You can do it right this time... I thought to myself as I prepared to leap off the high dive at last. I was at my favorite swimming pool practicing my dives which I evidently suck at. It's not as if the past 3 times I over-did it and did a back flop...actually that's exactly what happened. Anyway just about everyone else had left since it was starting to get dark but I wanted to get it right just once before heading home. There were a few diving boards at this pool, at least when I messed up I did so on one of the lower two. This time, I wanted to try my luck on the high dive.
I tried to not imagine how agonizing a back flop off of that would be as I climbed to what felt like my doom. I looked about and saw that no one was paying attention should I fail again, which was a nice change. I stretched my arms and made sure my trunks were secure before running across the diving board.
I dove and closed my eyes but after a moment or two of not hitting the water something felt off. I was falling longer than I was supposed to. I opened my eyes to see a huge cloud coming to meet me, oh yeah and somehow there were a bunch of pony-like creatures in uniforms or something standing in a circle around the would-be impact zone.
Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, I'm dead, I'm dead I'm a goner... Would have been my final, proud thoughts if it didn't turn out clouds weren't softer than a bunny in a pillow fort. Still hurt like hell after falling though. Immediately I heard voices of shock and surprise and after a few long moments with my face still buried deep in the cloud I could start to make out what they were saying.
"What in the hell is that!?" I heard someone shout.
"Is it dead?"
"I vote we poke it."
"We should flip it over, maybe that'll help determine species and gender." I heard a slightly older voice say.
"You first, could be like a possum or something, wonder if it'll bite." A concerned voice responded.
"Think it can talk? Hey, buddy? Yoo hoo? Anyone home?" I felt something poke me in the back. I wanted to respond but I was nervous they would be holding pitchforks or something and decide to give poking me with that a whirl.
No longer content to try and hold a conversation with the back of my head I felt a pair of hooves slide under me and flip me over.
"Hey, it looks kinda like a minotaur, but different. Ain't got no horns, and not as much muscle as they usually do. Is it a girl minotaur? I've never seen a girl minotaur." A young voice said before I finally opened my eyes.
Immediately I saw a bunch of blue-uniformed ponies of a variety of colors and hair-styles. All staring at me, probably about fifty or so of them. Completely unsure of how to respond or why they were speaking perfect English I kept quiet for at least another moment.
"Hey there, are you okay? We're not going to hurt you." Came the same young voice, this time from the light blue mare standing over me like a vet checking for injuries on an animal.
"Who are you?" I finally asked. She recoiled out of surprise and backed up a little.
"You can talk!?" I heard a several voices say at once.
"Yeah...and I think I might be on drugs...like all of them." I said as I turned my head around trying to get a view of all fifty ponies staring at me like I had a brick sticking out of my skull. Another funny thing I noticed is that they all had wings and had brightly colored eyes.
"Umm...okay...let's get you out of the open..." The light blue mare said.
Another, louder voice spoke up after her. "Everyone get back to your usual jobs, the meeting will be re-scheduled for tomorrow afternoon!" With that all but a few of the ponies dispersed and began to speculate about my to themselves. The ones that remained followed with the one that was carrying me, that being a bigger, dark-blue, male pegasi and next to him a fiery colored mare.
Before long I was carried into a big quiet room with lockers and showers everywhere, I'm going to chance a guess at the locker room. Before we entered I noticed it was part of a much larger building, probably where they lived or trained or something, but I didn't have long to look. Thankfully we were the only ones in the locker room. They laid me on an empty bench and backed up a little, giving me some room to sit up.
I finally had a chance to get a good idea of how big they were and surprisingly most were only about a head shorter than me and easily comparable to my own size. If one of them were to stand on their back legs they'd probably be level with me.
"Okay...first things first...who and what are you and how the hell did you get here?" The mare with the fiery hair asked pointedly.
"Um...my name is James, I'm a guy. And I'm a human...and I don't have a damn clue...honestly I'm trying to not freak out..." I said nervously as I looked between them.
"Nice to meet you, James. Why would you be freaking out?" The blue stallion asked as he tilted his head to the side.
"Well...where I come from horses are a lot bigger, don't have wings and don't speak perfect English, it's just us humans." I explained.
"Ponies." The yellow pony in front of me stated.
"What?
"We're not horses, we're ponies."
"Um...well back where I'm from, it's horses. The adults are called horses and the young ones are called ponies."
"I said, we're ponies. Maybe they said it wrong where you're from but here we are ponies. We can call you a monkey if you'd like. All you're missing is a tail and no one could tell the difference!" She barked with increasing frustration. The two beside her took a step away from both of us for their own safety.
"Ahem...says the horse..."
"You're pushing your luck...watch it monkey boy..." She narrowed her eyes at me.
"I'm so afraid, horse lady. What are you gonna do anyway?" I closed my eyes being as mature as I am, stuck my tongue out at her. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have done that...
Just a moment after I did that I felt something connect with the side of my face. Hard. The motion kept going, knocking me on my ass to the floor and on my back. My eyes flew open when I impacted and I looked at her wide-eyed as I massaged my cheek. She was standing on her back legs and holding her right hoof in her left one, red from the impact.
Holy shit that hurt! Ahhhh...the fuck...ahhh...okay...fuck, I'll call em ponies...damn she hits hard. It's a miracle my jaw works.
"Swing and I'll really kick your ass. That was a warning shot." she said sternly.
"Okay...sorry. Ponies it is, but don't call me a monkey again." I surrendered, it was better than getting smashed in the face again.
"Deal." her expression softened as she extended a hoof to help me up. I reached with my other hand and she pulled me to my feet. "Sorry I lost my temper. Let's start again."
"Where are you from anyway?" The fiery one asked again.
"From this place called Earth. Humans are the only sentient race and many of them look like me but there can be a lot of variations on how people look." I informed her.
"Who are the three of you anyway? You have my name."
"My name's Spitfire." The fiery-haired one nodded.
"Mine's Soarin." Said the dark-blue stallion.
"And I'm Fleetfoot." The younger mare smiled.
"So um...why don't you tell us about yourself?" Soarin suggested.
Their names were a little out of the ordinary, though they were talking ponies so I figured I'd let it slide. I had heard some pretty odd names back on Earth after all.
"Not a whole lot to tell, really. I mean I did well in school. I made some nice friends. I like swimming and stuff like that when I have time. I have always wanted to be able to fly, guess that's why I like swimming so much, I feel weightless and you can glide through the water. I want to be a pilot one day." I answered. They exchanged puzzled looks while Spitfire looked behind me for something.
"What are you looking to find?"
"Well you sure don't have any wings. How would you be a pilot?" Spitfire asked. Soarin gently nudged her.
"Hey, for all you know he could be sensitive to that kind of thing, remember that unicorn in Canterlot? Rapidfire said the same thing and the poor kid started crying." Soarin remarked.
"Oh...right, sorry." Spitfire confessed
"No, it's alright. Um...back on Earth pilot must be a different meaning. We have this big metal planes, like flying machines. Humans can't fly but they could in one of those."
"Oh. Um...alright. Hope that works out for you." Spitfire said slowly with an uncertain expression.
"What about you guys?"
"I am the captain of the Wonderbolts, the finest flying unit in Equestria." Spitfire stated proudly.
"And I'd be second in command, Soarin." Soarin said in turn.
"I'm um Fleetfoot, kinda new here so I don't really have a position..." she said as she kicked at the ground in embarrassment.
I sat more a moment and nodded my head trying to wrap my head around how this world could even exist at all. I made a mental note to bring it up later.
"No I mean who you guys are, not what position you are."
"Oh, alright. Well you see, Soarin and I joined the Wonderbolts together years ago, maybe five or six years. We did pretty well and before we knew it were made it this far already. We've been friends since high school and it's always great to be able to work with your best friend everyday." She smiled and elbowed Soarin playfully, he winced just a little but I noticed it was more in response to what she said rather than the elbow.
"Not a lot of folks really know me here yet. The plan was to sign up with one of my friends but he didn't pass the initial tests due to an injury. Honestly it can be a little lonely sometimes.
There was a story I could relate to. Though things had gotten better eventually, high school was exceedingly lonely for quite a while.
"Nice to at least know you guys a little better. Where am I anyway, and what are you going to do with me?" I asked, only moderately afraid of being tied down and being dissected by a bunch of talking ponies.
"You're in Cloudesdale, Equestria." Spitfire said quickly before looking to the two beside her. "You two, a moment in private. Now." She said before they went into an area of the locker room that was much farther away as well as out of sight, leaving me to my thoughts for now.
Maybe I'm in a coma? I don't remember hitting my head on anything. I don't think I'm dead. A weird dream? No, feels far too real. Eh, might as well see where this all goes. What's the worst that could happen. Oh shit, I did not just think about that. It's dangerous to even think about that let alone say it. Crap, well now I'm cursed. I thought to myself when I started to hear bits of what they were saying.
"We should contact the princesses...they'll want to know about this." One of them said softly. They were making an effort to make sure that only they'd hear what they were talking about.
"He seems peaceful at least." I heard Fleetfoot say
"Hold up, I don't know how good his hearing might be, let's move a little farther away." I caught Soarin suggesting. They probably agreed because after that I couldn't hear them. Rather than be reasonable and wait for them to get back, my curiosity got the better of me and I walked myself as close as I dared without being seen. Soon I began to hear them again.
"-kept somewhere for now. Maybe with one of us." Spitfire added. Soarin and Spirfire seemed to debate something after that but I couldn't make out a word of it.
"I'll give him a place to stay." I eventually heard Fleetfoot offer. Well on the plus side I don't think I'd be getting dissected tonight.
"Why?" Spitfire rebuked. Once again I barely managed to gleam out a word of the short debate until it was over.
"-that...and he's kinda cute..." I heard her say, which is honestly the most surprising thing I could have heard. Aside from the small ego boost I was happy about how it seemed to be going overall. I noticed a brief moment of silence followed after Fleetfoot said that but it picked up again.
"Alright...he's all yours." Spitfire said with a tone of finality as I heard them began to trot back to me. Like a kid about to be caught with his hand in a cookie jar I hurried silently back to my seat and acted like a nearby poster was the most fascinating thing in the world. I looked over the details of it to erase suspicions that I was eavesdropping...even if I actually was.
"We're going to send a letter to the princesses, the ponies in charge of Equestria, about you. In the meantime you'll be staying in Fleetfoot's quarters." Spitfire told me.
"Umm...okay." I responded with the intelligence level of a retarded gopher.
"We'll find some ways for you to at least be helpful while you're here. What do you eat? Meats, veggies, or both?" She asked as if she were an interviewer.
"I'm an omnivore, I can eat things like bread, fruits, vegetables and most meats just fine."
"Okay, we'll introduce you to the chef later, when you meet him ask him for a gryphon menu. We'll also give you some bits to spend on necessities, not much but enough to feed you." Spitfire told me.
She pulled a small bag from a pocket on her suit and gave it to me. "Make it last the week."
"Oh and I really am sorry about before. It has been a long day and I'm a little stressed out." She sighed as she looked away.
"Yeah...same here, I shouldn't of kept saying that to bother you." I said sheepishly.
"Are we good?" she asked.
"Yeah, we're good." I smiled to make my response clear. "So...what now?" I asked hesitantly.
"Soarin and I have to contact the princesses and coordinate some things. Fleetfoot gets to give a tour of Cloudesdale but primarily the area where the Wonderbolts are. Enjoy the tour!" Spitfire finished with a smile before turning an about-face and heading off somewhere else, leaving me with Fleetfoot.
She reached her hoof out to meet me. "Hey, like I said um, I'm Fleetfoot, I guess you're with me for now" She smiled. Figuring the only sign it could be I reached my hand out and shook her hoof, it was softer than I anticipated.
"Any questions?" She asked eagerly.
"Believe me, I'll have plenty later" I breathed as I looked awkwardly around the room.
"Alright, well let's get on with the tour." She sighed.
Fleetfoot led the way out of the locker room and down the hall into what looked like a recreation area. There were some tables, some comfortable looking couches, and most everything you'd expect in a normal recreation area. It seemed a little odd how many similarities they seemed to have with people but I'd think more on that later. I may be an open-minded person but a new world and talking ponies is quite a bit to absorb all at once and just keep going.
After a brief look around the recreation area Fleetfoot continued with the tour and showed me the whole building, it seemed that many of them did indeed live here, not out of lack of money but they seemed like a close-knit group and it was all that much less time to be able to go to work every morning. They had everything they might need, ranging from an indoor gym to a community kitchen and a library, all of which were in rather impressive condition. The light blue mare in front of me told me her room wasn't far from the rec area but we'd see it later.
Soon we were outside in the city of Cloudesdale itself, it truly was beautiful. A sea of clouds surrounded us and pegasi streamed back and forth throughout the city. Then it hit me like a brick.
Holy shit I'm on a floating city, holy shit holy shit. Of course I had to fall into a magical flying city. Oh I'm only way up in the fucking clouds. Must think happy thoughts.
I must have been staring out in the blue for longer than I realized because soon I heard Fleetfoot calling me.
"Hey, you okay?" She said in mild concern.
"Yeah it's just...I've never been on a floating city before and really it's a little scary." I admitted after swallowing a lump in my throat.
"Oh...I can see why, you don't have wings so it would be scarier than it is for me, right?"
"Pretty much."
"Oh...I don't mean to be insensitive but...how would you fly?" Fleetfoot asked politely.
"Actually a lot, but don't worry about offending me. Sometimes I kinda just look at the sky and try to imagine wind in my hair and soaring around." I looked at the open sky around me rather longingly, it's still nice to dream sometimes.
"It is really nice, I guess most of us just take it for granted everyday." She breathed as she looked around with me, trying to understand what it would feel like if she had never seen it before.
We both just stopped and looked around for a moment, ponies were flying everywhere with great ease and dexterity, possessing such skill at every little maneuver. For them no doubt it came as naturally as walking.
"I know this might all be a lot for you, or maybe not. I don't know what Earth is like, but it would be best if we tried to help you assimilate here. If you insist on keeping clothes we'll get you some more, I doubt what you have now will last forever." She said while keeping her eyes on a young pegasi attempting tricks in the air nearby.
"It's too bad you can't see it. Sure it's not beautiful like this place is but...once in a while it can really surprise you. I'm going to miss it..." I thought back to the hikes I had taken around varies mountains and forests. Away from the noise of towns and people you could appreciate the quiet beauty of nature...and I would never see it again, or anything familiar. I sat down and looked blankly at the foreign sky in front of me. The gravity of the situation began to sink in.
"Hey, you okay? It'll be alright. James. Come on, look at me." Fleetfoot brushed a wing against me to get my attention. "I'm gonna make you a promise. Until you get home I'm here to help you. So if you're good with it, I would like to be your first friend in Equestria." She smiled encouragingly as I turned to face her.
"Thank you, that means a lot. Friends. Likewise if you need help with anything I'll be there."
"Awesome, now we should find something we can do that'll help take your mind off things. I know a great restaurant not far away, it caters to gryphon diets too so there should be plenty that you like."
"Sounds nice, but I feel kinda under-dressed..."
"Doesn't bother anyone if you're naked or not. You're still more dressed than most folks. I'm wearing this flight suit because I just finished flying laps not long before the meeting, then you came here. I might as well still wear it since the owner of the restaurant we're going to gives discounts to Wonderbolts."
I tried to keep in mind what Fleetfoot said as we went further into town, the number of ponies and the occasional gryphon increasing along with the buildings until we came up on an area that resembled a plaza of sorts. In the middle stood a proud statue of some armored pegasus flanked on all sides by different shops and restaurants.
"Hey, Fleetfoot, who's this supposed to be?" I asked her. As we approached closer I began to notice just how detailed it was. He was covered in what almost seemed like Roman armor and every inch of the statue looked like hours were poured into its creation.
"That is Commander Hurricane. He was the final leader of the pegasi tribe, way back when pegasi, unicorns and earth ponies lived in tribes separate from each other. He was one of the founders of what would become Equestria." Fleetfoot explained with a hint of pride in her voice. She went on telling me about the basic history of Equestria, everything from Luna's banishment and return to the defeat of some great evil named Tirek. It seemed that Equestria didn't have as much violent history or wars as humanity did but it would still suffice to say that they have a colorful history.
"I get the feeling he was well liked. The details on this are astounding."
"Yeah, very much actually. There were three great sculptors working on it tirelessly and it was supposed to be finished in only a few weeks but they didn't feel it paid proper respect to him so they worked on it for a couple months. This statue is actually only a few years old so that's why it looks so new. The other one was practically ancient but it eventually became too fragile to keep out here, now it's on display in a museum in Canterlot with some other relics."
"Neat. Maybe we could see the one there one day?"
"If we get a chance, sure. I haven't been to Canterlot in a while but I know a cool DJ there too. Vinyl Scratch, she's great with dubstep and electronic music though she does plenty of rock music too, she keeps it varied. I know her personally and last time we spoke she was talking about wanting to make some of her own songs. She even introduced me to her roommate Octavia, they get along pretty well even though she plays classical music. Believe it or not they've even started doing songs together and the result can be breathtaking."
"Damn, that's awesome. How'd you meet them?"
"They actually came up to me after a show one time and asked for my autograph, I'd heard of Vinyl here and there and Octavia once so I agreed only if I could get theirs. They laughed and eagerly agreed and soon we began to talk about interests and found that we all actually had quite a bit in common and we kinda became friends from there."
"Cool, would it be alright if I met them in the future?"
"Sure, and they'll probably introduce you to Anders, some guy they met a few weeks ago. They haven't told me much about him but from what I can gleam he's not your average stallion. Hey let's talk more in the restaurant that way we can eat by the time we finish."
I nodded in understanding and Fleetfoot led us down a walkway to a nice looking restaurant with a sign on front that read "Rib-eye in the Sky". Upon entering we were quickly greeted by a silver-colored mare that guided us to quiet corner table with a view of the entire restaurant. Moments later a gryphon came to our table with a stack of menus in her claws. Her sunset colored feathers appeared to blend seamlessly into the fur that made up her lower half and even with her wings tucked in I couldn't help but feel a little small in her presence.
"Hello and welcome to "Rib-eye in the Sky", my name is Valera and I will be your server today. Which menu would you two like? We have a carnivorous menu, an herbivorous menu and one for omnivores as well." Valera's beak curved into a polite smile as she ran her talons between the menus.
"Um...oh, sorry. Let's just say I'm new in town and everything is pretty new to me so I'm still trying to soak it in. The omnivore menu I suppose." She had caught me while I was a bit lost in thought about today's events.
"Hmm...I think I'll try an omnivore menu too.
"Here are your menus, and we have a nice couple's dish if you'll look the the specials that you two might like." She cheerfully winked at us before continuing. "And I understand that a place like Cloudsdale can be a little frightening at first but you get used to it. I'll be back shortly to take your orders."
"No, no we're not a couple, we're just friends." I tried to tell our waiter but she was already gone, I looked beside me to Fleetfoot whom only offered a shrug in response.
"Don't worry, she probably knows I'm out of your league." Fleetfoot flashed a cheeky grin as she patted me on the back with a hoof.
I raised my hand to come up with what was sure to be a witty and clever response only to find I didn't, worse I had no response I could think of at all, even saying "nuh-uh" slipped my mind so I simply slumped into my seat with a slight pout, disappointed that I would surely think of the best possible response sometime after dinner.
"Aww, take it easy bud, you know I'm kidding."
"Yeah, we both know who's the pretty one anyway." I stuck my tongue out in a goofy smile. She laughed and said "sure, I bet you get all the stallions."
As our conversation carried on our waiter eventually returned and took our orders. I chose a small salmon with garlic bread on the side and Fleetfoot decided to choose the same, saying that she might as well try it. A short time later our food was brought to us on a steaming platter as Valera when placed it on the table. She bowed her head and departed towards the kitchen so we could enjoy our meal.
"I thought ponies couldn't eat meat?" I said as Fleetfoot readied a fork to dig into the salmon.
"Well, we can but we normally don't. We don't need meat in our diet to be healthy and if we eat too much it can make us sick. Like if I had fish once or twice a week I'll be fine, but if I'm eating it every day or two I'll start getting sick." Using her hoof she lifted a piece of the salmon to her mouth and ate it, slowly pondering the taste as if it was a food she hadn't eaten since childhood.
I started to bite into the garlic bread when I heard Fleetfoot chuckle lightly.
"You certainly pick interesting food for a first date, James. Fish and garlic, you're not kissing anyone tonight are you?" she teased.
"You picked the same thing! I could say the same for you. Plan on knocking out your date and dragging him home with fish and garlic breath?" I made a fainting gesture and Fleetfoot returned with wide eyes and a fierce blush in her cheeks.
"Shut up!" she croaked as laughter began to break into her voice. "I said I wanted to try it and I am! It's not like I was going to try and kiss you yet!" As soon as she spoke her eyes instantly grew to the size of plates and she threw her hooves over her mouth as if she could catch the words before I heard them. Her blush didn't exactly help hide it very well either though.
"Um...wow, I didn't know you saw me that way..." I said in a surprised but small voice.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that it's just that I kinda find you attractive and...I know that even if I did we just met and it's super early and...damn! Just eh...pretend you didn't hear it, please?" she rambled in a panicky tone.
"Fleetfoot. Fleetfoot! Relax. I was just...surprised is all and I'm really flattered you think that way." I smiled to ease the tension. "You're a super nice and sweet girl and since we're on the subject...I think you're cute too." That seemed to visibly ease her nerves as she finally relaxed her posture and blew out a long breath of relief and eased in a tiny smile.
Going local already are you? I though subconsciously.
"If you like we can still pretend neither of us heard those last bits or whatever you'd like."
"I uh...yeah, and thank you, it means a lot. I don't get that from a lot of people. I don't know...maybe get to know each other a little more and see what happens?" she asked nervously.
"I'd like that."
"Awesome! I mean, yeah that's great."
We both shared a laugh and with the tension eased we returned to our meals. After we finished Valera came over and retrieved our plates and when she came back we split the bill evenly. After making sure we didn't leave a mess on the table for the staff to clean up we stood up and left the restaurant. On the way back Fleetfoot pointed out an un-populated alley that she claimed to use as a shortcut to get back to the Wonderbolts building when she was running late
"Say, how come no one is freaking out here? A strange creature shows up out of nowhere and no one panics, people just go about their day." I turn around and gesture Fleetfoot to all the ponies walking outside that alley as if I'd been here for months. I wasn't right out in the open but it's not like I was hiding from folks either.
"There's lots of different intelligent races in the world, and we see new and unusual things all the time. I've noticed some give you a couple odd glances now and again but most ponies are used to odd sights" she informed me.
"And no one is bothered by the fact that I'm half-naked right here?" I gesture to my swim trunks, only now did I begin to realize that it would be windy up in a floating city. The chilly afternoon wind was making my nipples pointy enough to cut diamonds.
Well no shit, Sherlock. I thought to myself. We're only...actually I don't want to know how far up were are but it's pretty damn high.
"Um...in case you didn't notice most folks around here are naked...nudity isn't a taboo in a lot of cultures, like ours. Flight suits like ours are to help make us a little more streamlined for the airshows but mostly for the sake of uniformity." She educated me like the stupid human she probably imagined I was.
"Oh, duh. Now I just feel oblivious. Just a little odd, I'm used to living in a culture that did have a serious nudity taboo so it might take a while to adjust." I blushed a little.
"Yeah, and I forgot to mention...we read minds!" She said excitedly. "I can tell what you're thinking right now..." Fleetfoot flashed me a dirty grin as she stepped closer to me.
"Uh...wait what, how...what are you doing..."
"Shh...you know you'll like it..."
I tried to back up as she walked me closer to a wall. My cheeks turning crimson in embarrassment and uncertainty. Just when I ran out of room Fleetfoot's lips began to quiver and she fell to the floor laughing.
"Ahaha! That was hilarious! The look on your face was priceless. I'm sorry but I knew I'd never get another chance like that." She stammered out in between laughs as she stood herself back up. "
My face were still flushed red in embarrassment when I tried talking. "That was just mean! Why would you-"
"Oh you probably would have done the same." She returned as she gave me some space.
In all honestly she's probably right, though I was mostly just surprised, she seemed like a different mare than the one I had just met earlier.
"And here I thought you were shy!"
"Oh...well I kinda am, well at least until I get to know folks a little, and I'm working to get over being shy. You have an honest face too." She blushed just slightly.
"Thanks...err...I thought you'd never seen a human before?"
"Oh, I haven't, but it's fairly universal, damn near impossible with changelings though." She laughed a little.
"...what are changelings?" I asked hesitantly.
Her expression morphed into one of pondering as she seemed to think about how to explain what changelings were. "They're basically shaped like ponies but instead of regular skin and fur they have chitin and stuff, like some bugs. They need love to survive...yeah I'll explain that later, sounds odd at first. They possess the ability to change forms at will, the closer to their natural body size the easier it is, everything from chickens to dragons but like I said, it's harder for them on both extremes of the spectrum. They're so good at changing shapes that if they've seen someone before they can imitate exactly how that person looks, but the imitation is only as good as their memory." She strung her words together as if she had been waiting for someone to ask her.
"You seem to know a lot about these guys" I replied with a bemused look.
"Well I'm actually friends with a few. Their image has improved tremendously in the public eye lately though some are still mistrustful. They can actually be amazing people once you get to know them."
I nodded in understanding. "Interesting to know." For a moment I forgot what we had been doing before Fleetfoot's prank. I looked around for a small reminder when I once again realized I was all but naked. Not only was it awkward to be in the middle of a city half-naked, it felt like my balls were going to freeze off at any moment. I looked over to Fleetfoot and realized she didn't seem cold in the slightest while it was like being trapped in a freezer to me.
"How in the world are you not freezing?"
"Huh? Oh um well I'm a pegasi, most pegasi don't get cold easily, that and we have fur. Are you that cold? Let's head back inside, I'll have to give you a better tour another time. No good for you to freeze to death on day one. We'll try to get some clothes tailored to you as well, our tailor usual works with ponies but he is really good at other species too, like gryphons and minotaurs, even clothes for a dragon once!" She said excitedly as she took a hold of my hand with her hoof and led me back towards the building.
"Wait wait wait...did you just say dragon? Minotaurs? What else lives around here? Oh man...I swear if I wake up and find myself in my own bed this will have been one odd dream."
"And they say I'm odd...trust me James, you can bet those big blue eyes of yours this is no dream."
"Heh, I have the big blue eyes?" I remarked with a chuckle.
"Oh shut up. Not like it's a bad thing. Ponies have bigger eyes than some other species."
"Anyway, how'd you grab my hand with hooves?" I asked in confusion, she looked at me like I just told her that I have two ears.
"How wouldn't I? Have you lived under a rock? Okay, we have a lot to talk about later on. Follow me." She sighed as she tugged on my hand. "I can see why you're cold too, I can tell you don't exactly have much fur first off, and you still look like you just climbed out of the water. It'll take a while to get you clothes but there's some blankets in my room. I'll find you a towel to dry off first though."
Before long we passed through the double-doors into the Wonderbolts building. As we paced down the hall to Fleetfoot's quarters two familiar ponies came into sight, Spitefire and Soarin. As we neared them they stopped and started talking to Fleetfoot.
"Fleetfoot! Got some news. We've already received Princess Celestia's response. She wants to meet the hu-I mean James in three days, Friday afternoon. She seemed excited actually, said that Equestria hasn't seen humans for a very long time. She's interested that a second one has appeared so soon." Spitfire said with a tone of eagerness.
"...second one?" I asked, trying to poke my head into the conversation
"Oh, hey um...what was it...James! Yeah, a few weeks ago another human appeared. Fleetfoot or myself can tell you more later. It's getting late, you two may want to turn in for the night. Seeing as you aren't familiar with anything here I want to set up a special class for you over the next few days so that you can learn more about our world. All of the species living here, culture, lifestyle, and more."
"Cool, thank you for your hospitality." I told her
"Um, sure thing. It'll take a little while for me to set up so it'll start at noon tomorrow. I'll see you there." Spitfire said as she left with Soarin in tow. As she turned down the hall she spoke up again. "Oh and behave you two!" She said in a teasing tone.
I immediately noticed Fleetfoot blushing. She momentarily away looked when she realized that I saw.
"Oooh, careful, she said we gotta behave. I know that sometimes I can just be irresistible but you heard what she said." I grinned.
Fleetfoot lightly punched me in the shoulder as she laughed.
"Oh wow. Cocky one aren't you? Too bad I'm still outta your league." She stuck her tongue out in a mock act of immaturity.
"You're right, you gotta aim a little higher for me."
"Oh I'm sure you were such a romeo before you got here, we are all graced with your charming presence." She remarked sarcastically.
"Glad you understand." I said as I put my hands on my hips and acted as if I was serious.
"Well let's get to bed, I used to have a roommate in here so I have a bunk bed. The top one is all yours, don't worry it should easily be big enough for you." Fleetfoot said as she opened the door to her room.
True to her word the bunk bed was fairly big by human standards. The entire room was the size of a college dorm, next to a window sat a desk with papers and writing utensils scattered around it , to the right was the beds and to the left wall was a number of cabinets, dressers and a table with a few chairs around it. On a nearby shelf there appeared to be plenty of games that could be played with friends, including several the seemed strangely like ones I had myself.
Fleetfoot took a few moments to show me a few of the interesting hidden features in the room as well as where everything was and where certain items were kept if they were needed, like bandages or water. When she was done with that she sleepily crawled into her bed on the bottom bunk and asked me to turn off the light switch that was by me. I did as she asked and carefully crawled into the bed above hers.
I almost wondered if I was actually awake when I climbed in, the bed was almost impossibly comfortable. This must be what true love feels like. It was the most blissfully comfortable and nice bed I had ever touched in my entire life. Folks here must have it really good if this is the standard for bedding.
"Goodnight James." She said as she pulled the sheets over herself.
"Goodnight Fleetfoot." I told her.
As I felt myself quickly falling asleep I took a little time to think over the days events, all thinks considered, I was adjusting extremely well in my own mind. Though knowing me, it'll probably sink in tomorrow or the day after. Before long I could feel the worry slipping from my mind as I drifted off to sleep for my first night in a strange new world.
99.7% of the time, I refuse to read clop. This may become an exception. Continue.
4492595 lol not just 99 or 99.99 it's 99.7
4493566
Yep. Before this, I have read five other clopfics. Seven if you separate the Molestia Trilogy.
Wow, this did better than I expected honestly, and I'm sorry but I accidentally put mature and sex on instead of teen, I'm changing it to teen BUT I know what you guys came here expecting and I'll make sure you get it, whenever it would come to one of those parts I'll post it as a story all it's own for this, (I'll link it at appropriate times in the story because I know not everyone might be interested) So there will be very little actual difference. It'll be "Playing With Fire: Under the Covers" or something really close, it's not like i have a bazillion stories to search through.
4494922 Thanks, I'll try to make sure I update often, just wish I knew what people disliked about it, it's got as many red thumbs as my 3 other stories put together so I'm a little curious, if anyone knows please tell me.
There were a bit too many errors of various types for me to enjoy this.
While they were introducing themselves, you lost me by the use of poor pacing, poor characterization, and grammatical errors.
4495309 Noted, I'll be sure to edit this weekend, thanks. I do wish I had a proof-reader helping throughout the stories, none of these have been proof-read thoroughly except by me :/
4495373
Well, congrats on the feature, at least.
4495434 ...this got featured!? Dang, I see. Awesome. Anyway I'm gonna try to get as much of the edit as I can done with tonight.
4495436
Yeah. Bottom of the box.
4495447 Found it. Lol it's gotten as many likes in 24 hours as Sombra's Redemption has gotten in 8 months.
hmmm, hard to say what I think of this I guess I'm gonna have to just wait for you to complete this, but I'd say the biggest thing is the pacing, need to slow down on it ~Alex
4495592 Thanks Alex, yeah sometimes I have a little trouble kicking things off but I'm working to fix it and the story should even out pretty fast.
4495630 I would recommend getting a friend, mother, father, just someone to come and take a look over the story, usually getting 3 opinions on a story is the best way to get an Idea of what your audience thinks about it. I would suggest doing that to make sure your work is the best and it kicks out those nasty little habits ~Alex
P.S Congrats on the feature by the way, saw it on there earlier always nice to get one of those
4495637 Much appreciated and yeah lol that was a goal when I started out, funny thing is I got my other story featured but it was for all of 5 minutes and then I'm just like dang, so close. Thanks for the advice, I'll try that.
Dayum, where'd you get that Spitfire art? It looks so awesome! /)(\
--> Should be "a strange creature". If the following word starts with a vowel sound, it should be 'an'. Otherwise, use 'a'.
Also, don't rush the romance too hard
Love it so far!
4492595
4493566
4493604
this is not clop the describation said those will be posted seperatly.
@Orion97
Moar plz.
I like this. I prefer Spit-shipping, but, Eh, whaddya gonna do?
It's so hard to find human x Fleetfoot stories out there. I like this.
4496527 That was before I edited that and accidentally had mature and sex tags on the story itself.
4496648 Well you're probably going to get a bit of that. I can't say anymore without giving away the story but it won't be oh guy meets gal, they meet and start to like each other, something happens and they realize they loved each other all along. No, it's going to evolve more naturally than that and there will be some twists and turns .
4496992 Thanks, originally I was thinking with Spitfire as the romantic interest but as I wrote, Fleetfoot felt like a more natural choice, and as much as I like Spitfire I wanted to do it a little different.
Wow, just in general I did not expect this kind of response (it's really good) almost 60 likes and almost 90 favs. I wonder if say Kaidan or Anonymous Pegasus will see it (they helped inspire me to write stories on here). But really, thank all of you guys for the support though I've probably said that plenty already. Hope you'll enjoy the next update!
4497481 It's got some severe flaws. There's nothing else I could really say that you don't know about already, but hey. If you need an editor, or just need a little help, feel free to let me know. As long as I'm not at work or in the middle of something important, I'll probably help you out immediately.
4497481 *swoons* My favorite!! Thanks!
4497661 I will gladly take you up on that offer. I can message you more about it later. It needs some real editing. Thank you
4497481
oh I didn't realize that.
is it looked away ?
4499028 wow my mind autocorrected for me.
4499074 am I the only one to see that ?
4496527
I found this the first day it was published, when it was still rated Mature.
Alright, it's not to any sexual scenes yet and I was working on a thing for Soarin x Spitfire (not related to this story though) so I figured I'd try to finish it sooner for you guys, keep an eye out for it tonight or tomorrow. This one will just be a one-shot .
Two things you need:
Pacing. This all goes by awfully fast in some cases. The whole tour was two paragraphs. Maybe spend some time extending that.
Editing. If you have an editor, have them take another look at this chapter, because they missed a bunch of things. It's not bad, compared to a few stories I've seen, but definitely could use some work.
Also, if you have an editor and they are OK with it, please credit them in the description of the story. It bugs us to not get credit, though more often than not we'll just put up with it rather than ask.
EDIT: Derp. In the A/N you implied you don't have an editor/proofreader. I'll do it.
EDIT 2: Also, forgot the rating! Three out of five. Pretty good story, nice premise, starting out a bit cliche but that happens, but the dialogue is well-done. It's too early to really tell, but it seems like you're actually putting some thought into the dialogue and making them sound like different peo-- Er, ponies. And people. Sentients? Yeah, let's say sentients.
4501284 Yeah, don't worry I'm not the person to try to steal credit in any way. I do have Marioland1 with an offer but a second editor would be perfect. What parts other than the tour would you say were poorly paced? In honesty I had spent a good portion of the night writing it and pushed it out the door perhaps just a bit before it was ready so I cut corners where I shouldn't have. Yeah that's also one thing I wanted to make sure I did with the dialogue if possible. Make it clear that they're not just ponies that exist for their job or something, they're sentient beings with feelings, histories, and interests. Today's Friday so I should be able to actually go back and fix some things, especially with editor help. Thanks for the advice too.
4502248 Give me a few minutes; I'll reread it and let you know.
Also, it's not necessarily stealing credit. It could just be that you forgot and the editor doesn't want to broach it. That kinda thing can sound accusatory, so a lot of people just leave it.
4502248 Right, sorry. Something came up.
Anyway, the whole "just got here and not freaking out" bit seems kinda fake. I mean, it's hard, but it's a first-person fic, so you can definitely put in a bit more terror.
This is just kinda... out there. Unless you end up making a thing about it -- and I can guess a few ways, most of which are awesome -- I'd recommend removing it.
And clearly, they failed! Eh, no biggy.
Back to pacing. I just wanted to point out those.
You know what? Really, that was the only issue. I'm sure if I gave it a detailed look I could find more issues, but I don't have time right now.
Again, sorry for replying so late; something came up.
I usually wait until the second chapter shows up before reading a new fic, but this one had a human and the wonderbolts (not very common). So far, not bad. The pacing seems a bit rushed (with the skipping of the awkward first contact), but I understand the sentiment behind it. I'm not sure what it is, but it feels like it's missing... something. It's actually bothering me a bit as to what it might be. But, it does have potential. I shall favorite for now and make a judgement call after more chapters have been released. I look forward to seeing more!
4504777 Trust me, I know that feeling, yeah I understand from a lot of people now that certain parts were rushed and I could definitely put more into my half-assed version of a tour. I might of rushed a little closer to the end. I know the missing something thing. Don't worry you'll see it soon. Also I wanted to say this now. This story is going to tie in with The Sound of a Heartbeat and Invasion of the Pink Menace. At some point they may each get sequels (way way down the road) or even intertwine into one (don't strangle me, just an idea i'm floatin back and forth). It's also why I haven't tried to finish one before doing the others. It could spoil pieces of the other stories. It's not noticeable now but some more chapters into them you'll start seeing connection and relevant occurrences.
Think that's actually against the rules lol
Not bad. Somewhat more original than most HiE, both the location, the reaction, the ponies he meets and the fact that he isn't alone.
Your dialogue is of very uneven in quality. Some of it, like the banter between James and Fleet, is quite good and flows smoothly, but a lot of this chapter is too much of an infodump with waaaaaaay too little confusion. There is no real tension and Fleet seems too good at just figuring out what James needs to know. The information exchange is important, I get that, but every question gets an easy answer and Fleet seems to preempt several questions. It's too smooth and too generic
Also, the ponies explain themselves too much. Though open, they should show their personalities more, not explain them. Show, don't tell, that applies as a general rule and even if you put the "telling" in the mouths of the characters, there
Nice to see the ponies being casual about omnivores for a change though.
One other thing: "Oh...I don't mean to be insensitive but have you ever wanted to fly?" Fleetfoot asked politely." That seems like a really weird question, considering he already explained that he wanted to be a pilot and what it was. And how could that question be insensitive?
You might want to remake the short description.
It doesn't have much to do with the story and describes almost nothing.
4505772 Well me having it as mature in the first place was unintentional and I didn't realize it until later. I wasn't trying to be sneaky or anything and I didn't want to feel like I pulled people in expected something else when they wouldn't be getting it, so thus the side story.
4506772 Good call, thanks. Just changed it, couldn't think too well of what to make it, I'm always better with long descriptions.
4505947 Yeah like I said, I rushed a little when I shouldn't have, I'm a little rocky on intros and I wrote that part wrong. (It was like midnight and my brain was on like half power). It was supposed to be like he said he wanted to be a pilot but they got confused because he didn't have wings and didn't want to offend him. I'm finally able to edit so I'm gonna tackle that this morning.
Oh and just a general notice, I live in japan (though I'm american) at the moment so I would be 13 hours ahead of anyone on the east coast, 11 for west coast. So midnight in North Carolina would be 3 p.m. for me of the following day.
He's wrong actually.
That statement and the use of "revoked" really threw me for a loop. Besides that, I think pacing and info-dumping(both of which have been mentioned) are the only problems I noticed. Can't wait to read more!
*Dnar Semaj beat me to it.
4512932 Huh, didn't know that. Thank you. I didn't know that, though not everyone does so I might edit that but I may also leave it in because characters aren't all knowing so they can be simply wrong from time to time but maybe later on he learns it.
4513169 Yeah I was trying to find other words to use, I'm not 100% done editing. I added a description of him at the beginning and some more tour parts, as well as fixing the introduction but I'm still working on the tour part especially, I've been kinda busy this weekend.
4505772
Not exactly; as long as he changes it to mature and adds the sex tag later when he actually has that in the story, it's fine.
I'm a little confused man it sounds that the shipping is going to be him and fleetfoot but your cover is a picture of spitfire is that intentional or a fuck up.
4515182 It's Fleetfoot yes but it's not going to be that straighforward, the story is going to have a lot of Soarin and Spitfire in it, this chapter was mostly just those two to help introduce things. I know it's probably seems misleading as it but it'll make more sense as chapters progress. If it's still misleading after so long I don't know, I suppose I'd change the cover pic and/or the title but hopefully that won't be necessary.
I saw the title, clicked on it, scrolled down...
...and not a clopfic.
The title made me expect a clopfic, not a harmless HiE.
So lol or something...
I like this, you've got my attention and I look forward to some ore of this
How does fleet wood know who Romeo is?
BTW: that play sucked, it was just Romeo confusing horniness with love and Juliet being in the middle of a her little teenage rebellion. It is literally the worst romance that I've ever had the misfortune of reading. My Immortal is better then it.
Plot synopsis: meet, marry, fuck, suicide. All within the space of 72 hours. Now, how exactly is that romantic?
4519523 I think that would fall under the they have so many similarities in both universes thing. I could write out ten pages about that kind of thing but it would just be a pain in the ass. Btw I agree with you completely on that, it's just a saying though.