16:45, 10/26/2015, Washington, D.C.
David Bradford considered himself a very patient man. Anyone in his line of work would need to be. Any military commander who found excuses to rush into every situation was often paving the way to his own retirement with the corpses of the people under his command. Where fools rushed in, Bradford had learned to wait. His patience, however, was nearing its limits as he found himself in his own personal hell. For the briefest of moments Bradford lamented the circumstances that had caused his current predicament... before abusing his Gift to amuse himself.
------
"That is an excellent question, Senator Goleman. Please allow me to submit my retort," Bradford interrupted the overweight committee chairman. Before any other response could be registered, Bradford stood and hurled his chair across the room. His aim was good and it connected squarely with Goleman and exploded into pieces.
Cries of shock and outrage filled the room as security by the door moved in to subdue Bradford... before laughter began to fill the chamber. Every person present stopped and all eyes settled on Goleman. Aside from several tears in the expensive fabric of his suit and his askew glasses, he showed no signs that he had just had a piece of furniture thrown at him with enough force to shatter it. His squinting sneer was also gone, replaced by an evil grin.
"You make a fine point, Commander Bradford," Goleman said, acknowledging his opponent's rank for the first time. "In fact, I entirely agree with it. We're both men of action, and we're ill suited for this kind of verbal tit-for-tat." He shrugged off his suit coat and tossed it into the face of the nearest bureaucrat without looking before unbuttoning his sleeves and loosening his tie. "I'm sick of all this. Fuck elections! Fuck the the House and the Senate! Fuck the presidency! Fuck the bureaucracy, and fuck this committee!"
The senator ended his rant with a roar as he slowly began to change. The weight that wrapped around his waist like a spare tire began to migrate to the rest of his body. His shirt and suit slacks were filled almost nearly to bursting with rock hard muscle, as though one errant flex would cause the garments to burst at the seams. Gold-glowing veins could be seen pulsing in the once overweight senator's neck as he straightened before casting an evil eye at Bradford. His right leg lashed out and sent the hardwood conference table flying through the air at his opponent before strutting forward.
Bradford ducked beneath the table, and he didn't have to imagine what would have happened if the projectile had connected with him. Several people that had been standing behind him cried out in pain as they were pinned beneath the desk. Luck was with him, though, as he caught sight of a sidearm that one of the security guards dropped after being swept aside by the flying furniture. He dove for the weapon, but the senator was inhumanly fast. One beefy hand caught his outstretched arm and pulled him into the air as easily as Bradford would lift his own uniform coat. "How is this possible!?" Bradford gasped.
Goleman's response was to grin and pull back his other fist. "Meld, son!" he explained, and the fist flew forward--
------
"Mister Bradford, do you need me to repeat the question?" Goleman asked, his voice a nasally whine as he squinted through his glasses. "Am I boring you, sir? Am I not important enough to warrant your full attention?"
Bradford took a long draw from his water before he had recovered enough to speak. "Apologies, senator. Please continue."
Morning folks!
A friend helpfully reminded me that today was April Fools, so I had to do something special for that. :D I churned this out over the weekend. This has not been screened by my pre-readers, as I wanted to give them a little surprise, too. Anywho, I hope everyone enjoys it!
Edit: Also, don't mess with that Senator!
Edit 2: In case some explaining is required, Bradford used his foresight to alleviate his boredom by flinging his chair at golem an without actually doing it. What he didn't anticipate was what happened afterward.
Lol too bad Bradford didn't pull out a sword and use it defend himself.
I'm.... I Really wish this is... Or is it real? I want it to be real! Such delicious drama!
Recognised the reference instantly (before even seing the link), being the Metal Gear fan that I am (even if I tend to consider MGR as non cannon... this game was just too much).
I have to admit that politics would be a lot more fun this way.
It kills me that I've only just now realized that Bradford has the psychic power of save scumming.
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How is this a joke? Doesn't every rational person who has to stand before a government committee in a hearing do this? Just seeing pieces of them on TV can be used as a cure for insomnia.
Nobody F^CKS with THIS Senator.
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Bradford's foresight allows him to actually do these things and watch the results without imagining it. He anticipated Goleman to act like a whiny stuffed suit, not turn into a meld powered Senator Armstrong. :D
This has got to be one of the best ways to use such a gift for politics, true or not it would be absolutely funny to me that I would probably have to restrain myself from actually chuckling if I were in the commander's shoes. It's also sometimes the real way I think politics could be solved during war, but then again... maybe not.
Might be something of a joke chapter, but it also comes to show that EXALT has infiltrated the committee at the highest possible level.
Bradford now possesses intelligence that could become decisive if the comittee ever comes to really harass him.
Keep your enemies close.
*RULES OF NATURE INTENSIFIES*
Hmmm.
If he had engaged this, then this was a possible outcome. Which means that Goleman is working with EXALT. Bradford needs to follow this lead. Got to root out the infiltrators.
/silly
It also brings up the question, did Bradford ever test foresight repetition, i.e. do the same outcomes happen every time he uses Save Scumming?
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With how tricky Exalt can be, it could be a good idea... but with how tricky Exalt can be it can be a very very bad idea, especially if you don't know how deep and far the spider web goes.
But regardless of Exalt it still is a good idea to keep political enemies close.
5810157 Was indeed a surprise, but a pleasant one! Happy April Fools!
Mente Materia Rising : Revengence : Ascension : Ac!d : Solid : The Twin Alicorns : Sons of Harmony : Draconequus Eater : BOOKS! of the Princesses : Lesson Zeroes : The Phantom Mane
With Andrea Libman as the voice of Raiden-shy!
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And featuring the hit new single RULES OF NEIGH-TURE! by Jamie Christopherson.
Coming to a Crystal Castle playset near you!
i874.photobucket.com/albums/ab302/Church0/RULES%20OF%20NEIGH-TURE_zpsefqapo6l.jpg
This was actually hilarious. The OST was a perfect choice.
Well, if the senator is a golem/meld, looks like the minimum way to deal with him would be a faulty reactor core in his transport.
Song?
Frankie Goes To Hollywood:Two Tribes.
Yes Senator, you Are boring me that much because you might have power, you are still a person of no intrest.
...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually saw this coming.
5810350
WRITE. THAT. NOW.
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Relevant.
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EXQUISITE!
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Wow, an alien with a decent disguise. What blends in better here than a horrible, yet successful person?
You know, it would have been an actual plot twist if Goleman would have been the equivalent to Gordon Godfrey from Young Justice:
Spoiler: he works with Darkseid
I hate April....
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/866/861/6e8.jpg
5809694 ...oh yeah, now I remember.
I was like "Wait, WHAT?!" ...
I consider this canon.
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Light, as in man portable. :P Like a light machine gun is light.
Goleman just got i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/707/020/ba1.jpg
Oh my. Is this an actual piece of canon or is this completely non-canon? Because if it is, wow. Bradford just discovered a wonderful way to root out EXALT infiltrators.
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It's non-canon. :P
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I'm actually relieved. This would've likely completely derailed the plot if he actually realized what he could use his Foresight for. A really good April Fool's is one that makes you say, "Wow, what if this actually happened?"
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Oh, Bradford CAN use his foresight in this manner. It just never resulted in THIS scene occurring.
...and then they bucked.
This may be the only April fools chapter I actually like.
5810221 Inspiration from Metal Gear Rising eh? I like it. Now all we're missing is swords and flying pieces of debris everywhere.
The reference... I'm going to cut it... Nice metal gear reference btw.
I hadn't actually played any XCOM games when I started reading through Stardust and Mente Materia. This of course led to some inevitable mismatch between how I imagined certain characters and what they actually looked like when I did a run through of Enemy Within about a month ago. Though most characters were fairly easy to swap in, I've decided to stick with my original image of Bradford as essentially played by Samuel L. Jackson.
5812658
*cue Snakemen on a Plane meme*
America has wanted war with the aliens for a long time? Damn Patriots, they were probably broadcasting memes into space.
TAUNT MEMES.
5810157 You know you want to make this chapter canon...none of us would blame you...you know you wanna do some kind of canon metal gear rising chapter...epic sword fight please?
May i assume that Bradford f*cked with the wrong senator?
5810157 haha never mess with a politcian. too bad peter van doorn is not in the story it would be interesting to see
I could break the president in two!
With my bare hands!
I wish I found this yesterday. It's amazing. I love you.
5815111 He really likes to plan things out but hes worth the watch.
FUCK. YES.
I dream of a world in which all political debates are settled in a literal dick-measuring contest.
It's about as fair as the current cash-flow measuring contests that are used.