Behold Your Tuberous Savior
Princess Luna stepped forward. "Tirek is set on possessing alicorn magic. When he comes for us, we cannot have what he is looking for."
Twilight hesitated for less than a second before replying, "I'm more than willing to do my part and give up my magic."
"You misunderstand," Luna cut in. "Our magic cannot just disappear into thin air. Somepony must keep it safe."
"My sister is correct," Celestia added, pulling an ancient-looking box from behind her throne. "If we are to keep Tirek from obtaining our magic, then we must transfer our magic where he cannot find it. We must transfer it to..." Celestia opened the box. "This potato."
"Huh?" Twilight said in surprise, leaning in and looking into the box. Sure enough, there was a potato resting on the pillow within.
Celestia continued, "Tirek will not expect to find our magic hidden inside this moldy potato, and Equestria will remain safe from his tyranny."
Twilight nudged the potato, feeling the fuzz and hairs tickle her hoof. She recoiled suddenly as the potato shuddered and wiggled on the pillow. "Celestia, is this thing...."
Princess Celestia nodded slowly. "It is. Though most potatoes die shortly after being harvested, this one has become so overgrown with fungus that most of its mass is indeed alive. Magic must have a living host to be properly stored, else it spoils over time."
Twilight looked long and hard at Celestia's stony face, trying to figure out whether she was joking or not. The other princesses weren't laughing and nopony was saying, "Gotcha!"
"Are you sure this is the best thing to do?" Twilight asked. "Couldn't we transfer the magic to, oh, I don't know, me maybe?"
Celestia chuckled slightly, turning away from Twilight. "Oh, Twilight, I never tire of your sense of humor." She turned back after a moment. "Are you ready?"
Twilight looked at the other princesses, desperately hoping that one of them would start cracking up, but none did. She sighed. "Yes. If it means keeping Equestria safe, I'll give up my magic," she turned to the tuber in the box, "and put it in this potato."
The four princesses gathered around the ancient box. They poured their magic out, forming a massive ball of energy that almost reached the ceiling. The magic was then channeled down into the potato, which didn't react in any way, for it was a potato. When they were done, all four princesses slumped to the floor, drained of all their power. Twilight blacked out.
Twilight came to after an unknown amount of time had passed, and got to her hooves. Her legs were as oatmeal beneath her, and she was barely able to stay standing. Her gaze drifted around the room, taking in the other alicorns. All were still incapacitated. Slowly, her eyes moved to the floor. There, a few feet from her shaking hooves, was the box. The potato had not gone anywhere, for it was a potato.
"Alright," Twilight croaked out as the other princesses began to stir, "we have to hide this potato away someplace that Tirek will never find—"
The throne room doors exploded inward, and Tirek stomped into the room, the floor quaking with each step his monumental frame took.
"Aw, crap," Twilight muttered.
Tirek pulled Princess Celestia up to his open mouth and inhaled, but no magic came to him. "What have you done?" he growled. Celestia just smirked at him, and he moved on to Luna. Finding no success there, he turned to Cadence and finally Twilight, but there was no magic to steal. "Where is your magic?!" Tirek screamed, doing a frighteningly-accurate impression of Iron Will.
Tirek scanned the room, fuming with indignant rage. Finding nothing, he crossed his arms and took a seat in Celestia's throne. He smirked after a moment as he looked down at the alicorns. "Getting rid of your magic so that I cannot take it from you? That was your plan?" Tirek waited a moment, but nopony gave him a response. "How does it feel knowing that every pegasus, unicorn, and—ow! Wha?"
Twilight gasped as the potato hovered in front of Tirek's puzzled face. It glowed with magic, and the potato had sprouted a little horn and a pair of moldy wings. It shot forward suddenly, punching the beast right in the mouth.
Tirek spat, wiping his lips clean of fungus. "What in Equestria—"
But the potato didn't let him finish. Instead, it pounded his face and body, slamming itself into him from every angle. The chest, the gut, the eye, the crotch, the foot, the crotch, the other gut, the crotch—no part of his beastly form was spared from the barrage of tuberous blows. Tirek began to cry as his bruised body crumpled to the floor, the potato refusing to halt the beating that it was unleashing on him.
Tirek turned his blackened eyes to the four princesses. "Please, make it stop!" But they only stood there, all but Twilight simply staring with cold eyes. Twilight's mouth was hanging open, her violet eyes wide, but she didn't move to stop the potato as it battered the monster.
After another three hours, Tirek finally stopped weeping. The potato continued to beat him for a few more minutes, just to be sure, but then it slid back into the box. Twilight finally closed her dry mouth and shook her head, trying to comprehend what she'd just witnessed.
Princess Cadence stepped over to Tirek's body, cautiously poking him with a hoof. He didn't react, and Cadence turned to the others. "I think he's dead."
"Huzzah!" Princess Luna shouted.
Celestia simply nodded sagely, as though everything were going exactly as planned.
"Um," Twilight started, "what just...."
The potato rose up from its box suddenly, and magic spewed forth from its moldy surface. The ball of energy formed again, and then channeled itself into the four alicorns. Once it was finished, the normal-looking (albeit moldy) potato fell back into the box. Celestia closed the lid carefully, and slid it back into its hiding spot behind her throne.
"Well, that certainly was different," Twilight commented. "I can't say I've ever seen that before."
"Hey, if anypony asks," Cadence piped up, "can we say we just beat him senseless?"
Celestia nodded again. "I think that would be best, yes."
"Agreed," Luna said. "I do not think that Equestria is quite ready to know about something like this."
Twilight nodded numbly. "I sure wasn't."
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Considering the number of DBZ references in the episode... why not a shout out to "The Incredible Fighting Candy," right?
*reads description*
I am immediately liking and favoriting this story.
That line is not only hilarious to imagine but inexplicably erotic, to boot.
This...was simply amazing!
Lucky guy, only got hit in the crotch three times. Most potatoes I know hit you in the crotch at least seven times, eight if it doesn't like you.
What... the hell?
4368455
Oh, man, that is so weird.
"The Incredible Fighting Candy?" What is that?
*Looks it up. Watches whole episode.*
... as if I have much room to talk, at this point.
4368711
As is your comment.
4369151
Why, thank you!
4369205
The Great Moldy Potato shows mercy where others show none, for he is the truest of heroes.
4369307
I wish I knew, man, I really do.
4368455
Amen to that!
The whole time I was reading, I kept thinking about this:
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4XAUdxfF3Q]
They still haven't made a Tirek tag yet?!
4370244
4374252
I'm sure they'll get around to it if there are enough stories about him.
EDIT: Yup, they did. Hooray.
4374597 I hope so.
Potato becomes alicorn.
I'm leaving this fandom
MLP ruined forever
Such ruin
wow
4374972
You know, I was considering having the potato sprout a horn and moldy wings....
Screw it, I'm putting it in.
Out of all the things I thought would be written after the season finale, this is not one of them... I mean Wut?
4383197
Celestia's first line explaining their plan of action was pretty much my train of thought. I don't know why, but the idea just popped in there.
All hail Princess Potato!
Why am I generating over 9000.0 volts of energy?
4370244 I was thinking of that moment I did that too. BECAUSE I WAS A POTATO!
4374993 I would just rather be a normal potato battery, thanks.
Out of all the things I expected to read when I came across this, I was not expecting Tirek to be beat up by the spud. I seriously bust a gut when "Alicorn Potato" arose.
This was good.
Best wishes for you and your mom. 
4525366
Thanks man, we're doing what we can.
A potato?
Back in my day we've defeated giant evil centaurs with a "husk of corn".
4838640 I've beaten GODS with naught but a Fan O' War.
Moldy potato is best pony!
Wot if I told you potato?
A: AAA0AH! The potato uprising has begun!*loads shotgun*
K: Um... Tirek hates Trees was a good fic? I dnt understand the question
Zel:...
Crystal: And what if I resond with turtle?
Oh great. Zelgadis is zoning out. Thats the problem with characters from the slayers and other ninties anime.
Wot if I told you potato?
A: AAA0AH! The potato uprising has begun!*loads shotgun*
K: Um... Tirek hates Trees was a good fic? I dnt understand the question
Zel:...
Crystal: And what if I resond with turtle?
Oh great. Zelgadis is zoning out. Thats the problem with characters from the slayers and other ninties anime.
Potatoes! Yeah!
4370244
Yeah! I was also thinking about how GLaDoS was a potato, and how this mighthave worked...!!! do you think it was the same potato that GLaDoS was put into and then taken back out of?!? XD, mostly just kidding!
Many, many years ago, Potatoes were well known for being some of the most powerful beings on the planet, but over the years, they have gotten lazy, sitting in the dirt and simply growing plants from their heads.
But not this one.
This potato was different.
This potato was...
DA POTATO O' POWAH!!!
(May I requess access to make a spinoff fanfic about your potatoes?)
Also now I wish their was a potato pony in the series.
6390574
To not write about the poatoes' mighty return to glory would be a crime. Make it so.
6393354
I'm so, so, SO sorry... I just can't think of any ideas. My first fanfic I already put on hiatus because I couldn't think of anything good to put in it, and second of all, my story writing skills are horrible. I can only write in script form, which isn't allowed on fimfiction...
6452185
Not a big deal. I can barely write anything myself, these days. Though, still, someone should make this tale about the rise of the potatoes.
6452633 Yeah.
I'm also back into school now so I don't have time for really even trying...
I wish this fic had more views, it deserves them! I'll never disrespect a potatoe again!
6452633 I figured out a way to fit that idea in!!! Read my story "Screw Time" and you'll get it. Basically, I'll be posting a sequel soon that details the "BakedPotatoLand" imploding, and thus the rise of the potatoes is born.
^^^It's late at night. I'm not sure how well I can words right now.
*next thing you know the potato is going to hear him up
**
*i stand corrected
Potatoes r so funny
Praise the moldy potato
Potatoes O.P.
I finally read this story.
Yes, my man. Yes. Worth it.