and stop
In the memory of RainbowDashrules95
This tale is based on a true story that happened here on FimFiction. So this should contains real comments from the site, real usernames and existing story titles. But I didn’t know or it’s legal or not, and I was to lame to look it up, so I changed the real names, so no one could ever judge me for that.
Safety first.
*****
“Finally, my first book is ready” Scroll Pattern held the thin book in his hoofs and gave it a small hug.
Filed with pride, and the book under his frontlegs, he stepped toward the Golden Oak Library so he could put his story among the other books.
“Twilight? Are you here?” Scroll Pattern asked when he entered the library.
“yeah, I’m here.” Twilight walked out the kitchen so she could see her guest. “why, hello Scroll. Glad to see you again.” Scroll was a pony who visited the library each two days. He was almost such an egghead as Twilight.
“yeah, It’s me…again” he smiled. He showed his paperwork to his friend. “guess what I did last week?”
Twilight took the book and read the title. “A New Leaf for Twinkle Tale” she looked up from the cover and looked Scroll straight in the eyes. “you wrote it?” she asked.
“yup, all by myself. It’s actually a rewritten end of an old Daring Do book, but I think it’s pretty good.” He surveyed Twilight to see what her first impression was while she read a few pages. He saw that she had mixed feelings about it. she smiled and than she looked confused. He couldn’t make up something from her body language.
Twilight closed the book and than looked back at Scroll Pattern. “well… I’m glad that you found a new hobby …” she started.
“yeah, I’m happy with that too. You know, I read so much books for about … two years or so, and now, I finally had the mood to write one by my own.” At that moment, he looked nonchalant around “so… now was my question… can I, I don’t know, put my work on one of your shelves? You know… so other ponies can read it too. See it as a try out” Than he looked from the corner of his eyes to Twilight.
Twilight was a bit stunned. She didn’t like the story so much, mostly because -if you look it stern- it’s a fanfiction. And that kind of stories are mostly hated. But she didn’t want two offend her friend by torn down his proposal. “euh… erw… sure… of course you can. And better, I’ll recommend you’re book to other ponies too …” she already had regrets of this, but it was difficult for her to say no now she’s a princess.”
“oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Scroll Pattern hopped around. “my first story! Coming soon, ponies will ask me to write a second story, and a third,… and then, after a few books, I’ll get as famous as A.K. Yearling”
“Don’t get overexcited Scroll.” Twilight said. “you know that it’s hard to get famous as a writer.”
“I know…” he stood still and looked to the ground. “but you can always dream about it.”
*****
It’s one week after Scroll Pattern put his book in the library. Scroll was trotting toward the library and in his saddlebag, he had a second story. Not a fanfic this time. He knocked on Twilight’s door, but he was to impatient to wait, so he immediately entered and yelled Twilight’s name.
“Hello Scroll, how are you doing?” She asked.
“it can’t be better. And look” he took his new book out of his saddlebag. “my second story. It’s called ‘The Rudiments Vs. Their Fiercest Enemies’”
‘the title is better this time’ Twilight thought to herself.
“but first, I’ve got a few questions. Did somepony read my book?” he stared at Twilight.
She felt kind of awkward and was thinking about a way to say things as friendly as possible. “well, there were a few ponies who euh…tried to read your story…”
“how much?” his smile was bright and hopeful.”
“well, hum…three.” She coughed.
“Scroll’s smile disappeared. “three. How well, one week is not very long though. But did they said something about it?”
Twilight began to scratch the back of her head. “hum well, to be honest, yes.”
“something good?”
“euh… well, one of them had no opinion, so that’s not good nor bad.”
“and the others? What did they said about it.” he started to lose hope.
“well, let’s say that they didn’t like it as much as you wanted to.”
Scroll looked disappointed to the ground.
“Scroll, it’s not that bad. Maybe you should write something else but fanfictions.”
Scroll’s face cleared up. “you’re right Twilight. And that’s exactly what I did. Here” he gave his now work to Twilight. “can you do the same for this book one more time please?”
Twilight sighed. “of cours. But don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t give the expectance that you want.”
“Thanks Twilight. I’m realy happy that you want to do this. He turned around and left the library. He was still a bit down about the dislikes. ‘hopefully is this one better.’ He thought.
*****
“four ponies read it, four ponies did down it.” Twilight sighed. She put the newest book of Scroll back on a shelf. At that moment, an other pony entered the library. It was a nice looking stallion with a yellow fur and long brown manes and a screw driver as cutie mark. “good afternoon sir, how can I help you.” Twilight said and she trotted to the handsome pony.
“hello ma’am, I’m looking for new lecture to relax from my stressful life.”
Twilight cocked one eye. “okay sir …”
“please, call me Derec” he interrupted her.
“okay than… than you can call me Twilight”
The stallion nodded and smiled as a way to say hello.
“anyway, I’ve got a new book. The writer brought it yesterday, so it’s an unique piece.” She levitated the book from the shelf and gave it to Derec.
“the only specimen he? Well, it’s a bit short, but ill try it.”
“I have to say that the writer is a bit inexperienced” what twilight actually tried to say was that she recommend this book, only because she was asked to, and secondly she hoped that this would made his comments about this story a little bit nicer.
“that doesn’t mean that it’s bad. Or else you wouldn’t recommend this, right?” Derec asked.
“Twilight was stunned. She didn’t know what to say. “just… just read the story and tell me your opinion.”
“okay then.” Derec smiled and he left the library with the book in his saddlebag.
*****
“give me an other cider please.” Scroll slammed his jar on the cassock and laid his head down.
“why so depressed kid?” the barkeeper asked.
“nothing” he mumbled.
“you drank five ciders in less than one hour. You can’t say that everything is okay” the barkeeper said while she brought him another glass.
“It’s just…everything is turned a bit …” Scroll sighed once. “let’s just say that I’ve got to find another dream.”
The barkeeper cocked her head “what do you mean kid?”
“well, I wanted to be a famous writer, but my first story is pulled down.” Earlier this day, he went to Twilight to ask what the real comments were for his first story. Twilight couldn’t do else than telling him the truth, and the harmful reactions depressed him even more than the fact that there are so less readers. That made it even worse.
“don’t let those comments pin you down kid.” the barkeeper said after she heard the harsh comments about his book. “it’s just your first book. And besides, the fact that it’s anonym, made your readers tell the brutal truth. And most things are probably exaggerated”
“I know…” Scroll took another sip of his glass. “I hope that my second story will do better.”
“of course it’ll do better.” The barkeeper took Scroll’s hoof. “just don’t let those dislikes rise to your head, okay?”
Scroll nodded. “maybe you’re right. Maybe I am overreacting.” He finished his drink. “Tomorrow, I’ll go to the library and I’ll ask Twilight how my book did it. and you’ll see, it’s at least ten times better than my first book.”
“That’s the spirit.”
Scroll wanted to leave the bar, but the barkeeper yelled him back.
“you forgot something kid!”
Scroll Pattern turned around and saw that she was waving with a small paper.
“your bill.”
*****
Derec sat in his couch reading the book. He just started forty-five minutes ago, but the he was already reading the last page.
“this is … bad and good at the same time.” He thought to his self. “there are jokes in it, the story line is good, but, he rushed over it, and there are a few face-slap moments in it, and not everything is very clear. He put down the book and took a piece of paper from his desk. “but I see potential in it.” he took a quill and started to write. “if you just rewrite this, and make it longer.” He rewrote the first chapter. He wrote two pages for the first half page of the original story. “just make it a bit longer.” He looked at the clock and saw how late it actually was. “dang it.” he cursed. “I have to be fast if I want to return this book before closing time.” He ran out and ran as fast as he could to the library. The moon wasn’t up yet, but Celestia was already lowering the sun.
Twilight closed the lowermost part of the door. Just as she wanted to close the uppermost part, she heard somepony yelling her name.
“Twilight! Wait!” a brown maned earth-pony ran toward the library.
“oh, hello Derec.” Twilight greated. “what’s wrong?”
“nothing” he gasped exhausted. “just …’gasp’ the book …” he gave the book to Twilight. “here”
Twilight smiled once. “silly. You didn’t had to run to return that. You could wait until tomorrow.”
“seriously? Dang it!” Derec cursed. “how well, doesn’t matter now. Anyway, now I’m here. Could you do me a little favour?”
Twilight smiled again. “what kind of favour?”
“how well, I was wondering… can you duplicate this book for me?” he asked.
“duplicate?” she didn’t heard that before. Although there were just seven ponies who read this, it was still strange that, after all those bad reactions, there is a pony who seems to be interested in the book. “of course. where is it for?” and she let Derec in.
“well, to be honest, I want to do something with this book.” He stepped inside. “But I can’t tell you much about it yet. But, can you give a private message to the writer?”
“of course I can.” Twilight said. She trotted to the her desk, took a quill and a paper and waved Derec closer. “you can write down your not and I’ll make sure that he’ll get it. I look in the mean time for a duplication spell.”
Derec took the quill and wrote down:
“dear Scroll Pattern.” He knew the name ‘cause it was written on the first pages.
“You probably don’t know me, so here is a small introduction first.
My name is Derec. I’m an amateur writer be myself, and I live at the edge of Ponyville.
First of all, your story isn’t that good. But so are my stories too. And I think that we can help eachother.
Secondly, don’t take this as an insult. I don’t want to offend you nor your story. The storyline is pretty good. It just needs a little help
If your interested, try to make contact with me. If your not interested, you can insult me.
Greetings
Derec”
He rolled up the scroll and bound a ed ribbon around it. like a sealing. “Twilight? I’m ready.”
“okay. I’m done too.” She gave the duplicated book to Derec.
“thanks Twilight.” He took the book and after a small conversation and a few laughs, he went back to his house. After a few minutes of walking, he saw a drunken stallion, with a determined look on his face laying in the ditch. He heard the drunken pony mumbling some incomprehensible moans.
“…better than first … enemies … comment … buck you …” was all Derec understood. He ignored the drunkard and start to think about the first chapter that he wanted to rewrite.
“maybe something with a picnic.”
*****
Next morning, Scroll Pattern woke up with a terrible headache. “I’ll never drink again.” He know that he would break that promise soon or later he went to the bathroom and bruched his teeth. He watched his self in the mirror. “man, I look bad.” He said. “and where does this mud came from?” he washed the brown spots away and than went to the kitchen to get a breakfast.
He took a box with oats and some milk. He ate real slow. He know that he promised himself to go to Twilight to ask how his story was doing. But he didn’t want to. He was to afraid for the reactions. “maybe I should wait an other day before I go check it out.” He mumbled to himself. Than he nodded. “yeah. I’m go’na wait one more day. Maybe two.” He sighed and continued his meal.
After he cleaned up he heard a hard knock on the door. He opened it and saw Twilight was standing in front of him. “oh…hay Twilight…” he said shocked. “c…come in.”
“no thank you. I’ve got not that much time. Pinkie invited me and the others for dinner, and I have to help, so…”
“dinner?!” Scroll Pattern asked stunned. He turned around and saw that it was already four o’clock. “did I really slept that long?”
“anyway… I was here to bring you something…” she gave him bunch of papers.” everypony who read your story has also written a comment for you…only because I asked to.”
Scroll rolled with his eyes, sighed and than looked depressed at the ground. “thanks” he moaned. He stared at the paperwork that he didn’t even noticed that Twilight had left his house.
He counted the likes and dislikes. “two likes…twenty-eight dislikes.” He sighed.
He picked a few comment and read them. “worst story ever” he threw that paper away and took the next one. “this story gave me cancer!” next “you rushed over it which violated the characters.” Next, next, next…
“all negative!” he threw al the papers away. “that’s it. I’m done. I’m going to banish myself from my writing desk. No more story writing for me. Never.” Than, a rolled up scroll catches his eye. ‘private message’ was written on it. he removed the red ribbon and read it.
He sighed. “Derec, Derec, Derec.” He walked to his desk and took a paper:
“I’m all done with writing. I’ve already decided to banish myself from the library.”
“short, but it’ll do.” Scroll thought to himself. He rolled up the paper.
Later that evening he went to the post office to give the letter to Derpy Hooves. And for a few drinks. When he was thrown out the bar because it was closing time and he didn’t want to leave, ha staggered home and felt onto the couch. And groaned something to himself.
‘goodbye library’
*****
next day, Twilight was in a busy discussion with Scroll. “why do you want to banish yourself from the library? You love reading and you like writing.”
“it’s none of your business. Just banish me!” Scroll said annoyed.
“you know that there is no way back?”
“yes! That’s the meaning.”
Twilight sighed. She hated when she had to banish ponies from the library. Because she wants that the library is accessible for everyone. Even after a small misdeed in the library. But sometimes it was really necessary and she can’t do else than expel someone . And this was the first time somepony asked for his own banishment.
“okay than… you win” Twilight sighed.
“finally.” Scroll said.
*****
“mister Derec? Are you here?” a grey pegasus yelled in the letterbox.
“Derpy? What are you doing here?” Derec came outside and walked to the yellow maned pony.
“I’ve got a letter for you” she said and she fell on her but. She put a hoof her post-bag, pulled a muffin out it and muffled it into her muzzle. “you want one two?”
“no thanks” Derec said and he looked a bit awkward to the pony with the crossed eyes. “so?” he started when the mail-mare swallowed the last piece of her muffin. “where is this letter?”
“right here!” she exclaimed and she gave the letter to Derec.
“thanks.” He opened the letter and read it.
“this is not good.” He said when he finished reading it. “I must stop him before it’s to late.”
*****
“and with those word, I’ll banish you from the Golden Oak Library. From now one, your not welcome anymore and you don’t have any access anymore to the books either. For ever!” Twilight said. And with those words, Scroll Pattern disappeared and appeared hundred meters outside the library
“yes! I’m out! I’m officially bookworm of. No writing, no reading. Never. No more comments, no nothing.” He trotted away to his favourite bar to continue with the thing where he stopped with last night…drinking.
In the doorway, Twilight looked to the poor stallion who quit his hobby ‘cause of a few negative comments. “maybe I should write princess Celestia a letter about this.” she stared a bit longer at Scroll Pattern and just as we vanished from the sight, she saw a stallion running toward her tree-house.
“hello Derec…” Twilight said surprised.
“Twilight… gasp… can….don’t…” Derec stopped talking to recover his breath. “pff. My condition is not what it’s used to be.”
“what’s wrong?”
“oh…what ever you do, don’t banish Scroll Pattern.” He took a few papers out of his saddlebag. “tell him that I rewrote his first chapter. Tell him that I can help him, but don’t banish him.”
“I’m sorry Derec, but your just to late. He’s gone now.”
Derec sighed and looked a bit down. “why…”
*****
don’t let the negative comments takeover you. The only important thing is that you enjoin writing your story and the fact that there are people who can appreciate your work.
Your own opinion is important.
*****
I wrote this story for rainbowdashrules95 because I know exactly where he’s (or she’s) been trough. It’s very frustrating when you wrote a story and than get ten times as much dislikes than likes, negative and insulting comments or off-putting reviews. But the thing is, don’t give up. That’s the most stupid thing you can do. Don’t give up because of a few negative comments.
*****
and as last extra thing. When you read about my OC, you probably sometimes think that I’m an egocentric jerk. But hay, That’s me.
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Huh... That was an interesting read. I do admit, it was rough throughout, but that can easily be remedied with time and experience. The story itself delivered a nice message, though its execution could have been presented differently, particularly with keeping in character. To me, I couldn't quite 'hear' Twilight's voice as I read her lines. I tried, but it didn't feel as if it was quite there. But, hey! Cliche #6: There's always room for improvement! Seriously, even I look back on my stuff and seek better alternatives, and there always are.
Anywho! It wasn't a bad story, could use some polishing and a couple more edits - spell check, mostly. (I sincerely apologize if English isn't your native language) Though, it has a nice message; persist against negativity and strive to defeat your doubts, bettering yourself in the end.
And, in regards as to why you wrote this, I can only extend my condolences for rainbowdashrules95. It's sad to see someone lose their passion over something they love when they're faced with harsh criticism. I really hope he can find his inner flame again and re-ignite that burning passion. I truly do. Someday, he may best himself and prove to be a magnificent writer. I only hope he has the audacity to endure the road that may lie ahead. It's not easy being a writer and there are many hardships that it entails. So, here's to rainbowdashrules95; may he fight an endless war of opinions and reign victorious in the end. No one should 'banish' themselves from their own creativity.
Well, this was a very poorly disguised pity party. It also had poor grammar, spelling, and pacing, but that might have been for effect. I really hope it was for effect.
Anywho, the thing that I disliked most about this was the 'moral'. It was about as useful as the moral from Feeling Pinkie Keen, which is the episode where Twi pretty much throws her own beliefs out a window in the moral. The problem is, you say not to let the dislikes and 'haters' get you down, ever. Honestly, if a story is really bad like many I have seen, it deserves the dislikes it gets. In real life, you don't get participation medals, only the winners and those who actually succeed in their pursuits get recognized. Scroll Pattern or whoever he was actually did the right thing in my book by not publishing his books anymore. This isn't to say he should stop writing the books, they just shouldn't be released until he can make something passable. They were apparently unprofessional and in need of lots of edits in both plot and style. Books like this shouldn't continue to be published, but they should be improved.
Banishing himself from the library was really overkill though. I mean, jeez. Grow some balls and take it, grow from it, and get better. That's what users should strive to do. Not throw themselves or others pity parties because no-one liked the poor little special snowflakes. And especially not get someone to write a pity party story about them.
All in all, 2/10 for slight effort but glaring errors and boring, obviously whining plot. Nice try, mate. Next time, try an idea that is actually enjoyable to read, why don't ya?
Cheers.
Um... You really need to work on your grammar
...
How did this story even get accepted? it clearly violates the "no stories about fimfiction or its users" rule. Also, read the first paragraph out loud. Seriously, just try reading it out loud. Now can you hear just how horribly incorrect your grammar is? Proofreaders are your friends, pal.
4326867
Not just friends. Best friends.
Instead of giving negative feedback, I'm going to suggest a few ways to improve your skills that worked for me.
Firstly, read a LOT. Read books every day, as much as you can. I also suggest audio books, as they allow you to lie back, close your eyes and let someone else read to you. My favourite books series is Game of Thrones, but I also love mythology. I strongly suggest finding some books you like, and try to read whenever you get some spare time. Also, read the stories on this site, the well written ones with good feedback, see what makes them good and why they are so popular.
When you write your own story, use Microsoft Word or another editing program to spell check and remove any punctuation mistakes. Read it through to yourself slowly, go over each paragraph several times in your head (or read it out loud if that helps) to make sure every sentence sounds right. Get as many other people to read your story as you can, BEFORE you post it to the site, to check for any mistakes you may have missed.
Take your time. A good story which took you a month to write is going to be far more successful than one riddled with errors which took you a day or two to write.
Don't give up, and good luck!
I'm gonna say one thing.
You give up on writing, you prove almost everyone right. Don't be that person. Listen to those willing to help, and I'm sure you'll be well on your way to writing good stories.
P.S. PM me if I can be of any assistance.
~DustyPwny
You have a typo in the short description. It is spelled luckily.
cdn.yourepeat.com/media/gif/000/249/181/18657be19ae6fd503ac7caaafdf500c5.gif
4327097 JAMES?
4327159 WILSON. JAMES MUDA F*KING WILSON!
4327169 where the hay are you talking about?
You what's worse than a bad story? A bad story thinly disguised as something else.
It almost physically hurt to read this. Not because of the subject matter, but because of the terrible spelling, grammar, cardboard cutouts of the characters and non-sensical plot. A story needs to make sense. A story has to have a reason for being. What you did is create a cautionary tale with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the side of the head.
And the story itself makes no sense. This terrible writer banishes himself from the library as if that's even possible or that's going to solve anything. Here's the thing. You don't write to get praise. You don't write to get famous. You don't write because it's a good way to look tortured while you're drinking your latter at Starbucks. You write because there's a story inside you that needs to get out. It's bugging you, constantly poking at the inside of your head, crying night and day to let it see the light until you finally put pen to paper and let it free.
Your first story will suck. There's really no other possibility unless you're exceptionally good at your craft and have learned everything you need to know. If you listen to your critics and if you actually pay attention to how others react to your work you can maybe avoid the same mistakes the second time. if however you continue to do the same things over and over again then you're not only going to stagnate and continue sucking but people are simply going to expect a bad story from you and come into it with a negative view before they even read it. They'll be harsher and more critical of your story than they will with somebody new.
So here's the thing. You need to learn how to improve your stories if you want them to be received any better.
OH GOD
Anyone else read the main character's dialogue in Tommy Wiseau's voice?
4327181
4326876
Guys, you're not getting it.
This is the story in the story. It's meta as fuck. It's brilliant.
4326867
4326876
I actually edit for a guy who I found thanks to his writing a terrible story. Now he's writing a decent story, and I'm enjoying editing it.
There are some stories that editors and proofreaders won't touch, and I've seen those as well. I haven't yet read this story, but in the case of a story of wish fulfillment or ponifying a bad story premise, editors will be your worst enemy, because they won't even want to touch the the terror that is your story, much less give it a serious edit.
What Eyvind pointed out initially, about the story clearly breaking site rules, further compounds my notion that the guy who wrote this is probably a troll or something. Wrote a deliberately bad story to get people to rage and make him laugh. His only reply in the comments section so far, specifically who he replied to and the wording he used, gives me the feeling that he's doing this on purpose.
So, no, proofreaders would only make his story worse, seeing as he didn't set out to make a good story in the first place, and is more likely deliberately trying to rustle your jimmies.
31.media.tumblr.com/73ac672feab918a0dc95f004af397382/tumblr_mqu703Rfmu1soc1nzo1_r1_400.gif
4328110 My jimmies have been sufficiently rustled
4328110 Yes, I like your raging comments, yes, i break rules, yes, i'm a jerk. it's all true. you got me. dang it. but there is one thing you need to know. my grammer does really sucks!
but stay calm. i'm looking for an editor right now for my next story.
yay
4331558
We already knew that.
Rainbowdashrules was a terrible writer and a drama queen.
oi59.tinypic.com/fdde1e.jpg
4856190 what?
Well I gotta say that was pretty good man. Keep it up.
5057986 you read the wrong stuff. This sucks. Read the rumour. That's better s***. But still s***
This comments section though.
5243045 whats wrong with it?
5243047
Nothing.
Would you like me to edit this fan fiction for you?
5243049 it's nice of you... but I actually gave up this story....
I started it... wanna read it?
it was an experiment, and I failed....
I wanted to delete it but.... yeah...
....
so, I appriciate the offer, but no...
I'm more looking for an editor for your ship!
5243054
Sure!
5243063 okay... I'll PM you