Cadence grimaced and squinted her eyes in pain as her ears were being battered with the nonstop chatter that Rarity decided to provide during their spa treatment. At the moment, the two of them were sitting side-by-side in the spa room, getting rejuvenating mud mask facials, ‘guaranteed to relax the body and brighten one’s demeanor’.
It had no such effect on Cadence.
“Oh, Cadence, you would not believe the trouble Twilight can get herself into,” Rarity said, carrying on her one-sided conversation.
Cadence could feel her head heating up, and a headache was approaching rapidly. It was all she could do to not force Rarity’s mouth shut by driving the white unicorn’s own horn through her lips. However, that would not sit very well with the poor spa ponies who would be witnessing the event, and Spike might not appreciate it either. So for the time being, revenge would just have to wait.
“And then I said to her, ‘Sorry Twilight, but that’s a test tube, not a bowl of ‘Cocoa Splosion!’” Rarity burst out in laughter, causing a few bits of saliva to land on Cadence.
Cadence wiped off the spit from her leg and gave a few token chuckles at the punch line, despite the fact she hadn’t been paying attention at all. One thing, and one thing only had been on her mind.
The kiss.
The slobbery, tongue locked, unholy kiss that Rarity had placed upon her husband. The images flickered through her mind, one frame after another, impacting her sight and thoughts with every beat of her heart. And every beat transferred into a vicious explosion of pain in her head, like a migraine that would never go away.
“And you wouldn’t even believe the reaction Spike gave me when I told him he looked handsome at dinner several weeks back. Ha, he still admires me the same way he did when we first met all those years ago,” Rarity said, with a chuckle. “He really is adorable.”
The pain, the voice, the images, the white unicorn - it was too much, and she had enough.
“Now, Cadence—”
She.
“—how are things going—”
Had.
“—with you and your wonderful husband?”
Enough.
“Shut up, you obnoxiously narcissistic marshmallow!” Cadence screamed, bolting up in her seat. “Do you even have an off button for your mouth?”
The ensuing silence in the room was broken only by the noise of two cucumber slices falling off Cadence’s face and falling to the floor.
Rarity sat in a stunned silence, along with the entire staff in the spa room. The latter quickly went about their work, while Rarity attempted to speak. “M-Marshmallow? Are you sure you’re okay, darling?”
Cadence used every bit of self-control she could muster to keep from murdering her right then and there.
Keep it together, girl. You just have to play it cool until you meet up with Spike this afternoon.
“Um, I’m s-s-...sorry, Rarity,” Cadence said, forcefully spitting every word out like it was a warm drink of water on a hot summer day. “I guess I’m just a little tired, seeing as how I didn’t sleep too well last night. But, of course, you wouldn’t understand that, because I’m sure you slept just fine and peachy last night!”
“Oh, I did, darling. The sleeping accommodations you provided were just splendid! I feel sorry for poor Spike, though… it looked like he didn’t sleep a wink last night. I hope the poor dear is okay. I’d hate for him to be sick on vacation,” Rarity said, pouting. “He works so hard back home, he deserves some time to enjoy himself.”
Cadence could hardly believe the words spewing forth from Rarity’s mouth. First, she cheats on Spike with Shining Armour. Then, she has the nerve to play innocent and practically mock the poor dragon she’s betraying. This was going too far.
“Well, you know, Rarity… maybe Spike just couldn’t sleep because something was bothering him. You know, maybe some kind of heart pain. Like, perhaps, the kind somepony might feel if put under severe emotional stress?” Cadence said, on the verge of slapping Rarity silly.
Rarity rubbed her chin for a moment. “No, I don’t think so, dear. Must have just been something he ate. Now, how about we finish our spa treatment?”
Cadence somehow found herself to be blown away by the Rarity’s ignorance for what must’ve been the fifth time that day. She was starting to feel sick to her stomach.
The way she saw it, she had two options: handle the situation maturely and discuss things like a responsible adult, or, she could break the door down and angrily make an exit.
She chose the latter.
“Ahhh!” With a short burst of magic, the spa door was blown to pieces, and Cadence stomped out, cursing every object in her way.
Rarity, once again, was left stunned by her actions. Collecting herself, she dashed to the now broken door and shouted after Cadence.
“Darling, is it that time of month?”
Spike had no idea how to process the words he had just heard. His brain began to spark and smoke just trying to think about it.
He wants to renew his vows… to Cadence? The beautiful mare he had just been unfaithful to the previous night? Is it possible for someone to be that unrealistically ignorant?
“You… uh…” Spike stuttered, giving Shining a chance to explain himself a bit further.
“Listen, Spike. When I invited you guys to the empire, I was hoping both you and Rarity would be willing to join us in the ceremony. Everything that has happened over the years hasn’t done anything positive for our relationship, but having some of her friends around while we work on renewing our vows might just be the perfect thing to bring the two of us back on track. What do you say? Will you be my best dragon?”
Shining reached a hoof over towards the still seated Spike, and offered him a small medal in the shape of a diamond.
“This pin was always worn by the groom’s best colt at weddings in the old Crystal Empire… I’ve been researching a lot of the old history so I can follow the traditions correctly. While digging through some of the old rooms of the castle I found it, and I’d love for you to wear it.”
Spike balled up his claw, and looked away from Shining.
You must think I’m some kind of fool.
He turned back and smiled at Shining.
“Yeah, of course, Shining! It’s so cool that you’d want me to be the best… uh… dragon!” Spike took the pin in his claw and squeezed it tightly.
Wait until Cadence hears about this...
Shining rose from the table, and slowly moved towards the window. It was a large, floor-to-ceiling piece with a wonderful view of the kingdom. He sighed and hung his head low.
Spike wanted to walk out without Shining even noticing, but something compelled him to stay.
Shining turned and faced Spike, tears rolling down his face.
“What’s wrong?” Spike asked.
“I don’t know, Spike. What if she doesn’t accept my vows? What if she decides to end it right then and there?”
Ha, you’ll be lucky if there’s even a ‘there’ to be at after you ask her.
Shining was looking out the window again, and ran his hoof along its glass. “Maybe you can help me?”
Spike barely paid attention to Shining’s confession, his mind instead taking the opportunity to call him every possible curse word he knew.
“Spike?”
The dragon’s concentration broke, and he realized Shining was talking to him.
“Yeah, of course! Whatever you need, I can help.”
He immediately regretted offering his assistance to Shining, but in a matter of seconds his anger and regret hatched a plan.
"Oh thank you, Spike!" Shining said with excitement. “It'll be a grand affair! There will be a feast, a dance, and of course my sister and her friends will be there!"
The prince placed a magical grip around Spike, and started to carry him out of the dining room.
"Let me show you what I've done so far!"
Spike plopped himself down on the comfortable guest room bed and sighed.
"I have absolutely no idea what's going on around this place."
Rarity and Cadence hadn't returned from the spa and it was getting late. At first Spike was afraid Cadence might've done something regrettable to Rarity. Something that would involve maniacal laughter, funeral preparations and the sound of vengeance being echoed throughout the halls.
“Ugh, why can’t things be simple?” Spike said, laying back onto the bed. “Maybe I can just have Twilight zap me back in time before I ever came on this trip. I feel like everything is just going to crash and burn… more than it already has!”
Spike was trying to make sense of everything going on, but he ended up with a pulsating headache.
“Let’s see… Shining and Rarity kiss each other in the Saphirum; they pretend to know nothing about it; Cadence wants to kill Rarity; I’ve waged a personal war with Shining; Shining breaks into tears saying he wants Cadence back.”
“...”
“... ...”
“. . .”
“Yep, we’re all going to hell.”
The door burst open in a cloud of smoke and wood splinters, which could only mean one thing.
“Um, Cadence? Is everything okay?” Spike asked, sitting up at the arrival of the Princess. “Is everyone, you know, alive?”
“Unfortunately…” Cadence replied. “Spike, I have no idea how you put up with her. Does she even know how to shut up or mind her own business?”
“No. I just got used to it after awhile,” he answered. “Just gonna throw this out there, but... I take it your spa session didn’t go very well?”
Cadence pierced Spike with a sharp glare. “Ya’ think? I cannot stand her! She acts like she’s perfectly innocent!”
“Tell me about it,” said Spike, scooting over to make room for Cadence on the bed. “Shining almost made me sick with what he said after you left.”
“What do you mean?” Cadence replied, curling up on the bed next to Spike.
“Well, he said things weren’t really working out between you, and—”
“Ha, surprise, surprise,” Cadence scoffed.
“Well, that’s not all. He said he wants to renew his wedding vows with you… and he wants me to help.”
Cadence’s face was frozen, her mouth open and her left eye twitching uncontrollably. “I’m sorry, Spike, I don’t think I heard that right. Did you say ‘renew… vows’?”
“Yeah,” Spike said with a nod. “But don’t worry!”
“Spike, you have exactly ten seconds to tell me why I shouldn’t suffocate Shining in bed tonight!”
“No, you can’t kill him! Not yet, at least.” Spike stood up and looked eye-to-eye with Cadence. “I have a plan.”
Calling it. Changelings!
Either the cheaters are VERY good at pretending their affair didn't happen, or the author's sneaking in a shyamalan at us. Like it wasn't really them; it was actually an illusion or shared dream, or a spell cast by something or they were under something or someone's control.
And thank you, Cadance for saying what has been on our minds for the past 3 years now.
4904874 Either changelings, or those two are actually asshole nobles who think they can get away with anything if they do enough posturing.
When this is all over, their wont be a empire left
4904952 That's what he's saying. She's so ignorant she's like a noble.
4904965 Nah. In this context it would be referring to the rich and powerful nobles of old. They'd do anything to get, and keep, their social standing.
4904982 No. Scheming is basically hatching a plot or devising a plan to make something happen. So, scheming encompasses the idea of unconventional means to an end. However, not all Nobles were schemers. They were mainly just stuck up and rude.
4904913
Damnit, I was about to call Changelings.
Either that kiss was about something else(Maybe they were LARPing?), Shining is as much a sociopath as Rarity, or someone is playing silly buggers with shapeshifting, illusions or mind control.
4904999
Out of the hundreds of theories about this story that I've heard so far, that has to be my favourite.
4905027 or they didn't go through with it and Spike and Cadence only caught certain parts.
The twist is that they actually cheated with one another. Sorry, no twist here.
I'm honestly surprised Candece hasn't murdered anyone yet. Though I wonder what Spike has in mind.
I am so ridiculously divided right now, I'm surprised I didn't split in half. Depending on circumstances and explanations, this plan will either be extremely satisfying, or heart-wrenchingly misguided.
Anyway, it baffles me in a good way that the scaled behemoth with flame breath is the schemer while the pink marshmallow with bubblegum hair and a heart on her hips is the brute. You tried something new, and I can assure you that it's working like oiled gears.
I see scorch marks in the future. Oh shit, my house is burning!
Spike has a plan... oh dear lord... this is going to be either ridiculously devious or ridiculously hilarious. Either case... I WANT TO SEE IT!!!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/301/990/fb6.jpg
If Changeling's aren't behind what's going on here, Shining and Rarity, are two fucked up ponies!
And is it wrong that I love ever response, thought and action that, Cadence, makes? Cause I do!
Just let her do the deed, Spike. Between the two of them, no one will ever find the bodies!
Great story! Please continue!
That made me laugh.
I'm really looking forward to seeing how this is going to play out. But I also can't imagine that the people that work at the castle are too happy with Cadence destroying all the doors in the castle.
Uh...yeah, pretty sure my brain tried to explode...twice.
Needless to say, it managed once before I had to go for my spare in the Jar...which is why I'm still humming the the Imperial March right now.
Having said that, I'm getting the willies. Something ain't right here and I'm not talking a straight forward affair. In fact, one of the comments got me on an idea...
Changelings.
Not sure how yet, that bit is a touch more ambiguous. I'd bet a solid bit of money that Rarity might cheat on Spike, Shiny slightly less so, I'd range for mind control. But moreover, the room in question would need real feelings of love to enter. ...never said they had to belong to the ponies in question though, so possible loop-hole.
On that note, I'm betting our pretty pink princess and Spike have plans I need to see happen. And when it's all done, HEARTBREAK! HEARTBREAK FOR EVERYPONY!!
Anyone else thinking "famous last words"?
4905659 I am.
I'ma say changlings, but before anyone can learn about it Spike and Cadence fall for each other and Shining and Rarity find them making out and then they plot revenge. Am I close?
I really,really hope that the changelings are NOT behind this cause I kind of find it more entertaining that it really is those 2's fault get what they deserve(laughs evilly).
4905788 That wouldn't really be fair to Spike and Cadence I think Spike and Cadence should just get revenge and thats it because Shining and Rarity actually deserve watever they are going to get
*sees crystal affair has been updated*
mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Elf.gif
4905672 That was too perfect!
I thought this was never going to get updated. But seriously, how are Shining and Rarity so ignorant?
Oogly googly! Controlled by the magic of 'love that could have been', sleepwalked out of their beds to a refreshing night of... Charging.
I think the Shining and Rarity they saw in the Saphirum must have been changelings. Or there's some other sort of shenanigans going on.
4905867
But if it was changlings then they don't. And, like Shining said his and Cadences marriage wasn't so smooth, so it could work out in the end.
please don't involve changeling's, it's not needed. Just have it be slice of life. (just my silly opinion.)
Its definitely got its fair share of violent spasms if you will but its funny keep it up. I cant wait to see what happens next.
PLEASE NO CHANGELINGS PLEASE THAT TWIST IS SO OVERDONE THAT IT MIGHT RUIN THIS STORY AND I THINKS ITS PRETTY DANG GOOD SO FAR SO PLEASE NO CHANGELINGS
Love born from Hate for others? Yes please
Alright, what's the dragon plannin'?
4906360 I agree.
Well, I suppose if Twilight taught Spike anything, it's brains before Brawn. Why beat your enemy into a mushy red smear on the ground when you can ruin their life with just a few simple twists and plans?
But I can't help but wonder who's side twilight would take in this...
4904913 I second that
I don't know if I should cower, cry, laugh hysterically, curse like a fucking Marine, or just sit down and try to understand the pattern of events.
Guess I'm good if I did all of the above, because I'm literally scared.....and we just have the rest of the crew to see this train wreck happen in person....Anypony think that if Pinkie shows up, her Pinkie Sense is gonna go completely haywire? Like she said, it's only for vague and sometimes minor preditions. But this definintely would not be vague at all, but it would damn well be immediate.
all i got to say is that literally nothing will go as smoothly as spike might think. if it does though, dude should consider becoming an evil genius.
YAY!!!!!! It Only Took About 2 Month this time ;)
Spike going to conquer all! Good story, this is awesome.
...do horses even get periods
don't believe it's changelings. when ever was there an opportunity for them to swap out shining and rarity?
Update yay!!
Blarg Blarg!
4907730 I was wondering when you'd show up.
4907770 I've been at work all day, sweetie
4907817 But baby, I've been waiting for ya'! There was a hot plate of 'update stew' and 'theoretical comment bombardment salad' waiting for you.
SPOILER ALERT!
It's a Just Dance face-off to the death.
4907853 Darn it! Stop giving away the ending! Just make sure you don't tell them that they're all changelings in a really weird game of the sims being played by Peyton Manning and Babe Ruth.