• Published 9th May 2014
  • 1,034 Views, 104 Comments

The Adventures of a Human Peach - AppleTank

Peaches are the most awesome thing in the world. Therefore, I go to Comic Con dressed as one. all other opinions are invalid

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5) Science

Author's Note:

You do realize that that I'm going to try to get you guys to downvote this, right? It's not going to get any better.

The Peach Tree regained consciousness in a flash. The initial blackout may have been caused by the dimensional jump, which vaguely reminded it of an incident years prior. And now that it didn’t have a brain to worry about, it could skip the whole unpleasant groggy business.

It focused it’s “gaze” at the room it found itself in. There was a low wooden ceiling, with random science-y equipment strewn across mildly warping tables.

It finally noticed a crazed purple unicorn staring at it, knives floating in her magic. A pot filled with mud and an unidentified gelatinous substance sat by her side.

“If Applejack won’t let me plant it, then I’ll just clone them,” she whispered. “I’ll clone ALL the peaches!”

The Peach Tree also noticed that it was chained down rather unnecessarily to a table. On its side were several small trees, with a few branches missing. It felt an invisible gaze fall upon it.

So, vat arr you in fer, mate?

The hell?

Twilight lopped a branch off.


Twilight floated the branch over to the small tree besides him and grafted the branch on. (What. You thought she was going to magically clone it? Ha!)

The unicorn wrapped the branch with rags and lathered it in mud. The tree moaned. Twilight wiggled the branch to make sure it was secure. A flower that was part of the original tree quivered.

The tree moaned again.

Dude. That’s gross.

The unicorn then floated the gelatinous mass over and slathered it all over the Peach Tree’s roots. With a blast of Earth Magic, the non-newtonian fluid surged into the Tree’s veins, sending energy dancing between its branches. A stinging sensation filled the amputated limb, and soon a branch shot out of it.

Huh. That wasn’t so bad-

The addict lopped off the branch again and grafted it onto another tree, which made adorable squeaking noises, which the Peach Tree felt was completely disgusting.

After an hour long dismembering session, the Peach Tree was missing all of its branches because Twilight ran out of distilled glucose. She gathered all of the other plants in front of the Peach Tree, smiling widely and with too much teeth. “Look at all of your new relatives. Don’t they look sooo delicious?”

No. You suck, you monstrous, soulless herbivore. Why don’t you go eat meat and leave the rest of us alone?

“I’m sorry I can’t keep you around any longer. Applejack would kill me if she finds you still hangin around. Don’t worry. Your children will succeed you,” she said, nuzzling the trees.

Twilight put the plants down and pulled out a flamethrower, a single, manly tear falling from her eye. “Goodbye. You were always my best friend. You would’ve made a great Element of Generosity.” She pulled the trigger.