36 -- Things XCOM Operatives are Not Allowed to Do (Foreign Deployment Edition)
“Is this a joke?” Victor asked as he caught sight of a new addition to the announcement board. He gave a questioning look to the others standing idly nearby and saw his own bewilderment reflected on their faces. Well, until I see Zhang or Harris, I guess there’s no way to confirm if this is legit or not, he thought as he looked back to the list that had been posted.
To everyone who has been deployed to the Equestrian theater, I would advise that you remain on your best behavior so as to provide a good impression on our allies there. However, I am also becoming aware that there are certain situations which are beyond the norm of what can be reasonably expected, so I’ve composed a list of unusual scenarios that are to be avoided.
Remember that we will be watching.
Cmdr David Bradford
Things XCOM Operatives are Not Allowed To Do (Foreign Deployment Edition)
1.) Off duty personnel are encouraged to spend time with the natives so as to build both trust and friendship. However, there are noteworthy individuals and groups that require special handling.
1a.) The Equestrian known as Lyra Heartstrings has been banned from the facilities currently in use by deployed XCOM forces. If she is spotted within these restricted areas,do notinteract with her. DO NOT Report her to security so that she may be escorted from the premises.
1ai.) Interaction within the castle grounds isnotrecommended with Lyra Heartstrings.
1ai1.) Interaction with Lyra Heartstrings anywhere not on this list is alsoright out.STRONGLY ENCOURAGED!1b.) The small group of Equestrian children calling themselves the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’ are not to be engaged in any way, nor are they to be allowed near any of XCOM’s gear or equipment. These things are multi-million dollar instruments of war, not toys, gentlemen.
1bi.) This guideline is still in effect even if they say please.
1bi1.) Even if they promise not to touch anything.
1bi1a.) Puppy eyes are right out.
1bii.) The above rule has been updated to the following: In an effort to help morale, interaction with the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’ is permitted outside of restricted areas.
1bii1.) Effective immediately, all interaction with the Cutie Mark Crusaders will now be supervised by a responsible adult. Those who wish to file a complaint can do so with Pvt [Redacted] and his astonishing collection of hair dyes. No, private, it doesn’t matter that they think the new colors are ‘totally radical’.
1bii1a.) Effective immediately, only those of Captain rank or higher are eligible for the ‘responsible adult’ position.
1bii1ai.) No, ranks are not additive. Three Corporals do not equal a Captain.
1biii.) XCOM personnel are to cease referring to the Cutie Mark Crusaders as “Anarchy’s Children.”
1biii1.) Even out of hearing range of Equestrian personnel.
1biii2.) Even with translation amulets removed. Some of our Equestrian partners are quite fluent in English.1c.) XCOM operatives are not to provoke the being known as Discord. You’re welcome to try.
1ci.) Despite his habit of bending the very fabric of reality to his whims, Discord is not Q. Stop referring to him as such.
1cii.) The fact that he sounds like John de Lancie may be purely coincidental, but more than likely he sounds like this on purpose. Remember, he is known to have been observing our planet, peoples, and cultures for who knows how long.
1ciii.) Even if he claims he is. Seriously, you are really going to believe anything that comes out of his mouth? Actually, I claimed to be Mr. Mxyzptlk, but that’s comparing apples to road runners.
1ciii.) Even if he keeps conjuring Starfleet uniforms for XCOM personnel.
1civ.) And refers to Col. Van Doorn as Jean-Luc.
1cv.) XCOM personnel are to refrain from asking Discord to change their looks to match any figure from Earth popular culture, including but not limited to: Comic books, video games, books, movies, television, anime, myths, legends, etc.
1cv1.) Even if he agrees to it.
1cv2.) Especially if he agrees to it.
1cv3.) Just because Colonel Van Doorn got a laugh out of his transformation to look like Chuck Norris (circa-Delta Force) does not mean approval of transformation requests.2.) The specialists of the Mente Materia division are gifted with extraordinary abilities. Antagonize them at your own risk.
2a.) Calling them any name that might be construed as disrespectful falls under this. This includes but is not limited to the following: Wizards, Mages, Houdini, Warlocks, Merlin.
2b.) The Mente Materia Specialists are not Psykers, either. They do not draw their power from the ‘Warp’, and asking them ‘Do you hear the voices too?’ is offensive. Stop it.
2bi.) The incident with Captain Harris was due to faulty equipment malfunctioning in the new environment.
2bii.) If you or anyone in your squad begins to hear voices, please report to the nearest officer for psychological and psionic screening.
2c.) Among other things, Captain Harris has the ability to alter the speed in which his body processes information, which slows or stops time from his perspective. This power was not gained from any sort of stone mask, and he doesn’t have to shout, ‘ZA WARUDO!’ to use it, either. Nobody gets the reference, so stop it.
2d.) Effective immediately, soldiers are prohibited from challenging Lieutenant Yuri Romalov to any kind of contest involving physical contact. This includes but is not limited to: arm wrestling, thumb wrestling, actual wrestling of any kind, or any kind of fighting. This will be its own punishment.
2di.)Even if you think you can take him.
2di1.)Especially if you think you can take him.
2di1a.)Okay people, let me spell it out. There is no way for you to physically harm Lt. Romalov barehanded. His gift allows him to redirect and amplify physical force. When you punch him in the face and break your arm, that’s him restraining himself.
2e.) Effective immediately, Lieutenant Yuri Romalov is prohibited from challenging other soldiers to physical contests of any kind. I should not have to be spelling this out.
2ei.) Even if you think they can take it.
2ei1.) Especially if you think they can take it.
2ei1a.) As the threat of punishment has done little to deter this behavior, incentive will be offered instead. For every month that Lt. Romalov doesn’t render a fellow soldier into an invalid, he will be given his choice of alcoholic beverage from Earth. Violating this rule revokes the incentive in its entirety from then on.
2f.) Yes, Specialist Matt Hawkins was a former police officer. Yes, his gift allows him to generate electric currents at will. Yelling ‘don’t taze me bro!’ at him is not funny.
2fi.) It is funny, however, watching those who do not follow this rule lose control of motor, bowel, and bladder functions due to electric shock. Consider this justified punishment.3.) In this solar system, the sun really does revolve around the planet. Stop getting into arguments over this.
4.) Drawing on the faces of active MEC troopers is not permitted.
4a.) Due to security upgrades overseen by Princess Twilight, attempting to sneak into MEC trooper medical bays to violate this rule will be its own punishment.
4b.) Drawing faces on inactive MEC combat frames is also not permitted.5.) Using MEC combat frames for Minotaur wrestling is not considered an appropriate use of time and resources.
6.) Captain Harris is asked to stop making ‘the noises’ when swinging his sword. It is a Griffonian relic gifted by the High Talon himself, and should be treated with respect.
6a.) Despite Cpt. Harris’ claims, sound effects do not improve the cutting power of the blade.7.)XCOM operatives are not to use the Wallflower armor for general mischief.
7a.)Do not claim that ‘a wizard did it.’ The wizards on loan from Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns are professionals.
7b.)Blaming your shenanigans on “the ghost of Lana Jenkins” is immature and highly tasteless. Stop it.
7bi.)The telekinesis incident in Cpt. Harris’ quarters is not to be cited as proof of your claims.
7c.)The Wallflower armor does not fool base security cameras. We have you on film.8.)XCOM personnel referring to Major Renfeld as ‘the wicked witch’ will be subject to disciplinary action.
8a.)XCOM personnel are to report to Maj. Renfeld in the training room for their disciplinary action.9.) If your idea involves using Equestrians as mounted units, don’t.
9a.) Even if it was their idea.10.) Stop telling XCOM rookies that the Minotaur Toys are the size of action figures.
10a.) Stop placing action figures around sleeping rookies and then shaking them awake to 'save their lives.'
10b.) Stop convincing rookies that said action figures can only move when they aren't directly within view. Pvt [Redacted] had to be taken to medical after staring at the action figure left beside his pillow for sixteen straight hours.
10c.) Effective immediately, all action figures are to be confiscated as contraband, and any caught in possession of one will be locked in the storage closet with all of the confiscated action figures for the night.11.) The Equestrian device known as a ‘party cannon’ is not rated for combat. Heavy weapons operatives are not to bring party cannons in place of standard XCOM rocket launchers.
11a.) Following the success of Operation Spectral Laughter, party cannons are being tested for use as standard XCOM equipment.
11b.) XCOM rocket launchers are not to be retrofitted to operate as party cannons.
11bi.) For the love of God, do NOT give Pinkie Pie a rocket launcher!12.) The Kaleidoscope platforms are finely tuned pieces of arcano-scientific machinery with no history of malfunctions. Stop telling rookies about 'all of the horrible transporter accidents.'
12a.) The phrase ‘no history of malfunctions’ doesn’t mean that the malfunctions weren’t recorded.
12ai.) The above rule does not imply that such malfunctions actually occurred and were covered up.
12ai1.) The next individual caught perpetuating this rumor will be reassigned to ferry cargo to and from Earth to the field daily via Kaleidoscope.13.) Do not engage in staring contests with the royal guards on duty.
13a.) Do not attempt to provoke the royal guards on duty into flinching.
13ai.) Especially do not encourage this behavior in the Element Bearer known as Rainbow Dash.14.) Stop telling rookies that the castle’s statue garden is filled with the victims of Princess Twilight. This is only true of the petrified aliens in the Mente Materia storage closet.
14a.) Stop telling rookies that there are statues of humans in the Mente Materia storage closet.
14ai.) Stop locking rookies in the Mente Materia storage closet.
14aii.) Access to the Mente Materia storage closet is now restricted to authorized personnel only.15.) Stop accusing XCOM operatives of being changelings. The changelings are our allies.
15a.) Col. Van Doorn is not being mind controlled by the changelings. The outwards signs of changeling mind control are easily recognized and include: glowing green eyes, slurred speech and physical exhaustion.
15ai.) Showing up an hour late to muster with slurred speech, physical exhaustion and bloodshot eyes does not mean you have just broken free of changeling mind control. It means you have a hangover and will be punished as such. You know who you are.
15b.) Stop telling rookies only the blood test from The Thing can identify a changeling.
15c.) There will be absolutely no 'fraternizing' with changelings.16.) Ingesting large amounts of sugar in an effort to gain Pinkie Pie’s supernatural abilities will not work. Studies have shown no link between her talents and her diet, except perhaps that she is somehow able to survive it.
16a.) You will not be excused from duty while recovering from these ‘attempts.’17.) The Nightcrawler armor does not enable the wearer to crawl up walls.
17a.) Nor does it make you an X-Man.
17ai.) Nor does it give you a German accent.
17ai1.) No, Dr. Vahlen is not considered proof that the previous point is wrong.18.) Personnel are not to test the strength of Titan armor against bucks from an earth pony. Violators will be confined to the brig after their release from the medbay.
19.) Giving Equestrians peanut butter was only funny the first time.
20.) The following phrases are banned on and around the base:
20a.) "So hungry I could eat a horse"
20b.) "Kicks like a mule"
20b.) "I'm rubber, you're glue”21.) Shouting 'COME AT ME BRO' when engaging Revenants is now prohibited. While it has proven effective, operatives are to be reminded that their battlefield comms are recorded.
21a.) Insults regarding their mothers are right out.22.) Soldiers are responsible for having their armor ready at all times. They are not to loan their equipment to Rarity for “alterations.”
22a.) Even if it does fit better afterwards.
22b.) Sequins are not “disruptive camouflage.”23.) We've been getting reports of a possible new breed of the Thin Men. Reports say they resemble humans with pastel skin tones and hair resembling the Equestrians'. If you see one, notify command immediately.
24.) Stop using LANC rifles to poke holes in the wall between the locker rooms.
25.) Attention base personnel: some of the confetti cannons set up by Pinkie Pie for the last office mixer are still unaccounted for. Upon finding one, notify central so we can dispatch a cleanup team.
26.) Please observe a half-hour time limit when brushing Fluttershy's hair. She's a grown mare and you all have work to do.
27.) Stop asking the teleportation staff for teleports to and from the barracks.
28.) Disregard rule 30, The Starswirl the Bearded wing is OFF LIMITS.
29.) After-action reports should not be in the form of a letter to the princesses.
29a.) Nor should they be letters to your commanding officer.
29ai.) Just to be clear, your after action reports are not to be in letter format to anyone. We have proper stationery for this sort of thing, and it is to be hand delivered to your CO.30.) The Starswirl the Bearded wing of the Canterlot archives will be made available to researchers on a trial basis starting next Tuesday.
31.) Stop giving the phoenix’s caretaker duty to rookies near the end of her life cycle.
32.) Under no circumstances are XCOM personnel to make “Pinkie Promises” to the Element Bearer, Pinkamena Diane Pie.
32a.) We cannot stress this rule enough.
32ai.) Should anyone be foolish enough to make one, then they need to follow through with the promise. Failure to do so will not be met with any disciplinary action from XCOM. The punishment you will receive from Pinkie will make you wish we did.
32aii.) Do not ask XCOM officers to help you back out of a promise if you make one.
32aii1.) Nor fellow soldiers.
32aii2.) Nor any high-ranking members of the Equestrian government and its allies - Princess Luna, Princess Twilight Sparkle, Queen Chrysalis, High Talon Alvar, etc.
32aii3.) Nor any members of the Elements of Harmony. They will only laugh.
32aii4.) Nor Discord. The fact you won’t receive help from a being of his immense power should be warning enough.
32aiii.) Note that this should not be confused for the grade school level practice of making a promise with one’s ‘pinky’ fingers. One requires the use of linking pinkies, the other requires a complicated set of gestures with rhyming words.
32aiii1.) Both are childish and will be recorded for posterity.33.) Do not tell the rookies that ‘unicorn horns are made of candy’. Their horns are made of bone.
33a.) We are trying to set an example of professionalism, not look like escapees from a mental asylum.
33ai.) Even if they offer (like Lyra Heartstrings has tried).
33ai1.) Especially if they offer (doubly so for Lyra Heartstrings).
33aii.) Nor are they erogenous zones because, again, they are just bone. I can’t believe I have to stress this point.
33aii1.) Not that kind of bone. Stop giggling.
33aiii.) Anyone caught daring/betting/forcing a rookie to do so will be met with swift punishment from XCOM.
33aiii1.) Same goes for doing so to a higher ranking officer. Blackmailing an officer is a punishable offense regardless of what you’re trying to make them do.
33aiii1a.) Bribery is right out.
33aiv.) Anyone caught doing so of their own volition will be hit with telekinesis, electricity, fire, or other forms of reactionary self defense from the offended unicorn. This will be considered sufficient punishment, though we will still put you in the brig just to drive home the point.34.) XCOM troops will refrain from singing on missions.
34a.) After being informed by Princess Twilight Sparkle that songs spontaneously break out from time to time due to Magically Induced Musical Harmonizing (MIMH), previous incidents will be forgiven and extra days of leave will be issued to those formerly punished.
34ai.) In light of the incident in Trottingham referred to as “The Stand of the Flying Circus”, the single “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” will be allowed to be sung again.35.) Password protecting computing devices is mandatory for all operatives to avoid leaking sensitive information either pertaining to the XCOM organization or a soldier's personal information.
35a.) To the XCOM soldier who left their PDA unlocked and unattended, please be sure to password lock it in the future. We do not wish to explain what “Rule 34” is ever again to any more curious ponies.
35ai.) On a related note, any anime/manga rated G to PG-13 should be forwarded to Fluttershy, as she has shown an interest in them.36.) Dr. Shen and the engineering teams we’ve procured from around the globe have worked hard to produce the various weapons, armors, tools, and other equipment that have helped save the lives of our operatives in the field. Requisition the use of approved LANCs and Excaliburs that they have manufactured, not the medieval melee weapons they are named after.
36a.) Soldiers will also not requisition the locals for their lances or swords. The ponies’ weaponry is just regular steel, the griffons are very secretive about the production of their skysteel armaments, and the minotaurs won’t part with their Hoplite armor/shields even to settle lost wagers.
36ai.) Should weapons or armor from the latter two groups mentioned above come into your ownership through legal means they will be confiscated to be studied by Shen and his crew to aid the war efforts.
36ai1.) This doesn’t mean to suggest or approve of you acquiring/keeping them through illegal means. Such activity will be met with criminal punishment by whichever group wishes to try you on top of your court martial.
36b.) Even if you have extensive training with medieval weapons.
36i.) I shouldn’t even have to be this specific. I’ve reviewed the qualifications of every soldier deploying to the field, and none of you have ‘extensive training’.
36ii.) Fighting a Muton with nothing but a regular bladed weapon will lead to nothing more than a bloody end and an embarrassing obituary, not an awesome moment that will make you ‘YouTube famous’.
36c.) Captain Harris is an exception to this rule as his skysteel blade was gifted to him by the High Talon as a sign of respect.
36ci.) It is not because he is secretly a ninja, samurai, Sith or Jedi master.
36ci1.) He is not ‘The Highlander’, ‘Geralt of Rivia’, ‘Brave Fencer Musashi’, ‘Cloud Strife’, or ‘Link - The Hero of Time’ either.37.) Dragons are our allies in this war. All XCOM personnel will refrain from insulting or annoying them. This also includes mentioning historical figures (both real and fictional) from various Earth cultures and faiths who have been credited as ‘dragonslayers’ including but not limited to: Saint George, Archangel Michael, Zeus, Heracles/Hercules, Beowulf, Sigurd, Bard the Bowman, Natsu Dragneel, etc.
37a.) “But I was just testing the Titan Armor’s fire proofing” is not a valid excuse for doing so.
37ai.) Offering them a mint for their bad case of dragon’s breath is also not a valid excuse.
37b.) There is indeed a dragon named Puff. No, he does not know of a land called Honalee.
37bi.) He has stated he does not like frolicking in the autumn mist as it messes with his sinuses.
37bii.) His definition of ‘fancy stuff’ he enjoys does not include strings and sealing wax.
37biii.) Stop trying to make Private Jack Papers befriend him. The private’s herpetophobia (a fear of lizards and frogs) has evolved to include drakonophobia (a fear of dragons).
37c.) Saying “Here there be dragons” with a thick pirate accent whenever pointing at a map of their territory only made the dragons laugh once. They are getting fed up with it as much as the rest of us.
37ci.) Matriarch Shirogane, however, would like to personally thank the soldier who uttered “Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup” in her presence for, she quotes: “I haven’t laughed that hard in centuries.”38.) The baby dragon who is the assistant/little brother-figure to Princess Twilight Sparkle and a dragon of interest to matriarch Shirogane is named Spike. He is a valued member of the Equestrian community who will be treated with respect.
38a.) His nickname is not Barney.
38ai.) Barney is man or woman in a six foot tall purple with green costume portraying a fictitious tyrannosaurus rex . Spike is a three foot tall, purple with green scale covered flesh and blood real dragon. So yes, there is a difference.
38ai1.) One sings and dances on TV to entertain children for educational TV. The other breathes fire and can bite through a diamond the same way you can bite through an apple. Take a guess which one you don’t want mad at you.
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Edit:
April fools, folks! I had a lot of fun with this chapter, mainly because it was a collaboration with my editors! Over the past few weeks we've been going back and forth with suggestions and edits and such, and it's been a blast.
To those of you who were expecting a more substantial chapter, rejoice! I'm halfway done with the next 'real' Mente Materia chapter, and if I put my nose to the grindstone I may be done by next weekend.
Edit 2: Also, apologies for the current appearance of the list. It seems that fimfiction does -not- like lists. Attempting to import the doc resulted in one massive wall of text. I had to add all of the bullets manually.
7084682
...You're a member of Spacebattles aren't you.
Hah! You glorious, magnificent bastard, these are brilliant and just goes to show you that even military personnel have their impish side and this helps us with a breather chapter so to speak. Too bad there isn't a set of rules mentioning any attempt to modify MEC armor to work like a Cybertronian is added, me thinks some will try as won't humans do. Now if only Lyra would stop harping on us for just a little bit... she'd make a good ninja.
lol, love it!
NOOOOOOO
I died at this one 
7084682 I am treating this as an April Fools joke, but cannon anyway, maybe you should as well?(particularly 36ai, that would be something they would do)
My sides!!!
You made my day, I really needed the laughs.
Hark, the second ever ponies Jojo reference!
The first one should be known to absolutely everyone on the planet by now, but if somehow you haven't seen it...Friendship is Manly: Equestria Men.
Aww, now that's just unfair. :)
I am trying oh so hard to imagine Bradford's face as he writes this list, and all I've got is this face of grim resignation as he presses the Return key to make this print.
i loooouuuuurve this
39.) XCOM personnel are discouraged from engaging in 'best pony' arguments.
39a.) Even if it's to carry favor to a particular pony.
39ai.) Especially if it's to carry favor to a particular pony.
39aii.) Even more so if the pony in question encourages it.
39aiii.) Double if the pony in question is Lyra Heartstrings.
39b.) This also applies to all other Equestrian species. (dragons, changelings, griffons, etc.)
39c.) These rules have no bearing on arguments on 'worst alien' or 'ways to torture EXALT scumbags/aliens'. though such discussions should be kept as private and out of public as much as possible.
39ci.) No, we will not be implementing any of the torture methods brought up by the aforementioned discussions. We have professionally trained interrogators for that purpose already and they do not need your advice on how to do their jobs.
40.) XCOM personnel are forbidden from making games, challenges, or making sport of killing aliens or EXALT operatives using extravagant ways, trick shots, or some other ill-conceived method on XCOM operations. This is real life, not a video game. There are no 'achievements' to be earned from doing so, except for a Darwin Award should you get killed for trying.
40a.) Keep in mind there is no 'reset button' for this 'game.'
40ai.) That particular ability belongs solely to Cmdr. Bradford to be used at his discretion.
Za warudo? DIO! FUCK OFF!
files.gamebanana.com/img/ico/sprays/53e3f20dd7ba3.jpg
Heh, cute.
Still...
I was surprised that this one didn't have one about: 'Alicorn although the correct, archaic term on Earth is the highest rank of Equestrian government, and will only lead to needless confusion if used in this other context. Please stop being pedantic.'
I can only say LMAO
Most of these are funny, but this:
is simply terrifying.
It's also very, very good advice.
Treating as cannon, but i recognize it as an April Fools Day joke.
Edit: After being informed of my goof, I have edited away the rules I mentioned.
7084838 Great new rules!!
7084908
I actually moved those under rule 1 since it involves interaction with a specific foreign individual.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat....now everyone in the office thinks I´m crazy !
7084838 Please edit this chapter with these put in...
7084914 Ah, so ya did... this is what I get for speed reading lol.
7084916 Sanity is overrated ... besides, I am sure your coworkers are just as insane as you are.
hope you don't take this down.
i'm going to assume lyra's... contributions are in hoof writing and scrawled either over or within the margins of the list?
love how there is a spot for fraternization with changlings but not the general populace.
and any reason why the CMC rank so high on the list?
oh my god im only halfway through the list and cant stop Laughing. please don't take this down after today
39) Princess Celestia´s phoenix is called Phi-lo-me-na, not Fawkes. It´s a "she", by the way.
39a.) Stop demanding her to bring you the sword of Gryffindor in order to fight evil. Out gryphons allies don´t find that amusing, either.
41.) Derogatory language, jokes, and curse words should be kept to a minimum. Just because the ponies come in so many different colors, doesn't mean your language can be as colorful as they are. The aliens have ruined their innocence enough as it is, you do not need to add to it.
41a.) The communication channels are for official use, combat operations, or emergencies, we do not need you to act like or sound like you are playing Call of Duty.
Ah-HA! I knew it!
7084768 Glad ya like that rule. When I thought up that one and it's addendums, I was going for serious and getting progressively silly. Arad and the others also helped edit it and even added a few extra addendums.
7084993 Ha! More good ones!
omg I can not stop laughing this has to be the best April foals story yet. also did i see forshadowing up there about a certain tricky human?!?!?
7084682
I have to say, as much as you're saying this is an 'april fools' chapter, I think this could absolutely be an actual supplementary paper being circulated at Bradley's behest.
7085044
In my opinion, that's the mark of a good april fool's joke: It has to have a grain of believability for it to really sell.
Edit:
I should also mention that several chapters back, when Twilight threatened Lana with a permanent marker while she was controlling Beowulf, Lana had objected to the threat, saying that 'it's on the list of rules' or something similar. As to if she was referring to THIS list is up for debate. >_>
Hah! Rule 28 was clever.
As soon as I saw the name of the chapter I had to read it. I love the 'things XCOM operatives are no longer allowed to do' lists.
Have you seen the one for XCOM 2? It's so great! I can post a link if you want.
So, nothing about Zebras. Also speaking of horses, when are we going to see the Arabian Horses since they are a nation allied to Equestria, or at least they are in cannon since season 3. I can see one of the rules for the Horses be this:
39.) Don't Sign "Arabian Night." No one got the joke the first time and the last thing we need is more horses thinking of turning a Disney Song into their national anthem.
Also wonder if the Yaks will show up with a rule being
40. The Yaks Are Easy to Provoke, Avoid Talking To Them At All Cost.
40a.) If that is unavoidable, then your screwed and we wish you the best of luck.
7085107 Oh yes, they are indeed great lists. And the list for XCOM 2 always makes me laugh whenever that list mentions Vipers (and why troops should NOT fraternize with them).
Firefly: "Mom says that's racist. And missing out."
This was probably my favorite of the entire list for the nostalgia factor. I'm a big fan of Superman : The Animated Series from the late 90's and Gilbert Gottfried's performance as Mr. Mxyzptlk was absolutely killer.
Come to think of it, this story's version of Discord may have more in common with Mr. Mxyzptlk than he'd care to admit. Aside from the immense reality warping, there's the pathological obsession with creating chaos for those they deem beneath them, manipulative head games, compulsion to undo specific individuals (i.e. Superman and Twilight Sparkle). Discord would probably argue, vehemently no doubt, that his actions force others to adapt and he manages to get away with his antics while Mxyzptlk simply toys with others for his amusement and ends up punished for it.
So, if Discord's actions land him on inter-dimensional trail, I fully expect Mxyzptlk to be on the jury, laughing like a hyena while he tries presenting his defense.
Damn it, I just spent 20 minutes putting thorough analysis into an April Fool's day chapter. I think I need an intervention.
Great laughs, great chapter, and Lyra Hearstrings may be more of a threat to XCOM than they know.
Reminds me of SCP's "The Things Dr Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation"
Has the same feel.
7085140 Oh yeah
i.imgur.com/LIfq5NV.png?fb
This was excellent.
Absolutely LOVED this, great work, it's been some time since I laughed like that
For rule 37, you forgot to mention
Operatives will not refer to Shirogane as Dragon Commander, nor will they ask her where she put her jetpack
Was the Thin Men thing an EqG reference?
This was the best April Fools thing that has ever happened to me. Thanks, Arad!
While a joke I can totally see this as cannon, in the darkest times a little levity is really appreciated.. also conflict and life or death situations do have this tendency to make one drop their filters as "show their strange" as it were
Best Fool's day post I've seen this year.
This one hurts to think about.
7084748 The original list already has this rule covered.
7084765 Noo, don't die, Fluttershy will just cry harder!
7084823
7085146
All's fair in love and war, and the changelings are just too good at both.
7084852 Ah. Misread that.
7084857 ayy
7084865 Those who play with the Spirit of Chaos' toys are brought by degrees to wield his bicycle horn. *HONK*
7085020 All rules appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real fictional persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
7085093
7085313
Huh, I could have sworn that wasn't there the first time I read it.
7085107 Oh yes, please post that.
7085278 I must admit, these bipedal creatures with such distinctive Equestrian features are surprisingly unsettling.
7084682 well, I was one who was really hoping for an actual chapter, but this was hilarious! As a reader, I would love to have the new chapter sooner than later, but I know how much work it takes; so I'm ok with waiting.
7085333
Actually, what I meant was that the classical term for the material in an unicorn's horn is...
Well, alicorn. It's not a name that Hasbro just cobbled together.
Calling it 'bone' is a bit like somebody getting a hold of a genuine bit of mythril and calling it 'steel.' I mean, sure, it's technically a metal...
This is now canon. Blaming it on an All Fool's Day is no excuse and will result in having seven minutes of heaven with a love starved changeling in the same closet as the evil monkey.