The Crossroads

by Ex-Nihilos

Chapter 10: Nutcracker Ballet

Chapter 10: Nutcracker Ballet

Twilight was up on her hooves shortly, rubbing her head where it had struck the ground; that ‘Lewdy’ sure was stronger than he looked. Or Twilight was just not very strong, either option was possible. She shot a confused look at Haku and Loro, “Chubs? There’s another one of you? What do they loo--”

“Wait, isn’t that the guy who tried to eat Pinkie? I don’t see why we should even think about helping him after what he did to her,” said Rainbow Dash as she hung in the air in front of Twilight Sparkle.

Consternation flashed briefly on Twilight’s face, “Even so, we aren’t in a position to pass judgement on him. I think we should still help him and figure out what to do about... that later.”

“But he’s not here nowww,” said Rainbow Dash. “So I don’t see why we have to wait for him here. Can’t we go to the bar now and come back for him later?”

Raeg’s ears perked up at this suggestion, “I like the sound of that idea. Let’s head to the bar now, and we can free the slobbering behemoth later.”

Abigail and Loro effectively cut one another off in support of the plan. Twilight looked around the group for help. She knew leaving the other pony to stay in the place wasn’t right, but he wasn’t here now and no one knew when he would get back. Plus, it seemed none of the others cared to help him. “But he’s your friend, isn’t he? I mean, you were all working together to overcome your situation. That has to bring you together, doesn’t it? Besides, how can you all go out drinking now? It‘s barely,” she checked the position of the sun in the sky, “three in the afternoon! Do you know what type of people go out drinking at this time? Plus, you don’t have money or jobs or places to stay!”

“That,” said Loro, “is a muy bueno point. I do not like the idea of digging into debt just yet.”

“Psshh, I can cover you guys for today. And the boarding house always has rooms to let. They’ll probably even let you stay for a bit while you get your hooves down. Besides, there’re always odd jobs you can get around town.” Rainbow had grown impatient. Twilight was being a stick in the mud, which was normal, but today she was doing it to help somepony that had hurt Pinkie Pie. Plus, there were stories to be had, and Rainbow finished all of her work for the day hours ago. Plus, the weird beaked pegasus seemed neat too, he had a cool accent, at least.

“Thank you, kid. I’m in just the right mood to have somepony buy me a few drinks. I’ll see you later, then, Twilight Sparkle. Once you have the immoveable object, meet us wherever it is Rainbow Dash is taking us so we can figure out what we’ll do about money and the like,” Raeg turned to leave. He was promptly followed by Rainbow Dash, while Loro, Abigail, and Haku followed less hastily.

“Uggggh! Fine,” said Twilight, “go. I’m going to just wait here for the last one to show up alone then!” She put on airs as she trotted to the nearest bench in the Crossroads to wait.

Haku stopped following the group and saw Twilight huff off, he knew that he’d just been given a golden opportunity! He could spend time alone with Best Pony! Haku would kick himself every instant of every second for ever if he passed up the chance. “Actually, Haku thinks it would be fun to wait here for Chubs instead. You go on without Haku and Twilight Sparkle. We will join you with our large companion in due time.”

Something in Haku’s voice, or perhaps the glint (a literal glint, mind you; Abigail could nearly swear she heard something as well) in his eye, set off warning bells in Abigail’s mind. As much as she wanted to get some wonderful alcohol flowing through her system, she couldn’t just let the fanboy alone with his idol. “Actually... I think I’ll stay here too. I want to ask Twilight about a few things, anyway, and now seems the best time. Chubs should be back soon anyway, so there’s no real loss.” Her sentence ended wistfully enough to completely invalidate the whole thing. Even so, she broke off from the ‘fun party with delicious alcohol’ group to join the ‘awkwardly wait around for the creepy ball of fat’ group. She’d need an extra drink later.

---

I swear to God when I catch that idiot I’m knocking more ‘an a few teeth out of his skull, Memphis angrily thought as he prowled around the marketplace in search of the bright green coat of the idiot in question. Lewdy had gotten a head start and was quick to get lost in the technicolor crowd of ponies that meandered about the marketplace, attracted by the discounts and pitches by merchants sitting behind their stands. So far it was only him and Lucky Money who had gone in search of the fool. Turning to the Irish pony Memphis spoke quickly, “We best split up and look fur him before he goes and destroys the place.”

With a calm eye Memphis scoured the crowd, searching for Lewdy but at the same time taking in the amazing sights before him. Since he left behind the mortal realm he hadn’t been able to take part in this new and colorful world. For the longest time he was just a bystander, a ghost in the workings of this place, but now he was seen and part of this brand new land of color. As he walked ponies passed him by with smiles, nods, and cheerful hellos that he never received even in life. It was daunting to put it simply, part of him wanted to just forget about Lewdy and his stupid antics so he could explore the market on his own. There especially was one pony in particular he wanted to meet, he’d been curious to see how amazing her apples were. Then again without eating anything in the past three years any food would be like heaven.

Perhaps Lewdy was right in being excited, finally being able to experience the world, but he was still an idiot, and in that regard that made it quite likely he’ll make things worse than it ever should be. As if the universe wanted to confirm the musician’s pondering the sound of outrage nearby caught his twitching ear. Turning the corner the outrage became apparent.

“If you don’t have any bits, how do you expect to pay for all those!” the crossed merchant asked the green pony. The pony’s answer was to simply eat another handful of cherries, pit and all, in front of the merchant’s face.

Between muffled chewing and the splattering cherry juice with each syllable Lewdy answer, “Oh yeah... that... me mate ‘ll be ‘round to ‘andle... all that... business.” Taking the other mass of cherries cradled in his right arm he chomped down upon them, sending yet another spray of cherry juice in all directions, including in the merchant’s face.

Memphis trotted over, hoping to intervene before the situation got any worse, “There ya are, what in gawd’s name do-”

“Ah there’s me mate! Uh, Memphis pay the pony will ya? I gotta go check out that candy cart nearby!” Lewdy happily said after managing to inhale the entire pile of cherries. Before Memphis could object the pony was away again, carrying his haul of pilfered cherries.

“Hey, get back here! Lewdy!” Memphis angrily called out to the fleeting green blur. He took a step forward but a rough tap on his shoulder stopped them.

The merchant cleared his throat and glared at Memphis, “That’ll be twenty bits for the cherries your friend ate!”

“Twenty bits? Ain’t that a bit much, yer sign there says a dozen for five!” Memphis said, trying his best to keep his cool.

“Yeah well the demand went up after your pal just ate half my stock.” The merchant smugly replied, feeling confident that he had Memphis by the ropes.

Memphis though wasn’t in the mood to be taken advantage of. Trying his best to keep the biting venom in his voice at bay he spoke calmly but in a tone that made it clear he wasn’t going to be bending anytime soon, “how about this, Ah pay you ten bits fur the cherries and y’all be thankful fur the business wit’ that sort of attitude ya treat yer customers wit’.” Tossing the borrowed bits onto the counter Memphis glared back at the merchant. The hefty pony frowned nervously and nodded, swiping the bits into his bit bag in the process.

Satisfied, Memphis rushed after Lewdy, the fool had mentioned something about a candy cart. Quietly Memphis had to wonder if maybe it was run by Bon-bon, if the fanbase held any truth behind that, that is.To his surprise, his assumption was right. Sitting behind a partially eaten cart was an exasperated pony with a pale yellow coat and a curly blue and pink mane. After some profuse apologies and paying for what Lewdy devoured the pony was off again with very few of Twilight’s bits left. It was going to be a pain to pay back the librarian but the bits most definitely came in handy for fixing a potentially bad situation of debt.

Trotting around the market the slowly growing dread of not finding any sign of Lewdy crept into Memphis’ mind. So far he’d found no partially eaten carts or raided stands as he thought he would. The reason for that came with the sound of giggling nearby, a stark contrast to the previous sound of an angry rant. In between the fits of giggling a familiar voice spoke. Frowning hard Memphis approached the sound, and finding a break in the crowd Memphis caught sight of the pony he’d been hunting, leaning against a simple wooden fence with a suave smile plastered on his face as he gazed longingly to the three mares on the other side.

Memphis didn’t know the names of many background ponies that the fanbase gave, he didn’t exactly care to associate himself with other ‘bronies’ as they were called. He did recognize the three mares from a number of episodes as Rose, Daisy, and Carrot Top. they stood out quite a bit from the rest of the average ponies after all with their trademark cutie marks that pretty much shouted what their jobs were.

“Oh yeah, me accent is quite fetching isn’t it? Course not so fetching as you gals. You all are looking quite good today might I say. What’s that? First time I’ve met you all? Well I’d say I wouldn’t want it to be the last if you three always look this lovely.” Lewdy spoke happily, a stupid smile still playing at his lips as he tried to work his charm.

Memphis couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he stalked over to Lewdy who remained unaware of the tan pony’s encroachment until it was too late. Turning lazily to the sound of approaching steps, Lewdy’s smile widened when he saw who it was. “Memphis! There ya are mate, been wondering where you’ve gone off to. Memphis, these fine gals are Rose, Daisy, and Carrot Top. Gals, this is a... well this is Memphis. He’s rather uninteresting compared to me but I give ‘im the time of day ‘nd such.”

“Uh huh,” Memphis said, very unamused. Turning to the three mares he tipped an imaginary hat in greeting, “Ladies,” he said curtly. Quickly his attention went back to the stallion, “alright Lewdy, ya had yer fun. Now we need ta get back to the others.”

Lewdy scoffed and replied sardonically, “Those losers? Please, don’t make me laugh, I got more interesting things to vigorously do. Like these three-”

“Okay we’re done here,” Memphis quickly said as he bit Lewdy’s tail and dragged him off the fence. Lewdy, caught unprepared, quickly fell to the ground and was dragged away from the three giggling mares.

“Hey! I wasn’t gonna do nuthin’! And careful of the teeth, I’m not into that sort of stuff! Well I could be but that’s more for closed doors!” Lewdy cried out as he was dragged away.

---

After deciding it was best for the two to split up, Memphis left Lucky in a sea of ever-so-busy shoppers. Lucky was frightened by the prospect of being lost among the ponies at first, but then the businessma-...pony kicked in and he began to see the technicolor mess with a much different perspective. He saw the savings, he saw the purchases, he saw the expressions of each customer as they trotted up and bought their respective wares. He gave a smirk as he realized he found his place of belonging; a place purely of transaction. He weaved through the plethora of equine and eventually spotted what he assumed was the Apple family’s cart.

Before he got closer, though, a sound of outrage could be heard among the crowd. He looked about himself but saw no sign of the commotion and it only seemed to be the usual battle of customer versus proprietor. Even this left a smile upon his face and left his mind in wondering, for he could remember the days where he was but a businessman himself sitting behind ye olden desk, selling fake rolex watches near the local potato farm... times were hard. But he shook himself out of his state of nirvana when he saw that the old distance between himself and the apple cart had disappeared in his trance. But what he saw made him stop in his tracks. The cart was empty of produce and owner alike, and there didn’t seem to be a customer around. Lucky scanned the environment and found nothing to help him piece together this puzzle. ‘Now what would ‘ave made this one close up shop early,’ his mind asked the obvious question that had no obvious answer.

Lucky decided nothing more could be gained from snooping around abandoned stalls and set out in a random direction in hopes of events finally cropping up and adding color to his day. From this direction he found his way into a small group of stalls all dedicated to selling pre-made food. He saw a few common choices among the group; ice-cream, sandwiches, churros. But he also noticed each one had a look of fright and bewilderment about them. The one with ice-cream seemed to be in the fetal position and sucking his hoof. Lucky trotted up and nudged the traumatized pony but seemed to get no answer from him. He scanned the stalls to find the calmest pony and found him at the sandwich stand, he surprisingly looked like nothing had happened.

Lucky walked up to the businesspony and gave a small tip of the nonexistent hat
before addressing him, “‘ello there sir, I‘ve noticed a bit of ‘ysteria runnin’ throughout ye group of stalls. Would you ‘appen to know the cause?”

The pony gave a shake of his head and answered to the best of his ability, “Well everything seemed to start off normal; bright sunny day, we all set up shop and set about the usual business banter... but then something weird happened to churro guy.” Lucky could tell the pony was weirded out by this occurrence, he had that look about his eye.

Lucky pressed further on, hoping to find the probable culprit behind the disappearance of the apple business's presence in the market, “‘ow weird?”

The pony’s eyes darted to and fro the recently vacated street and he leaned in to whisper. Lucky met him halfway and perked his ears. “His food started vanishing in mid air! Just like that, it would be gone one second and then reappear the next as if nothing happened. We all saw it, his customers saw it. He would be holding a churro in his hoof and then it would be gone, or just have a bite mark in it. Then it would return. Most customers ran away or dismissed it as a prank, but we knew it wasn’t; churro guy wouldn’t do that.”

Lucky meditated on this information and a memory sprang into his mind of the group back at the crossroads. He remembered how Lewdy mentioned you can still walk from the crossroads while in your ghostly form, and that nothing you did really affected the ponies. But they could still throw rocks and have it bring semi-physical results. He put two and eating disorder together and formed a somewhat obvious conclusion, “Chubs.”

The stall owning pony raised an eyebrow at this, “what was that?”

“O’, nothing, now what else ‘appened?”

The pony continued, “well ice-cream guy was next. His stuff seemed to go faster then the rest, but it came back all the same. And then candy apple guy, and even pear guy, albeit his merchandise disappeared at a slower rate.”

Lucky’s mind took this information and reaffirmed his theory, ‘Yep, Chubs.’

“Poor ice-cream guy took it the hardest, I don’t think he’ll be ready to sell anything for the rest of the day. Funny thing though, my stuff wasn’t even touched... why do you think that would be?”

Lucky snapped out of his thoughts and gave a shake of his head, “I wouldn’t know it lad, but I suggest ya guys just continue about ye business and hopefully this won’t ‘appen again. Did ya ‘appen to see a... well very fat pony come this way?”

Sandwich guy’s head tilted slightly back in thought, he even brought his hoof up to tap his chin. After what seemed like an eternity of tapping, he spoke again, “well I think I might have. Somepony buying some lunch might jog my memory.” His eyes flared that devilish business smile that comes up when the person/pony thinks they have a sale in the bag.

Lucky plastered his trademark smile upon his face and looked the pony in the eye, “well now. Would somepony telling the rest of the group that ye are the one whose been scaring away their business jog your memory. ‘ow about I start with ice-cream guy?”

The pony’s face paled and he gave a forced chuckle, “hehe, that’s just silly talk... um, ok I saw the one you’re talking about walk through this alley and then off to carousel boutique. I don’t remember how long he stayed here or what he’s planning on doing, but just please keep your voice down about this. If anypony suspects somepony things might get ugly.”

Lucky kept his smile but this time it was real, “Thank ya kindly, fellow businesspony” With that, Lucky was off. He needed to find this “Carousel Boutique” and he needed to find Chubs. Considering the mental scarring the pony has inflicted upon these stall owners, he didn’t want the same to break out in an actual store. That, and he vaguely remembered something about Haku mentioning a fashion diva pony that resembled a marshmallow... he did not want to see the results of the two’s meeting.

---

Calm, yet piercing, violet eyes scanned the crowd again for any sign of the pony in a monocle. Reluctantly, an annoyed Lewdy laid forth his endless rant of whining despite Memphis’ multiple attempts to get him to shut up.

“Seriously mate, that last kick I think cracked a rib!” Lewdy said, rubbing at the spot where he was quite sure the damage was done.

Memphis merely grunted, he knew far too well that he didn’t put near enough force to break a bone, unless of course Lewdy was made out of glass, which was very much a possibility in the southern pony’s mind. He rather didn’t care in either case. His prime concern, now that he had the green havoc under control for the time being, was to make sure the Irish businesspony was alright, or rather more importantly that he wasn’t causing trouble. Obviously Lucky Money was much more trustworthy than the lustful pony that trailed behind him but Memphis had to remind himself Lucky was in a new world with new rules and barely any knowledge about it. He might very well do something that might be construed as misanthropic...misequuthropic? In any case something that Memphis very much wanted to avoid until he was sure everyone could handle themselves so he could sit back and not give a damn anymore.

Lewdy as well, between his rambling complaints, had an eye out for the bright yellow coat of the stallion with the money cutie mark but even he had to admit he wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping an eye out for their friend, he found his eyes kept wandering to the plots of passing mares. He’d long since decided he very much liked this clothless world. It was by chance he spotted a row of shell shocked merchants. “Huh, I don’t remember ever gettin’ the chance to hit this side of the market yet.” Lewdy absently said as he stared across at one Churro merchant who particularly looked like he’d seen a ghost.... wait a second.

Lewdy stopped and looked to the other merchant, an ice cream vendor, and a vacant stand that once had such an array of apples. “Hey Memphis?”

“What?” the exasperated pony asked as he too stopped to regard the scene.

“Do ya remember if Chubs was wit’ us at the Crossroads when Twilight came around?” Lewdy asked, a tint of worry injected into his voice.

At the mention of Chubs, Memphis’ exasperation disappeared as his eyes went wide with worry, “Oh boy, that ain’t good.”

“I, uh, think we should go look into that.” Lewdy said with a slight snicker as he saw the comedy in their growing situation. Count on Chubs to cause a scene even when he was still dead.

Memphis nodded, “Yeah. That we should.”

The two approached the only merchant who still had his wits with him, one that apparently sold delectable pre-made sandwiches that set Lewdy’s mouth watering again. The sudden thought of the very good chance Chubs had already ingested them all at least once in his ghostly stomach before they reappeared quickly stitched the stallion’s mouth shut again, with any thought of eating now gone.

Clearing his throat to get the merchant’s attention Memphis spoke, “uhm, Ah don’t suppose you’ve gone an’ seen a rather hefty sort o’ stallion cross yer path have ya? Be grey in coat wit’ a blond mane?”

The merchant’s answer was to first quickly dart his eyes around at any surrounding customers and then quickly saying, “I already told your friend I saw ‘im go towards Carousel Boutique, alright? Now could just leave me alone? You two and that other pony are bothering my business.”

“Much obliged,” Memphis said. Heeding the merchant’s wishes the two set off again in the direction they assumed was Carousel Boutique. Memphis did wonder though what exactly Chubs was thinking, going to a clothes store of all things. He’d probably notice at this point that he would be disappearing faster now that he was moving away from the Crossroads, so why go to a boutique instead of Sugarcube Corner or staying in the marketplace? The sharp sound of snickering next to him broke his train of thought.

“So sounds like ole Irish Betty is on the same track as us, eh?” Lewdy said between his breaks of laughing.

“Good man followin’ up on Chubs, best not to leave the fella unattended considerin’ the stunt he done pulled with Pinkie Pie.” Memphis replied.

“Yeah, no clue what he was thinkin’ tryin’ to eat ‘er mane. Course I gotta wonder what’s possessed that greasy garbage disposerl to go see Rarity. Not like she’s got food. Well not countin’ that online joke that... everyone.... OH SHIT!”

The sudden outburst, as well as the loud curse that no doubt bled the ears of some nearby ponies, startled Memphis. Scowling he turned to Lewdy,” What the ‘ell’s wrong with you?! Goin’ an’ shoutin’ like that!”

Lewdy ignored the abrasion in the other pony’s voice but quickly explained, “On the internet there used to be this joke about Rarity bein’ a marshmallow!”

Memphis gave the colt a perplexed look, “A what?”

Shaking his head Lewdy went on, “I never got a good hold on the joke meself but that’s not the point! Rarty. Marshmallow. Chubs!”

The implications struck Memphis harder than a freight train going downhill. Without thinking he too shouted both their thoughts, “AH HELL!”

With the Carousel Boutique in sight the two made a mad dash for the entrance, hoping to God and Celestia’s might that nothing has happened yet.

---

“Hey Captain, you mind if we stop by Sugarcube Corner before we hit up the Cider House?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Pinkie Pie seemed really shaken up earlier and I wanna go check in on her.”

“Long as I get some damned cider in my system I don’t really care,” he rumbled.

“Don’t worry, I promise it won’t take too long. We just need to get her out from under the bed and we’ll be on our way.” she said.

“Mhm.” he grumbled. “So what was it that scared her so much?”

“I don’t really know, she didn’t say much.” Rainbow explained. “Something about a fat pony trying to eat her and a crazy green pony yelling at her a whole lot.”

Raeg sighed in irritation. “That would be Chubs and Lewdy. They’re complete idiots, but they’re harmless. Lewdy in particular, I killed that little fuck at least four times in the past three hours.”

“What?” she asked. “You did what to him?”

“What? Oh right, we never did tell you about our little predicament, did we?” he asked.

“Tell me what?” Rainbow asked. “Come on, what’s up with you guys?”

“Nothing much, it just turns out we’re all dead.” he said matter-of-factly.

Rainbow Dash gave him a strange look. “What are you talking about? You really expect me to believe that?”

Raeg shrugged. “I could kill myself right now if that would prove it to you.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Alright fine, don’t tell me then, but you don’t have to be a smart-ass about it.”

“Hey, I’m just telling you what I’ve been told.” he said. “It makes more sense than anything else I can think of. One minute I’m dying with my men up in the northlands and the next I’m here in the ass end of nowhere.”

“Hey! Ponyville isn’t nowhere!” Rainbow yelled indignantly.

Raeg shrugged again. “Well it’s no Royal Palace, that’s for sure.”

“Pfft, Canterlot’s not that great.” Rainbow shot back. “Too many hoity toity fancy pants ponies there.”

“I met those two once.” Raeg muttered. “Hated them both.”

“What’re you-” Rainbow stopped as she realized what she said. “Oh right, hehe.”

“But yeah, I have to concede to you there, Canterlot does suck for the most part. Nothing to really do but go see the Wonderbolts Derby. But even then you’re friggin surrounded by all those high class types.”

“Oh my gosh!” Rainbow all but yelled. “You like the Wonderbolts too?”

“Yyyyes?” Raeg said, not at all liking the look on her face.

“Awesome! I’ve met the Wonderbolts, ya know!” she said, puffing her chest out in pride.

“Yeah, same.” he muttered. “I’ve escorted the princess to a few derbies in the past and they always come talk with her after, they’re alright, I guess.”

“Oh man, you met them?” she said getting up in his face. “Did they say anything about me?”

Raeg growled and pushed her away. “This was nearly a decade ago, kid, you were probably just a filly.”

“Oh.” she said, looking a little abashed. “Well d’ya think you could put in a good word for me next time you see them?”

Raeg sighed and shook his head. “I was just a guard, they probably wouldn’t even remember me.”

Rainbow snickered. “I feel like you’d be a hard pony to forget.”

“Oh?” he growled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Uh.” Rainbow stammered, casting about for an excuse. “You’re... really big?”

“Uh huh.” he said. “Whatever.”

“Right so... Oh! Looks like we’re here!”

“Finally, let’s get this over with so I can get a damned drink.” he sighed.

“Hey, aren’t you worried about your friends at all?” she asked.

“They’re not my friends,” he said. “And no, I’m not. Really, what could possibly go wrong?” Rainbow turned to him slowly and slapped her hoof to her face. For as little as she’d read, even she knew you never said those words.

---

Whilst Rainbow Dash and Raeg were discussing their past as well as their fanaticism towards the Wonderbolts, Loro was simply taking in the sights and sounds of Ponyville. To be more specific, taking in the sights and sounds of an area for Loro meant finding possible ways to earn money, legally or otherwise. He really did not care whether or not Twilight would approve, for he already figured that out. She pretty much agreed with him anyway. It was her fault. He walked onward following Raeg and RD, staying silent all the while.

He noticed ponies buying and selling food and pretty much whatever basic goods a life form would need. He mentally noted each customer of every stall and every vendor at that. He tried to guess what some of these ponies were like, and if they might require his services. He was formulating a covert delivery route when he heard a small voice from somewhere outside his periphery.

“Mommy what is that?!” and Loro turned his beaked countenance towards the source of the sound. It was a small light purple unicorn filly with a blonde mane. Next to the filly was a grey, blonde mare with a strange pair of eyes and a confused look on her face. He could not tell if she was staring at him as well. Loro sighed internally. Why have I been given a conspicuous form such as this? I do not enjoy being gaped at like a circus animal. He fanned his wings slightly, out of a kind of reflex. At least I have these wings. The strange-eyed mare turned her head towards the filly and said “I have no idea!” and smiled to herself.

The filly eyed her mother, slightly disappointed. Oh goddamnit. How do they not know what a ...? Wait. He seemed to know the grey mare and her filly. Holy shit. Is... Is that her? Loro’s eyes began to twinkle and his beak turned upwards in a smile. Jesus titty cinnamon, I cannot believe my eyes. His wings flared suddenly and began throbbing. Wait. I mustn’t lose my cool, nor lose sight of my goals. Whatever those are. Loro cleared his throat and rolled his r’s tentatively to prepare for the onslaught of spanish he was going to unleash towards the beauteous grey mare.

“Ah mi dios usted yegua atractiva, como por mucho que quisiera conseguir eso por detras, tengo que seguir estos dos y es enredado en sus sandeces tension sexual. ”
Loro grinned and motioned towards the two pegasi leading the little ensemble they had. Derpy looked at him strangely (which is saying something.) Loro scratched his chin and shrugged. Raeg and RD looked at him inquisitively. Some of the ponies browsing the markets began to stare at this strange foreign creature. Loro did not notice, for Loro was having too much fun to stop talking. No one can understand me, so I’ll talk as much shit as possible about these two. Well, that one in particular... “Significo, como maldito, Raeg debe tener un pene tan pequeño para conseguir que loco sobre algo.”

Raeg, at the mention of his name, looked at Loro with a hint of anger in his eyes. Loro stared back at him, and looked around to realize that he had made a spectacle of himself and his companions. Well shit. This friendly atmosphere has made me a bit less lax on keeping myself on the low. And maybe this is because the blood in my head went down to my... Well, whatever time to get moving I guess. He looked back at the confused grey mare and blew a kiss with his claws. “Debo ir ahora. ¡Te quiero Derpy! Y yo también adoro Pequeñita, aunque no de la misma manera!” and he joined Rainbow Dash and Raeg once more, his wings still erect.

---

Turns out that finding a store in the middle of a town you have no knowledge of whatsoever is actually kinda hard. Lucky turned this way and that for what seemed like hours, but only passed for about a minute. He remembered passing a building resembling something Hansel and Gretel would be hostage in and then slamming head first into a giant tree-made-house. He was about to give up and start slamming his rich head into a nearby wall when he noticed a building that looked something out of a mix of structure and fabulosity. But what caught his eye was not only the construct itself, but the giant blob of a grey pony that was shuffling its way through the door.

Lucky smiled like a maniac; he had found the ghost of Thanksgiving dinner. Breaking into a mad gallop, Lucky assaulted the ground with his hooves and dashed to the boutique with all his might. He passed several ponies, each one giving an equal “the fuck?” look before turning about their business, and managed to overturn three potted plants before finally making it to the front door of the shop. Lucky took a moment to settle his hair, adjust his monocle and calm his breaths before pushing open the door and glancing inside.

The merchandise itself was a huge glaring sign of “Fashion Diva!”, for it was entirely made up of eye blinding outfits. When his eyes settled on the set piece of the stage in the center of the shop he gawked; the suit was a white material almost entirely covered in jewels. ‘’ubba ‘ubbity watw’ow’eregemsmoneymoneymoneygoldMONEY!’ was about the sanest thing that crossed his mind at the sight. He almost missed the proprietor herself who had trotted over by him and made an obviously practiced welcome, “welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique and magnifique!”

Lucky mentally slapped himself into a speakable state and then gave a reply, “thank ya ma’am, it’s good to see a fellow businesspony with such ‘igh standards. ‘ate to ask, but would you ‘ave ‘appened to chance by a rather large pony lately? Grey fur and not particularly bright?”

The fashionista gave a slight shake of the head but seemed to have gained an excited curiosity about her, “well no I can’t say I have seen anypony like that lately. But I’m sure if you look around town enough you’ll find him, it’s a small community after all. By the way, what is that dear accent of yours? Sounds quite different than the norm around here.”

Lucky expelled a held in breath at hearing the absence of Chubs, but continued on to answer the pony’s question, “well this accent be Irish lass, and ya would be right to say it’s not from here. I don’t think ya would be meeting any holders of it outside of me.”

The pony’s curiosity seemed to boost from his words, “eye-rish? Well that sounds like a curious little thing, ah well, not my place to be nosey. You’re welcome to have a look around incase anything catches your fancy.”

“I believe I will lass,” Lucky placed his monocle within his hoof and held it out so she could see, “I am quite the procurer of expensive trinkets.”

Rarity had stopped registering what he said at about the same time her fabulous eyes rested upon the golden monocle. Along its gold ring sat tiny, but ever so shiny, diamonds. Each one was expertly cut and placed to fully bring about a look of “I can afford this, but you can’t”. She wanted it with a burning passion. “Where... where did you get this marvelous piece of work? It looks gorgeous!”

Lucky let the feral pony take it from his grasp. “Well it was a ‘gift’ after I had become CEO at my leading agricultural company back in Ireland. Ye are welcome to have a look at it if ya want.” The pony made no comment back and simply sped off with the treasure in hand. Lucky saw her take it to the end of the room and place it upon a desk containing stacks of paper and random fashion tools. He merely shrugged and set about browsing her wares. He did not get far before he heard the gentle rhythm of heavy breathing. He halted all movement and craned his head back to the shop owner before breaking out into a second full gallop, for Chubs was standing behind her and looked to be preparing to chow down.

Lucky closed the distance between himself and the cannibalistic grease ball before surging forward in a leap. He had judged everything with the result of tackling the pony, but he did not count on Chubs just disappearing. Just like that. Poof, gone. Lucky saw this in his mid-air jump and silently cursed the world in a string of profanities that would make Raeg proud. Unfortunately for Lucky, he was not to simply land in a pile of dresses, or maybe just land on the hard floor and receive a headache. No, the world deemed it necessary to have Lucky land directly on the back of Rarity with a loud “oof”. Both ponies were silent for a moment before Rarity slowly twisted her head till she was muzzle to muzzle with the offending pony. He could only give a weak smile and silently beg for dear life while saying, “... Do ya like it?”

---

Reaching the door to the Boutique the pair of stallions panicked when they heard the sound of a crash and somepony crying out. The two shared a horrified look, eyes widened in barely contained anxiety. Neither one of them knew what exactly happened when a ghost actually ATE another, LIVING pony. The action was unheard of, the possible implication of it were astounding! For all intents and purposes Rarity could very well be dead or horribly injured from having a ghostly chunk taken out of her marshmallow rear end.

Sweet Mother of Jesus! The two both thought at the same time as they shoved the door open with all their might.

The door gave way easily under their combined force, swinging inward to reveal a very odd scene.

There on the floor was Lucky Money. Laying on top of Rarity. Muzzle to muzzle. In a very compromising position that sent Lewdy’s imagination into an epileptic overdrive. The two stood in the doorway where they had forced open the door. Two pairs of eyes stared in utter confusion for the very misinterpretive situation. Their silent staring was finally broken by Lewdy with his natural and graceful way of speaking. His first reaction was to holler very much like a Howler Monkey during mating season, the second reaction was to joyfully cry out, “YEAH! Go Lucky, get you some brother! I didn’t think you ‘ad it in ya buddy but you go STRAIGHT to the point! WOO!”

Memphis himself placed a tired hoof against his face in silent admonition, “ ‘Onestly Lucky, ah expected this from Lewdy, not you.”

The Irish pony looked up at the two standing in the doorway, then back to the the increasingly red Rarity, then back up at the two in the doorway until he finally found his voice, “N-now wait just a bloody second! This isn’t what it looks like! I was just, I mean I was going ta, no I... uh.” Lucky looked down again to see a very angry unicorn glaring at him, the pure whiteness of her face from before replaced with a red tint of barely contained rage. Lucky managed to offer her an anxious and nervous smile before a blinding pain erupted where his groin previously was.

Lewdy and Memphis both cringed at the sight, a ball breaking strike that even they could feel. By pure instinct they covered their own vulnerable regions for fear the mare might turn her anger towards them. Memphis had to admit though Rarity pulled off an impressive Judo kick just then.

Lucky was on the ground still as a still thoroughly embarrassed and angry Rarity got back up to glare down upon the pony writhing from the agony his hopeful descendents would feel, if considering any of them survived such a heinous blow that could be considered a war crime to every male in existence.”Ugh! To think I thought you were a proper gentlecolt, too! Laying your hooves upon a refined lady such as myself? The NERVE!”

Turning her nose to the sky the fashionista gave one last ‘hmph’ to the groaning pony as she trotted away from the prone form. Lewdy and Memphis were quick to stay clear of the dangerous unicorn for fear of receiving the same suffering that only a man could feel. Stopping near the door she pointed a well manicured hoof out the door and spoke with a finality that caused a shiver to run down both their spines, “Now then you ruffians, take your friend and drag him out of my shop! I won’t have such vile speaking, raunchy colts in MY boutique! Now off with you!”

“Right-o ma’am! No dallying from us ponies ‘ere!” Lewdy quickly said as he darted over to prone form of Lucky. Taking ahold of the yellow pony’s back legs he quickly dragged the agony racked pony towards the door, thankful for still having the muscles from his time in life as a coal miner. With the urgent gesturing of Memphis the three were out the door and away from the white demon with a fabulously styled mane.

Memphis cringed as something struck the side of his face as he tried to retreat from the boutique. Looking down he spotted the expensive monocle Lucky always wore. From the door Rarity shouted out, “And take your monocle too! I don’t even want to touch it anymore!” And with a final aggressive ‘hmph’ the door to the boutique slammed shut and the previously open sign was flipped to close.

Breathing a sigh of relief Lewdy gave Lucky a sadistic smile, “So how you feelin’ there mate?”

“Can’t... feel... me lucky charms...” Lucky managed to groan out, still clutching his crotch in hopes of saving what was left of his ravaged manhood.

Lewdy chuckled and gave the pony a hearty pat on his back, “Welcome to the club of rejection mate. I think you’ve earned yerself a lauger there eh?”

The nearby musician joined in with the chuckling, “Fer once ah wholeheartedly agree wit’ Lewdy there, we need a beer.”

“ ‘ow’s... about... a doctor... first?” the Irishman on the ground groaned again.

“Still got two of ‘em?” Lewdy asked. A nod. “You’ll be fine then, now lets get sloshed!”

Comments

[Haku1013]

Lucky has the worst of luck.

[azore24]

I didn't know we were still writing this!

[DarrParrot]

No new comments from non-writers? Ex get a bigger fanbase.

[kingtiger666]

You know what? I have a fever, and the only cure is MORE OF THIS!

Also, cowbell.