Under the Starry Skies

by Wintergreen Diaries

Chaos Testing

Chapter 27: Chaos Testing

This was it. The day when the fruits of Silver’s labor, and the charring of his horn, and the freezing of his hooves, were all going to be worth the pain, embarrassment, and outright unpleasantness that seemed to plague his alchemy at every turn. He silently thanked Applejack again for demanding he have an assistant for all times, as it was Twilight’s intervention that prevented a second explosion, and Cerulean’s skill with ice that prevented him from quite possibly freezing to death working on his second drink, an ice imbued peach brandy that never got warm.

Twilight, upon noticing his use of silver as a means of aligning the drink with the element of fire, made the suggestion of using a phoenix feather instead. After he had himself a good laugh, she had disappeared for a short while before reappearing with the mystical down, plucked from a none-too-happy Peewee, earning the newly formed drink the title of Blazing Phoenix Schnapps.

Everwinter Brandy, as the second drink was dubbed, was somewhat less volatile than the schnapps, since fire has this nasty habit of exploding when threatened with manipulation. Ice, on the other hoof, simply freezes anything near it, and after numbing his hooves and face for the third time, Cerulean offered his assistance and vast knowledge of the element, providing him a way to create a chilled ethanol that remained cold without turning into an unusable lump of ice. Weaving Cerulean’s ice enchantment spell into his alchemy took several runs, but the result was worth it.

Lastly, the insanity that is poison joke. That, more than anything he had ever worked on, drove him absolutely mad for days, and required a vast supply of the remedy bath for the countless times he got affected by it. Normally, when he used alchemy to analyze a substance’s compound, was fairly simple to read. However, upon touching his horn to the beaker the first time, his mind exploded with information he couldn’t possibly have hoped to contain, falling backwards and staring at the ceiling as the mental overload robbed his synapses of functionality. Taste testing didn’t go over well either, as each infection produced a different result. Silver very nearly scrapped the project, but after some digging and a memory enhancement spell from Twilight, he was able to isolate and extract a mere three effects from the unnatural herb.

And thus, it was with great anticipation that he instructed Berry to spread the word to his testers to meet that afternoon, and preferably thirsty. Before this came something of much greater importance, and he leapt at the knock on the door that morning, throwing it open and all but attacking his parents with a tremendous hug.

“I see you’re doing well, son.” Perfect Jewel couldn’t help but grin at the enthusiasm radiating from his beaming features.

“Judging by what you wrote in your letter, you’ve had some success in your alcoholic endeavours, and if anypony is fit to judge, it’s me.”

“Of course, come in and I’ll get you something tasty.” Ushering them in, he sat them down at a table, trying not to let his pride in his success show too much. Deciding to start off with something simple, he brought out some of the slow brewed cider, setting out a mug for each of his parents and waiting eagerly for their assessment.

“You do your father proud, Silver. I’d say a little less of the mulling spices and a little more time in fermentation, but this is dang fine cider nonetheless.”

“I’ll make a note of it. Now, how’d you like to try something a little more intriguing?”

“As much as we’d love to stay, we really can’t be here very long. We both have work, and I know you didn’t call us out just to flaunt your creations. What’s really on your mind, son?” Good Spirits noted his son’s crestfallen face and relented. “Ok, bring out something special, but then we get to talking.” Immediately springing to life, very much acting like a foal, he raced back and returned with a mug of Shockberry Wine and Rainbow Fruit Cocktail for each. Silver would have started speaking were it not for the fact that his mother nearly fell over laughing as she downed some of the wine while Good Spirits had the most amusing look of utter confusion ever witnessed as the seven flavors of the cocktail danced across his tongue. After they had both sufficiently calmed down, he adopted a rather timid expression as he voiced his request.

“Mother, the real reason I asked you out here is because I’d like you to make a ring.”

“Would I be right to assume this would be a wedding band?”

“Y-yes, it would.”

“For Applejack?” He nodded, blushing brightly and glancing nervously between his mother and the increasingly interesting tabletop. “Well, that makes things rather simple. I sized her hoof when she came to Manehatten.”

“She let you do that?”

“Son, I’ve been in the jewelry business for a very long time. I can tell simply by looking. Now, did you have anything specific in mind?”

“Yes. For the gem, I was thinking something in the shape of a red apple. But the band isn’t near as simple. Mother, do you still have grandfather’s notes on alchemizing metal?”

“It’s a little outside my expertise, but yes, I do.”

“I was wondering... if you could make the band out of Nightshine.”

“Son, even if I were capable of making that, it requires the metal of a fallen star. They aren’t exactly easy to come by, and even with your success here I doubt you could afford even a small chunk of one.” Jewel was simultaneously baffled and curious as her son rose wordlessly and disappeared up the steps, and her eyes grew wide as he returned and set a large chunk of metal down on the table.

“Will that be enough?”

“Moonshine, this is... worth a fortune. You do know that, right?”

“She’s worth a lot more to me than that rock is, mother. Please, can you try?”

“You would even ask such a ridiculous question? I’d love a chance to put my father’s alchemy to use,” she replied, turning the lump over in her hoof with a look of awe bordering on reverence.

“Go ahead and keep whatever is left over to sell in your shop. Maybe you will finally get the notice you rightly deserve. And make sure you thank the little filly at the library.”

“Son, I don’t need the notice, and I certainly have no desire for fame. But this may just be enough for us to get a proper house, rather than the apartment that we reside in now. Not that opulence is something I crave, mind you.”

“How soon do you think you can have it ready?”

“You’re that eager to wed this mare, eh Silver?”

“I am.” His father was slightly taken aback by his son’s serious response to his well meaning prod, but it filled his heart with pride. “I look forward to receiving the invitation. Come on, Jewel, we’d best be off. You have your work cut out for you with all that fancy magic.” As they turned to go, Silver placed a hoof on his mother’s shoulder.

“Mom, please be careful. I know I’m asking a lot.”

“Son, you’ve given me much more already.”

---

Dawn’s attention was wrenched from a most enthralling photo of the night sky as a knock on the door signaled the arrival of guests. Guests that may or may not be carrying cupcakes, or some other such treat. Dashing ahead of her parents, nearly tripping herself as she went, she leapt onto the door handle, hanging from it but not quite turning it enough to open the portal. Her face moved from consternation to fascination as the knob glowed purple, turning in her grasp and giving her a brief ride as it swung open. The voices sounded, alerting her that the short lived trip was over, and she teleported to her father’s head to have a clear view.

“Hello, were you looking for a book?”

“Actually, Silver told us to come here and thank a certain filly for this,” Jewel said, levitating the fallen star out of the saddlebag and capturing Dawn’s full attention.

“Star, star!”

“I’d say we found our little magician, Jewel,” Spirits chuckled.

“Am I right to assume you’re both his parents?” Twilight asked, smiling as they both nodded, introducing themselves, after which Twilight and Cerulean did the same. Jewel noticed that the couple were both unicorns, yet Twilight’s ring was of earth pony design, not the usual horn ring that were traditional for the race. Cerulean felt unnecessarily embarrassed that this had been pointed out, explaining that he really didn’t have the money to search around for something more appropriate.

“I see. Well, you may not know it, but if this star really...”

“Star! Shiny!” Dawn interjected, pointing at the rock and then back to herself, beaming proudly and giggling as her father gave her a well deserved pat on the back.

“I guess there’s no ‘if’ about it. Since this precious metal came from your daughter, I would like to make you both more appropriate rings, if you are interested.”

“Well, I’m all for it. Twilight deserves a better ring than what she’s wearing now.”

“Cerulean, do I look like the glamorous type? And besides, I couldn’t possibly impose.”

“Twilight, was it? Your daughter has given me a great gift; a chance to put my father’s beloved alchemy to use. That alone is payment enough. I would be grateful if you’d let me do this for you both.”

“Seeing how amazing your work on our friend Rainbow Dash’s ring was, it would be foolish of me not to accept. I eagerly await your return, Jewel.” They made their farewells, and left for the stations. Walking back inside, Twilight immediately began drafting a letter to Celestia, who was appropriately intrigued by the advances in alchemy, something she hadn’t seen improved in several hundred years. “Spike, could you send this letter?”

“Sure, Twilight.” After a puff of green flame, Twilight noticed the dragon become thoughtful, holding a claw to his chin and staring intently at the floor.

“Is something wrong, Spike?”

“Well, more often than not, I stay at the library while you two are off at the tavern. I was just wondering... if maybe I could, you know, tag along?”

“Sure thing, little man. They even have a special drink just for dragons.”

“Really?!?”

“Cerulean, don’t taunt him like that. There’s no way he’s getting into the Dragon Liquor.”

“Oh man, that sounds really good...”

“Now look what you’ve done, Cerulean. He’s drooling.” Cerulean disregarded Twilight’s light frustration in exchange for amusement, chuckling as the dragon imagined a drink tasting of fire rubies and sapphires.

I’ve been cooped up in this library for too long, I want to do something fun. Sure, I love Twilight and Cerulean can be a lot of fun, but that dragon liquor sounds too tasty. I’ve got to try it, somehow.

“And now he’s snickering. Cerulean, if anything happens...”

“Oh, come on, Twilight. Lighten up a little,” he replied, wrapping the flustered mare in his hooves and kissing her gently, suppressing a laugh as a certain dragon’s cachinnation tapered off to an end. “Everything is going to be fine.”

“You do realize that it likely won’t just be the princesses, right?”

“That’s why the most insane mare in all of Equestria will be there to keep him in check.” Cerulean had meant the statement as a joke, but as a truly maniacal grin spread across his wife’s face, accompanied by an equally disconcerting cackle, he had a fearful moment of recollection until she whispered into his ear. “Now that, my dear mare, is an assuredly dastardly and exemplary connivance; a truly laudable ruse.”

Slightly disappointed at the lack of sweets but energized by the sight of the star, Dawn resumed her studies while Cerulean and Twilight did the same, passing time until the arrival of the much anticipated taste testing. If nothing else, she could gluttonize a fair amount of rainbow juice while parents drank whatever it is that they stubbornly refused to allow her to partake. The little filly suddenly shifted her thinking, purposefully staring at the page so her parents wouldn’t catch on to the devious plot she was hatching in her brilliant mind.

---

“Mom, Shiny is doing that pacing thing again.”

“Nothing a spot of Dragon Liquor couldn’t fix. Speaking of which, you never gave me my half a glass.”

“You never caught the thief, either. I had forgotten about that,” he replied, his anticipation of sharing his finished work with his friends knocking the priority of the statement down several notches. I really should ask Applejack about that. She’s really the only one who would, though I can understand why she did, looking back. A knock on the door caused his heart to skip a beat, and the voices outside spurred the adrenaline in his system. It was his time to shine. He threw open the door and was preparing to welcome them with a dramatic flourish when he spied the most bizarre creature imaginable standing between Celestia and Cadence. Its head was pony-like... sort of.

“Uh... I don’t mean to be rude, but... what are you, exactly?”

"Just a royal pain in the flank that Celestia seems to have some strange obsession with. Ignore him," Twilight snorted, shooting the draconequus a crazed smile before resuming her half lidded glare.

"My, my, getting a bit jealous of your teacher? I didn't know you were like that, Twilight."

"I'm suddenly having poison joke flashbacks."

“No need to get testy. In reference to your question, my ethenol mastermind, I am henpecked, lectured, shackled, and thirsty. Or were you refering to my species? Because I believe the term you ponies use for that is ‘pet.’”

“Silver, this is Discord, a draconequus. He was rather intrigued upon hearing some of the drinks you’ve been making, and wished to see what a ‘delightfully chaotic pony’ would make such things,” Celestia explained calmly.

“It’s fascinating, really. I'm beginning to find chaos in the most surprising of places, most notably the strange stallions that have, apparently, been hiding under rocks for over the past thousand years.”

“Alchemy quite often ends in crippling disaster, the kind that even somepony as muddled as you can take no pleasure in, Discord,” Celestia replied, pointing to Silver’s chest which was unclad, much to her surprise.

“Celestia, you ruin all my fun with your pesky logic. Hurry up and get hammered so I can enjoy myself.”

“Silver, let us in so he’ll be quiet,” Rainbow Dash pleaded, shooting Discord a wink and resuming her dejected countenance.

“By all means, do come in. Friends, royalty and... dragon thing?”

“Oh, nonono, I’m a dragon,” Spike corrected, puffing out his chest and strolling in. Pulling three tables together along with enough benches to seat them all, they settled in and quieted down as Silver took the proverbial spotlight.

“Thank you all for coming. Now, we have a couple of non-alcoholic brews, two new alchemy creations, and something rather different altogether. Before I start, special thanks to Twilight and Cerulean, who helped keep me from maiming myself with the alchemy.” The polite clapping settled, and the praise began rolling in, working through the non-alcoholic drinks first. Dawn found soda to be the greatest thing since cupcakes, dropping her dignity as a lady and belching loudly every so often, encouraging further drinks and giggles. While Ruby and Dawn continued venting their greed on the sweet treat, the adults turned their eyes towards Silver as he used his magic to levitate two large casks onto the table.

“Whoa, I can feel the heat from that one on the left. Is that dragon liquor?” Spike asked, putting his hands out toward the barrel like it was a campfire.

“No, that’s safely stowed in the back, and there ain’t much left due to the princesses having quite a taste for it. This,” he said proudly, “is Blazing Phoenix Schnapps. Guaranteed to keep ya warm on even the coldest of days, hinted with flavors of cherry and cinnamon.”

“Oh, so that’s why Peewee was in such a bad mood that other day.” Nuts! If that was the dragon liquor, nabbing a drink would have been a cinch.

“Spike, we went over this. You’re just not old enough to drink yet.”

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you Twilight.” Yeesh, ruin a dragon’s fun. Hmmm, I’m going to have to bide my time. I’m sure an opportunity will arise, if I’m just careful enough. It sure smells good, though...

“Twilight, your dragon looks thirsty. It’s pretty mean, letting him suffer like that,” Rainbow Dash snickered as Silver began pouring the liquor into a number of mugs. Discord caught a look from Storm, forcing himself to maintain a neutral expression. Silver poured the last cup, pushed it towards Cerulean, and waited for the verdict. Much to his delight, the responses were threefold, and Storm summed it up the best as he tried very hard not to let it show how much it was disturbing him that his insides seemed to catch fire, though not quite in a painful way.

“Silver, it tastes great, burns like fire, and is making me sweat like crazy. This will be great, in like, six months.” Pinkie Pie and Berry handled the drink the easiest, the first due to an affinity for all things spicy and the latter used to the searing sensation attributed to heavy alcohol.

“What’s the matter, Storm? Can’t handle the burn?” He turned to see Rainbow Dash thoroughly red-faced but seemingly unaffected, enjoying the drink immensely.

“About as well as you would handle full powered Shockberry, Dash. I must say, it does make you rather alluring. Such rosy cheeks...”

“Um, hey guys? Baby dragon at the table.” Don’t know why I came if I can’t taste any of the fun stuff. Discord noticed the poor dragon’s plight, and seeing how he was a gracious sort, he promptly switched contents of his cup with Spike’s with nopony the wiser.

“I definitely agree with Rainbow Dash, Silver. This is really something.”

“I’m glad that you enjoy the product of your labor, Twilight,” Silver said, nodding his head. “Now then, who’s up for something a little more cooling to the tastes?” Princess Cadence’s hoof was the first in the air, not being accustomed to such potent spice. Celestia fared much better, as the resulting burn was very much more pleasant than the ghost pepper infected coffee Luna had slipped her more than once. A tap on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder distracted her from hearing Silver’s explanation as she felt Storm’s warm breath in her ears as he whispered.

“Keep an eye on Spike. Something tells me he’s gonna loosen up really soon.”

“No way, did you really? Or was it...”

“It was. Seems having a draconequus on our team really expands our options.”

“Oh man, this is going to be awesome!” Dash hissed, fortunately not drawing any attention as everypony assumed she was just freaking out over the introduction of Everwinter Brandy. Spike muttered something about things being unfair until he raised his glass to his mouth, taking a gratuitous swig and slamming the mug down as the blessed substance tickled his little dragon fancy.

This is, like, the greatest thing ever! I feel like I could just explode, and then... explode again! It’s just that good! Oh man, I have to get my claws on some dragon liquor... but first... Twilight was too excited about receiving her share of brandy that she paid little attention to Spike, who guzzled the remainder of the glass before heaving a gratified sigh. He was, however, slightly curious as to why his vision was somewhat hazy, but felt little need to comment in the face of the comforting blaze contained within his gut.

Cerulean had the tendency to, on occasion, be every bit as mischievous as Rainbow Dash and Storm. Knowing that it was a favorite of his, Silver served Cerulean the first glass, with Twilight to follow after. After noticing a brief glow from the blue stallion’s horn, Silver was forced to wonder just how much he enjoyed said drink, but thought better of commenting as he began to serve the rest. Twilight’s spirit of inquiry was far stronger than Silver’s, but as she was simply informed not to go for seconds and given a wink, she quietly raised her glass and waited for the screams to start. Storm was the first.

“Gah... whoa that’s... brainfreeze...” The condition of his head was immediately set on the shelf as a much more pressing change to his physiology commanded the entirety of his focus. “Silver, are you sure this isn’t...” he paused, shuddering. “You sure this isn’t some kind of prank drink? This is... too cold to be...”

“Storm, I k-know it’s c-cold, but why are you c-cringing like t-that?” Dash asked, fighting her chattering teeth.

“They’re... shrinking.”

“What?!? But... S-Silver! T-that’s so n-not ok! Quick, give him some schnapps!” Storm peered suspiciously over at Cerulean and Twilight who seemed to be the only ponies unaffected.

“What, you’re not cold, Cerulean?”

“Huh? Oh, nope. Got the world’s best heater right here,” he chuckled, raising an arm as Twilight moved closer before placing it around her waist.

“H-hey, are you s-saying I’m not hot enough t-to keep him warm, Cerulean?”

“What? No, Rainbow Dash, you’re plenty hot. I wasn’t...” Twilight’s sudden choking sound, the subsequent spraying of her drink across the table and coughing fit, and her shrugging off of his hoof let Cerulean know that he had misspoken greatly. Great... I haven’t even had enough to blame that one on the alcohol.

“You want to run that by me again, Cerulean?”

“Twilight, come on, don’t put me in that position. You know that’s not what I...”

“Oh, so Applejack’s not the only one you look at?” she snapped.

“Twi, ask any stallion present right now! It’s not just me!” Come on, guys, don’t fail me now!

“Silver?”

“I’ve only got eyes for Applejack, sweetheart.”

“Silver, for the sake of everypony’s mortal well being and the continued existence of this building, would you please just concede that Rainbow Dash is hot?”

“Man, he just keeps digging, doesn’t he...” Storm chuckled, watching as Cerulean all but melted under Twilight’s withering glare. “I’ll take ‘shrunken’ over ‘severed’ any day. Or, in this case, ‘seared’ or ‘branded’ may be a bit more appropriate.”

“Cerulean? Outside. Now.” Cadence watched them go, leaning towards Celestia as they left.

“It's always sad to see a couple upset, especially when it’s my little sister. Aunt Celestia, do you think I should lend my aid?”

“Hmmm? Oh, no Cadence, they are quite capable of settling things amongst themselves. They’ve been through far worse than this without a hitch.” A sudden bright flash from outside caused everypony to pause. “Perhaps ‘without a hitch’ wasn’t quite the best way to phrase it. Silver, I don’t think your Everwinter Brandy is any match for my student.”

---

Cerulean was, surprisingly, unharmed as he returned. The flash of light was simply for show, Twilight’s anger being mostly an act for effect, and a quick memory share quickly resolved any lingering confusion there might have been between the two. They entered smiling, laughing, and blushing from a rather passionate kiss that caught them a few strange looks from the ponies milling about the town.

More often than not, pulling the same joke twice is never as funny as the first. Discord ignored this, transferring the contents of Cadence’s cast aside schnapps into Spike’s now empty cup. He didn’t know who was supplying his tasty treat, but he sure wasn’t about to complain. Rainbow Dash and Storm were warming up nicely as a second, smaller serving of schnapps brought their temperatures back to normal when they heard Discord’s voice speaking into their minds.

“Now then, you two that actually appreciate a good prank unlike the stuck up alicorn next to me, shall we advance things a bit further? I hardly find a drunken baby dragon worth the trip.” He smiled as they both shot him a nod, and watched with growing anticipation as Spike excused himself, disappearing from view unnoticed. What they didn’t know was that, in his blissfully inebriated state, he was much more open to suggestion and thus obeying Discord’s every command.

Finding the Dragon Liquor was a good deal easier than he thought, and as he poured himself a full mug, it disappeared from his grasp with a brief flash. Celestia raised her glass to finish her brandy, took a large swig, snapped her head back, and stared at her cup in disbelief. Discord caught her piercing gaze and immediately knew he had been caught, but to his surprise she said nothing, draining the contents and setting down the empty mug gently on the table. She threw him off a step further, smiling sweetly as she nudged her mug towards him and spoke silently through her magic.

“Would you be so kind as to pour me another, Discord?”

“Is the liquor so potent that it can actually prompt some levity from the cold princess? I am beginning to quite enjoy this Silver fellow.”

“I’m not as boring as you seem to think, and you’re not as devious as you make yourself out to be. I was on to your ruse the moment you switched Spike’s glass the first time.”

“And you did nothing to stop me?”

“Are you complaining? I can give you a royal Canterlot reprimand, if you’d like.” Her mental inquiry was declined as her cup magically refilled itself, and she contented herself to sip through the second serving as the potent liquor produced a delightfully light-headed sensation. Seeing that everypony had finished and recovered from the augmented brandy, they waited eagerly for the revelation of the last act. Twilight could scarce contain her excitement as the final experiment was unveiled.

“Cerulean, just like we talked about, ok?” Twilight whispered as Silver produced three blue bottles.

“That’s fine, but do you actually know what they do?”

“I do. Regardless of what it is, we’ll use the first one. Just hope it’s not the disguise one.”

“I’ll pass on that one. My alter ego can stay where she is.” Twilight giggled as Silver announced his most bizarre creation yet; stable, temporary extracts of poison joke to cause specific effects.

“Whoa, wait a minute, Silver. Poison joke? That stuff is bad news.”

“Yes, I am aware. That’s why I wanted one of the most adventurous mares in Equestria to be my tester.”

“Who do I look like, Daring Do? I’m not getting anywhere near that stuff until somepony else tries it.”

“I’ll try it. What’s the worst that could happen?” Twilight volunteered, holding out her cup which still had some leftover brandy.

“If Twilight’s in, I am too. Serve me up, Silver. Any warning as to what this is meant to do?”

“I thought I’d start off with something simple. I call it “Bad Mane Day,” as it will wreak disorder on anypony’s mane that should imbibe it.” Uncorking the appropriate bottle, he allowed a single drop into each cup before sitting back to watch the results. Twilight looked at Cerulean. Cerulean looked at Twilight. They both downed the glasses, Twilight’s mane curling and knotting like roots, while Cerulean’s took a form much like Pinkie’s, but with strange spikes of hair shot straight out in all directions.

“Oh man, we have to give some of this to Rarity!” Dash squealed as she made a fervent attempt not fall from the bench, imagining the horror of the fashionista should she ever have such a dreadful mishap. Everypony turned a curious eye as both Twilight and Celestia shook the rafters with jubilant laughter, but as Celestia’s died down it left only Twilight’s crazed cackle, which seemed to grow louder as a frightened hush descended upon the rest..

“Uh... Twilight, are you... alright?” Silver ventured, barely beating back the desire to flee as he met the gaze of a pony without a shred of sanity.

“I assure you, my dear ally of dissipation, that my ravishing temptress of bountiful delirium is quite content with her rapturous plummet into the mire of insanity,” Cerulean stated, the very manifestation of calm as he idly blocked a swing from Twilight before following through with a kiss.

“Madness, yes, the fun kind! Mania, dementia, hysteria! Why so many answers!” she suddenly shouted, slamming a hoof on the table and glaring at everypony with wide eyes before breaking into tears.

“Forget this, Silver! Run while you still can, she’s lost it again!” Rainbow Dash cried, bolting out the door with Storm right behind her. Discord attempted to run before he was tackled to the ground and given some freelance chiropractic by a giggling lavender mare trotting in place atop his back. While still very much in control, Celestia found this to be extremely amusing, at least until her horn alerted her of an incoming message from Spike and a whole bench appeared above her, materializing and dazing her as it made a rather forceful introduction to her head. Spike staggered around in a stupor, imagining that everything he saw was of the utmost importance to the princess, and thus began expelling green flames at nearly everything he passed, burying Celestia under a pile of tables, cups, and benches.

“Discord, yes, remember, Discord? We never played a game! Games are fun, you like fun, right?”

“I like disorder, not psychotic mares that destroy towns. Now, if you’d be so...”

“Psychotic? Uncontrollable? Those sound like great ideas! Right, Cerulean?” she grinned, hurling several glasses at him which he caught deftly, setting them unharmed on the surface of the table while Dawn watched with absolute confusion. Confusion turned to glee as she realized that, regardless of her mother’s strange behavior, it was giving her a golden opportunity, and she would be remiss to ignore it. Sneaking ever so slowly towards the nearest cup, she gave a quick look around and prepared herself for the wonder of alcohol before the glass was enshrouded in a blue aura and pulled away. Not one to give up, she leapt for another, which was just within her grasp before she was pulled from the table by a thoroughly frightened Ruby and run a short distance away.

Twilight turned her attention to Cerulean, who was playing his part beautifully, and decided to test his limits. In her semi-inebriated state, her self control was somewhat diminished, and thus Cerulean barely had time to respond as she idly grabbed a table and swung it at him, whereupon he jumped it like a hurdle and tackled his over-zealous mare to the floor.

“Twi, are you ok? That was a bit much,” he whispered, glancing behind him at Silver, who had surmised that things had indeed gotten out of hoof with nopony to keep things in check, and thus stowed the volatile Blazing Phoenix Schnapps and Everwinter Brandy safely behind the counter, where he also hid, hoping the damages to his bar would be minimal. The flow of inanimate objects had ceased piling atop Celestia, due mostly to Spike’s sudden fascination with the ceiling as the room provided an easy access merry-go-round.

“Are you serious? Seems like you’re enjoying it a bit too much” she replied quietly, her eyes darting to his glowing horn.

Sometimes, I really hate being a unicorn... “We can discuss the glowing of my horn and my possible fascination with... role play at a later time, all right? For now, try not to kill me.”

“Sorry, Cerulean, I’ll tone it down a little.” Twilight flashed him the briefest of smiles before bawling her eyes out, wailing loudly. It was absolute pandemonium, and to Discord, it would have been glorious were it not for the terrible memories of his temporary release that she was dredging up. Shrinking himself down, he darted under the pile of benches and tables where he found Celestia chuckling softly as she listened to everything happening outside.

“Celestia, your student has completely lost it. Would be so kind as to alleviate the tension and put some of your boring order to proper use?”

“What’s this I hear, Discord begging for order? I think not, chaos is rather fun.”

“You choose now of all times to come to that conclusion?”

“Come on, dig me out. I’ll show you how much fun chaos can be.”

---

Jocundity of the highest order had seized Rainbow Dash and Storm, holding them captive in its iron fist of revelry. At Storm’s urging, they had turned around and cautiously approached from the side, watching through the windows as their lavender friend delved deeper into lunacy, alternatively humored by the remaining ponies’ fear and impressed with Cerulean’s ability to narrowly avoid being crippled on several occasions. Even in the midst of all this, Dawn made attempt after attempt to glean a taste of what she perceived to be the source of her mother’s frenzied antics, to no avail. However, their laughter cut short as Celestia rose from the heap of furniture and did the unthinkable.

“Storm... please tell me I’m hallucinating.”

“Only if we’re sharing one. Is the princess really...”

“Oh man, could you imagine if Applejack saw this?”

“If ah saw what, now?” The pegasi gave a mutually startled cry as the earth pony in question walked up behind them.

“Oh, nothing, we were just... um... watching the... tables?”

“Dash, you ain’t tellin’ the truth, an’ you’re doin’ a poor job o’ lyin’. What’s goin’ on inside the tavern?”

“Ok, fine... Twilight went crazy from poison joke, Spike got drunk, and I think Celestia is still lip-locked with Discord.”

---

Everypony inside the tavern froze as a very clear, loud, and infuriated shout caused even Discord to cringe.

“You mean t’ tell me that Silver not only got Celestia drunk again, but she’s so far gone she’s tongue wrasslin’ with Discord? Ah’ll flay ‘is sorry hide, mark my words! Silver, yer in a heap o’ trouble!” Celestia opened her eyes half way and glanced over at the stallion in question, sighing that her fun would be ended so soon.

“Well, Discord, it was sweet while it lasted, but I’m afraid that I can’t let Silver die just yet. I’ve rather taken a liking to his liquor.”

“Finally, something we can agree on.” Celestia’s horn glowed brightly as the room was restored to its original state, and Applejack burst through the door just as she had teleported the ponies in the room to their seats. Not sensing any lie from Rainbow Dash, she had fully expected to be met with a scene every bit as depraved as she was led to believe, and her anger was knocked back to frustrated confusion at the orderly scene.

“Applejack, what a pleasant surprise. Do come in,” Celestia encouraged, holding out a hoof and motioning her to come close.

“Silver, what happened here?” Applejack demanded, ignoring the princess’ beckoning hoof and trotting over to Silver.

“Just... some taste testing.”

“Now, don’t you lie t’ me, Silver. I ain’t got patience fer that.”

“It’s true, Applejack! Silver made tons of tasty things! You should try some!” Pinkie quipped, not bothered in the slightest by the events of the afternoon. She turned contemplative as a most important inquiry popped into her mind. “Oh yeah, Celestia? What’d you think of Discord’s taste? Pretty strange, right?” Oblivious to the collective groan of everypony there, she happily helped herself to the remainder of somepony else’s forgotten schnapps while the rest tensed as Applejack leaned in close to Silver, stopping just inches from his face and staring him down. Her tone was quite, controlled, and dangerous.

“What ‘ave you got t’ say fer yerself?”

“Uh... care for a drink, sweetheart?”

Comments

[Terikat]

Lol.

[Bachelor 2]

'twas a fun chapter can't wait for the next

[Deus]

Well that was...confusing?

[Rayvinne]

Discord and Celestia?
My my, alcohol can get anypony to make out with anypony, can't it?
Applejack ain't gunna be happy, is she?

[UnintentionalMishap]

img.ponibooru.org/_images/517df80ad9bafe2880071721d3af5f8f/128470%20-%20animated%20apple_bloom%20panic%20WACKY_WAVING_INFLATABLE_ARM_FLAILING_TUBE_MARE.gif

SHENANIGANS

[Autumnfire]

“Uh... care for a drink, sweetheart?” haha best ending line ever.

[Jaytee]

I DEMAND MOAR! NOW!

[Liquidfirest0rm]

Celestia, you such a troll!

[shardfff]

581683 are you kidding, that is the sole reason I am still sain after season 2 ended

[Lord Hood]

Celestia and Discord shipping? Really guys? Really?

[Flabbergasted]

OMGWTFBBQ
i love the poison joke twilight/cerulean pair fucking epic
Complete total insanity and complete total sanity Best match is best Shenanigans :D

[Shire Folk]

"Uh...care for a drink, sweetheart?"

[Dagi Dazzle]

So a Unicorn's horn glows, a Pegasus' wings go up, what happens to an Earth Pony?

[Tryhard McFatface]

5880382
They're like us, probably.