Celestia, her facial expression unreadable, levitated a scroll in front of her as she spoke. "I know you do not understand what I am saying, but we have named you Rings, based on your false cutie mark we found back when you were in the hospital. I am sorry that I must do this to you, but without being able to communicate with you, I have no other choice." Celestia then started reading from the scroll.
Diarchy of Equestria
Royal Decree
Due to extreme circumstances and verbal communication impossible at this time I, Princess Celestia, Princess of the Day, and I, Princess Luna, Princess of the Night, do hereby decree that Princess Celestia shall perform one Memory View spell upon the prisoner known as Rings.
It is with much regret that we must employ this spell. Any and all information gained not pertinent to the investigation of the accused crimes shall remain secret, and Princess Celestia will reveal it to none.
Once the investigation is completed, and no more than one year since the casting has passed, the spell recipient may petition the Crown to have the knowledge gained wiped from the spell caster's memory. This is not guaranteed to wipe all knowledge gained.
______Signed_________________Signed______________________________Signed
__Princess Celestia__________Princess Luna___________Judge Balanced Scale, Equestria High Court
Celestia lowered the scroll. With sorrow in her eyes, she leaned in, closing the gap.
------------------------------
Cassie was on the verge of another panic attack when she stammered, barely audible, "P-p-please d-don't k-kill me!"
Being killed by this large horse was Cassie’s last thought as the glowing horn touched her head.
------------------------------
After several minutes, Celestia's eyes flared open, and a small gasp escaped her muzzle as she took a step back. Carefully, she levitated Rings' slumped-over body back into a lying position on the bed and covered her up with the blanket.
Celestia ran a hoof through the female's tangled mess of hair before whispering in her ear. "It's okay now, Rings. Sleep well."
Exiting the cell, Celestia spoke sternly to the guards, though maintaining the calm expression she always wore. "I want the warden in my private office, now, with his entire file on this female.” A sharp crack echoed throughout the dungeon when Celestia's foreleg slammed into the floor of the stone hallway, as if to punctuate her statement.
With a quick turn, Celestia took a single step forward, then stopped and turned back to the two stunned guards. Her eyes narrowed for a split second as she peered at the tan earth pony holding a spear.
"You are relieved of duty, Sandalwood. Return to the barracks immediately. You are to wait there until you are seen by the warden or vice warden," Celestia icily said to the stallion.
Sandalwood saluted and galloped off down the hallway, grumbling under his breath. Celestia turned to the other guard, who slightly paled and stood ramrod straight under her gaze. A warm expression quickly returned to her face, causing the guard to relax slightly.
"Don't worry about finding the warden, I shall have another find him. I would like you to stay here, at her cell, until you are relieved by the warden or Prince Armor himself. If anypony else approaches, you are under royal authority to challenge their presence. Oh, and please try not to stand directly in front of the bars," Celestia said in a more motherly tone.
The guard fired off a quick salute before moving to stand just off to the side of the cell's bars. Celestia nodded, turned, and trotted out of the dungeon.
------------------------------
Celestia sat in her office, deep in thought. The medium-sized office, used for non-court matters, held a rich mahogany desk with her cutie mark embedded in gold on the front. Directly behind the desk, two large windows breached the marble wall, illuminating the room. Centered above the desk, a crimson tapestry with the Equestrian national flag hung proudly, along with a deep-blue tapestry with the cutie marks of both princesses to its right, on the far side of the window. On the opposite, far left side, a portrait of Celestia and Luna from the founding of the nation hung with honor.
On the left wall stood two mahogany doors leading to Celestia’s balcony, though they were merely frames for the stained glass murals that dominated them. The left door portrayed an image of the sun, majestically shining onto a grassy meadow, while the right door depicted a beautiful night sky with the moon shining down and reflecting off of a lake. In front of the desk lay several large, white cushions with gold embroidery. Celestia had just poured herself tea when she heard a knock at the door.
"Enter," she called.
The door pushed open, revealing an older earth pony with a dull red coat, his cutie mark a black jail cell door with a gold key. Warden Lockup closed the door and slowly made his way to stand in front of the desk.
Unlike the rest of the Royal Guard, the jailers did not wear the tradition guard uniform with the glamour enchantment. They tended to wear a modified version, which did not have the rump protection part that would cover the cutie mark. That, or just the chest and shoulder protection piece that Lockup currently wore.
"Good afternoon, Warden Lockup. Do you have the reports on our prisoner, Rings?" Celestia questioned between sips of tea.
"Yes, Princess," Lockup said, recovering from his bowed stance, which had caused his unkempt orange mane to fall over his amber eyes, before he trotted forward to pass the papers over.
Celestia set them off to the side for a moment. “How has she acted since her arrival?”
The warden began, "The first day she was rather noisy. She yelled at the guards quite a bit, but never approached them, nor the cell bars, though she did throw her first plate of food at them. In the four days since, the jailers report that she has barely moved from the bed, or even acknowledged their presence, other than when her food was provided.
"She did try one escape attempt, in which she bit the guard that stopped her on the ear hard enough to draw blood. She also choked him unconscious, but in a way that did not leave any lasting damage to his throat or require medical attention," Lockup finished, while standing stiff at attention.
Celestia nodded before she glanced over the reports for a couple of minutes, already having a good idea what would be listed. Even with beforehoof knowledge, and some important details missing, reading it in the report made her eyes harden and jaw clench, cracking her usual expression.
"Why were your guards taunting, jeering, and assaulting Rings upon her arrival? How long have you known she was not eating? How many guards reported it? And what were your plans to rectify the issue?" Celestia said, as her piercing eyes bore unwavering into Lockup.
The stallion’s gaze wandered, refusing to look at Celestia. Lockup’s ears splayed back partly, and his tail hung limp as he finally fixed his gaze upon her violet orbs, seeing the disappointment in them.
He answered shakily, "I've known since the second day. Only Sergeant Padlock reported it, and she has done so every day. I've told her that it's just a hunger strike. Ever since that prisoner a few years ago did it, we do have a plan to deal with prisoners like this. At least she has been drinking the water, but today was her fifth day not eating. If she does not eat breakfast tomorrow, then she will be taken to the medical wing at 10am to be fed intravenously. As you saw in the report, Princess, several guards were taunting and jeering the prisoner on—"
"Her name is Rings," Celestia interrupted in a stern, yet sweet voice that belied her annoyance.
With a cough, Lockup continued, "Of course, Princess. As I was saying, several guards taunted Rings for the first two days, but I put a quick stop to that. Since Rings’ third day here, the two primary unicorns in the attacks have been confined to the barracks, and placed on administrative leave, pending a full investigation and subsequent punishment. A couple more guards will probably face some sort of disciplinary action as well," he said, with his ears perking back up and his chest slightly puffed out.
"I am glad you did know of the situation, and had a plan in place. However, even with the communication issue, you should have checked to see if it was a hunger strike, or if she was unable to eat the standard food given. As for your guards, we are better than that. I wish for you to hold more training regarding the treatment of prisoners; I am also docking their pay by half for the month. Please report all names of those involved, even in the slightest taunting, to the Head of the Royal Guard Secretarial Services," Celestia said.
Celestia paused for a moment to pull out a fresh piece of parchment from her desk. "As for the primary jailers involved, I expect them to be fully punished in accordance to the rules and regulations of the Royal Guard. If those responsible wish to press for any leniency, tell them that Prince Blueblood would be more than happy to return from vacation to oversee the hearing.
"I eagerly await reading the findings of your investigations once they are complete, and the results regarding the punishment for the abuse. Please make note that there are some very important details missing in the reports you already have. If you desire, you should inform the two unicorns that they might also want to look into getting a good lawyer.
"Now that that ugly business is complete, there are a couple more matters to attend to before you go," Celestia said, reverting back to her normal motherly voice.
Celestia's horn glowed as Lockup's ears swiveled upon hearing the door open. He turned, and a smile of recognition played across his muzzle as he gave a small wave of his foreleg to the new pony entering the room.
"Now, with the arrival of the other needed member for this part of the meeting, we have a few things to discuss," Celestia said, using her magic to close the door.
------------------------------
Clank! Clank!
The sound of metal striking metal filled the air around the small copse of trees. A short break in the noise was followed by the hissing of hot metal being dipped into water. Beef Wellington stood in the sunlight, eyeing the newly made horseshoe for any imperfections.
"Looks good," Beef said, adding it to a small collection of other shoes.
A meaty hand swiped across Beef's wet brow, clearing it of the sweat that had accumulated. He placed his tongs and hammer on the anvil. Grabbing his waterskin and a mostly clean rag, he headed to the small stream nearby.
On his way to the stream, he guzzled the water. Once there, he dropped to his knee, refilled the waterskin, and then plunged his head into the slow-moving water. Water flew through the air from his long, braided mane when he whipped his head back up. Using the rag to dry his face, he made his way back up the small embankment to the shade of the trees.
Beef plopped down on an old stump. Reaching down, he picked up his knapsack, rummaged through it for his horn-care kit, and then proceeded to polish his long horns until they shined and the silver end-caps reflected the sun like a mirror. He looked up to see four of Equestria's finest approaching— two earth ponies, a unicorn, and a pegasus.
"Royal guards, how's it goin'?" Beef called.
An earth pony mare answered, "Looking for you, Mr. Wellington, actually. My name is Sgt. Popcorn."
Beef gave a leisurely wave. "Howdy, Ms. Popcorn— call me BW. Ya know… always nice to see a fan, but I've been out of that business for years. I can still autograph something for you… or you. I should have a coat marker around here somewhere," Beef said, looking through his knapsack.
“Ahh, here it is. So… where do you want it? Barrel, back or flank?” Beef asked with a sly grin, and an overly exaggerated eyebrow waggling.
"Wha… wh… huh?" Popcorn sputtered, her armor’s glamour enchantment doing nothing to hide the nice shade of red she was turning.
The other guards chuckled, trying to remain composed. Popcorn shot them a quick glance. Returning her attention to Beef, she cleared her throat.
"Anyways, BW, we have been told you bought an interesting piece of metal back in Hoofbreak Ridge. Another traveling merchant said you purchased some unique items from him as well. We were wondering if we might see these items, as they may be pertinent to an ongoing investigation," Popcorn said.
Beef brushed his hands together, then placed them on his knees and stood up. His massive minotaur frame was only slightly on the larger side for his species, but he towered over the ponies. He chuckled at the site of the unicorn moving behind the pegasus and other earth pony.
"Take it you never seen a minotaur before, huh, little guard. Think I'm big? You should see my dad and uncle," Beef said, making his way to his forge-cart.
The unicorn just shook her head. She seemed to visibly relax when one of the other whispered something into her ear. She instantly became interested in his cart, and hurriedly said something to Popcorn.
"That's an impressive cart you have there," Popcorn stated.
Beef visibly puffed out his chest, beaming with pride. He slapped the side of the cart and said, "The Everforge is a one-of-a-kind beauty, ain't she? She's got some serious enchantments. Once activated, it heats up to max temperature in about 15 minutes. The coals can last for months. I was told if I can ever get a dragon to fill it with magma, I’ll never have to worry about fuel again. Check this out."
Beef grabbed Popcorn with his muscular hands and thrust the mare right next to the opening, where the coals burned bright. He smiled playfully as the mare squirmed, trying to escape, but his grip was too firm.
"See!? No heat. It only escapes out the top vents, so no more uncomfortable heat when working with metal in the coals. Unless I want it to, that is. I can control how much escapes out of that opening with this lever here. Very useful in the winter. Has a few other side vents for heating purposes, too," Beef stated, releasing Popcorn from his grasp.
"I see,” Popcorn said, glaring at the minotaur. “While we would love to hear more about your forge, can we get to why we came?" she asked, stepping back from the minotaur.
Beef went around to the front of the cart. A few seconds later, the guards were startled when he dropped a large piece of metal on the ground next to them. It was mostly blackened— evidence it had been in a fire— while some of it was white where it appeared to have been scrubbed.
Popcorn and the unicorn approached the metal chunk. While the two murmured amongst themselves, Beef started showing off his wares to the pegasus and other earth pony. Popcorn could hear them talking about wing blades and horseshoes, but kept her focus on inspecting the metal.
"BW, this is indeed what we are looking for. Before we go further, can we see the items you recently bought from the other merchant?"
"Yeah, yeah, in a minute, cutie," Beef said, still measuring the pegasus’s wings.
Popcorn's bristled at the comment, but the hue forming under her cheeks betrayed her. The unicorn next to her let out a small laugh, earning herself a half-hearted punch to the shoulder. They waited as Beef put his measuring tools and notes away. After the pegasus hoofed over some bits, they filled out a piece of parchment, and the pegasus received a copy.
"You done yet, Private?" Popcorn asked, her forehoof rapidly tapping the ground.
"Uhh, oh yeah. Sorry, Ma'am," the pegasus sheepishly said.
Beef laughed, "Aww, don't bust his balls. And, you're too cute to do the impatient look."
Beef came back around the cart and held out a few objects. "Here they are. Not sure what they do, but that little one there flips open and has a compass inside. I don't know the markings, but it's accurate with the one on my cart. The other things just looked neat. I was gonna to take them apart for the metals."
Popcorn pulled out a scroll and started comparing the items with it. After several minutes of conferring with the unicorn, she nodded her head and turned to Beef.
"This metal piece and these items are indeed what we are looking for. We’ll need to take them for the investigation."
"Nah."
"What do you mean, ‘nah’? You don't have a choice. You’ll be compensated for them, or they will be returned in the future."
Beef ran his hand along his horns in thought. He knew he didn't have a choice in the matter, but he still didn't like it. A wide grin spread across his face when he came up with an answer.
"Fine— on two conditions. And, where are you heading next?"
"While we don't have to, I will listen for the sake of peaceful negotiations. You probably already know, since that's the major town this road leads to, but we’re going to Neighagra Falls to get on the train back to Canterlot," Popcorn said.
Beef nodded while rubbing his chin. "Okay, make that three conditions." Popcorn tried to speak, but Beef cut her off and continued, "First, you let me at least cut the big piece to keep some of it. Two, you all pull the Everforge to Neighagra Falls. Three, you buy me a drink at the inn down the road later tonight, pretty filly," Beef said with a wink.
Beef bellowed as he clutched his sides, leaning on the cart for support. Popcorn had turned a furious shade of red; Beef couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or fury, but decided it was probably a little of both.
"Fine," Popcorn deadpanned.
"Wait, what? You actually agreed to those terms without arguing?" Beef asked.
He didn't get a response, as Popcorn had already hitched herself to the cart with the other earth pony. Beef scrambled into a couch at the front of the cart that he used for lounging. Popcorn and the earth pony stallion looked back at him with narrowed eyes.
"Pfft. Like it weighs any more. I know it doesn't. Plus, it has a great view," Beef said, smirking at Popcorn.
Popcorn quickly turned faced forward and flicked her tail back at the laughing minotaur, who was already striking up a conversation with the pegasus hovering next to the cart.
------------------------------
Celestia had just about finished writing a letter when the light sound of hooves neared her office door. She looked up to see a dark blue pegasus mare with gray eyes, and a long, silvery blue mane and tail, along with a gray cutie mark of a locked padlock adorning her flanks. The mare saluted in the doorway, and Celestia motioned for her to enter the room. Celestia smiled as the mare trotted in and proceeded to sit on one of the cushions that so many avoided when they visited this room.
"Do you know why I summoned you, Sergeant Padlock?" Celestia asked, as she offered the mare tea.
Padlock didn’t care much for tea, and so declined the offer. I wonder if she has any cider in that desk, she thought, instead asking the Princess for water. "Negative, Princess. I was only told to report to you," she said, taking the water Celestia floated over to her.
"I called you here for a few reasons. Namely, I want to get your take on your new prisoner, Rings. You have also been the only one to report her not eating so far. To start with, I am informed that you did not participate in the… events that some of your fellow guards engaged in. What made you abstain from participation?" Celestia queried.
Padlock noticed the inflection on the word ‘your’, but dismissed it. She looked directly at the Princess and replied, "Just because a pony is in jail, does not mean they should be treated badly. My dad… he… he did bad things in the past, and was locked up for several years. The jail he was in treated him very badly, and he was never the same after his release. I vowed that when I became a jailer for the Royal Guard that I would never treat a prisoner badly, no matter what their crimes, or accused crimes happened to be."
Celestia smiled warmly at Padlock, causing the mare to blush slightly. "I am very proud of you, my little pony. It would do well for some of your fellow jailers and guards to learn from you."
Padlock nodded and Celestia's smile faded somewhat. "But, that is being taken care of. What do you think about Rings?" Celestia asked, her smile returning.
Padlock took a sip of the water and leisurely leaned back on the plush pillow before responding. "She's scared of us. I don't know why, but for some reason she seems to be really scared of ponies. From what I’ve observed on watch, the fear seems to be from before she was imprisoned, but I don't think some of the other jailers helped in that area either," Padlock growled, pawing at the pillow.
Padlock flicked her head to the side to get her mane over her shoulder while she regained her composure, then continued. "I also have a feeling she wants to eat, but can't eat the standard food ration. At lunch on the second day I had to bring her food. After I placed the tray in the cell, I added an apple to it before I trotted away, knowing she would be more hesitant to come off the cot if I was around. When I came back, the apple was gone. I mentioned it to the kitchen, but it fell on deaf ears.
"I know she can’t understand me, but the times I was on watch I still told her about my day, and my job, and things like that. I mean, it has to be lonely for her in there, unable to talk to even the guards like the other prisoners."
The shine in her eyes dulled as Padlock looked to the ground. "Solitary confinement is one of the harshest penalties we can give a pony, and that’s basically what we’ve done to her. She's not allowed any other prisoner interaction, even though I doubt she would like that. She's not able to go to the prisoner galley or outside yard, either.
"In her cell, Rings barely ever moves off that cot, especially if any of us are nearby. Though… she doesn't shrink back from me as much as she does the others. Oh! And on a few occasions, she even stayed in the middle of the cell listening to me talk," Padlock answered, looking Celestia squarely in the eye at the end.
Celestia's horn started glowing, and Padlock heard the click of a door being closed and locked. "I am glad you noticed those issues, and cared enough about Rings to report your observations, even with the allegations against her. Earlier today, by Royal Decree signed by Luna and myself, and approved by a judge, I performed a Memory View spell—"
Padlock stood up and gasped, her tail lashing out. "P-Princess, how… just how could you? There’s no way Rings would even understand what you were doing! That’s reserved for only the most heinous crimes, and the most vile of criminals!” she said loudly in shock.
And even then, it’s rarely ever used.
Padlock’s thoughts wandered back to the horrific case the spell was last used for, causing a slight shudder to ripple through her skin— it was just over 2 years ago when a deranged pony wore another pony's head as a hat through two towns.
Celestia just raised a hoof and motioned for her to sit back down. "I know, but with the accused crimes, and the lack of verbal communication, it had to be done," Celestia stated, with the authority of her crown radiating from her body.
Celestia wanted to add in that a very stubborn and annoying noble happened to own property that had been destroyed— that he was causing all sorts of ruckus about wanting justice around the royal court and the criminal courts. She also wished to say that Rings’ capture was not only to appease the noble and his friends, but, amongst other reasons, to protect Rings from anypony who might wish to do her harm while the investigation continued. Unfortunately, only the first part of that plan had seemed to work, to which she was very disappointed.
"I understand. I was just surprised, Princess," Padlock said as she sat back down, looking off to the side while her face flushed crimson in embarrassment.
"That being said, you were spot-on in your observations. Rings has a deep phobia of all equines— I tried not to delve too deeply into her memories, so I do not know why exactly. Even if I did find out, I could not tell you, since it’s not part of the investigation.
"You were also correct about her food. She is not able to eat most pony foods, such as hay, most flowers, or grasses. If the jailer leadership had actually read the reports from Princess Sparkle, then they would have known that.
"Another reason why she is so skittish around us is that she truly has no idea why she has been imprisoned. She does know she attacked several guards, but she did that in self-defense, not knowing why they were even after her. Rings is sort of tied to the crimes she is accused of, for reasons I am unable to disclose to you, but not in any intentionally malicious or knowledgeable way," Celestia reported.
"So, she's innocent?" Padlock questioned.
"For the most part, yes, she is, though she will still have to stand trial in the future to prove that innocence. Tell me, did you notice anything wrong with her physically?" Celestia asked, taking another sip of her tea.
Padlock sat in thought a moment, thinking of Rings sitting on the cot. "Other than the obvious, her right leg missing, I would say her hygiene could use some work, but it’s hard to get her to the showers when she’s scared to be near us. Seems somewhat uncoordinated, too— probably lack of nutrition making her weak or something.
"She also has a few visible bruises from what those horseapple-heads did to her those first days she was here. Not sure why Rings is missing her fur— that might be some disease or illness. Oh, and you could sort of see a little of her ribs, and a very angry bruise on the rare occasions her sides were exposed. She just needs some food to stop her ribs being visible, and time plus some healing magic for the bruises to go away," Padlock stated with a small smile.
"You are correct on those facts, but there is a better reason for her lack of coordination. Rings is also blind in her right eye. It was caused by a unicorn guard hitting her in the head with an extremely overpowered stun blast during her capture."
Padlock had heard enough. She was tired of hearing about the mistakes of the Royal Guard. Her eyes burned with fury and her lips curled into a snarl. She instantly stood up, knocking over her glass and causing droplets of water to glitter in the sunlight that shone through the windows as they flew through the air.
She bucked a cushion across the room and growled to Celestia, “Who?! Who was the guard? I might not be a unicorn, but that guard needs to meet my hoof for their actions. What kind of foal are they? Royal Guards should have more restraint. They caused a permanent, life-altering injury.” Padlock was shaking her forehoof in the air like she was getting her muscles ready for action.
Celestia watched Padlock’s rant with a bemused grin. She was now confident that the decision made earlier was right. Celestia tapped a hoof on her desk to get Padlock’s attention, and motioned for her to sit again. Padlock’s face reddened under her fur upon realizing she had been ranting in front of the Princess. Sitting back down, she gave a sheepish grin, but the fury still raged in her eyes.
“That matter is also already being taken care of,” Celestia said.
Celestia had Padlock stand as she levitated a scroll over to her. Padlock started reading the scroll, her jaw dropping, as Celestia read its contents aloud from memory.
Royal Guard Jailer Service
This is to certify that
The Secretary of the Royal Guard has awarded aCertificate of Promotion
To
Royal Jailer Sergeant Padlock, Equestria Royal Guard
ForProfessional achievement in the superior performance of her duties as a Royal Guard Jailer. Sergeant Padlock demonstrated her unwavering kindness not only to an accused criminal, but to a sapient being of an unknown race. In the face of such circumstances surrounding Rings, she refused to participate in the deplorable actions of her fellow co-workers, and set about on the course she felt was just and right. Sergeant Padlock took action where others just dismissed the situation as a rebellious hunger strike, not caring to check into it. Sergeant Padlock's exceptional professionalism, initiative, and loyal dedication to duty reflected great credit upon herself and were in keeping with the highest traditions of the Royal Guard Jailer Service. It is with great pleasure that I, Princess Celestia, with the supporting approval of Princess Luna, do hereby promote Sergeant Padlock to Royal Jailer Vice Warden. All rights and responsibilities of the position are now yours.
_______
______________________________________________________________
_______________________________Signed For the Secretary of the Royal Guard
_________________________________Princess Celestia
_________________________________Co-Ruler of Equestria
_________________________________Commander-In-Chief, Royal Guards
The scroll fell to the floor and a tear spilled out of Padlock's eye, quickly followed by its friends. Her hoof found its way to her forehead as she wavered unsteadily on the other three for a few moments. Celestia used her magic to keep Padlock from falling over and levitated the mare a new glass of water, which was gladly accepted and drained down her throat.
To say Padlock was surprised was a gross understatement. Moments ago, she was just a mid ranked sergeant; now she was an officer, and a high ranking one at that. That sort of rank-jumping was unheard of, and all of it due to her kindness to a stranger. Too stunned to answer, Padlock just sat there on her haunches with her eyes unfocused. Her mouth hung agape and moved somewhat, but no words came forth.
Celestia held a hoof to her muzzle, muffling a small giggle. "I see you are pleased with your promotion, but be warned, Padlock— some ponies might resent you for it. You are a relatively new guard at just under ten years in, and you were enlisted, not even enrolled in the officer training program. Though it is not without precedent, it is still exceedingly rare to be promoted this way. Eventually, you will be given basic officer courses, but that is for another time. Also, I am sorry that right after your promotion, you are being taken from the jail temporarily."
“I understand,” Padlock said, saluting with a grin that could rival that of Pinkie Pie. "Wait! What do you mean I’m being taken from the jail?" she asked, head cocked to the right with her left eyebrow raised in confusion.
Celestia refilled her tea as she answered, "As part of your promotion, you are to undertake a special assignment prior to starting your new duties. Until further notice, the being known as Rings is a ward of the Crown, and you are to be her guardian and probation officer.
"You will attempt to befriend her, try to ease her fear of ponies, and if possible, find out why she is here. You will keep her from harm to the best of your ability, but you will not force her to do anything unless it is to prevent her from injury, injuring somepony else, or leaving Equestria. Lodging in Ponyville will be acquired, with a small allowance added to your pay for food, since there is no mess hall there.
"You will work with Princess Twilight Sparkle. She has taken an interest in Rings, and wishes to learn more about her. Lastly, you will help her learn our language. How you do so is up to you, but I know Princess Sparkle would love to help.
"Also remember, she is technically still a prisoner, and will have to stand trial. The sooner you can get her learning our language, the better, since we can only delay the trial for so long.”
Padlock saluted. "Yes, Princess."
Celestia nodded, then took a sip of her tea and glanced out the window for a brief moment, seemingly in thought. She turned back to face Padlock and looked directly into her eyes before she said, “There is another small matter to discuss. The Crown will also be giving Rings a small stipend in payment for our wrongdoings until we deem it is no longer needed. Since you are her guardian, you will be in charge of this money, and use it for her as you see fit until she is able to manage it herself. I believe there are a couple banks in Ponyville; I will let you choose which one to set up her account in."
Padlock nodded, but her mind started racing. This was going to be a whole new situation for her; she had never been on her own like this before. She had joined the guard as soon as she had been able to. She was used to schedules and barracks life. Padlock mentally shook her head and pushed it all to the side for now, refocusing on what the princess was saying.
"I have confidence you will do well in your new roles and responsibilities. Prince Shining Armor will have these special orders and additional needed paperwork for you by tomorrow, along with a temporary foreign residency card for Rings. If you have any questions or problems, feel free to ask Princess Twilight Sparkle for guidance, or send me a letter via dragonfire-mail from her assistant, Spike.
"Remember, though, you are the ultimate authority—short of myself or Princess Luna—in charge of Rings during your stay in Ponyville. If you deem anything—even Princess Sparkle’s studies—to be against Rings’ health or well-being, you are authorized to put it to a halt,” Celestia said.
Padlock did not know much about the new princess, so she was slightly confused with the last part of the statement. Padlock responded, “I will strive to do my best, Princess.”
"That is all I can ask of you. Do you have any questions at this time?" Celestia asked.
"I have a few right now, and probably more later,” Padlock replied. “First, why am I being promoted so highly just for being nice to a prisoner?"
A flash of a grin marked Celestia's face as she took another sip of her tea. "I figured that would be your question. In about one year, current Vice Warden Iron Crate will be retiring. Not many know this, so do not spread it around. He wants to keep it quiet for a few more months. We will announce you as his replacement at his retirement announcement. You are, of course, free to tell anypony you want about your promotion, though.
"You didn't know, but you were already set for a different promotion. It is true that a few guards had already been up for consideration for the promotion you just received, but your actions made you stand out as a fine choice. Both Warden Lockup and Vice Warden Iron Crate approve of your promotion. Warden Lockup even said that some young blood in the leadership would be helpful, since most of the senior jailer staff are getting up there in years."
"I didn't think they thought that well of me. Thank you, Princess," Padlock said, dipping her head. "Second… well, it's more of a combined question: what is she and where is she from?”
Celestia's gaze wandered from the stained glass door depicting the night sky, to one of the windows behind her. She trotted to the window and peered down on the city below, watching the citizens go about their daily lives. Her brows furrowed, and her eyes closed as she held a forehoof to her temple.
Celestia recalled the memories and images from the spell. Planets, the stars, rocks, schools, friends, family, a farm, sadness, many pools and large bodies of water, celebrations, a gruesome accident, dreams crushed and dreams renewed, hospitals, a vast ship in a sea of darkness, an explosion, death, pain, happiness, fear, and many other things flashed in her mind. A deep inhale of breath, followed by a long, slow exhale escaped her muzzle.
With her thoughts together, Celestia turned back to the mare and answered, "I am afraid I cannot fully answer your question, due to both the decree and my lack of knowledge. I really did try my best to only view memories that were pertinent to the investigation, but… it is a difficult thing to do.
"I can say this: Rings is an intelligent being capable of both good and bad. I am not sure what they actually call themselves— I did not delve that deeply, nor could I tell you if I did. To answer your other question, yes, I do indeed know where she is from. Again, due to the decree, I am forbidden to tell anypony, as her place of origin was not part of the investigation. I will tell you this: Rings is not from Equestria, and you would be hard-pressed to find many more of her kind.
"As for your other question, I am not fully sure as to why she is in Equestria. From the spell… it's confusing to say the least. It is possible her presence here was purposeful. It is also possible she found her way to our land on accident. This is why it's up to you, with the help of Princess Sparkle if need be, to find out the 'why she is here’ part."
Padlock scratched her chin and looked towards one of the windows. "So, Rings is a bipedal foreigner from far away. Guess I have my work cut out for me trying to answer all of those questions. Say I actually end up communicating with her. Will I be able to verify answers she gave me with you? Even if they were not covered in the investigation? Or, would I need to find a unicorn that can cast a truth spell to verify any answers I might find… questionable?" Padlock asked.
"That is a… tricky situation. If you find any information that you wish to verify with me, you are free to send a letter. I will always reply, but whether or not I can answer your question will be on a case-by-case basis. Princess Sparkle knows the truth spell if you are ever concerned. However, she will not cast it lightly," Celestia replied.
"I understand, Princess. I just like options to cover all my bases," Padlock beamed.
Celestia's ears perked up as she glanced over the reports. "Tell me, Vice Warden— you mentioned her hygiene. I thought all prisoners were allowed to take a shower or bath at least once every two days. Rings has been here for the better part of five, and I see no mention of her being denied access with reason in the reports."
Padlock brushed her foreleg through her mane, her brows scrunched in worry while a smirking grin crept on her muzzle. "Weeelllll… you seeee, we uuuuhhh… sorta, maybe, had a teeny, tiny problem. See, we had the prison doctor knock Rings out with a drug in her drink. Then the doctor and a nurse took Rings to the shower and had her placed into a restraining harness. Well… the doctor messed up the dosage and she woke up in a drugged daze right when they started scrubbing her. Let's just say, from what the doctor and nurse said, it did not go well… at all.
"Now, the doctor is afraid it would put too much strain on her to try and force a shower on her again. I still put part of the blame on the mares in the other section of the shower area and their towel fight. Voices travel well through the shower area; those walls don't reach the ceiling."
Padlock’s eyes seemed to smolder with a burning fire as her foreleg pawed at the pillow. "That's also when the doctor found out about the abuse. It's in his report; he was furious. Spent a while trying to heal the bigger bruises up with magic, and put ointment on the rest before they returned her to her cell."
“Ah, I see. Make sure to get a copy of the doctor's report on that incident from medical and put it into Rings' jail file. For now, return to your charge. Select three guards to assist in watching over her when in her cell, and eventually her quarters here before you move. Again, congratulations, Vice Warden Padlock,” Celestia said, with a smile on her muzzle.
Padlock bowed, exiting the office with a bounce in her trot. Once in the hallway, she immediately cantered off toward the guard kitchen like an excited filly on her birthday. On her way, she thought of guards that might be suitable. She would confer with Warden Lockup before making her selection, though.
Luna materialized out of the dark corner, looking to the open door. "Do you think she knows?" she asked.
Celestia answered, "At this time, she has no clue, but I think I know what her reaction will be when she finds out."
"So we are going ahead with the plan?"
"Yes, Sister. We will be holding the meeting in two days’ time. This will give Blueblood enough time to arrive. He has already cancelled his vacation and is traveling back. Have you been able to get the corporal to talk?" Celestia asked.
"We have. Prince Armor can be quite intimidating. Didst thou know he can crush a coconut with his shields? Very effective at scaring ponies into talking. The corporal has given us the name of the one who paid him off to distribute the wanted posters early. We also have strong evidence of who made the forged orders," Luna replied.
"That's good to hear. While it has helped us slightly, it is unfortunate that it happened, and we can only hope they were removed before too much damage could be done.”
"We have also uncovered evidence linking said pony to the actions of a few of the jailers."
"I see. Have your agents continue the investigation… quietly. For now, you and I have a meeting with the castle staff and guards we must be getting to," Celestia said.
------------------------------
Cassie’s eyes shot open, and just as quickly squeezed back shut. The back of her hands wiped off a thin layer of sweat before her fingers massaged the area above her temples, trying to lessen her headache.
After a few minutes, she reopened her eyes. Cassie moved her head slightly, and her stomach roiled with nausea. She was barely able to hold down the water she had drunk earlier. Once the dizziness passed, Cassie saw the familiar dark blue pegasus mare looking at her from the other side of the bars with a smile. The mare was pointing to Cassie’s bed, with anticipation evident in her large, gray eyes that twinkled in the torch light. Wary at first, Cassie finally looked down next to her bed.
Cassie's eyes blinked several times in disbelief. For the first time in days, a smile started creeping its way across her lips. Timidly, she reached out with her hand to feel the lifelike rubbery material. Cassie picked up her leg and hugged it to her chest. Her already bad vision started blurring. A tear of joy leaked from her eye, making a trail on her grime-covered cheek before it dripped to the bed. Cassie looked up to see a large, toothy smile, seemingly bigger than the mare’s muzzle.
“Thank you,” Cassie said, still hugging the leg to her chest, tears now coursing down her cheeks and splashing onto the bed, as she smiled back at the mare.
Cassie brought the sheet up to her eye to clear her vision. She then used the bedsheet to wipe off the connection plate, and started to put the leg on… until she remembered she had no way to secure it. Her brow furrowed and the smile faded as she started putting it off to the side.
A tapping sound interrupted her. Cassie looked up to see the mare pointing next to the bed again. She glanced down again, but saw nothing. She was about to look back to the pegasus when she noticed a small glint of light. Looking harder, Cassie saw a small piece of metal that blended in with the floor.
Picking it up, she was surprised to see a long, perfectly round pin with a flat, round head on one side, and a little cotter pin on the other. It was about a quarter-inch longer than it needed to be, but its diameter was almost exactly what was required for the anchor holes. Overall, Cassie was pleased that it was useable.
Cassie gave the mare the biggest smile she could and said, “Thank you,” once again in soft tones.
The stone was cool and smooth under her bare foot as Cassie swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood, grabbing for the side of the bed as her legs buckled beneath her. Cassie heard a sharp gasp from the mare, and saw what appeared to be a concerned expression when she looked up. She rested a moment, weak from lack of food, before finally standing, albeit shakily, needing to use the wall for support.
The mare tapped the floor again. This time she slid a cup into the cell and spoke a single word. "Eibmz."
Ignoring her headache, Cassie stumbled over to the cup, not caring that the pony was so close on the other side of the bars. Cassie misjudged the cup’s location when she reached for it, bumping it and causing some water to spill. Her eyes narrowed somewhat in frustration, still not completely used to the lack of depth perception, and she picked up the cup. She didn’t see the corners of the pegasus’s lips bend down in a brief frown at the scene.
As Cassie brought the cup to her parched lips, the mare repeated what she said earlier a few times while pointing at the cup. Cassie realized that she was telling her that it was water, or cup, but most likely water.
So,~eibmz~ means water. That's good to know.
Cassie decided to try using her new knowledge. Pushing her fear aside for the moment, she put the cup next to the bars. "Can I get some more ~wa… wat… water~?” she asked, with a slight lift of her voice, but having difficulty pronouncing the word in the ponies’ tongue.
The pegasus mare beamed, swished her tail back and forth, and practically danced on her front hooves for a second. The mare reached into the cell and grabbed the cup with her hoof. How the ponies accomplished that feat still baffled Cassie.
Cassie noticed for the first time that the mare had a gray padlock on her flank. At first, she thought of calling the mare Master Lock or Brinks, but decided just plain Padlock would be easier to remember.
Padlock was not gone long. Cassie backed up, but only a few steps, when the cup of water was pushed through the lower food slot. Cassie watched the mare back away from the bars, which allowed her to feel better about getting the cup. She heard a nickering sound come from Padlock as she bent down to reach for the cup of water.
Surprised, Cassie stumbled back, landing on her butt. The newly dubbed Padlock had her side up against the bars, a tray visible on her back. Padlock nodded her head back to the tray.
Cassie thought for a moment. The only pony she had met in this prison that had been nice to her had a tray of food that was clearly not hay on her back, and was offering it to her. Cautiously, Cassie reached through the mid-level tray slot. Her movements were slow, partly due to the fact that she had to reach this close to a pony, and partly so she could grab the tray without knocking it over.
With the tray in her cell, Cassie looked down. Her hand came up to her mouth, and a large smile graced her face. For a brief moment, she almost wanted to hug the pony. Upon the tray lay a pear and a sandwich made with lettuce, cheese, thin potato slices, and some type of sauce. There was also what looked like some vanilla pudding with a spoon next to it. She devoured the pear with glee, and was about to do the same with the sandwich, but stopped.
Padlock sat on her haunches, just watching with a smile. Cassie thanked Padlock again for the food and hoped the mare understood how utterly grateful she was. Cassie knew she could not eat the food right away and hope to keep it down after being starved for days, so she laid the tray down to wait a few minutes before continuing at a much slower pace.
About twenty minutes later, Cassie had finished her food, pushed the tray to the bars, and climbed in bed, happy for the first time in days. She was still a little hungry, but dared not try to get more food. The food in her mostly full belly was lulling her to sleep. As Cassie slipped into the muzzy darkness bordering on unconsciousness, she thought she felt a soft pressure drape across her body.
------------------------------
Padlock exited the cell just after covering Rings with a soft comforter, giddy as a filly in a candy shop. It was not much, but had to be a lot better than just the sheet she’d had to keep warm.
It worked! My plan worked! And oh boy, did it ever work.
Rings had been overjoyed for her leg being returned, but it was the look on her face for the food that Padlock liked the most. That, and she got Rings to take a tray directly off her back. Padlock was happier about that part than the fact that Rings was able to learn the word ‘water’, and in only a few tries.
Padlock had a quick meeting with the three guards she selected to help watch over Rings. They were given orders to get Rings as much water as she wanted, and to put a piece of fruit in the bowl left inside the cell if it was ever empty. Each understood that they were to keep anypony other than each other, or other authorized ponies, away from Rings’ cell.
With the current matter taken care of, Padlock went off to another meeting with Prince Shining Armor and some of the castle staff.
5496852 Sorry, but it has been waiting since Tuesday. I did say I wanted to try and get the next part to everyone by the weekend. Overall, I got antsy and posted it.
They're screwed, aren't they? Interrupting the Prince in order to plea for leniency? Even under the best interpretations of Blueblood's character they'd be screwed.
Yay! I has the warm fuzzy feelies derived from the mental image of Blueblood coming down from vacation in a fit of display that show us all mysterious hidden depths HERETOFORE UNLPLUMBED! Wait, would Shining Armor be the good cop to Blueblood's bad cop? Or is it the other way around?
5496867 How many chapters 'till the humans declare war upon the ponies? Don't you dare make this fixable with an apology! Only the death/imprisonment of Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle and all other ponies responsible for her mistreatment will this end! Also, Equestria undergoes the 'protection' of humanity.
If the Imperialist British Empire found out that one of their people was mistreated this way... well Equestria would last less than a week.
5496867
You asked me to wait until the next chapter and I have, and I'm still not sure I want to continue to follow this story. [edit] Then again I don't want to stop either, you keep putting in just enough hope to drag me along, and it makes me cry.
The main reason for that is this story is mistagged. Consider: Main character is a survivor where all other companions (that we know of) have perished, leaving her stranded on an alien world and alone. Some of these deaths have occurred within the story itself and not as a background where the audience got to know them. MC has a phobia of horses and it is played deadly seriously. MC has no intention of any kind of relations with the ponies besides food (and if she could get it without interacting with them at all she would).
Then, the last couple of chapters happened where she was betrayed by the only ponies she knew, attacked by ponies (while she herself used minimum force to defend herself. No disintegrations), injured by ponies (probably permanently), mistreated by ponies while at their mercy, and even after finding her innocent she is still kept in the prison.
Now the plan is to get her back to Ponyville to interact with ponies, almost all of whom she has a legitimate reason to hate, while most of them will have no clue as to what the problem is, or will try to just whitewash everything with a simple 'I'm sorry' (not that that has been given yet, nor is the MC aware that any guards are being punished for how they treated her, or is even aware that the ponies consider her to have been mistreated at all).
Frankly, this is like trying to follow someone who was interred at the Guantanamo Bay detention camp, who was then released into America with a simple 'I'm sorry' and some money controlled by a parole officer, while not understanding what happened or why because she can't speak the same language.
[sad] (for the situation, for the main character), [tragedy] (for the main character's phobia of horses and being forced to interact with ponies against her will, her mistreatment, the constant (bad) misunderstandings that only compound the tragedy), [dark] (deaths, mistreatment in prison, phobia played seriously, political games) are all appropriate tags for this story, and none of them have been used.
I got into this story because I thought there would be an interesting first contact scenario and then maybe some kind of twist with Protocol D, whatever that is. What I got was a MC who is pathetic, incurious, stubborn (in all the wrong ways), relies heavily on avoidance of problems, untrained at all for her situation, misunderstood and mistreated, and you are asking me to continue to read the story when I know it's only going to continue. I know there is going to be a ton of drama ahead because you set up the situation that way, and the only way the MC will interact with the ponies from this point onwards positively is through Stockholm syndrome (because you've shown that she would never interact with them otherwise), which for the audience is just rubbing salt into the wounds.
That's not the story I want to read. I would only continue on the basis that it gets better, but you've already shown you're willing to have the main character's situation regress when you had her arrested, her limited faith in the ponies she knew at that point completely undone, and then mistreated on top of it. I highly doubt the main character's situation or personality will improve. I highly doubt she will ever become friends with the ponies at this rate, and if that [never being able to have a satisfying ending] is what you intend to happen (and it really does look like you intend for this to happen!) you have mistagged your story. And I definitely don't want to read a revenge against ponies story either.
Permanent physical damage? Wow, navy would be really pissed about this, and Equestria sure needs lots of explaining. A lot of em.
5497989 Only Padlock said it was permanent. And, Padlock does not know it is mostly cybernetic (at least the core), so... who knows?
5497256
Um... are we reading the same story. I remember a few instances where the MC acknowledged the need to get past her fears and interact with the ponies. Even with the treatment in jail she seems to like this Padlock pony somewhat.
I'm happy with the turn of events. It gives me high hopes for the MC's future.
5498571
While she thought it, it was never acted upon, and it's questionable if she would have ever acted upon it in a significant time frame that wasn't long enough where boredom would have compelled her do it. As I said before, she had a habit of avoidance of her problems.
My comment was more for after that though, where she did declare
My caveat remains of Stockholm syndrome, or maybe it's a kind of advanced Good Cop, Bad Cop strategy. Either way, even if it's not INTENDED to be that way by the ponies, there is no distinction to the MC that it's an effective form of psychological manipulation of having individuals or even the entire group treating her badly, and one or two who treat her really well. Of course she'd latch onto those that treated her well after seeing the alternatives (the alternatives were literally starving her to death), but that's manipulation. It's not a genuine thing from her character.
In time she may even get to treat Twilight well, but I'd argue that it will never be true friendship, but rather fear of the alternative. I mean, from her perspective she had refused to cooperate with Twilight's attempt at communication, and then suddenly she is forced into jail. It may be explained later, but there will always be the suspicion that Twilight (who had political power to stop the process) allowed it to happen because she wasn't getting anywhere otherwise, regardless if that is actually true or not.
[edit] If Twilight had refused to help with her arrest, my opinion on this would be very much different. But she did help of her own free will (even if she was unhappy about it) and Cassie saw this betrayal. That is what was written and there are certain consequences that cannot be ignored from doing that.
You need character development from Cassie to make me think of other possible outcomes. Thus far she has been a pretty static character, hence my 'never' comment.
I'm glad I was able to read this so soon after jail part 1 so thanks for the early update
It's awesome how Padlock is an actually good good cop and the princesses are getting things done.
Well I for one happily look forward to her adventures in pony school. There are desperately few stories where the language barrier is ignored or trivialized with a quick flick of a unicorn's horn.
Admiral Biscuit send me here to read this story!
All thank Admiral Biscuit, author of "Unto the pony Planet"!
5499404
Agreed, sometimes you need that struggle just to communicate the simple things.
5503369
I will concede that most problems can be trivialized with the flick of an alicorn's horn however... but Twilight tends to make things worse before they get better, alicorn princess or not. Heh.
A better teacher would be Cherrilee though.
5503576
OPP actually has her working with the human dignitaries for language teaching
Good story and a great read! Language barriers are a wonderful thing. The combination of assumptions, an inability to communicate and good old fashioned ignorance always seems to create an engaging story!
Personally I hope she doesn't get over her phobia anytime soon, her treatment has been rather horrid, even when the ponies have been trying to take care of her.
It's always nice to see Celestia being portrayed as an intelligent person, with a kind heart, who wants to get shit done. I mean, that's who she is. But you'd be surprised just how many writers get that totally wrong.
It's nice to see the story picking up pace and straightening out by the way.
I kinda agree with a few earlier commenters here…
Earth seems to be looking for a planet to colonise. Equestria is a good candidate. If now one of the first humans on this planet somehow gets word back to Earth about how she was crippled, imprisoned, mistreated and tortured by the current inhabitants of said planet…? Sorry, but hell will break loose. Someone on earth will smell good profit/power and will incite humanity to deal with the Equestrians quickly and permanently.
Sorry, I tried to excuse the OOCness of how you've portrayed Equestria but, given how you haven't even attempted to justify things like Twilight being so predisposed toward the non-sapient hypothesis (and I seem to remember overuse of "it" when her sex is known and even pets don't get "it" usually), it was difficult from the start.
I almost stopped reading part-way through chapter 8 (and, given how much it takes to drive me away from a story, that really shows you went too far with your preference to show first and then justify/explain later).
In essence, I just can't find it plausible to diverge this far from the canon view of Equestria without sufficient effort spent to prepare the reader for it, either by giving sufficient hints for fair warning that the setting as a whole is non-canon in tone or by providing enough details to reconcile the mismatch with canon details.
Downvoted.
P.S. It also didn't help that I found chapters 2 and 3 quite a slog and had to struggle not to skim over it to get it over with quickly (which I also rarely do) because I cared too much about seeing chapter 1's events continue. Flashbacks are bad, mmmkay? (Seriously, though, it's very rare to find a situation where a flashback's utility outweighs the harm it does to the story by showing the readers something directly counter to what you've primed them to care about.)
Dang. Didn't think that I'd get caught up on this so fast. Well done so far.
Wonder if she could use drawings to explain a false accusation. The idea for doing so would be easy enough to do so. But thinking up how to portray it likely wouldn't be in Padlock's expertise. But with her new promotion, that's easily rectified. She can call in an intellectual that could do so for her, since she lacks the creativity to accurately portray it.
How to portray it would be simple enough.
First, inspired by some food brought to her, show a paper with a line cutting through it.
On said paper are two ponies, one in each section, with their mouths open and speech bubbles. Two per pony.
On the top pony, it shows a red chalk drawing of an apple, and an arrow to the side pointing to a splotch of red chalk. And in the other speech bubble on the same pony is a blue circle. Then, the bottom pony has a red apple with an arrow pointing to a blue splotch of color, and the other speech bubble has a red circle with a red line through it, to get her to understand between a truth and a lie.
Then, placed a second paper by it. On it, is a picture of her behind jail bars, and an arrow pointing down to a pony speaking again. In the top speech bubble, it shows her with a bloody knife killing a pony, and in the bottom is another 'is lying' symbol.
Perhaps as more comfort, show a picture of some those that assaulted her being walked away with their heads low by some armed guards.
Then, perhaps another split paper, showing Padlock walking her out of the cell in one, and another with her walking alongside her with a thought bubble of both an eye and a shield with arrows pointing to her.
Obviously, Padlock wouldn't have been able to think up those images. Just the idea to use drawings to explain things. But, she's smart enough and kind enough to realize that she doesn't have to do so alone thanks to her promotion, and get some other pony in canterlot that could have thought those drawings up to explain what she wanted to get her to understand.
Though, these are just ideas. Up to you what you write, eh?^^ Your choice in the end result... though, at least your fic is so good that it caused such inspirations in others like this. XD
5521278 >> The descriptive scenes are a personal preference of mine. I enjoy reading stories that give lots of details on the scenes being used, so I tend to add them into mine. I am going to try to make them more... used by the characters in the future, but I cannot promise I will always do that.
Yeah, it was awesome that Admiral Biscuit posted a blog on the story. You, and many others, are correct. There are numerous places I can do improvements at. I do try my best to make the story match to my thoughts. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not translate the way I imagined.
That being said, I did make a blog yesterday informing everyone that I would be going back and seeing if I can fix up a few of the bigger mess-ups in the first chapters. I just have to figure out a way to do it that fixed them with out changing any of the overall story, just how I presented it.
5521278
It seems to me that her thoughts imply that genetic engineering is illegal. Technology is inherently ethically neutral. What matters is how one uses technology. Genetic engineering definitely requires regulation, but the regulation should be a case-by-case thing:
Mary wants to genetically engineer crops for doubling food-production with the new crops twice as nutritious as the old crops. We should allow her to do so under oversight.
Edgar wants to create an army of sentient sapient slaves he intends to use for killing all humans. We should refuse his request and keep an eye on him.
We should neither ban all genetically modified organisms nor allow unregulated genetic engineering but take a middle road of regulated genetic engineering.
5521437
In the story.
It says creatures, not microbes, bacteria, or plants. In the future world that Cassie comes from scientist cannot go playing around with making a genetically modified cat, frog, duck, fish, bird, dinosaur, other humans, and so on. Nor are they allowed to just create completely brand new creatures. That is what it is supposed to mean.
5521479
If genetically modifying animals is illegal, then all of the research using genetically modified fruitflies for understanding and finding cures for diseases is illegal.
Like I wrote, neither banning genetic engineering nor allowing unfettered genetic engineering are very good good strategies. Whether we allow a specific project should be decided on a case-by-case basis. This includes animals:
Creating genetic modified fruitflies for understanding birthdefects should be allowed under supervision. Creating an animal with both the head of a dog and a cat because it is amusing should not be allowed.
5521610 You are putting way, way to much thought into what that statement in the story was supposed to mean.
It is not some political or scientific statement I am trying to make. It is 100% Cassie's reasoning for why the 'ponies' should not exist, as she is thinking she was rescued and back in the Sol system. Creating smarter, pony like creatures is against the law in the future that Cassie is from.
5521170 You're just trying to justify it.
5521278 OR... if the scenery description is used to immerse the reader by painting a beautiful picture with words. Eh, like you said, that's usually when the character is emotionally invested in the scenery itself. This scenario does not occur often in writing, but I've done it a couple times myself.
Okay. You're able to write engaging story, that much is clear, or I wouldn't have read eight chapters in and wanted to know more.
Still, some legitimate complaints about quality of story and tagging have been raised in earlier comments. I've noticed that the tense shifts occasionally, something a good editor should notice and mark for correction. Also, some of this work seems OOC for show canon, though I can respect that jailers with a reason can act in malice, and the gryphons are an aggressive mystery as far as the show is concerned.
I'd say this story is treading a potentially dark path, and getting darker every chapter. Cassie (Guys, the main character has a name, is she that unmemorable despite being mentioned every 3 sentences?) doesn't seem to be changing internally, and events are moving faster than she understands how to handle; she's still only reacting to her situation, and the stress just keeps going up.
You appear to be trying to write a well-known pattern in fanfic called "Hurt/Comfort", where the characters get hurt in some way and then comforted so that the reader emotionally leans into the story rather than pulling away. By gradually ramping up the tension and then dropping it in a ratchet effect, one can gradually push the story's emotional energy to extremely high levels; however, this leaves an important issue: the main character's comfort zone has to be established and respected when the comfort comes. Cassie's comfort zone is always inflamed, because she's entirely out of her element and has nothing with which to identify. The rescue lander has engaged some sort of unknown protocol for violent defense and/or assault of the ship and only maybe the crew, Cassie herself is imprisoned and treated horribly after a visible betrayal, she hasn't been given any reason to want to participate except for a lack of options for emotional connection... I could lay down a big list of problems she's facing, but ultimately, what I need is a way out of this mess. And there doesn't look to be a good option yet. Did Twilight not report this new creature? What was Celestia's reaction when she read the report, if any? The limited-omniscient POV is okay, but it's getting a bit annoying that I don't get to understand the contents of those who are actually doing something active, rather than being kept imprisoned and in a state of confusion and suffering.
Yeah. This isn't my personal cup of tea. The writing has been structurally sound, and the characters sufficient to the read. But I'm not sure I want to read much more of this. Let's get some action or information, right? Something that explains Protocol D some more. I started reading to FIND OUT what Protocol D was, not spend seven chapters setting the scene for its implementation! Well written, but wasteful. Were I a book editor, I'd tell you to cut about a third of the material between the crash landing and the ponies engaging Cassie at her ship, and replace some of the scenery with internal reflection that helps us as readers understand what sort of changes or activities Cassie is prepared for, and which she isn't yet ready to undergo. You're working all externally, except when you aren't; you need to spend a little better time understanding the sort of internal adjustment your protagonist is having to undergo. (Or is deliberately avoiding, like the note her crewmate left -- will she ever get curious about it enough to read the darn thing?) And stop skimming minds. Either dive in or don't, but don't keep us peeking at the windows unless the readers' view on those characters is meant to be mostly peripheral. Also, it's clear you have no idea how the human computers work, or you'd have some idea what the various engineers are doing to them.
As a bit of advice, even if you don't know how you're getting there, try to always have a goal in mind that you're aiming at, whether it's to illustrate a theme or get the characters to experience something, or do something to the readers, or whatever. Otherwise you'll have no idea what sort of story you're writing as it spills out. I've been there, just writing because it seemed interesting. But when I do that, I end up with a lot of world-building and not enough story. Sure, sometimes characters or events get out of hand and say "Nope, I'm going this way!" That doesn't mean you should always let them; sometimes cutting an event helps you get past the problem.
You're writing in a fishbowl (posting chapters of an in-progress story). So here's some advice you might not like now that the "in-progress" has been set by posting it: Privately cut Chapters 4 and 5, and see how the story flows without them. Sure, Cassie will need a reason to be in Ponyville, or she might decide to turn away and do something else after seeing the ponies. You may have to rewrite everything that follows, or only minor edits need be made.
The whole point of my comment is, if Cassie is the viewpoint character but not the protagonist, then you had better find that protagonist, put them front and center ASAP and keep them there! Otherwise Cassie is just going to end up being a Barbie doll that everyone else plays with; the lack of agency is killing me here. Cassie was in charge of her squad and up to that point has clearly managed to deal with at least some of her emotional damage, so why take that away? Wouldn't she have at least a few functional coping mechanisms she learned and/or used when dealing with the injuries that gave her those prostheses, and during her apparent military or paramilitary training? Why can't she engage these activities now? It's not clear, unless you the author have little experience with this sort of thing, or intend for her to always suppress until she explodes.
And eventually, they do explode...
I like the use of the official documents to complement the rest of the text. I can see why Luna and Celestia would prefer to have full documentation on the use of extreme magic such as the Memory View spell to avoid accusations of tyranny.
5552012 I am glad you enjoyed the story so far. Surprised you actually took the time to figure them out. Thank you for blocking them out with spoiler tags.
As for why I do it, I didn't just want to smash the keyboard with random text or say, the ponies said something every time. So, I use 3 different ciphers, pick the ones I like best for the words (sometimes with a little modification) and use them. I do have it all listed in a file so I can try to be consistent with words already used.
I'm gonna wait until I see where this is going, but if the 'space government' Cassie came from doesn't get some serious compensation for horrendously unethical treatment of prisoners, I'm gonna be pissed.
I get that the ponies in this story are very much at the medieval state of mind when dealing with prisoners, but assuming this story makes it to that point dozens of chapters from now, the human leadership sweeping this under the rug wouldn't make sense if they could milk it for all its worth.
All that said, I'm loving the story, I have a strange attraction to stories where the ponies are not all peace and love. The ones where they are all too human are just great for some reason.
5631372 My first time around editing this story, I wasn't as strict about the setting descriptions. I had to take a break midway through chapter 4 for medical reasons, but I am now off hiatus, and we are currently re-editing the story from the beginning (nothing major about the story is changing, only its presentation— Topaz made a blog post about this re-write). As far as I'm aware, there shouldn't be any more updates until we're finished going through all the chapters that are currently published (as well as chapter 10, of course). Maybe you'll have a different reading experience the next time around.
It's freaking bugging me that they can't use some sort of Translating spell on her or the ponies themselves. I'm at the brink of losing my mind!
5647669 I've always thought use of translating spells were kind of cheating, I suppose it depends on the needs of the story but for this one the lack of communication is part of the drama. One of the things that always bugged me in sci-fi and fantasy is how all the species seem to conveniently be fully fluent in English (or whatever language the story or movie is produced in). For TV shows, it is a necessary thing but still kinda blows the suspension of disbelief.
Star Trek had the universal translator as a macguffin to counteract that and it worked only because it fit within the rest of the technology the show portrayed. In Star Wars the galactic standard language is Basic (read English) but they still had language barriers that were overcome with the use of protocol droids. A translating spell could be an appropriate macguffin, but only if the story isn't centered on or primarily driven by first contact.
5496867 I was a little put off by chapter 8 on the whole, at least initially, and almost gave up on the story. I'm glad I didn't.
You know what really rocks? Rainbow Rocks and also, this story!
You know what would rock more? You, when you release more!
5696207 I am glad that you wish to read more.
As I stated in This blog post, Chapter 10 is a little delayed. I have been working on it, but it is a little behind at the moment.
A lot of progress has been made in the reworking of some earlier presentation. I am currently onto chapter 4. As mentioned on the blog, when the slightly revised chapters are put up, nothing major has changed. I have only been cleaning it up slightly and fixing my mishandled representation of the ponies initial thoughts on her intelligence.
I am aiming to have Chapter 10 done by the later part of the month, however with real life stuff and all, I am not promising that.
I've been finding this story interesting.
Been fairly busy here and there. But now I see I have a re-read ahead of me when I remembered this story.
Edit: Finally got done reading the story. I have to say, I like what you did with Discord there in the re-write. I really felt that Cassie would have missed out on some interesting interaction with how the story originally went.
Okay, good to know that "dream" wasn't what it seemed to be.
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Fixed, thanks.
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As you noticed in the next chapter, it was not what you thought. If this was an adult story it would be marked as such. I cannot be blamed for where your mind wanders on its own.
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So Celestia proved Cassie's innocence, by mind raping her, done all legal and proper, with a signature from a judge. Then how does Celestia plan to make amends for everything her government has put Cassie through, and start repairing a completely fucked up first contact? By leaving Cassie in the dungeon, and putting her on trial anyway.
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Trials are for proving guilt, not proving innocence, unless their legal system is completely ass-backwards.
I read nine chapters hoping the characters would start acting smarter once they started to get the misunderstandings out of the way. Now Celestia sees the big picture, and she continues to make things worse.
Spoiler: If you have not read Chapter 9, do not read this, a lot of stuff in this comment is covered in chapter 9.
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Celestia did not prove anything. Yes, she now knows Cassie did not commit those crimes in any "intentionally malicious or knowledgeable way", due to use of a spell that has heavy legal restrictions on it, but she also knows Cassie is tied to them. Celestia is a kind ruler, she trust her justice system to reach the proper verdict, especially since the spell used was done as part of the investigation. She has also delayed the trial to ensure Cassie is able to understand what is going on at it and properly defend herself against the allegations. You can never fully make amends to someone who has been abused by those in power. The abuse happened, that cannot be changed, its impact on her life can be lessened. As for amends and fixing first contact, she is giving Cassie a monthly stipend to assist her, a house with a guard, and learning opportunities.
Near the end, Celestia mentions to Luna, "For now, you and I have a meeting with the castle staff and guards we must be getting to."
That meeting is the start. Remember, Cassie has equinophobia, and Celestia knows what has happened to her in the jail, along with her deepening mistrust of ponies. To just rip Cassie out of the dungeon with no preparations ready, and just randomly sticking her somewhere else with no plan setup would not have been good for Cassie. Celestia knows all she has to go back to is a crashed ship, so she needs to be put somewhere where she can be safe. That is why instantly Celestia removed a problem guard, gave strict orders to the one left, immediately called the Warden up for a chit-chat, and set Padlock to make a specific guard/watcher unit to prevent any more issues.
Charges have been filed against her in the Equestrian Courts. Sure Celestia could wave a hoof and make the charges disappear, however how would that look in the eyes of the other ponies? The noble she referred to would not have just let it go, but instead stir up a lot of shit, and cause resentment against her. Maybe even support that she is out of control with power. While Cassie may be innocent until proven guilty, it still allows for her to be arrested until her trial if there is enough evidence linking her to the charged crimes. Also when you go to court, You may be innocent, but you still have to show that innocence to the court by defending yourself against whatever things are brought against you.
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How is reading her memories not proof? If it proves nothing, then what was the point?
What ties? Cassie was never in the two cities mentioned on the wanted poster. Are they trying to blame her for the falling wreckage landing somewhere? Something some other human survivor did? Something completely beyond her control? If everything that goes wrong must have someone held culpable, then when will Celestia be sitting in the defendant's seat for her role in this mess? Everything that went wrong in chapters 7 and 8 can be tied to negligence in her command structure, which is ultimately her responsibility.
Why should she trust her courts when her police and jail guards just failed to handle their part of the justice system?
No but Celestia could stop adding insult to injury, and should have done so the moment her mind reading spell was complete. Instead she's coming up with spurious reasons to prolong the trauma. If Celestia ever realizes she has neither the right nor the responsibility to keep Cassie under her hoof, then maybe Cassie can begin to heal.
Unjustly imprisoning her in a gilded cage instead of an iron one. Then sending her back to ponies who have already hurt her, and are too ignorant to not continue hurting her.
She was safer in the ship than in Celestia's care. There was an entire chapter devoted to showing how unsafe she was in the dungeon. She should have had the military establish a defensive perimeter around the ship by now anyway, so it should be arguably the safest place in the country.
She could tell the truth, that initial reports were either patently false or blown way out of proportion, and there is insufficient evidence for a prosecutor to move forward with the charges. Deescalate the situation instead of turning it into a media circus.
How will she look in the eyes of the world when everyone, in every nation, learns that the first representative of an advanced alien race was maimed, tortured, and forced to defend against trumped up charges in a farce of a trial, all by Celestia and her government?
I thought Celestia was supposed to be motivated by justice and kindness, not appeasement of corrupt nobles. What's worse, or pissing off some rich snobs, or risking an interplanetary war?
When Celestia saw Cassie's memories, saw the crashed space ship, and read Twilight's reports about how Cassie's things are more advanced than anything the ponies can make, it would have been immediately obvious to any ruler with a brain that this is bigger than the nobility, bigger than even the country. This is something that could determine the future of the whole planet.
That is exactly the opposite of how innocent until proven guilty works. The burden of proof is on the prosecutor. They generally decline to prosecute if they don't have enough evidence to make a strong case. Otherwise it's just malicious prosecution.
tl:dr every other character can use ignorance as an excuse, but Celestia should be treating Cassie as an ambassador, not a criminal.
This is just more abuse heaped on the woobie protagonist for contrived reasons, to generate cheap drama. I hoped the story would eventually get better, but it can't seem to break from that formula.
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All I will say on this, is if you are charged with murder based on whatever evidence, and then a video proving it was someone else pops up... the trial still happens and you get to use that video to make your case against the prosecution.
I have left very small clues in the story since the beginning as to how she is tied to things. It also goes with the ponies having sufficient evidence to charge her as a suspect. Charges get trumped up and overblown all the time, even in real life.
All I can do is point at the last part of chapter 9 with Celestial and Luna. It explicitly explains what went wrong. And is the cause of damn near everything since her arrest. Celestia even said the entire thing went wrong when Cassie's initial capture was mostly to protect her.
The corporal has given us the name of the one who paid him off to distribute the wanted posters early. We also have strong evidence of who made the forged orders," Luna replied.
"We have also uncovered evidence linking said pony to the actions of a few of the jailers."
Celestia is the leader of an entire nation. She gives an order and expects it to be followed, and does not have time to micromanage everything. Shining Armor received 'orders' and followed them. As he saw no major issues, other than one over zealous guard who was taken care of immediately, he did not think there was anything needed to be reported other than he accomplished his task. Since Celestia was expecting a different order to have happened, she was in no rush to meet Cassie right away thinking everything was A-Okay.
I am confused by this one. Celestia has had Cassie separated from any and all ponies who have done her harm, starting immediately after the spell ended with the one guard being removed from duty. Even the Warden was kind to her after her escape attempt, which included her knocking one of his guards out. He was not pleased to hear of the reports that she was abused either. Yes, as of the end of the chapter she is still in the cell, but as you read... Celestia is changing that as soon as she gets a couple things setup... aka: that meeting she and Luna are having with then entire castle staff and guards. Cassie is not safer in the ship. I am not the greatest writer, but I thought I did a pretty good job showing that she has crap survival skills. Cassie even mentioned, before her initial arrest, that she knows she needs to get over her fears and work with the ponies.
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I thank you for pointing things out that you did not like in the story. I do not wish to argue and hope that my replies did not sound like that to you, or any other comment reader.
I have tried hard to get everything bouncing in my head written down properly so it makes sense for everyone else. Sometimes, it appears I still have failings in that regard. It sucks that I have turned you off as a reader with what I have written, but that's okay. Not everyone likes everything else and that makes the world for a more interesting place. All I know is that I am not the greatest writer, but I write to the best of my ability and that makes me happy.
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If the prosecution was aware that that evidence existed, and couldn't get it declared inadmissible, they wouldn't bother with a trial they know they're going to lose. They make their bones off their conviction rate. That's what pretrial hearings are for.
By pointing out crimes which Celestia can be clearly tied to but can't be held responsible for, I was attempting to illustrate the absurdity of ponies holding Cassie responsible for crimes she can only be tenuously connected to.
As several other commenters have already pointed out, Cassie's trust in the Mane Six has been shattered. From her point of view, they turned her over to the guards who brutalized her. She has a permanently blind eye to remind her what happened the last time she started thinking maybe she could be friends with them. Celestia is sending Cassie right back to Ponyville, and right back to the Mane Six.
6054131 The prosecution only knows exactly what they asked for from the spell, nothing more. As stated, it is a very restrictive spell, that is rarely authorized to use. Even with the spell it is not like opening up a Wikipedia page to read and needs to be interpreted slightly. It is up to the prosecution to determine how to use the evidence from the spell. Celestia's hooves are extremely tied with what she can do with the extra knowledge. Not even Luna is privy to the knowledge.
The charges on the wanted poster are not the only ones either. Remember those petty ones added that pissed off Applejack and Pinkie Pie? If the prosecution gets really pissy that certain charges are thrown out before it starts, they could always start throwing on things like damage to the environment and/or illegal construction (her camp outside the ship). Plus she did violently resist arrest (Yes, they had legal reason to arrest her as she was charged for crimes, and she shot first), and her ship shot two ponies (setting up an automated trap). No matter what happens, some dirt bag prosecutor (or concerned citizen bringing it up) can find plenty to charge her with that will get her in that courtroom. But, that is a ways away, Cassie needs to learn the language enough to participate in the trial still.
Yes, yes it has. Bad Twilight, smiling won't get you out of this one. You shall get the whipping stick!
Nowhere did Celestia say Cassie would have to work with Twilight, or any of the other Mane Six. She said Padlock had to work with Twilight, and Padlock has the authority to keep Twilight away from Cassie.
"Remember, though, you are the ultimate authority—short of myself or Princess Luna—in charge of Rings during your stay in Ponyville. If you deem anything—even Princess Sparkle’s studies—to be against Rings’ health or well-being, you are authorized to put it to a halt,” Celestia said.
Twilight was only listed as a suggestion of a pony who may be able to help with language teaching.
Also, Ponyville is a much better place to learn about ponies that being stuck in the castle, or Canterlot. It is also the closest town to her ship, and Celestia stated Cassie's is allowed to travel anywhere she wants within the borders of Equestria.
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She's done it in official Hasbro storylines to an entire city (possibly nation) so who is to say she wouldn't do it on a smaller scale with a court order?
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Well, it's not the perfect story. Loads of unnecessary fluff had me skimming a few times, before I forced myself to stop. I am curious of it, though. Keep going.
6068669 Thanks. Sorry about the fluff, but I likes it. At least I have been trying to scale back my overly descriptive scenes though that some people were concerned about, in the newer chapters.
I hope to have the next chapter ready for my editor to poke at very soon. Like, if I had not been screwing around with Skyrim's creation kit for the past week and a half it would have been sent to him, soon. Had a friend look at what I have so far in rough draft form, and he seems to like the upcoming chapter. So that's a plus.
I am happy to announce, that I will be sending chapter 10 off to the editor later tonight. So, depending on his schedule I hope we are able to get it poked at in the very near future.