This story is a sequel to The Strange Life (And Tragic Death) of Sophie Osmo
To understand the events in the story, please read the first story. (The one above^^^^)
After the strange dream that Sophie had, (you know, the one where her head exploded) she takes a trip to Ponyville to find answers and an explanation involving the enigmatical event. Everyone is cleaning up bits and pieces of fancy stuff, and then Sophie bumps into Pinkie.
Fourth wall breaking and meta-ish stuff ensues.
But, of course, that is just what "the somepony" wants.
Written for EQD WTG #018.
Chapters (2)
i should probably read the other story first....im confused as heck right now.
4322965 Ummm. Yeah. Do that.
i started reading the first one after i commented.and I'm still confused as f***!
4323421 you will get it...
i hope.
Perhaps a job especially suited toward her natural talents. I suggest Trinity. Pinkie Pie can be Morpheus. Their job is to find The One.
4330428 >Spoiler<
Well I guess it is not a spoiler, cause it is in the short description.
Sophie gets a job repairing sewer lines...
I might be late to the party, but I brought cake! And it's review flavored! And I think it's massive! And I'm coming in here without any context of any previous story, so eat up!
First off, there may be previous stories that precede this one, but that doesn't give you an excuse to avoid describing your character. Is she a pegasus? Does she have blue hair? Is she the sun god of some other dimension? Is she Darth Vader in a beanie cap? I don't know, you didn't describe her appearance. You're starting a new story, so you need to take the time to introduce characters, not assume that your audience knows them all. Best example I can give: the Harry Potter books. In each book Rowling takes a little time to describe the characters when they come in, even if they've appeared in previous books. But as a book goes on they don't need describing because the reader knows what they look like. Remember that.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, you were almost right under the mark for giving the context of previous stories. That girl went through a dream land or something, that's what you want the audience to know, and there was enough detail in there to convey that. However, you could have put a bit more build up to Pinkie Pie appearing. Sophie just accepted that it happened and that Pinkie, a pony she never met, was in her dream. She should be a whole lot more surprised. or give us a reason why she's not. If I saw a person I never met in my dreams then met that person the next day and he pulled an "m" out of the air, I would at least be surprised. Sophie just accepted it to easily to be believable.
Also, exploring the forth wall from the view point of a character, not an audience member. Too many times have I read Pinkie Pie referencing the reader in some forthwall-breaking way and no one in the story seemed to care. What you're doing is interesting. You're imagining the forth wall as a physical part of the world, not just some off-hand joke that's forgotten about. The explanation that Pinkie gave about it, that was perfect. It told the reader exactly what they needed to know to get into the world, and it didn't go overboard with specific details. I like it because it has relevance; you wrote it in for a purpose. Though, once again, Sophie should be a bit more slow in accepting this reality.
That's it, that's all the cake I have. Oh, the rest of that, I'm taking that home with me.
4362461 Ah yes, that cake was refreshing. I get what you are saying, and I have an application method that allows me to apply those changes without altering the story as it is now. So, what is happening later will have your advice applied to it.
Hello? Anypony writing in here?
4362848 the cake is a lie
5006826 Oh hey! Yeah I'm here.
5007605 will there be anymore to this story?
5009607 Yes, it is just on the back burner of my to do list.
Since you asked nicely: SNEAK PEAK!
He he NIce.
5837954 Yeah...
I actually had the first half of this done for quite some time. I wrote the second half recently.
Was the gap noticable? Or did it seem natural, as if I never put the pen down, so to speak?
This is why I hate dividers...