The Adventures of a Human Peach

by AppleTank

7) Psycho-logic

A Peach sat on a small stool, resting comfortably on a cushion.

...and after I got here, that purple unicorn started eating me. Somehow, I survived it, and regained my consciousness after she planted me.

“M-hmm,” Pinkie Pie said, scribbling on a notebook.

For whatever reason, the pits inside me seem to clone my consciousness. Whenever one dies, we all get all of their memories- ow. Can you get them to stop sending me’s to be grinded? Its very uncomfortable.

“M-hmm.”

Thanks. It paused. Oh. Ohhh. That’s gross. Eww. Damn it. My memory has been getting better ever since this happened. My old life started to seem to be visible in greater detail when I got sent back to my universe. Too late for me to realize I went back in time, and unable to warn myself of the impending fire. Sigh. I can’t even sigh properly anymore. I want my body back.

“M-hmm.”

I used to be a well off guy. I had a stable job, a well furnished apartment, girls lusting after me, exotic cars. Now, I’m stuck as this. A damn fruit that is barely able to get himself anywhere. Only as a tree do I have the limbs to move, but soon my head is full of clones jabbering away.

“M-hmm”

Did you hear about the mess that unicorn... Twilight, I believe? made out of this? She and the Apples have this feud going on. The unicorn is talking about how nutritious pe - I mean, I am, and the Apples... I think they just really hate me and want to eradicate me. I would really prefer that to not happen, at least until I figure out a way to get out of... Hrrk.

It winced. Sort of. Ow. Another one. Sorry for the interruption

“M-hmm.”

Thanks for hearing me out. You don’t know how long it has been to find someone who can actually hear-

Pinkie fumbled the notepad, revealing a bunch of random doodles. She looked up above me, squinting. “Oh! I am being told to inform you that I am reading off a bunch of notecards,” she said somewhat monotonously. She then perked up “Can I eat now?”

“ “

“Yay!”

I spun my ‘vision’ behind me. There was a red apple sitting on a pair of treads. A few notecards fluttered to the floor, the rest hovering in a strange yellow glow. The apple’s stem was glowing the same color.

What!? TRAITOR. Or not. You were always kind of my enemy. Hey, how are you doin - ?

A glowing fruit cutter slammed down.

Author's Note:

Oh look. A self insert. Does this count as a self insert? I don’t know anymore.

Note to new readers: I feel guilty as hell whenever I get a notification that someone is faving this.
Fuck your shit.

Comments

[ShadowCelebi]

HEY YOU! DISLIKE THIS COMMENT!
First.

[AppleTank]

4617538
i.imgur.com/UGw1mKB.gif
media.giphy.com/media/qhyQfm8GBkWaY/giphy.gif

So, yeah. Apparently, you're supposed to try to attract downvotes in this comment section. Whoop. Hopefully, mods or the site's automated red finger detector won't break anything.

[ShadowCelebi]

4618723 when I tell people to dislike a comment and then I say first, it usually makes people say: "heck no! I'm not listening to you! (Upvote)"
Or "ok (Downvote)"

[AppleTank]

4618836
......this is gonna get weird.

[Izarra Kiania]

4363526

Probably because peaches are very much like ponies.
They're furry, they're a pastel color, and they're squishy on the inside.

Also in that not everyone likes eating them.

[Ssendam the Masked]

4617538
You can't tell me what to do.

[ZePartiallyInsaneFurry]

We wear the mask that grins and lies, It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes.

[tsaukpaetra]

Oh, a Cringe from a favorite notice? Oh then let's cringe!