she should have had that. That piercing is a part of the minotaur way. She should have gained it around her tween ages. It’s supposed to be given as a sign of growing up. The only reason she wouldn’t have one… was if she wasn’t raised by minotaurs. Huh, that ought to be a story worth telling.
“Bonjour.” Annnnnd she’s Prench. Go figure. “It iz a pleazure to be here Mizz Pie. Of course I’d do anything for my Papa just like all ze rest, no?” She said before letting her eyes scan the crowd. The effect was immediate as the audience began to either cheer excitedly or swoon over Bluebelle, though apparently the girl didn’t notice the swooning if the blissful smile on her face was any indication. Poor thing, I could tell from a glance she was an airhead. She was cute, adorable, and absolutely oblivious to anything that didn’t exist in her own little world.
Actually… now that I looked at her, I didn’t see any obvious signs of her death. There wasn’t a single burn mark or sign of violent weapon impalement. In fact, aside from the missing ring found on most adult taurs, she looked to be in perfect health.
Clearly she wasn’t though, or else she wouldn’t be here in purgatory.
Ah, she’s caught me staring.
“Papa! How are you zis day?” She said excitedly.
“Well dying has turned out to be a far more pleasant experience than I anticipated so not so bad honestly.” She smiled brightly in response. Still I was curious. “I don’t mean to sound rude but… how did you die?” Her eyes widened a bit before she giggled softly.
“Oh Papa, I’m not dead!” I blinked.
“You’re not?”
“Nope! I’m still deciding just like you! Everyone who ends up standing on a podium is!”
Wait really? I turned my head to look at Falknera. She looked away and started to whistle, pretending she hadn’t heard a thing. How could she still be deciding? There’s a lance through her torso. You don’t just shrug that off! Unless… yes. I see it now. Taking a closer a look I noticed that around the edges of the lance were green lines that almost look like veins spreading off from the entry wound that pulsed with an eerie magic. Was that keeping her alive?
But that still begs the question: How are they alive after a thousand years?
“Yupperooni!” Oh it’s the pink ball of hyperactivity again. “Everyone who stands at a podium today, including yourself, is on the edge of life and death just like you. But unlike you they’re decision is based off of something COMPLETELY different!”
“Like what?”
“Like your own.” I turned my head to the right and sure enough there was yet another podium. But on this one stood an earth pony mare. She had a long straight raven mane and tail with an ashen coat and eyes that shined a brilliant violet like amethysts. Her mane covered her right eye and and she wore a beautiful silver necklace.
I cringed a bit as I looked at her back. Or rather, her lack of one. From the top of her head down to the start of her tail was one long open wound that bled profusely. Parts of her ribs and tail bone stuck out, clearly broken off from where her spine had, evidently, been removed. I tried to hide the look of horror on my face but she seemed the type to read people with ease.
“Shocked I take it?” Her voice was low for a girl, smooth with just enough inflection not to be monotone.
“Er… am I allowed to lie?”
“No.” She replied blankly. Damn, not getting out of this one the nice way.
“Then yes. Totally mortified.” She gave me a playful smirk, a stark contrast to her otherwise blank face. I guess she was pleased for some reason. Can’t imagine why though.
“Don’t worry about it too much. It’s not a big deal. You’ll understand the injury soon after you wake up.”
“Er… right. Um… who are you?”
“GOOD QUESTION!” Ah. It’s the pile of sugar and caffeine given physical form again. Her eye was twitching and her mane was starting to droop again. I guess she doesn’t like being ignored. Something tells me I shouldn’t end up on her bad side. “This pony here is none other than the lovely Princess Ebony! Sister-in-law to Glorious Radiance and royal treasurer while they temporarily ruled over the Crystal Empire, this blank flanked adult caught the eye of Rade’s brother, the former King Sombra before eventually marrying him!” Hold on a moment!
“Wait Sombra really is my-” Before I could get a word in edgewise Pinkie dashed over and clamped my mouth shut with her hooves.
“Leave all questions until the end of each video! Please and thank you! X3” She shift her hooves and body so that my mouth was trapped in the crook of right arm. I struggled comically to get free while she addressed the crowd. “All right everyone Now that we’ve got all of our contestants introduced, let’s get this show underway shall we?!”
Finally managing to break free of her grip I rubbed my muzzle to ease the pain. “Now hold on just a second!”
“Sorry no can do!” I opened my eyes to argue before whimpering. Standing in front of me was Pinkie holding the largest mallet I’d ever seen in my life. She had a face breaking grin as my brain registered that she was mid swing… with the mallet aimed right for my face.
“Well shi-” And all I knew was darkness.
All right, in all seriousness though. This story may just undergo a complete rewrite. It doesn't flow the way I want it to, and there are parts of it that just... don't fit (A good bit of this chapter, if not the chapter in its entirety included). That being said, I don't think you should expect another update for some time. I've hit a snag in my life (if you want details check my latest blog post) that I have to devote all of my time and energy to solving. Maybe I'll update within a year, maybe not. I just don't know. I love writing. And I love the reviews and responses I get but this is more important.
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Saw story was updated had to slap myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I kept forgetting on and off that I had this story in my favorites. Glad to see it's still alive.
Hey look an update. Only waited two years. but hey. An update. I gotta ask, are you really planning on finishing this story? Or are you just gonna update it every year or so. I would rather just take it off my list now rather then keep coming back to it to see if its still alive. Its on my favs for a reason. I like the story, but dont torture us with these year later updates. Please tell me if you dont plan on updating for a year again so i can take it off of my read later. Thanks fam.
And now we continue to wait.........with a posibility of a rewrite.....................................Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
Yay! An update!
three terribly long years..........
Holy... I had forgotten that this story existed!!! XD
This is fantastic. It's unfortunate it's apparently so slow to update
Huzzah!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!
I'TS BACK!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo.
... Ok I'm good.
Cries happy tears
Aaaannnddd it's dead again
really wish this comes back alive again
Can I gets some oofs in chat?