CrazyChickenLady
Joined 17th Feb, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Yellowtail · 218k words · 1,907 63 · 26k views
- Thecorpsmancolt · 12k words · 145 6 · 2.8k views
- Jimbob · 74k words · 370 34 · 8.1k views
- Dark0592 · 11k words · 173 12 · 2.5k views
- realbrickwall · 74k words · 82 4 · 1.6k views
- kudzuhaiku · 106k words · 332 37 · 5.6k views
- Necrogen Lord · 13k words · 146 14 · 2.5k views
- Raven Shadow · 38k words · 230 32 · 6.1k views
Featured In8
Shipping 💖11,669 stories ·9,737 members
Oh god! The FEELS!1,953 stories ·939 members
Celestia Is The Best Pony2,577 stories ·2,887 members
- Interspecies Romance683 stories ·647 members
Romance is Magic!5,371 stories ·1,721 members
- Co-Author and Editor2,620 stories ·156 members
The Dragon Club2,317 stories ·1,303 members
- Rise Of A Hero434 stories ·169 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.134 seconds
Total duration
1,016 users online
30,883 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I don't know why this isn't more popular it is very well made excellent work 5/5
4486970 Thanks a bunch! <3
No problem keep up the good work!
Hah he's starting to get sweet on his nurse
Ok, the design for this story feels off from the description and what I would expect. Based on the description I figured the focus would be on the present day with an attempt to help him regain his memories as well as preventing the war from either happening or destroying Equestria. So far we have focused heavily on the past, to the point that I'm wondering why all the energy is going here when you are going to make it worthless by wiping his memories. The story is also suffering from lack of a real conflict tbh. If this was slated as a slice of life fic, this would work with the little vignettes into Celestia's life. Heck, this could work as a straight romance of just using the past. The problem arises when you finally get to the present. You are over halfway through the standard length of a novel and haven't gotten to the central conflict (or at least the one I see from the description).
Although it would have required some finesse and skill, the way I might have structured this was to focus on the present with flashbacks and parallel vignettes to the past. This allows the past to parallel the present without suffering from the big issue of wasting the reader's time by wiping away everything but building the situation up for Celestia. If you planned on him regaining his memories instead of just having to make new ones, then my idea for the structure of the story works even better. An example for a look at a way of structuring a parallel of the past and present is the story This Magic Moment. The story is well structured and builds the past while also dealing with the present. They don't parallel but allows one to see the two characters from different points in their relationship.
Part of my structure is the reticence I keep from the removal of memories and making what my reader read pointless. If the scenes only matter to one character, why do I need to know what happened in detail before it all happens? Why do I need to sit through the exact same types of scenes to develop the romance a second time because of the removed memories? If you plan on quickly fixing the removed memories with a spell, why remove them in the first place?
I guess my real question right now is: what is supposed to be the focus of the story and plot because currently I see a conflict between the description and the story as written?
4707489 Thanks for the constructive criticism! ^^
I actually didn't think of starting the story in the present and having flashbacks. Though, I believe starting in the past is the best route to go. As for the description, that's gonna describe the entire story when it's finished, and it's gonna be a very, VERY long one. A lot longer than the other one. Also, the second meeting of Celestia and Rhem is going to be different than the first. I don't want to spoil anything, but he may or actually may NOT regain his memory. As for conflict, it will be coming up.
Thank you for your time!
Quick question, What is the real world equivalent of the "Neighpon" region you mentioned in this chapter?
Also, this is a good story.
4817149 Asian regions like Japan. It's a pun of Nippon.
And thank you!
Monty Python lolz
MOOORE!!!!!!!' lol nice work
4985240 Thank you very much!
Damn that escalated quickly, awesome chapter
This was a sweet chapter
Nice work
Robert Frost much?
This is so good so far, really enjoyable read andn like DarkTrooper has stated- I don't know why it is not more popular.
Teamwork trumpets all.
4707666 I agree with your approach of this story, moving from past to present time rather than back and forth with flashbacks. I've seen enough of that in fanfics here.