• Published 9th May 2014
  • 1,043 Views, 104 Comments

The Adventures of a Human Peach - AppleTank

Peaches are the most awesome thing in the world. Therefore, I go to Comic Con dressed as one. all other opinions are invalid

  • ...

14) Peach vs Moonbase

One THOUSAND years to the moooooon. For community service.

The Peach pulled his face out of a crater.


He sat up, briefly admiring how the dust particles bounced over the surface, before looking upwards. The blue jewel of Equis floated serenely above him, backlit by a universe of stars.

He shrugged. “At least I’m out of that hellhole. Wonder what’s to do here?”

He closed his (metaphorical) eyes, spun around a few times, then started walking.

“Weeeee!” he said, bouncing across the low-gravity surface.

“Huh.” He paused in front of miniature model of Sister’s Castle, the one he had once wandered upon in the Everfree Forest. It was still significantly large due to the model being still half-sized, and also included the nearby forests and forest paths. He wandered around the dust-castle, occasionally prodding a tree and watching it topple in slow motion.

He then squeezed inside the tiny castle. He admired the frozen banners, the tiny glassed chandeliers. He squatted besides the ankle high dining table, carefully sat on the tiny throne, and most importantly, looked around to see if anyone was watching.

Feeling sufficiently isolated, he raised his arms, which turned into giant orange hammers. “Peach SMASH!”

The universe is always watching

The Peach pulled his face off the ground with a pop and looked around. Above him was a giant hole, apparently the ground collapsed when he hit it. Around him ... well, it was a storage room of some sort, with a bunch of chained statues shoved against a corner.

Statues that seemed to be absorbing energy from the light filtering in from above. Some sort of golden glow started from the surface on the golems directly touching the light, then slowly melted down. One by one, the eyes on the statue flickered, and turned blue. Creaking, they focused their blank gaze onto him.

“...Well, shit.”

The Peach smashed through a wall, rolling and skidding to a stop on his feet, fists raised. The blue eyed golems marched out, cracked, but unrelenting. “Hiya!” the Peach shouted, punching the air. His fist transformed into hundreds of spikes, impaling the multiple golems. They cracked and fell apart, only to be trampled by the next line of golems.

“... ok, screw this. I’m trying something else.” He rolled back further away, dodging magical fireballs and sword swings. He hopped into the air, then slammed his legs into the floor, pumping his knee with a hand. His inner fluids spun, rotated, cycled throughout his body faster and faster. Once satisfied, he let a little bit of the kinetic energy leak through his feet.

Whoosh! went the Peach, blazing through the army as his fist jackhammered everything they met before they had time to react. Moments later, he was surrounded by a small hill of rocky limbs and dented swords.

“Oh yeah, finally something I can wreck face without worrying about anything,” he crowed.

He was answered by a quiet, cautious squeak. He lowered his arms and looked around, trying to find--

The Stars will aid in herhis escape

“Who said what now.”

Above him, through the shattered roof, a small cluster of stars formed a circle, and started growing brighter. They flashed, and sent a beam of light into the middle of their formation.

The Peach squinted at the light display. A moment later, he froze, and panicked. “That’s no moon!--”

A giant laser skimmed the surface of the moon and obliterated him.

The Peach fell out of the pot in his unhumble abode, groaning. “I hate everything,” he grumbled, staring at the ceiling.

While he wallowed in his regularly schedule genocidal thoughts, a door formed on the wall of his house. This was something new, since he still didn’t have a door to actually get in or out of.

Twilight stepped through, a plaque and a bag of bits floating in her magic. “Congrats, Peach!” she said, a wide smile on her face.

The Peach twitched. “What.”

“The Princesses are giving you an award for saving the Sarosians from their underground home, the Ponymonium, and preventing civil war from occurring. I’m impressed with how far you’ve grown.”


“Also, now that you have a door now, we’re gonna reinforce the walls. No need to punch it down anymore, isn’t that great? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to let the reporters through. They’ve been chomping at the bit to here from Equestria’s new hero.” Twilight placed the framed award on a bookshelf (where did that come from) and the bits in a corner. “See you soon!” she said, backing out.

The Peach pondered the last thirty seconds, then desperately pounded on the walls.

Ha, no

He was then overrun by strobe lights he couldn’t punch out.

This was not worth the bits, nor the crown it was printed for.


Author's Note:

>Hasn't updated in a year
Well we can't let that happen, can we?

Secondary title: Ponymonium in 1000 words or less

Comments ( 3 )

If you didn't update this I wouldn't favorite this!

The universe is having fun.

yup, that's me. having fun.
giving no shits is quite relaxing.

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