A routine- though hastily organized- trip to Fillydelphia goes awry for Twilight and her two companions. Fortunately, she has the power of friendship and thievery to save the day. Er, not thievery. Just friendship. Yes.
But a routine- though very, very hastily organized- sneaking mission turns into something much more... convoluted. Fortunately, Rainbow Dash and her two companions have the power of friendship too.
But when that routine-though-hastily-organized-and-overtly-convoluted sneaking mission reveals a malicious- though hastily formed- plot, it's up to a mysterious and totally anonymous pony that isn't Trixie to save the day. And by save, I mean ruin. And by day, I mean night. And by not-Trixie, I mean that it's obviously Trixie. Obviously.
(Story based off a loose outline from a friend. With a lot of artistic license, a few cases of artistic arson, and a bit of baking powder.)
I like where this is going. Continue! Especially like your narrative tone, it's very conversational.
(Also, space out dialogue a bit. Indentation helps, but it's still a wee bit hard to read.)
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Well, I spaced out the paragraphs, but I think I'm going to have to go through and make some more... adjustments. To the paragraphs, I mean.
That pause was very... mysterious.
I like this.
...That was as generic as it gets, wasn't it? I really like your narrative style, it's very open and conversational. And the plot's already moving along nicely, nice pacing you got there. And, Pinkie finally gaining weight and Fluttershy being terrified of clocks of all things makes too much sense.
You've peaked my interest. I've got my eye on you.
Hrm... this has potential.
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw3262_small.jpg
I have no idea where this is going. I think i'll continue to watch so I can find out.
I lol'd at the description.
Also, the story seems pretty confusing at this point. I'm sure it will clear up after some more content.
398782 Piqued.
Contrary to the evidence, I do actually hate to be "That Guy", but that's a pet peeve of mine.
I'll be watching this story!
411283
Piqued. Duly noted.
Uh oh.
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WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS MARE MAKING MALEFIC MOVEMENTS IN THE AIR?
Is it possibly the GREAT AND POWERFUL TTTTTTRRRRRIXIE?!?