Twilight is perfectly in character in her outrage towards Rarity. That's not a problem at all, she has understandable reasons for her feelings. However, don't make the mistake I've seen many other authors make, which would be having any and all other characters pile on Rarity for this. At least some of them are bound to understand her side, too. How you let Spike handle it was very promising already, so I don't doubt you will manage.
However, the "piling on Rarity" comment is just par for the course. Especially if there are guys like Rainbow Dash who take their loyalty seriously. No matter what we say, it's gonna be a figurative lynch mob out for Rarity. Sure, Rarity has her right--and this pretty much confirms that she is attracted to handsome STALLIONS, a death knell for a potential relationship with Spike from the start. (I still think that she's shallow as hell , but meh). Still, I believe that at the very least, she should just tell him that being a couple wouldn't work. Whether that be age, reputation, or species, she should at least told him that she's basically friend-zoned him. That way it's completely done--no what if's. There's still a what if factor in play. Even if Spike does successfully go out with somepony, it's gonna nag him and nag him with what could have been: ---What if she was just distracted, and I friend-zoned her because I selfishly didn't make her a chance to answer. ---What if she was just waiting for me grow a bit. Rarity is gonna the get the "what if's" too. Even if it turns to a fairy-tale romance with whatever stallion she chooses, there's gonna be that nagging thought in her mind, especially when she see for herself that Spike has moved on to another mare that actually reciprocates his feelings. "What if I gave him a chance?"
There is one I have bothered. Twilight's attracted too early. I'm all for Spilight, but it's too cliche, too predictable. If anything we should hold off on the Spilight until Spike has met other mares, and there is are unofficial claims on him. Then Twilight shows that she has attraction for him that isn't sibling love.
EDIT: Part of me right now hopes that Rarity and Thunderlane's date go horribly wrong----and that Rarity is heartbroken as a result. She has no safety net now, because Spike won't be a rebound. Karma.......
43828604382220 I have to agree with you too. While I don't mind a Rarity dog pile I do like how realistic the author is being. While Rarity should at least either give Spike a chance or just tell him she's not interested in him she is free to date other guys. (flirting with someone while Spike is confessing his feelings deserves a fliped bird but it's in her every right.)Though I do have to admit that the Spilight is a touch early. I don't mind the shipping but I prefer a brother/sister realtionship between the two. This could be moment of weakness for a mare who probably haven't been on a date in her life.
I just started thinking, what if Spike soon start to notice Twi as well as not just the girl that has always been in his life but as a mare as well. I mean what if he spend all his attention on Rarity he never notice Twi in that way. But now that his passion and lack of a better term lust is now on free roam he start to notice things... and mares in whole new light. That includes the mare he sees in in revealing nightwear and have a very personal and intimate relationship with already. (like brother and sister can change to a romantic filled tension relationship very easily all it would need is a slight trigger)
I'm two chapters in and I can tell the story needs a little TLC. It's nothing bad, just basic corrections... you know, two words stuck together, a few misspelled words, stuff like that. It's still easily readable, and I'm still very much enjoying it. Onward!
not bad but i think you may have played the twi card a littel early unless you have a good set up for down the rode
If I may make a suggestion?
Twilight is perfectly in character in her outrage towards Rarity. That's not a problem at all, she has understandable reasons for her feelings. However, don't make the mistake I've seen many other authors make, which would be having any and all other characters pile on Rarity for this. At least some of them are bound to understand her side, too. How you let Spike handle it was very promising already, so I don't doubt you will manage.
Just wanted to give a little heads-up about this!
I like where this is goin. Favorite.
4382220
I'm in agreement with all that you said.
However, the "piling on Rarity" comment is just par for the course. Especially if there are guys like Rainbow Dash who take their loyalty seriously. No matter what we say, it's gonna be a figurative lynch mob out for Rarity. Sure, Rarity has her right--and this pretty much confirms that she is attracted to handsome STALLIONS, a death knell for a potential relationship with Spike from the start. (I still think that she's shallow as hell , but meh). Still, I believe that at the very least, she should just tell him that being a couple wouldn't work. Whether that be age, reputation, or species, she should at least told him that she's basically friend-zoned him. That way it's completely done--no what if's. There's still a what if factor in play. Even if Spike does successfully go out with somepony, it's gonna nag him and nag him with what could have been:
---What if she was just distracted, and I friend-zoned her because I selfishly didn't make her a chance to answer.
---What if she was just waiting for me grow a bit.
Rarity is gonna the get the "what if's" too. Even if it turns to a fairy-tale romance with whatever stallion she chooses, there's gonna be that nagging thought in her mind, especially when she see for herself that Spike has moved on to another mare that actually reciprocates his feelings. "What if I gave him a chance?"
There is one I have bothered. Twilight's attracted too early. I'm all for Spilight, but it's too cliche, too predictable. If anything we should hold off on the Spilight until Spike has met other mares, and there is are unofficial claims on him. Then Twilight shows that she has attraction for him that isn't sibling love.
EDIT: Part of me right now hopes that Rarity and Thunderlane's date go horribly wrong----and that Rarity is heartbroken as a result. She has no safety net now, because Spike won't be a rebound. Karma.......
Am I to Spiteful???
Interesting. I was hoping that Twilight would stay as the older sister, and not be a romantic interest.
4382860
Karma? I do believe the many, many times Rarity metaphorically slammed her head into a romantic brick wall to find a guy is karma enough already.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/4/30/614014__safe_twilight+sparkle_rainbow+dash_pinkie+pie_fluttershy_rarity_applejack_spike_straight_princess+twilight.jpeg
Unlike Spike, she actually changed course and looked elsewhere once she thought the relationship had no chance. We can even add seven more years to this!
As for being shallow: Well, considering Spike fell in love with her purely because of her looks
Addendum: I honestly wish the best for the both of them. Said best is probably best realised with other people, so.. more power to them!
4382860 4382220 I have to agree with you too. While I don't mind a Rarity dog pile I do like how realistic the author is being. While Rarity should at least either give Spike a chance or just tell him she's not interested in him she is free to date other guys. (flirting with someone while Spike is confessing his feelings deserves a fliped bird but it's in her every right.)Though I do have to admit that the Spilight is a touch early. I don't mind the shipping but I prefer a brother/sister realtionship between the two. This could be moment of weakness for a mare who probably haven't been on a date in her life.
4383173 Cool collage.
4383421
'Cue awkward but funny moment.'
Twilight sees Spike crying in his sleep, she kisses him.
What she didn't know was Spike is half asleep.
: "Twilight why did you kiss me?"
: "Uhmm… well?"
Hmm.... Yeah this is favor worthy.
Let's hope he doesn't 'Pull a Spike'.
4384731
I see whatcha did there...
I just started thinking, what if Spike soon start to notice Twi as well as not just the girl that has always been in his life but as a mare as well. I mean what if he spend all his attention on Rarity he never notice Twi in that way. But now that his passion and lack of a better term lust is now on free roam he start to notice things... and mares in whole new light. That includes the mare he sees in in revealing nightwear and have a very personal and intimate relationship with already. (like brother and sister can change to a romantic filled tension relationship very easily all it would need is a slight trigger)
my Splight sense is tingling, it pleases me greatly!
Looking real good! Keep at it!
she's out of yours
4383173
That sounds awesome
Good to see Spike's taking it so well after just a single day. Spike and Twilight though, if they think of themselves as siblings, then ewww.
Seven years in ponyville? So, no Twilicorn?
5613788 so I knew a boy and yes I'm a Guy since I was four we were brother in every way but blood or family we have been dateing a happy 3 years now
5781908
Congratulations, I hope everything turns out alright between you two.
So far this story looks like it should be fun. I just hope you don't have Twilight and Spike have sex at any point. Because that's always lame.
That was so cute
I'm two chapters in and I can tell the story needs a little TLC. It's nothing bad, just basic corrections... you know, two words stuck together, a few misspelled words, stuff like that. It's still easily readable, and I'm still very much enjoying it. Onward!
*before heading . Not trying to be rude just trying to improve the quality of this fic.