The Adventures of a Human Peach

by AppleTank

11) Peach vs. Insects

The Peach opened his eyes, and groaned at the fact of his continual existence. For reasons unknown to him, Twilight Sparkle “attempted” to apologize for her instinct-driven action by buying him a house.

To the builder’s credit, they used their ridiculous magic to construct a decently sized one in under five hours. The walls were reinforced with self-repairing magic. “To ward off any damages it may accrue,” she claimed. Also to test out the new technology.

Of course, like everything else he had experienced since entering this world, the ponies didn’t seem to put much effort into figuring out things whenever he was involved, so said house was essentially a giant, two story box. The five hours thing now made quite a bit of sense.

To even get into the damn thing, he had to punch out a hole every day. Naturally, there was no wiring or plumbing, not that he really needed it. Still, it would have been nice to get some natural light in without having to punch a hole out of the roof.

He wouldn’t even have stayed in the crap of a room if it didn’t actually regulate the temperature pretty damn well. Some nights were cold enough to cause some slight freezing, and though it wasn’t lethal, it was pretty annoying.

“Where to go today?” he muttered half-heartedly to himself, rolling a dice. He peered at it, then nodded. Today, sit in the forest and, photosynthesis or something. And hope Twilight doesn’t steal parts of his body again.

He rolled over to the front wall of the house and punched it out.

---

He shuffled to some random patch of the forest and sat down. Fluttershy’s cottage was barely within sight, in case he needed a landmark to get back into his box of moping. Hours passed with not much passing besides the occasional curious mostly non-sapient animal. He had a bit of perverse pleasure randomly stabbing anything that got close enough, even though he knew Fluttershy would eventually suddenly decide to make a night time patrol to “exercise” her animal talent and revive them. Because “magic.”

Stupid magic.

He perked a metaphorical eyebrow when the background buzzing noise started increasing way over the normal. Plus, there were screams. For once, it wasn’t something he caused, so he could just sit around and watch as they hurt themselves.

He strolled along the path into town, just in time to see the ponies running around fretting as tiny, colorful bugs flitted about eating any food like item in sight. He even saw some of them devouring wildflowers.

He chuckled quietly to himself and strolled through the main street, passing by the half destroyed market. Some of the stands had fruit cores littering them, with large chunks also bitten out of the carts themselves. One of the bugs flitted over, sniffing him. Before he could slap it, it took a small, exploratory bite.

It made a disgusted face and spat it out.

The Peach froze mid-swing as the insect buzzed away. “OH, COME ON.” He dragged a hand over his face. Sure, he didn’t really want to give out free snacks, but it was kinda insulting that he somehow got considered disgusting.

After a few minutes of wandering around and dodging a Pink blur carrying way too many instruments. He saw a frazzled hair Twilight standing next to her friends, announcing the new spell she came up that would solve their problems. Something about making them eat “not-food.” Seems like it would be interesting.

Her horn glowed, then unleashed a blast at the nearest pest, pinballing into every single creature near it until it hit everything still in the town.

Almost as one, the colorful insects turned towards him, salivating.

To be fair, he thought to himself. these ponies do mind-screw with me on a daily basis. And somehow I world jumped before all this. I wonder if I would go to somewhere new if I die?

He shrugged, and opened his arms as the multicolored swarm descended upon him.

Also, fuck you Breezies. Took me three months to figure out how to get the most of my consciousness out of tha--

Author's Note:

Procrastination is a hell of a drug.

Comments

[Lord Of Dorkness]

Also, fuck you Breezies.

Huh, didn't see that one coming. Thought for sure this was about the parasprites.

[tsaukpaetra]

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