• Published 10th May 2014
  • 9,125 Views, 102 Comments

Let Me Tell You About the Hole in My Face - Slavoj Zizek



Applejack tells you her only secret. It is about a hole. The hole in her face. The breathing, living hole in her face. (Inspired by the cover image and a recurring dream)

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Let Me Tell You About the Hole in My Face

Let me tell you about the hole in my face.

It starts right where my mouth should be and reaches toward my forehead. It consumes my cheeks, leaving just enough room for a cluster of freckles on either side. Little white spots, beside the hole in my face.

When I look in the mirror, I can see the hole. Sometimes I spend hours in the bathroom, just staring at the hole in my face. The whole of it, reaching back, deep into my body. Sometimes, lines of phlegm or drool dangle off the edge of the hole, the hole in my face. I don't dare reach up to wipe them away, just leaving the trails to dangle and sway in time with my heavy breathing. My deep breathing. Air gasps through the hole in my face. My breath is hot against the edges of the hole in my face. The hole in my face, expanding and contracting slightly with each breath. Slowly. Like a living thing, this hideous orifice, this hole in my face, and the swaying tendrils of fluid hanging around the hole in my face. Pus and sweat and blood and drool and phlegm, mingling together and dripping and sliding down the edges of the hole in my face.

One time, I tried to wipe away a trail of slime. My hoof reached up, stretching to the tendril of thick, goopy fluid. Just one time, I tried to clear it away, but I missed, and I touched ...

Oh, Celestia, I touched ...

I touched ...

It. I touched it. The hole. The hole in my face. The inside of the hole in my face. My hoof brushed against the soft, damp meat inside the hole in my face. I felt the inside, inside me. Inside the hole in my face. I felt the hole in my face squish. I felt myself squish. I felt the damp, like a fungus growing over a wall, but warm. Like the walls of a cellar, but alive. The hole in my face is alive. I felt the hole in my face. The breathing hole in my face. The flaring hole in my face. The bleeding hole in my face. I felt the dirt of my hoof sliding into the secret passages. Sliding into my brain, through the hole in my face.

I fell to the ground. My entire body was covered in sweat. I fell and felt the hole in my face still. The aftertouch. The memory of the softness. The memory of the hole in my face.

I screamed. I could still feel it. The hole in my face, so plush. So squishy. So malleable. My me, but so malleable. I only stopped screaming to vomit up my lunch. The hole in my face expanded as it disgorged it all, apple chunks still intact. A vast tide from the hole in my face.

Yellow glops and trails of vomit hung from the edges of the hole in my face. I vomited again, feeling the hot gorge rushing against where my cheeks should be.

Felt my vomit laying where my mouth should be.

Felt the hole in my face.

Dripped tears from the hole in my face, mingling with the vomit. I lay there, I don't know how long.

My little sister knocked on the door to the bathroom.

"Are y'all okay in there?"

"Yes, yes, of course," I felt the walls of the hole in my face vibrate as I spoke. A strange, impossible voice that wasn't mine speaking through the hole in my face. "Lunch just didn't agree with me," said the hole in my face.

I gripped the edges of the toilet with my hooves, and hauled my body and the hole in my face up. Trying to will it to be true.

It isn't true. No one in my family knows about the hole in my face. I've never told them about it. I keep it my secret, this hole in my face. They look and think they see me smiling. They think they see green eyes and white teeth. They think they see something that isn't there.

That was never there.

You see, the hole in my face isn't an injury. I was born with it. An absence that could never be filled. The hole in my face that made my father sick. The hole in my face that pressed against my mothers teats and poisoned her body and killed her years later.

I didn't know this at the time. I was just a filly, too young to recognize myself in the mirror. Too young to see the hole in my face. The hole that had always already been there. Hidden from me, but my parents knew. My parents knew about the hole in my face, and it destroyed them.

No one else can know. I've never told anyone about the hole in my face, except for you. Just you and me know now. Only you and me can ever know. Know about the hole in my face. My one lie, my one secret. The one thing I will never reveal.

The hole in my face.

And you can see it now. See the way it gapes at you. The hole in my face that is eating me alive. You can see it, but you'll never tell. You'll have to hold your peace from now on.

When I eat, shoving whole pastries into the hole in my face, and hearing the hideous sounds of smacking and sucking as the walls of the hole in my face suck the food down. The gasping and wretching as the chunks of food stick in the tunnel that leads down from the hole in my face. The one hole, the one tunnel, just one passage leading deep inside me from the hole in my face. Straight down to where my organs pulse and play beneath the hole in my face.

When I look at you, your face confronting the hole in my face, the sight of you passing through the hole in my face. No eyes in between me and you, nothing to close. No hiding the hole in my face. Your horrified expression against the hole in my face. The wheeze and scrape, air passing through a vast chasm. The hole in my face.

When I sweat, and each droplet hangs on the edge of the hole in my face. The slowly pulsing edges of the hole in my face. The twitching, meat edges of the hole in my face. The slowly, blood-dripping edges of the hole in my face. The dirty, vomit crusted edges of the hole in my face. The living, speaking edges off the hole in my face.

You will see all of this; you will see the hole in my face. Forever, you will see the hole in my face. You will see, and you'll never speak a word to anyone.

You'll see and you won't speak.

Because you were never there, either.

Comments ( 102 )
Akiba #1 · May 10th, 2014 · · 1 ·

WHAT THE FUCK.
EW
WHY DID I CHOOSE TO READ THIS ONE INSTEAD OF SOMETHING ELSE
OH GOD
MY EYES
NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN
on the bright side, liked and faved.

I can't help but laugh at this a little for this reason,

It. I touched it. The hole. The hole in my face. The inside of the hole in my face. My hoof brushed against the soft, damp meat inside the hole in my face. I felt the inside, inside me. Inside the hole in my face. I felt the hole in my face squish. I felt myself squish. I felt the damp, like a fungus growing over a wall, but warm. Like the walls of cellar, but alive.

For some reason I can guess she never masturbated before.

aCB
aCB #3 · May 10th, 2014 · · 3 ·

At first, I thought the hole in her face was supposed to be an allegory that something vital that was missing from her. I read through the story to try to figure out what it was. Her soul? Her compassion? Her heart?

But the more I read, the more I realized that there was nothing the hole in her face would symbolize consistently. It was just a hole in her face. In my opinion, that's not very interesting or scary on it's own. It's just a hole in her face, pretty much like this lady.

4365844
The intention of the lines about no one else being able to see the hole and the reader not being there either, were so you'd know the hole wasn't real. Just a delusion.
Applejack is crazy and her self-loathing keeps her from telling anyone or seeking help, and the secret madness is eating her alive.

I added a couple lines that might express this more fully, about the how the hole had always already been there. More Lacanian this way.

Snort.

4365843
It was supposed to make you think of masturbation. Repulsion at her own body. Glad it worked.

Without a consistent meaning, a solid, hooked metaphor to keep it anchored this is nothing. You may as well have written "slibbity doo" over and over again and had as much sense to it.

aCB
aCB #7 · May 10th, 2014 · · 2 ·

4365922
There are lines such as:

The hole that had always already been there. Hidden from me, but my parents knew. My parents knew about the hole in my face, and it destroyed them.

that seem to indicate that others knew about it, and it wasn't all in Applejack's head. If she's merely delusional and thinking that everybody is staring at the hold in her face, then it should have been illustrated better. Maybe have Applejack have a minor flashback where she thinks her parents are looking at her in disgust but they're just doing things that regular parents do.

Also, what does the hole in her face mean? Yes, it may or may not be real, but what does it mean to the reader's life? How does it affect them emotionally?

Snow #9 · May 10th, 2014 · · 12 ·

Oookay. I admit that was well written for... the... utterly disturbng imagery...

But I think I'm goinng to give this a downvote purely because NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE! *retreats at speed*

aCB
aCB #10 · May 10th, 2014 · · 1 ·

4366032
Well then I'm going to upvote it just so your input doesn't matter. :rainbowwild:

Snow #11 · May 10th, 2014 · · 1 ·

4366042

I see my work here is done.

Disturbing yet surprisingly well written

*Ahem*

If you don't mind sharing, what the hell was this recurring dream?

Who needs sleep anyways? Cause I don't...

Needs featured

I think we are going to be communicating a lot in the near future.

Oh my goodness... I thought it would never be... An actual symbolic image in a fanfic! Quickly, we must inform the others! This cannot go unnoticed! Gather our finest minds and have them begin discussing what the hole in her face means!

In all honesty, your use of imagery and tone really got me thinking, and is going to have me keep on thinking for the next few days. That was a very well done story!

Welp. So much for sleeping.

Maybe there's time travel involved (kudos to anyone who gets the reference)

haven't read the story yet...but saw the picture...NOPE :twilightoops:

4365957 Not necessarily. Applejack may be an unreliable narrator, and blaming herself (or the nonexistent 'hole') for her parents' deaths.

Perhaps it's just an allegory for not being able to face herself in the mirror because of her self-blame?

Instead of quoting the story, I'm going to quote the comments section!

What the fuck.

Contents of the story aside, I really can't bring myself to be freaked out by that cover image, because all it does is remind me of Black Hole from Kinnikuman. And he was awesome.

:derpyderp2:

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/645/359/327.gif


What the literal fuck doe.



Perfectly written, but still...

Well, that was disturbing.

This was quite powerful. I think the hole is a wonderful metaphor for all kinds of self-doubt a filly like Applejack would feel growing up. Her parents succumbed to illness - could it have been her fault that her brother and sister were orphaned? The gluttony, her tendency to shove whole pastries down her face in one go, could inspire further guilt in the head of a farming family that has had to endure hard times before. The tunnel, the moist, warm, mucus-trailing tunnel could be a representation of the same dirty, secret tunnel most girls are afraid to talk about at a young age... Just how old do you suppose she was when she 'realized the hole was there'? How long had her parents 'known', and how did she know they 'knew'?

In short, this is why you discipline your kids instead of traumatizing them with horror stories about bad little fillies. :ajbemused:

Also, I will never read 'Carl Hamblin' by Edgar Lee Masters the same way again. :rainbowlaugh:

Nicely done. Now I ship facehole-Applejack with Chrysalis. They can rub their holes together. Clop-clop.

That was a little disturbing, good job.

Comment posted by ThisAccountIsDeadd deleted May 3rd, 2019
Comment posted by nodamnbrakes deleted May 15th, 2014

4366948 Oh my god, yes. Black Hole was the shit.

4368636 Kill it with fire.

4699834
Junji Ito is one of my favorite writer/artists. Horrible metaphors--like a man sacrificing himself to support his family--become literal, everything moves with a dreamlike detachment, fatalistic universes where rational thought and anything human gives way under a pouring rush of infinite possibility, and the way he molds flesh in his stories--twisting, stretching, bloating, deforming, drooling, and so on--is all so invigorating.
i.imgur.com/ySGWgJR.png
Uzumaki is easily my favorite. Although Gyo--where this man is from--had some stand out scenes like the Dead Circus. His shorts tend to be based on traditional tales, but they're still outstanding.
i.imgur.com/tI1j6dJ.png

I feel like pointing out you used the phrase "hole in my face" about 61 times though this entire story. Good job!

This was a pretty fucking DEEP story. People who don't understand metaphors will probably be like "What the fuck did I just read."

Liked and Faved

4365936

That is the appeal. I should know... :ajsmug:

5253809

Slibbidy-do gravanga thorsi flabsuk acarkkz.

Meaning matters.

5254046

To me, it was about someone becoming detached from/disgusted by one of their own body parts. Delightfully bleak. Perhaps my only misgiving is that there is little reason for it to be a ponyfic (could have used more details in that regard...)

This is an awesome story. :heart:

There aren't that many dark fics that have AJ as the main character, so that's a plus too.

Between the possibility of AJ having an invisible gaping moist hole in place of her face that nopony else can see and that killed her parents and is hollowing her out; and the possibility of her having bats in her orchard, I'm betting on the latter.

4365957
...Why would the delusional person claiming that dead people they blame themselves for the deaths of knew their dark secret indicate it's not really a delusion? Sounded more like misplaced guilt than confirmation of reality to me.

Why would there be nothing a hole in your face would symbolize consistently? My biggest issue is there were too many things it could easily symbolize. Though, I'm leaning towards her self hatred growing so immense she sees herself as a monster, devoid of normal facial features, her face just a gaping, squishy mouth.

Found a small typo:

When I eat, shoving whole pastries into the hole in my faith,

Other than that, awesome story. I'm now thoroughly creeped out.

5307521

I thought the parapraxis where she says "the hole in my faith" was a pretty explicit revelation of the intended symbolism.

Obsession of ones self absorbed flaws :ajsleepy: or with the other writers on fimfiction , Just another hole to have sex with.:facehoof:

Weird but good, I didn't see it either.:raritystarry::moustache: I think?

.................What? I don't... I just.... I can't........
Disturbing but well written, either way.

This is how I feel after reading this...
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/746/216/49e.gif
No, seriously, great job on writing this. You managed to make this story look really creepy.

Tick Tock... Goes the Clock...

Time and Time, a blip in space
Time and Time, something in my face.
Turning, Turning, the world turns 'round
Burning, Burning, let's all gather now.

And all the Years they Fly...

Lilting, Lilting, your time grows nigh
Wilting, Wilting, you don't yet know why.
Looking, Looking, yet nothing you see.
Searching, Searching, deep within me.

Tick Tock... Goes the Clock...

I see Time. I see Space.
It has put me in my place.
Run, my friend, RUN!
NOW IT IS TIME FOR HIS FUN!!!

YOU AND I MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I liked it EXCEPT for the intentional and probably very deep-meaning repetition. I'm sure it has some deep meaning (as I said - the repetition of someone trying to convince themselves of something I guess I dunno) but it just comes across as too much repetition. Like you, the author, are trying to convince us that Applejack is trying to convince herself. I think you get what I'm saying. Interesting story though, I like it for the uniqueness alone but it was also well written. Thank you for sharing your creepy dream!

Also, Applejack's face-hole is now my fetish.

I love surrealism

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