Make This Go On Forever
Scootaloo stifled a yawn, the breeze from her forward motion coaxing her mouth open. It turned a simple declaration of sleepiness into a coughing fit, one that threatened to knock her from her scooter. Slowing down just enough to get her bearings and to cough up the last of the irritation, she carried on through the town square en route to her destination. She rounded around the curvature of the fountain, a light spray of its drizzle tickling her humming feathers as she passed.
It was later than she had liked that morning when she made her way to Twilight's library. Scootaloo finished her paper delivery before sun up, silently having wished that the sun had risen already - the autumn air grew more and more chilled as the month of November had finished. After checking back with her boss, Mr. Oriole, and exchanging only a light smattering of conversation, she made her way across town to Barnyard Bargains. Though the night shift manager was not responsible for Scootaloo's shift later that morning, and was tired and irritable to boot, she left the young pegasus with an assurance that her shift would be covered that day. In return, Scootaloo agreed she would cover that pony's Monday morning shift - not a problem since she wasn't going to be in school anyways. Relieved, she retreated back to her home for a quick nap that lasted longer than she had anticipated.
With some of the cookies from last night in her stomach, and her body and mind rested from her extended slumber, Scootaloo was ready to begin her project with a level of enthusiasm that surprised even her - she never really looked forward to school work, least of all long and involved projects. Scootaloo expected that her energy would rapidly fade after she set hoof in the library in front of her, but at the very least, she would try to capitalize on it while she still felt motivated.
Her scooter leaning against the wooden tree, Scootaloo unstrapped her helmet, slung it over the handlebars, and trotted to the library's green door. Gently pushing against it, she heard that bell ring once again, announcing her presence. Using her shoulder to prop the door open, she peeked inside, half expecting to see if Princess Twilight was waiting there with a levitating stack of books by which to simultaneously greet and terrify her. Instead, the princess was nowhere to be seen, and the library appeared totally empty aside from Spike manning his post at the main desk.
"Hey, Scootaloo!" Spike called over to her, beckoning to her with a waving claw. "Come on in!"
Scootaloo nodded her head, stepping inside as the door gently closed behind her accompanied by a soft tinkle from the bell above it.
"Morning, Spi-iiii-" Scootaloo tried to return the greeting, the yawn she stifled from before once again forcing its way through her open mouth.
"Good morning to you too," Spike giggled, the gist of the message evidently not lost on him. "Still waking up, huh?"
"Yeah," Scootaloo admitted. "I think that nap yesterday messed up my normal sleep schedule."
"At least you're awake," Spike grinned broadly. "Twilight's still sleeping upstairs."
"Still?" Scootaloo asked incredulously. She had felt guilty for indulging in extra rest when she had explicitly taken the day off to devote to school work, but suddenly felt less uneasy knowing that even a princess of Equestria took an opportunity to sleep in on occasion.
"I know, right?" Spike asked, acknowledging the look of disbelief on the filly's face. "She's usually up at the crack of dawn, earlier than that this time of year."
Scootaloo nodded once more, hardly surprised given what she'd heard about Twilight's sometimes obsessive behavior regarding timeliness and keeping a schedule. "Can't blame her though, can you? I mean, you know what it's like when you don't want to get out from under those warm blankets!"
"Oh yeah!" Spike agreed with an eager flourish, no doubt gladdened that someone else appreciated the comfort of a warm bed as much as he did. "I don't know if Twilight thinks that way though, at least when it comes to sleeping. One time she overslept, and she went on and on about how she wouldn't sleep if she didn't need to. Think of all the things we could accomplish if we didn't need a minimum of six hours of sleep a night!" Spike imitated in his best effeminate falsetto.
"Do you really think I sound like that?"
The dragon's spikes stood stiff and rigid as he heard the voice of the pony that he had just emulated from the top of the stairs behind him. Scootaloo brought a hoof to her mouth, snickering madly as Spike about-faced to meet the accusatory glare of the alicorn princess above him.
"I - um, well, er..."
Twilight's eyebrow raised and she clicked her tongue. "I'm waiting," she said tauntingly. Scootaloo watched as Spike brought a claw to the back of his head, scratching it nervously as though trying to coax out a plausible explanation to appease her.
"Uh... Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?" he answered meekly, rubbing his arm embarrassedly with the realization of just how lame it sounded.
The alicorn's eyes narrowed, squinting at the dragon's squirming form. "Flattery, huh?"
Spike nodded his head slowly, offering a large toothy grin to the princess. "Uh-huh!"
Slyly, Twilight grinned just a little bit more, looking down at the dragon sweating bullets below her, Scootaloo trying (and succeeding less and less) to control her laughter. "I suppose I should be flattered then," she laughed brightly as Spike breathed a deep sigh of relief, apparently realizing Twilight's pseudo-seriousness was a mild joke. "In my defense, we really could do a lot more with an extra six hours a day," she continued. "But I agree that it's hard to deny the appeal of dozing off underneath a warm blanket. I probably would have stayed up there longer if I hadn't heard you come in, Scootaloo."
Scootaloo's laughter subsided as soon as she heard what almost sounded like an accusation. "I didn't mean to interrupt," she apologized. "If you like, I can come back later, I'll just need to borrow the books and-"
"Nonsense." Twilight shook her head, stepping towards the main desk where the copy of Times and Traditions lay from last night's perusal. "I was waiting for you so we could get started."
"Oh, alright then," Scootaloo said. "I guess it's not such a bad thing I got here later than I had planned to then, huh?"
"Not in the slightest," Twilight smiled warmly to the filly. "Now then, I guess we won't be needing this particular book since you chose your holiday last night, correct?" She levitated Times and Traditions in the air with her telltale purple glow, directing it to the triangular gap in the bookshelves where Spike had removed it the night prior.
Scootaloo nodded quickly, recalling with a hint of embarrassment the holiday she had chosen. "Mhm," she mumbled quietly, hoping vainly that Princess Twilight wouldn't ask her which holiday it was. How would she be able to help with research if Twilight didn't know which holiday to be researching? The thing is, Scootaloo didn't quite know how she would explain her rather sentimental choice to the alicorn, having vetoed several of the mare's suggestions on account of the holidays presented being too "sappy". No sooner than when the thought crossed her mind, Twilight fulfilled Scootaloo's expectations.
"Which holiday was it again?"
Scootaloo silently gulped. "It was um..." She stalled, trying to make her choice seem like a casual one that she could hardly care enough about to bother remembering, though her brain was screaming 'Newborn Celebration Day' over and over with crystalline clarity.
"Hm?"
A small, cynical, yet very familiar voice in the back of her head suggested that Twilight already knew and was merely waiting for Scootaloo to admit her odd decision so that she could poke fun of the "lame, boring" choice that she had made. She quickly silenced the voice, knowing full well from last night's counselling session that Twilight would not be so unkind as to mock her selection.
"I think it was... Newborn Celebration Day," Scootaloo blurted hastily, still doing her best to sound as non-committal as she could. She found herself staring at the bookshelves to her immediate left with what she hoped appeared to be great interest. Supernatural Superserious: A Collection of Documented and Unexplained Phenomena was one such title. She couldn't help but notice that despite it's claim to be scientific in nature, it was placed under the "Fiction" section.
"Newborn Celebration Day?"
And there it was. Scootaloo could tell from Twilight's tone of voice that it wasn't a question of clarification. It was instead a tone of amused surprise, like the momentarily stifled voice of distrust inside her had anticipated. As much as she tried to stop it, she could feel her cheeks warming under Twilight's intent stare.
Scootaloo replied with a nonchalant "Yup." The End of The Righteous was another title, sitting alongside Southern Stories: An Apocalyptic Collage. What a foreboding series. Both of the works were written by the same author, an aptly named Dreary Deviser. That chaotic and destructive subject matter, however, would likely have been ones that Twilight would have guessed to be an aspect of Scootaloo's holiday.
"Isn't that one a little bit... tame? I thought you were trying to avoid the 'namby pamby' holidays," Twilight asked with deliberate emphasis on the descriptor that Scootaloo herself had uttered with disdain the night before.
The Way It Was, The Way It Will Be by P. F. Visions. Scootaloo tried to fathom a guess at what this book was about in between juggling potential excuses to present to the princess' question.
"Yeah, I just kind of er... flipped to it and whatever, you know?" Scootaloo answered meekly, the sound of her words fading almost as soon as they left her.
"Hm," Twilight noted with an infuriating lack of any interpretative inflection for Scootaloo.
What was the princess thinking right now? Was the alicorn silently mocking her? Why would she be making fun of Scootaloo having chosen Newborn Celebration Day? Did it really seem so strange that a pony deprived of parents, might, just maybe, want to know how it felt to be celebrated by them?
"Well, at any rate, I'm glad you chose one. I'll find some reference materials to get us started," Twilight finished brightly, turning towards the bookshelf labeled Holidays/Observances under the non-fiction section, which was comparatively larger than the fiction section that Scootaloo had been distracting herself with.
It was then that Scootaloo remembered that, in all of the tearful admissions of the things that ailed her on the princess' bedspread, Scootaloo never alluded to the princess that she didn't actually have parents. At least, not in the sense that Scootaloo meant.
Spike pushed his seat away from the desk, offering him enough room to slip down the chair and towards Twilight. "Just a second, Twi. Let me get those for you - Newborn Celebration Day, right?" His insistence was highlighted by the rather abrupt manner by which he muscled himself between the alicorn's front legs and the bookshelf.
"Certainly, Twilight would, in her objectively correct manner, insist that 'everypony has parents!' and then proceed to write a scientifically sound document complete with references explaining why yours abandoned you. All in that bright and cheery manner she just used!" There was that voice again, the resentful and disparaging one that Scootaloo had listened to uninterrupted for the last decade.
"I appreciate the offer, Spike, but if there's one thing I can do well, it's find a book in a library," Twilight laughed as she stepped back from the shelf, a glowing volume following her from high above.
"Oh... right." Spike's cheeks grew the mildest shade of pink as he looked to the floor, wearing a dejected look upon his face.
Imagine Scootaloo's surprise when the night before, when that voice was preparing her to be thrown out of the library with an insistence that a majestic princess who had done more for Equestria in the last three years than Scootaloo had done her entire life, didn't deserve to deal with such trifling matters such as "hurt feelings". Imagine her surprise when instead, Twilight spoke with a voice of her own.
"But, I know something that you can do! Something that I, no matter how many books I seem to read on the subject, will never be as talented at." The praise that Twilight doled out instantly soothed Spike's damaged ego.
"Uh huh?" Spike asked with an unfettered eagerness.
The voice that Twilight used was something that Scootaloo wasn't used to when she conversed with most adults growing up - a quiet and comforting tone, devoid of that condescending guile that the prospective parents and staff at Warm Stables had fed to her. And the words that Twilight spoke were so different, so radically, exponentially, and marvelously different, than what Scootaloo's inner dialogues had told her as the years of being passed over had gone by.
The book landed on the desk where Spike had just been sitting, and as soon as the purple glow faded around it, Twilight satisfied the dragon's request. "Do you think you could maybe make a nice brunch for Scootaloo and me? I actually haven't eaten since your cookies yesterday, and I'm certain that a growing filly like Scootaloo is probably hungry too."
Spike offered his best salute, standing as straight and tall as his short legs would allow. "Yes, ma'am! Do you think chocolate chip pancakes with maple syrup and apple butter would be good? With some eggs?"
The words she spoke were contrary to what Scootaloo had been telling herself, and had even expressed aloud to Twilight yesterday. Even when she heard Twilight say them, Scootaloo had to ask again just to be sure.
"That sounds fantastic!" Twilight clapped her hooves together excitedly. "What do you think, Scootaloo? How does a late breakfast to go with our research sound to you?"
With just a quiet nod for an answer, Scootaloo, and that voice inside of her, responded in kind with silence. Scootaloo smiled as she remembered the warmth and reassurance that she felt when Twilight comforted her, her wing acting as a shield from the cold, harsh, whirlwind of perceptions that Scootaloo had come to accept as reality. Each moment in that cocoon, the idea that Twilight crafted with a simple utterance brimming with such an honest and powerful conviction created a magnificent warmth that washed over her. The idea that maybe, just maybe -
I'm Not Worthless
"Scootaloo?"
Scootaloo had felt relief, a relief so intense that it actually hurt. But curled up in the embrace of Twilight Sparkle's wing, it didn't hurt at all. She just felt a comfort that she had never known before. And Scootaloo, a pony well-practiced in the art of deception, both as a practitioner and as a recipient, detected not a single trace of dishonesty. Scootaloo had heard all of the time that "you'll be adopted next!" and "you're a wonderful filly!" from all sorts of ponies. Yet, when Twilight had told her something that the pegasus had doubted for the longest time, she believed it. It was no wonder she wanted to research this holiday - to understand the acceptance, trust, and love that endures innately between a pony and it's foal, even when the foal wasn't perfect and couldn't fly...
Just the thought of it burned such a sense of longing into Scootaloo. Imagine if last night's blissful moments under Twilight's wing could happen again. What if, whenever she needed to, Scootaloo could hide away and take refuge alongside an accepting, trusting, and loving parent?
"That would be perfect."
Her own voice pulling her from her daze, Scootaloo looked upwards away from P.F. Vision's book in the fiction shelf, and found herself staring at Spike and Princess Twilight, both of whom were staring right back.
"Is everything okay?" Twilight asked, sounding unusually alarmed.
"I er - what? Yeah, everything's fine..." Scootaloo replied cautiously, shaking her head rapidly to further pull herself out the trance she had been lost in. When everything settled, she bore witness to Spike giggling madly as he strode past the filly making his way to kitchen.
"You must really love chocolate chip pancakes!" His laughter grew faint as the dragon vanished around the corner, with a series of bangs from various cookware replacing it.
"Chocolate chip pancakes!?" The haziness of Scootaloo's focus had all but vanished, and she looked with surprised excitement at the alicorn still in the room with her. Twilight looked annoyingly at the source of the clanging, and then looked back to Scootaloo with a familiar softer expression.
"...Yeah, Spike's making breakfast," Twilight answered. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Of course!" Scootaloo nodded happily, both eager to begin researching and eating, in seemingly equal measure.
Twilight cocked her head and gazed thoughtfully at the young pegasus before her. "Well... alright. We can begin whenever you're ready, the book's right here." The princess made her way around the desk where the research book had been placed in front of the chair. She was tall enough that she didn't need one.
However, now Scootaloo was concerned by the odd behavior being displayed before her, following Twilight to the desk. "Princess Twilight, is something wrong?"
"Just Twilight," the alicorn corrected. "And I was hoping you could tell me."
"What do you mean?" Scootaloo asked, leaping into the wooden chair that Spike had been sitting at. Once she landed, Scootaloo offered a surprised yip when she felt Twilight's hoof gently run itself down her cheek.
"I was just wondering why you were crying, that's all. Everything okay?"
Scootaloo froze in place, mortified.
"I... um..." Her face grew unbearably hot, and Scootaloo was glad that Twilight was behind her and couldn't see the deep blush. Although, Scootaloo would much rather have shown a flushed face as opposed to teary eyes.
"I... really... like chocolate chip pancakes..." Scootaloo mumbled weakly, looking down at her hooves in the seat below. Twilight's hoof ran along her other cheek, and this time Scootaloo was acutely aware of the moisture being wiped away.
"You know you can tell me anything, right?"
Scootaloo didn't even offer a nod, and kept her eyes pointed straight down.
"Just as long as you know..." Twilight whispered. "Are you ready to start, or do you maybe want to eat first?" There was no pretense or impatience in the question from what Scootaloo could tell, just concern. Scootaloo took a deep breath, and exhaled, looking up to the book in front of her: Life Itself - A Celebration.
"I'm ready."
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Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! You're not dead!
Hmmm, since Twilight is a Princess, can she get adoption papers for Scootaloo signed and filed in the same day??? Because I can totally see her deciding it's time Scootaloo had a warm loving home to come to and an alicorn and dragon willing to look after her.
I've just read this in it's entirety, and I am horrifically impressed. This fic has one of the best characterizations for Scootaloo, Twilight, the other CMC, and even the more minor characters like Spike, Cheerilee, and the bullies that I've ever read. Your way of dealing with the bullies was fantastic, as far too many fics on this site with Diamond Tiara/Silver Spoon are seemingly written by bitter bullied beings with persecution on their minds. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon always either get off scot-free or punished to ridiculous extremes. This has a reasonable interpretation of Scootaloo's mind with a healthy dollop of understanding for why Diamond is the way she is. I love how well you integrate Scootaloo being an orphan and are clearly easing us into the reveal of her status to Twilight/the rest of the world.
All in all, I'll be following along eagerly, especially with the brunt of the story promised by the description still to come.
5306613 Thank you very, very much! I'm really glad that you like the characterizations - I really wanted to make them seem believable and fleshed out without acting terribly out of character.
And in the case of Diamond Tiara, I really think her character has such potential for growth and development - it's a shame that even in the show itself, she and Silver Spoon are often relegated to being just a pair of two-dimensional cutout bullies. As a matter of fact, that they seemingly managed to get off scot-free after "Flight To The Finish" was one of two major driving points that inspired me to write this story to begin with.
But that was such a well-worded comment, thank you so much for the input and for sticking by to read the entire thing, because I know that it's a rather slow burning story.
As touching as when I last read it.
I reread the beginning chapters of this story to reacquaint myself with the plot, and I must say that I forgot how wonderful this story is.
This chapter, with its internal dialogue and character building, was a wonderful addition. I can't wait to see more!
I like this chapter.
It's largely just character interactions, but those interactions say a lot about the characters.
Great job dude!
I came to read this on the recommendation from RaylanKrios in Scootaloo: Princess for a Day, and I concur with his statement - you have generated far too little interest for such an interesting take on the "Scootaloo, Orphan" scenario. I shall have to endeavous to correct somewhat with a recommendation of my own on my local ponythread.
I must admit, I was expecting something completely different when I read the summary - one assumes we haven't even GOT that far yet, aside from a brief name-drop. That you have spent the time laying out the extensive groundwork before even getting there is quite impressive.
I look forward to rhe continuation.
5378100
Thank you for checking it out! I really do apologize if the pace seems a tad slow, but I am very grateful you stuck through and read it! Big ups to RaylanKrios for advertising it for me!
5464515
Thank you! It means a lot that someone can read through a whole mess of story in one sitting and still want to keep reading! I hope you enjoy the upcoming chapters!
Awesome story. Took a whole night to read it but it was sure worth it. Keep up the good work and the cute Scootaloo moments, I sure do love those :D
5491318
I'm glad you thought it was a night well spent!
And I agree that heartfelt moments with Scootaloo are the best!
Instant favorite!
I really like the "slow" pacing, detailed and colorful sentences. The characterization of the ponies is just over the top: They have a depth and the interactions are just very real and living. I just can feel the subtle and not-so-subtle emotional resonances of the characters. Your wording is outstanding, and very, very rich. (Yeah, my English is not native, so my judgement on that... But anyways...)
I remember when season 3 ended, I had an idea for a story which would have featured some heavy Twilight-Scootalo interaction based on the "wing envy" Scootaloo should feel about Twilight's new set of wings. I was very delighted to see that someone other than me had the same idea! And of course, your execution is just perfect.
(Actually, I kind of expected to see this "wing envy" addressed in the show - maybe in Flight to the Finish?)
I am very much looking forward to see more chapters! Keep up the good work!
I very much think that this story one day will be amongst the classics of Scootaloo/Scootalove/(whatever...) stories...
5306613
Twelve weeks late, but I think the word you were looking for was "victims", "bitter bullied beings" sounds dismissive and a touch condescending. Also most DT/Spoon fics that make it from the primordial muck that is New Submissions all seem to be about redemption and how she's only a bully because mommy left and daddy was too busy to love her. At this point, DT actually being the stuck up, black-hearted snob she portrays herself as is the path that is not overused. When I do see people keep her as the 'Bitch' interpretation, she usually tends to come out on top, no less. There's comparatively few fics in the last year or so where DT's gotten a good and proper comeuppance for being an unrepentant bully who forces deep emotional scars on impressionable young minds, creating the sort of damage that negatively affects a growing child and tends to impact them for the rest of their lives.
With just a quiet nod for an answer, Scootaloo, and that voice inside of her, responded in kind with silence. Scootaloo smiled as she remembered the warmth and reassurance that she felt when Twilight comforted her, her wing acting as a shield from the cold, harsh, whirlwind of perceptions that Scootaloo had come to accept as reality. Each moment in that cocoon, the idea that Twilight crafted with a simple utterance brimming with such an honest and powerful conviction created a magnificent warmth that washed over her. The idea that maybe, just maybe -
Um, what are these meant to be? Is this from the book? Like magic?
It occurs to me that Scootaloo would fit the definition of sociopathy here. Sociopathy isn't the same as psychopathy and it gets commonly associated with a lot of Hollywood tropes like killers and thieves (and bankers) and so on, but Scootaloo fits a lot of individual traits; she chronically lies or redirects conversation away from uncomfortable topics, she's capable of being emotionally detached from her circumstances, and she knows and is able to fake the societal expectation of what she should be acting like in a given situation most of the time. She can evaluate the facts she's given out to others to figure what they might or might not believe in the future. A lot of it is still genuine, but we see her whole 'Inner Voice' in this chapter too.
The difference between an average fanfic and something with publishable quality is the willingness to lead up to the namesake plot rather than to jump into the namesake plot right at the beginning. And technically, when Scootaloo was looking up the citations with 'Newborn Celebration Day' was that of 'Cabinet of Seers'. That's right, I caught that.
7154623
While I agree that what Scootaloo is doing is a sure path to sociopathy, she isn't quite as detached as she wants to be. She is very close, but she hasn't quite... broken enough, as callous as that sounds, to fully detach herself from her situation. (As in, she would feel everything, but she wouldn't even know she was feeling it.)
The only reason I can say this is that my mother was... very neglected. I won't go into too much detail, as I consider it very private. (She probably wouldn't mind, but I don't want to assume.) But the end result was that in order to "survive" mentally, she had to repress those feelings. She was, and still is, detached from those feelings.
And while she can outwardly express emotion, and those emotions line up with what she is feeling, that disconnect remains. Only recently has that barrier shown cracks, which are very noticeable. She does not manipulate like a true sociopath (at least in the negative sense of the word), but I still worry that the trauma of her abuse still remains underneath.
The reason it is so easy for me to say this, is that I usually can "feel" other people's emotions, to some extent. Like a dog. Or horse. I think everyone has this to some extent, but whatever. The point is that trauma usually makes the person feel... wrong. Like one of my (adult) friends who had some bad experiences in Foster care. It made me wary of him unconsciously for a while, while he himself is a very loving and kind person. I think that's why a lot of dogs trained for therapy can sense when someone needs help. My mother, on the other hand... absolutely nothing. She loves me very much, but that disconnect is something that can be felt. When I was going through my rather moody teen years, being able to feel nothing from her certainly didn't help, no matter how much I knew she cared for me.
But back to Scootaloo. While she can be manipulative, and she certainly puts up a front, it is noticeable to those around her, and it wears on her mentally. If she was fully there, it would not be a struggle to accomplish.
Sorry for the long, and possibly unnecessary rant. I don't have any formal training in psychology. (Just a family of case studies.
)
The door to the library is red, not green. Unless you're using your creative license to make this AU have it so that the door in this AU is green.
9384359
Being able to sense how others are feeling is called empathy. And most people do have it. It's simply a subconscious response. When we see someone, we subconsciously mirror their expression. In doing so, that expression invokes the emotion in you related to that expression because our brains connect those expressions to emotions. And though you can simulate those expressions, it's actually why you can tell when someone's smile is fake. A true smile isn't just in the mouth but also in the eyes. Fake smiles often don't take the eyes into account.
Sociopathy is functionally the lack of empathy (which is why I said most people have empathy, not all). Sociopaths are incapable of feeling empathy. There are some cases where if someone's face becomes paralyzed (perhaps from too much Botox), they can no longer mirror the expressions of others, therefore making it harder for them to know what they're feeling. But that's not true sociopathy. True sociopathy is something you're born with and, to my knowledge, can't be developed later in life. Although, if you cut yourself off from your own emotions, you would cut yourself off from the ability to feel what others are feeling for that same reason. So I suppose your mother could've developed sociopathy in a way. (I'm not a psychologist either.)
Because your mother does know what it was like to feel emotions, she likely is capable of sympathizing with you. What makes sympathy different from empathy is with empathy, you reflect someone's feelings, while with sympathy, you can just determine what that person is likely feeling without actually feeling it themselves. Someone born a sociopath wouldn't be able to even sympathize with others. And even though sociopaths lack empathy, they can in fact function in society. That ability to function in society (if I'm not mistaken) is what makes sociopaths different from psychopaths.