What Went Wrong

by Gremlin Grenade

My name is Sparkler

Dear Ponyville Childcare Services,

My name is Sparkler, I am a waitress at the Ponyville cafe. I am sending this letter to nominate myself for the foster care of Dinky Hooves. I acted as her older sister in the Ponyville Elementary "big sister" program, and the two of us participated together in the Ponyville Sisterhooves Social. She is a bright and energetic young filly and I would be honored to take her into my care.

However, she is also very close to her mother, more than most fillies her age are, and I would not like to take her away from that environment. Instead, I would like to propose staying with the Hooves and taking young Dinky under my wing. I have already discussed this with Ditzy Doo Hooves, and she has agreed to let me stay with the two of them.

Ditzy Doo is a very caring mare, who does not deserve to be seperated from her child, especially after the trials she has been through in recent years. Though she is a generally positive pony, many have taken advantage of her disability and I believe, with all due respect, that seperating her from Dinky is another one of those instances.

Dinky and I are very close, and transtioning from acting as her big sister in a school program to obtaining the legal status of her older sister will be an easy one considering all we have gone through together.

Thank you for your time,
Sparkler

Comments

[Blank Slate]

Ow. These friggin' hurt to read, especially the first one. Flowers for Algernon put me down for the count, and now I keep thinking of it happening with Derpy

Now, that being said, this is a touching little piece, one that shows the- oh, nuts to this. It's so sad and beautiful!!!

[Gremlin Grenade]

609718
Thank you for the kind words!

609729
Thanks. I'm not much of a doctor whooves fan (namely because I don't know the first thing about doctor who) and it drives me nuts that people who like him seem to consider that crossover cannon, but he's her most common ship, and pretty much the only one who can conceive. I like to throw the concept out that he may be the same doctor, but it's not necessarily true, so everyone's happy.

As with carrot top, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Mostly because I fail to believe that the majority of relationships in ponyville are gay (which, according to the community, they are), and that even if they were, these ponies would hook up with their friends. Girls "friendzone" guys all the time, so why not other girls too?

609808
Oh, be nice. She's trying to do the right thing, really.

[nemryn]

609825
I've always imagined Ditzy and Carrot Top as roommates in a 'wacky buddy' sitcom.

And, Cherrilee's bitchiness depends on her reaction to Sparkler's counter-proposal. If she's all, "Sure, that works too, I hadn't thought of that", then she's fine, but "UNACCEPTABLE! Dinky cannot be allowed to live with Derpy! " makes her a bitch.

[AkibaWhite]

I enjoyed it overall, even if the subject matter is a little overcooked at this point. +1
However, I don't think I'll be able to forgive you for that title.
As gentlemen, we must duel.

[Gremlin Grenade]

613260

But... wah?

I did my research! I always check before I use a title!

Edit: Mine came first. Check the dates. (it was first submitted on April 7, in case I edit it).

I was about to release this when Derpy's Diary came out, so I decided to wait, and I forgot until just recently.

[MisterMoniker]

This fic was fantastic. Many manly feels were felt. Seriously, though, reading this just warmed me up. I love reading things about Derpy that don't sound patronizing to her and really express love for her daughter.

"...its probly becus shes good at so many things that her cute mark dusnt no wat to be. " My heart melted.

[Sachiel]

This is a very interesting fic,seeing the world though Derpy's eyes is very unique and in its own way quite wonderful. Cherilee's concerns seem to stem from the worry Dinky's not getting the educational support that Ditzy simply can't provide with her disability which would be a valid concern for any decent teacher, how she reacts to Sparklers offer will be what establishes her as either someone who really does care or who is a titanic bitch. Of course, I suppose with the Board removing Dinky once it sets a precedent for someone else who may not be as nice as Cherilee to request it be done again and much further away

[Gremlin Grenade]

Alright, I was intending on this being the complete story, but it seems like everypony wants to see what happens with Cherilee's reaction is to the whole mess, and how it concludes. So, by popular demand (popular demand being the only dozen people who expressed an opinion on the story), I'll add a final chapter to tie things up.

...

And this obviously has nothing to do with the fact that the story doesn't have enough words to be submitted to EQD right now. Nope.
encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQBlRswWwBF2Y1SN3OSkM-dbqfZVHbf34ErQBlS2MffQi3otZ0s4w

[Gremlin Grenade]

636416

My first negative response!

Well, to be honest, that's something I felt guilty about, because I jumped into this without doing any research; I just assumed it looked handicapped. However, my decision was made for namely to pay homage to Flowers for Algernon, which is my favorite novel to date. Like that story, it causes a sort of childish feeling, and causes the reader to feel a little more sympathetic rather than just confused.

Besides, poor vocabulary would just make the story look poorly written, rather than being deliberately so. And bad sentence structure is even more annoying to read than bad spelling.

[Nicknack]

632771
Just a FYI, filly rape is pretty much an auto-rejection from Equestria Daily. They also only accept stories that are written in English.

[Gremlin Grenade]

688970

Thanks for the heads up!

To be honest, I'm not expecting much in that regard, but it's worth a shot! The way I see it, they took "Derpy's Dairy," so by all rights mine should qualify as well! Whether or not this is a done to death concept, is another matter entirely...

[deathtap]

Well, I liked it. And as far as I'm concerned, it's all that matters. Thumbs up.

[Gremlin Grenade]

710194
You were bothered by it? I'm sorry!

I didn't want to make whooves so much of a rapist, as much as he is over-eager. He asked ahead of time, and even though he knew that she didn't understand, I know plenty of guys who'd take her oblivious word as consent.

Between you and me, the quotations around "story" are perfectly appropriate. I'm happy over the mostly-positive reception I've gotten, but I didn't have to work too hard on it, and I don't consider it my best work.

I hope to make something more to your liking in the future!

[Gremlin Grenade]

1043560
I'm not sure what you mean...

The first chapter is by a mentally disabled Derpy, where the second one is by her kindergarten-level daughter, Dinky.

Maybe you saw the stylistic similarities or the similar opening and thought they were the same chapter?

I don't know what to say, but they're not repeated.

[Gremlin Grenade]

1043637
No worries, it happens.