• Member Since 30th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen May 24th

Silver Scrolls


E
Source

Twilight has a question. One that has plagued her mind since her ascension and tonight, the stars are going to give her the courage to find her answer.

All praise and credit for the cover art goes to SilFoe on D.A.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 39 )

I hope this will receive some attention too:yay:
I still love it.:pinkiehappy:

I was wondering when you were going to post this, and I see you stuck with the first choice as an ending, yet with a touch of that other ending as a change. took a while, but hey, this story deserves only thumbs and favs ;]

I eagerly await the dawn, but I know longer fear the night.
Should be 'no'.

"The last vestiges of dawn faded away and with it..."
End of day would be dusk, twilight, or the sunset.

"...know longer fear the night"
Should be no, as already mentioned.
(Love the poem though. Yours or from something?)

You spell the name of the pegasus as "Ilum" and "Illum" in different spots. (One 'L' vs two.)

---

There's a few other minor grammar issues, but the story sucked me in strongly enough I didn't notice more than the first two on my first reading. Very well done. Thanks for sharing it.

This needed a pre-reader....

4367451 sad thing is, it did. It had two but they apparently missed a fair bit, either that our the old or the old English tripped ya up a bit; you didn't really specify on why you think that.


4367163 Thanks fer the two catches and is my poem, glad you liked it.

4367977 Lots of grammar issues and it tended to ramble at times.

It had everything it needed, and was by no means bad, it just got convoluted and thick at times.

4368567 aw, I see. Glad you enjoyed it despite that and I'll keep that in mind fer the future

4367977
There is no Old English here, only early modern English. And it, uh, could be better.

Hearing thou sayest should read Hearing thee say
Thou hast askest should be Thou hast asked

And so forth.

On a tablet right now, so a comprehensive list is a bit difficult.

Sappy, cute, thoughtful, exactly how I like Twiluna fics. :rainbowkiss:

4367977
I'm younger than most of you, I'm allowed to make mistakes:raritydespair:

4370254
It seems I too require tutoring:raritycry:

Well this was a pleasant surprise. I didn't have very high expectations going into this, but this narrative is a cut above the usual fare.

4372428 aw, thank you. I like being a cut above, even just a small one. Glad I exceeded yer expectations

“I don’t know. I...what is love Luna?”

4375919 that took longer to happen than i thought

4375927 It had to happen sometime. :pinkiecrazy:

4375935 but it took almost two days. :rainbowderp: two days :rainbowderp:

4375973 If only you said three days. I have the perfect meme in mind for that. :/

D'awwwww, It's so fluffy I'm going to die. :fluttercry:

all of my fucking yes is bestowed upon you my dear author.
just absolutely beautiful.

I enjoyed this. This, how shall I put it, "hyper-romantic", quasi-Victorian love is something I enjoy. I feel as if you broke that theme, or the tone or style of the piece in certain places, but it's something I hardly see here so I'll take the chunks I am given.

As noted before, there are some grammatical and precedent issues in this, the most prominent of all is the capitalization of "we" to "We" when Luna is discussing herself, as the Royal We often demands. There are a bunch of "our's" and "we's" that need to be fixed so you don't lose the reader (which happened often as Luna told the Ilum tale).

Additionally, I didn't find the prose too rambling because of the style this piece aimed for. However, that being said, you skimp on commas which would really help to add in some "breathers" throughout your lengthier sentences.

I really, truly liked this.

I'm curious as to why all comments below are downvoted :rainbowlaugh:
I'm glad this still receives attention, at any rate:rainbowkiss:

4395751 it was one of them there haters. The folks who can't stand a certain thing so thus believe it is there duty to down vote and/or even bash it so we know that they despise us simply because we do not share a similar belief to them. They're more commonly known as a troll.

Aww, this was sweet. :twilightsmile:

Have a fave!

4395864
I've never encounter that type of troll. Interesting:pinkiegasp:

I liked it, though I don't really believe there is such a thing as love and found some of the reasoning you gave for it a bit silly, not to mention that heart thing is a bit cliché but at least you added some intelligence to it, so applause for that.

I'm sorry to say that this ultimately disappointed me. I think this story would have been served better with shorter scenes that detailed Twilight's discovery of her affection, rather than jumping right in on her confessional chat with Luna. A ton of flowery prose and dialogue – a lot of which didn't flow properly – does not a successful romance make. There's a trick to using artful imagery to impress a mood; one must find the right moment, avoid oversaturating the reader in pretty prose and hitting them with a bit of descriptive flavor at the times when it will be the most effective.

I suppose the story works for those who are purely interested in getting to the sweet stuff, but as a romance story it didn't work at all. For my part, I didn't feel much of anything thanks to the telly narration, repetitive phrases, odd bits of dialogue that didn't really fit, and most of the paragraphs being a series of textual walls. The fact that I had no idea why Twilight was in love with Luna until the very end didn't help matters any, and the introduction of the concept of Ilum fell flat without having some time to really absorb the situation and appreciate Luna's side of things. This was especially hurt by Luna's extremely long and convoluted description of what love 'is,' which made her sudden doubt and fears seem forced out of nowhere.

Put simply, a solid romance isn't just about the romance. I feel like all you were really trying to do was create a quick and touching scene, but without the context behind that scene it loses a lot. You spent so much time describing love, but your attempt to show love didn't work. Love needs a foundation beyond simply being there and saying 'here's my reason.'

I suppose I should add that by the time Twilight becomes a princess, Luna's communication in-show has modernized enough that she's no longer trying to speak in Old English, so that was very distracting. Compared to everything else? It's not that big an issue.

4372428
Ohai there. *waves*

5050881 I don't know if I agree with everything you're saying but I do agree is not my best work by any means. I was trying something with it and I ultimately failed. I do appreciate the input, gives me something to look at if I try something like this story again or if I ever redo this one. It's always nice to get constructive feed back like this.

5052101
I'm very glad to hear you say this. I'm always afraid my attempts at constructive criticism won't be well received.

Looking back, I'm still not sure if I articulated my issues with the story properly... :unsuresweetie:

5052162 I think it was less about articulation and more like they were more abstract. Certainly some were not but some were certainly abstract or simply artistic ideas.

ack............ heart................. cant take it any more gtfnowshhygjPwjHPPHGwg

4371178 i agree but i like mine with a little bit of adventure and mystery as well

so much words put into explaining the feeling, the whole explanation given by luna is like a wikipedia article on love ending whit a kiss between the two... maybe a biit more scenes whit other ponys that help the reader understand why twy is interessted in luna and why luna wants her? cuz if you dont write it we will never know why twiligth finds luna hot or why she wants her by her side, u got to make them both need each other before they even speak.

I...what is love Luna?”

6351968
Personally, I don't have a problem with how it's presented. In a way, it's not really an explanation - it's more Luna baring her soul somewhere along the way, just a little... and then Twilight taking her turn. They're not explaining, they're talking.

Though I admit it was done much better here.

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