• Published 1st May 2014
  • 378 Views, 13 Comments

This Is SO Not Kansas - ForsakenDraak66



Your Pierce Collins, just a young man who is living pretty good, if you say so yourself.Until a night at the bar leads to some pretty crazy events, landing you and your house inside Ponyville.Worst part is, you don't remember anything from that

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Sugarcube Corner

Author's Note:

I'm sorry for the short chapters. I will be trying for longer chapters. oh, and this is sort of a filler until i get past some writer's blog.

Celestia stares at me before her lips form into a smirk. She shakes her head slowly and says, “I’ll pass on your coffee, Pierce Collins. But I do have to discuss the matter of how you ended up here. I also need to know if you will be a threat to my ponies.”

I blink a couple of times, processing what she said. Then I turn to get a beer from the fridge. Fuck if I don’t need a drink. I pop the top and take a deep swig, the taste of cheap alcohol making its way down my throat. I finish gulping it down and turn back to Celestia. “I’m not a violent person, Princess. I won’t hurt your ponies unless I feel threatened. And even then, I’m sure that any of your unicorns can skewer me, any of the pegasuses can drop things on top of me, and the rest of your ponies could just trample me. So I don’t think you need to worry about me hurting your ponies.”

I finish my little monologue and Twilight speaks up before Celestia. “It’s pegasi, Pierce. Not pegasuses.”

I ignore her as I keep my eyes on the princess. She finally nods and turns to the group of ponies and says in a firm, commanding voice. “Pierce will be staying here in Ponyville and will probably need a job. Applejack, until he is able to provide for himself, please give him a few apples from Sweet Apple Acres so he doesn’t starve. Rarity, please make sure to take his measurements in case he needs clothing. Fluttershy, if you don’t mind I would appreciate if you show him around town and make sure ponies aren’t afraid of him. We don’t want a misunderstanding.”

As she says this, the orange mare, now known as Applejack nodded, Rarity did a sort of small bow while still sitting on my couch, and the yellow mare, I’m assuming Fluttershy, squeaked and nodded slowly while nervously saying, “Yes Princess..”

“Um, Princess? I don’t mean to interrupt but,” I start, turning her attention back to me. “I would like to get home soon. I don’t even know how I got here or anywhere about this place. So the sooner I get back, the sooner I get out of your hair. If you can just like, ‘poof’ me back home, I’d be greatly appreciative.”

She nods solemnly before speaking. “I cannot help you yet, Pierce. I have never heard of your kind and I don’t know where you originate. But I will search for answers to return you to your home. Until then, you will need to make a life here. That way you can survive until I find you a way. Now I must leave, I have important matters in Canterlot. Goodbye everypony.”

With that she becomes a small star before disappearing, blinding me and reminding me of my massive hangover as my shock starts to fade. This is so not my day. I look at the ponies in my living room, some of with are getting up to leave. I take another deep swig of the beer, then I notice Fluttershy is waiting for me, nervously pawing the ground with her hoof. I down the rest of the beer and toss the empty can into the trash can, the noise startling the yellow mare. I walk towards the door, grabbing my keys off the kitchen counter where I had left them the night before, and say loudly, “C’mon Fluttershy, let’s go explore Ponyville.”

I open the door, inwardly cursing the bright ass sun and step outside. I look around, not noticing the scenery the first time I had looked out my door. It was actually.. quite nice. I waited for the nervous mare to join me before turning and locking my door. I turn to Fluttershy and ask, “Okay, Fluttershy, where to first?”

She quietly murmurs a response and I just shrug. I’ll find out eventually. She starts walking and I follow, not knowing where we are going but honestly, not caring. I needed to take my mind off of my predicament, at least, until I can think about it. We continued walking down the road in silence before I decided to break the silence.

“Hey, Fluttershy,” I started, looking down at her. “What do you do here? Like work wise.”

She glances up to me before looking back to the road we were on. After a moment she says, “I take care of animals.”

“Sooo, you’re a veterinarian? My sister is going to school for that. She loves animals. She even got bit by a dog because she just wanted to pet the damn thing.” I say, remembering my days with my sister before I left the household to live on my own. After that I never really talked to my parents or my sister. I sigh softly. I wish I would have spent more time with them. Maybe when I get back I’ll go to those dinner’s they are always inviting me to. I shake my head and focus on where we are going. We are approaching a rather odd building. The building's roof is similar to that of a gingerbread house. Its design is like a stereotypical bakery-theme. The two upper stories look like stacked cupcakes and it is topped with candle-shaped lights.

“This is Sugarcube Corner. It’s a bakery and is owned by Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Pinkie Pie lives in the room upstairs and works here too.” Fluttershy says, seeming to be a little more confident than when she was in my living room.

“Well.. its um, a gingerbread house?” I say slowly, looking at the building in disbelief. “How has it not been eaten yet?”
Fluttershy looks up at me and then glances down again. “Sugarcube Corner isn’t made out of food..”

I gaze at the building and thought how difficult it would have been to build that out of wood. I mean, I’ve made some pretty decent things in my career, but I couldn’t imagine trying to make that, or even if that would be stable.

Fluttershy leads me into the gingerbread bakery. As I enter, the conversation dies as ponies look at the strange human, a.k.a me. It wasn’t in fear, just curiosity. I speed my pace so that I am at Fluttershy’s side. We make our way to the counter where a yellow stallion with a square jaw was giving a cupcake to a light greenish blue mare with a harp tattoo on her flank. She thanks him and turns around and sees me. She stares at me curiously, her eyes travelling down my body. When her eyes come to my hands her eyes widen a bit and she smiles. She makes her way to me and Fluttershy. Fluttershy smiles at the approaching mare and she says, “Oh, hello Lyra. How’s Bonbon?”

The mare greets her and smiles and says, “She’s good. Who’s your friend?”

Lyra looks up at me at the sound of my voice as I introduce myself. “I’m Pierce Collins. Nice to meet you.” I hold my hand out for a handshake. She looks at me hand and puts her hoof in in my hand. I shake her hoof awkwardly before I let her hoof drop.
“You must be really good at playing musical instruments. Your hoofs are a lot different.” Lyra says, looking at my hands.

I glance down at my hands and smile. “These aren’t hoofs, Lyra. These are hands.”

She gazes at my hands longingly and says, “I wish I had hands. I wouldn’t have to use my magic to play my harp.”

I raise my eyebrow at that and ask, “You can use magic?”

“Yep! Well, bye Pierce! Bye Fluttershy! I gotta get back to Bonbon.” With that she skips off with her cupcake floating next to her as she leaves. Hmm, how did I not notice that? Wait a minute.. What the fuck?! My ‘what the fuck’ moment is interrupted when Fluttershy asks me quietly, “Would you like a cupcake?”

“Sure.” I respond, watching the door that Lyra had went out of in disbelief. I snap my attention back to Fluttershy. “How much is it?” I ask, reaching for my wallet. Then I realized something.

Shit.

I bet they don’t know what the fuck a dollar is!