Twilight Sparkle, a ward of the crown ever since she accidentally turned her parents into plants, is dispatched by Queen Celestia to the small hamlet of Ponyville; the Unicorn has expressed fear that an eldritch Alicorn of the past will arise there. And when Twilight Sparkle fails to defeat the fiendish NightMare Moon in the two Queens' former palace of Concordia Arbos, the planet is plunged into night on one side and day on the other. With only shards of rock to her name and a band of ponies at her side, she sallies forth to bring back the Sun. She will traverse field and mountain, desert and labyrinth if she needs to. Will she be able to solve the mystery of the Elements of Harmony? Who was NightMare Moon, and what evils come to Equestria apart from her everlasting night? And why does Queen Celestia believe that making friends takes priority over everything else for Twilight...?
Can be found on TV Tropes.
Has a YouTube reading by our own Alchemystudent.
The Elements of Friendship, Book I: Harmony
The Elements of Friendship, Book IS [interlude one-point-five]: Bonds
The Elements of Friendship, Book II: Chaoskampf
The Elements of Friendship, Book IIS [interlude two-point-five]
The Elements of Friendship, Book III
The Elements of Friendship, Book IIIS [interlude three-point-five]
The Elements of Friendship, Book IIII
An excellent start to what I hope will be an excellent fic.
Hmm.... I'm interested by this.
British Dual Monarchy with realistical equine descriptions and a rather somewhat blunt Twilight.
Most certainly, I am very interested.
Congrats, you've earned a favorite and a like.
I'm still skeptical of your "differences." As far as I can tell, every deviation looks superfluous, just there. If anything, this is just a glorified retelling. I'll probably wait for another chapter before making any final decisions, but I'm not expecting too much.
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I won't deny that that was a fear of mine in these first few chapters, was that they would be perceived as not differing too much from the original pilot. However, the fact still remains that the original conceit of this fanfiction lays in Newbiespud's Friendship Is Dragons fancomic. Therein, "Twilight Sparkle" derails the GM's campaign-length plans for NightMare Moon in the very first session (which covers the first two episodes). The idea behind Elements of Friendship came from this specific page, and goes something like this: what if there was no "derailment" of sorts? What if NightMare Moon was not defeated within hours of returning? What if it took weeks? Months? How would the people of Harmonia, ponies or otherwise, cope with eternal night on one half of the globe and eternal day on the other? Where can the Mane Six find out information on the Elements of Harmony?
All following Books in the Elements of Friendship series will follow a similar structure in covering the villains of Seasons Two through Four: start out like the season in question, diverge into a book-length arc within the first or second chapter, and spring new surprises up along the way.
...I want to know where Applejack got those scars...
Question: is Moondancer really a social climber, or is that just Twilight's warped view of things?
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Applejack got those scars from the various monsters that crept out of the Everfree Forest onto the property of Sweet Apple Acres.
And yes. Moondancer really is that much of a social climber.
First you say Scootaloo is a unicorn, then a pegasus? And why the change in her color scheme?
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I think you might be misreading a bit when Scootaloo leaps over Minuette (and that is the background pony involved in that scene). And as for the colours, I've been using the My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic Wiki for specific descriptions of specific colours of each character, and Scootaloo's colour scheme is pretty much described as I've described it.
A cloven hoof is one that has a split in it, like those of goats or camels. A horse is a prime example of a non-cloven hoof.
I know first impressions are everything, but please forgive me, I just wanted to get that off my chest. I'm not really a grump.
Actually, I wanted to say that this prologue intrigues me. I had thought of doing something very similar, so I'm interested. I'll have to read more. Hopefully, all the chapters have such eloquent vernacular as this.
...
They taste like chicken...
My words, that is...
Sorry for my earlier comment, but I had no idea that you had made the unicorns cloven-footed.
Ignore me!
(now, back to the story...)
So wait... let me get this straight... this is essentially a book adaptation of the show?
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiinteresting...
4678909 In a sense. But it's more than that. Spoiler alert: waking up the Elements in the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters doesn't quite go as in the show. It was partly based off of what the un-derailed story of Friendship Is Dragons could have been if... well, read page 115 to get a rundown on what inspired this.
I am also trying to channel a bit of high fantasy, and some beasties that appear in this come from Dungeons & Dragons (reflecting this story's origins) and some of my own invention.
I hope it's to your liking~!
4678933 So... slightly beefed up version...
I actually don't watch the shows so this is probably the closest thing I will ever get for a long time
(My sister would never let me live it down if I actually did watch the shows... I've had several close calls just with this site so...)
ONWARD TO READING!!!
Any bets on how long this will take me to read?
Her alicorn?
Am I missing something?
4678943 No clue. I'm not even at the halfway point and it's already pushing towards the six digits. ...And this is the first book in a series! So... just take it slow, and realise that you don't have quite the Archive Panic as some further down the line...!
EDIT:
4678943 In technical terms, an alicorn is the proper term for a unicorn's horn. I use them interchangeably, but I will never begin a sentence with 'alicorn' if it deals with the horn. Also, I capitalise the word 'Alicorn' if it relates to a pony with wings and a horn.
4678951 ... No matter what story/book I read I always skim it... I don't try to skim it, I just do... It's very hard for me not to skim a story that's why I asked for bets on how long it would take for me to catch up...
Edit: thanks, that confused me considerably as no other writer had used alicorn to refer to the horn...
Well... this may take longer than I thought... good, I needed a good long read.
Perfect for practicing NOT speed reading...
So... in this story Celestia didn't turn Twilight's parents back?
4679099 In the context of this story, I think it would be more fair to say that the amount of power that Twilight put into accidentally transforming her parents is greater than the amount of magic needed to move the Sun or Moon. Twilight output a more potent magic then than Queen Celestia ever has in her ~2500 years. So Twilight is studying up, trying to figure out how to safely instigate another surge in her magical power. Granted, her TQ (Thaumaturgical Quotient) is immense compared with most ponies, but nowhere near what it registered in that instant on that day.
We'll learn more about it later.
(Also, in the show, it's implied that they turned back because Twilight calmed down from her magical outburst, not because of any magical intervention of Celestia's.)
4684116 Just shows what I know about the show!
That's why I'm reading this story, to get a better sense of cannon
(I know that this isn't pure cannon, but close enough)
Wow!
Woooooooow!
If that was where your train of thought went to tie everything together... you must be a genius dungeon master!
4785477 Actually, I've never played D&D in my life. Read the fancomic Friendship Is Dragons if you want to see the inspiration for this story.
4785564 Oh I do. I check in every upload day.
Wait... You haven't? Not once?
"Her darling Rainbow Dash?" Are Fluttershy and RD a couple or something? Because that'd be awesome, actually.
...
I mean that in a totally not perverted way, I swear.
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Nope. Not even once. I've seen some D&D action at a game table at my college a couple years ago, but I never joined in. I just boned up on a lot of D&D monsters before I started writing this, as a tribute to Friendship Is Dragons's origins, because page 115 "The Best Waylaid Plans" was what sparked the idea that led to The Elements of Friendship.
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And yes. Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy are a couple. Engaged, actually, though it won't take up the focus of the story. Right now, taking down NightMare Moon and bringing back the day-night cycle is of higher importance.
I really want to know how fluttershy got her scars. Are they a testimony to her determination to befriend animals? How?!
I think... I like where Rarity and Spike is going. Spike is very clearly still at the not used to her presence, and swooning over her even harder than in canon, and she's starting to appreciate it... but I also think it's going to actually go somewhere, rather than nowhere like in the show. Whether this is heartbreak, or balance, or joy is yet to be seen, but I think whatever it's going to be I'm going to appreciate it.
"Vın̈yl "?
And how did DT know where they were going?
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Yeah. "Vın̈yl Scratch" is evidently the official way that Hasbro spells the name "Vinyl Scratch".
And we can assume that Twilight divulged the destination of her and her company to Ponyville before she left, assuming that everypony was noble enough to withhold such information from NightMare Moon's forces. It was a pointless betrayal anyway, since Twilight and company had already fled from the Crystal Mountains.
Midway through the chapter there's a couple misformed italics tags. Once it's [i/], and later it's ]/i].
4890184 Thanks for the eagle-eye. Fixed.
You'd be Diamond Tiara, evidently.
Great story so far!
I do find that the RD and Fluttershy thing came out of left field
There was nothing hinting at it until now, so it kind of feels like it was just thrown in there as an after thought.
Course I always felt that RD and Fluttershy had a relationship similar to sisters
Admittedly I have never been a fan of shipping with in the mane six.
There are just so many other ponies in the show, both main and background characters, to ship them with that it feels...off...to ship the mane six with each other.
I mean they do have lives outside of this group of friends right?
Eh to each his own I guess.
As long as this does not become a couple fest (where every single character is paired with every other) this should be an epic tale!
Have a like and a fave!
4899255 Well, shipping is not going to be a huge focus in this story. The way I see it, it's just a bit of background dressing in the grand scheme of things. Plus, it makes Twilight realise that couples can be friends as well as romantics.
4901168 Of course couples can be friends
although friends cannot always be couples...
It's your story of course, so if those are your OTP's and you can work them into the story then power to ya
On a different note, I am in love with your vision of the different pony races.
When I first read your descriptions of the main characters I was blown away.
Every race is so much more dynamic, and the way you described the genetics showing through...simply amazing.
Having finished the first few chapters up to this point, this seems like a pretty good start for an adventure that is going to, from the looks of it, span a quite lengthy journey. Which is good - should give plenty of time to flesh out these similar-but-slightly-different characters, and I like how some of them have turned out - like the even-more cynical Twilight, likely brought about by her turning her parents in to plants permanently (I wonder what her relationship to Shining is because of that, and if anything has changed).
Bit surprised that Celestia hasn't simply reversed the spell by now though, or Twilight having figured out how to do it herself - I mean, she does transmutation of living things easily enough in the show. Though I suppose it can be one of those things were you diverge from canon in order to make room for certain plot points, and I am interested to see where this goes - and whether she eventually succeeds or not. It was also pretty odd you mentioned that Twilight doesn't like to teleport, seeing as that's probably her second most used spell aside from basic telekinesis in the show that she barely thinks twice about.
Her relationship with Spike is also pretty interesting, and I look towards it being explored - namely her insistence that he does not call her "mom". Though granted, I imagine it could be pretty awkward if she doesn't see herself as such, but it has been established that she cares for him rather deeply (just about the only thing she will admit to caring about at that), so I wonder if there is a specific story behind her not wanting him not to.
The biological differences you introduced for the three pony tribes are a nice little bit of world building (with Unicorns feeling the most different, what with their tails and cloven hooves - I was preparing to comment on your use of "cloven hoof" in the first chapter as ponies/horses don't have cloven hooves, until I realized later that's deliberate, heh), though I am slightly unsure how I feel about it - it sort of slightly feels like a change simply for the sake of change, though I appreciate the distinct feeling it gives to your universe, I guess.
Overall - I like what I have seen so far. It's similar enough to allow for easy association and familiarity, yet different enough to make me want to unravel all the mysteries the plot no doubt will have to offer down the road. Your writing is pretty good as well, and you clearly make the effort to add descriptions and provide the mood for an overall well established mental image. Kudos for that.
One thing though - you should avoid using the "&" mark during character speech, as I have seen it pop up a couple of times - that's poor form, comes across as lazy (same as writing 1, 2, 3 etc. instead of having a character say "one, two, three"... ) and should be steered clear off, aside from cases where you are citing a character's dialog (like someone reading a sign that says "Sofas & Quills" ... but certainly not when Twilight says "mom & dad").
That said, the very end of this chapter was probably the first place that I didn't really like in this story. Twilight basically getting on the podium and announcing her plans to all and sundry, when said plans explicitly depend on getting in to Canterlot unnoticed? That's ... really, really, really dumb and Twilight should know much better than that. If this actually comes back to bite them in the flank plot-wise, I am calling an idiot ball that shines as brightly as Twilight's artificial sun that a character is being forced to hold.
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I thank you for your lengthy and detailed comment. I write this for my own satisfaction, but I do really appreciate the feedback nonetheless.
To the point of Celestia not changing Twilight's parents back, it is a constant in the world of The Elements of Friendship that it takes a LOT of magic to transmutate anything from one form to another, and it was previously considered impossible for one pony to transmutate somepony into another form. Twilight had undergone a significant power surge because of the Sonic Rainboom (it's not a spoiler if it's obvious), and Celestia's calming her did not necessarily reverse Twilight's transformation of her parents, though the bulk of Twilight's massive power surge had ebbed in the coming days. Also, it is a thaumaturgical law that a Unicorn cannot undo another Unicorn's transformation of oneself or another. Celestia's TQ (Thaumaturgical Quotient) is FAR smaller than filly Twilight's was, so even if she couldn't force an undo on Twilight Velvet and Nachtlicht's transformations even though she really wants to. In the grand scheme of things, it's not the greatest problem that Celestia's had to face, but her heart aches at her pupil's pain.
I admit that the ampersand, '&', is a bit of a quirk of my own writing. I usually use it when listing a pair of people (or ponies) who are romantically linked. I confess that even if it does make the characters seem 'closer', it also is a very shorthand way of saying "and", so I will make further efforts to phase out usage of the ampersand unless it is a sign of sorts.
And... yeah. I had problems with that ending to Chapter 3 myself. I'll just chalk it up to Twilight deciding to put a bit of faith in the villagers of Ponyville to keep silent if NightMare Moon's guards come a-knockin'.
Ok, I'm going to be the devils advocate here and vouch for Diamond Tiara.
I know, shocking
Seriously though, she's only a filly. I'm not saying she had any good in her heart when she sold out the Mane 6, but I have little doubt that someone in the town of at least 100 ponies would have spoke out after the Shadowbolts had their way with the ponies. I know I would. Now what that says about me and my pain tolerance/loyalty, I don't know, but if DT hadn't said something, someone would. Snips or Snails might accidentally let it slip while telling each other not to let it slip, another foal or so would definitely speak up, or another less fortuitous and cowardly pony would have. Roseluck, Lily and Daisy are all quick to judge others. From what I see, it seems more like DT only spared Ponyville of the search. Yes, that dooms all of Equestria from another perspective and gives the Mane 6 less time to search, but from a fillies perspective, and one that DT seems to take is that it protects her money/Ponyville (if she wasn't so selfish). Judging by her reasoning, she was thinking of herself when she did it, but she is only a foal. Foals make dumb, selfish, greedy decisions and Diamond Tiara is a dumb, selfish foal. I'm not saying she shouldn't be punished or anything, I'm just sharing my POV here.
But seriously that was an awful thing for her to do, I'm just saying that I understand it.
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I, too, am of the mindset that DT did not fully understand the ramifications of what this could have meant for Equestria if the Mane Six had not already departed the Crystal Mountains. The significance of her betrayal is greater to the mares and stallions around her, and deserved or not, she will be a bit of a chew-toy for her loose lips.
(She will find a new set of buddies, though, now that SS has seen what DT is really like...)
Seeing as Ponyville is a town of about 300 ponies in this universe, I see them as being the sort of place where everypony knows everypony else quite well. They were all like a big family. I believe that a significant majority of villagers would not have dared to sell the Mane Six out.
But, as you've so adroitly pointed out, DT is a dumb selfish kid.
Ash? Well, dust, maybe...
I like Moondancer, as the pragmatic and cynical, but not reprehensible one.
I hope I can trust Moondancer.
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I do hope that you're lying.
Yep, I'm doubtless that you are. You're making the Liarjack face~
But seriously, Moondancer actually was subject to a bit of Characterisation Marches On. I had actually not originally intended for Moondancer to appear in The Elements of Friendship, and so my initial description of her as being "that much of a social climber" may have been just a teeny bit off. She's a social climber as sure as the Sun and Moon, but she's also acquired a bit of a cynical edge that's not too common in Equestria. I suppose in that way she's a foil to Twilight, whose character trait of bookishness has been substituted for trying to make friends in high, powerful places.
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As much of a Liarjack I am, I'm not quite lying all the time... So which part do you hope I'm lying about? That I hopefully don't like that she's not the worst example of a terrible social climber, or that I hopefully don't hope she's trustworthy?
Morever: which one of these am I reading a little off from this chapter?
Not sure if I trust Moondancer....
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I was saying that I hope you're lying about her being trustworthy.
Guess I should've been a bit clearer...
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5020650
Ohh. Uh... I wasn't lying that I said I hoped (wished, really) that she would be. Not that I expect she is.
At first glance, I had believed this to be "copy episode 1" or "typicall what if NMM won" story...then I read the next chapter and now I am curious as to where this is heading/
I... still appreciate Moondancer as the "normal pony" who's trying to do good, but doesn't really have the powerful heroic instinct the main cast typically displays. Fairweather for sure, but until she starts colluding I'm going to give her the tiniest benefit of the doubt and guess she's a coward, not a traitor.
It's not a character I expect to get along with the main cast very much more, but it's also not a character I hate.
It's also like... you see lots of characters that bow out of following or helping the main characters for flimsy reasons in lots of different fictions. Talented warriors who just say "I'm going to not help, I'm needed here" or other characters who can't help at all due to being poorly able to. So it's nice to see someone trying to help but coming up short for at least a fairly believable reason, rather than "you're just not good enough."
Nice chapter. When do they realize Dash is the reason they all have their Cutie Marks?
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That is proprietary. However, be aware that it is going to be a significant development, with greater ramifications than in canon.
This here is great. The exact kind of mistake someone who's plural doesn't change would make.
I was sorta suspecting that the AJ/RD element flip was going on here... it's a slight twist on how to portray them, the portrayal of Honest AJ and Loyal RD is pretty pervasive, and I've seen a lot of good come from that, but I like seeing one where it's been flipped.