"Spiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeee."
A lavender alicorn named Twilight called out to a 15 year old dragon that was about 4 feet tall, named Spike, who was as always sleeping in just like any topical teen would.
"Sppiiiiiiiikkkkkkkeeeeeeeee.................So you want to play it that way do ya, well two can play at that game." Twilight said with a devious grin across her face as she trotted to a small bucket that was sitting, empty beside a mop. Twilight levitated the bucket with her horn and moved it towards the kitchen sink.
5 minutes later
"This will teach him a lesson for sleeping in till twelve." Twilight snickered as she trotted towards the door where her assistant was sleeping with a bucket full of ice cold water levitating beside her.
Twilight then turned the knob with her magic and as soon it was fully open she was met with the barrel of a huge water gun aimed at her.
"Uh oh, hey Spike your already up... I-I was just about to see I-If you would like to go get some brunch." Twilight chuckled nervously, her face quickly losing color as she stared at the muzzle of the gun, which was dripping a few dangerous drops of rainbow colored water. She then looked at the dragon that was aiming at her, who's face was full of determination.
"Oh really, Twilight? Then why do you have a bucket full of water? Did you forget that I can hear you very easily?" the drake growled. "I thought I heard you say that you were going to teach me a lesson. Last time I checked, that wasn't on your 'To-do-list'". Spike said, cocking the water pistol at her
"Oh come on Spike! Yo...you wouldn't shoot a defenceless filly, now would you.?" Twilight said as she started backing out the door, her horn glowing, ready to escape if things went south with diplomacy.
"No, I wouldn't shoot a little filly..." Spike said, lowering the water pistol. Twilight began to sigh and walk back into the room.
"...Unless her name was Twilight Sparkle..." Spike said as he shot a stream of rainbow water at Twilight who, in turn, teleported out of the library. The frantic unicorn then started to gallop away from the house not wanting to get soaked.
After what seemed like a few hours of galloping and hiding, she stopped to catch her breath, As soon as she did, though, she was met with a stream of rainbow water to the back of her head. Twilight just stood there and took the hit with dignity as ponies of different shapes and sizes watched as Spike flew down and and stopped firing to see his handy work.
"Class dismissed." Spike said as he walked over to Twilight, who was shivering. Feeling a little guilty, the drake took a towel from behind his back and helped to dry her off. Tired, the two walked back home, the sun setting over Equestria.
In the distance,a hooded figure sat hunched on the rooftops, with a blue visor over his eyes, unable to know where or whom he watched.It almost gave creatures the impression of looking at a mirror, as he watched the two walk home.
"The time is now, Sally, you know what to do." The hooded figure said as a dragoness, a head smaller then him flew off towards the house that Spike and Twilight were headed to. After a few minutes of waiting for the stealth of night to cover his trail, the figure took off towards Canterlot Castle.
-In Canterlot-
The figure dropped out of the air and landed kneeling down on one knee, looking down with his hood off.
He had dark blue scales with black ear fins and blue scales going down his head and back, body just as tall as one of the elite royal guards. After a few minutes, the drake got up and walked through the large doors, taking off his cloak, which revealed a satchel and a odd looking sword attached to his back by a leather strap. He then threw the cloak on a coat rack that a guard was moving. As he walked by a few guards and maids he saw the expressions on their faces which were filled with either shock or confusion. Looking straight at them, the mares fainted while the guards shook in their armor, at the sight of the blue visor the stranger wore.
After walking around the castle a bit, he finally found the great hall that the two princesses should be residing in. As he walked through, he found both princesses sitting in their chairs staring at him with faces of mixed emotions. Their eyes were bearing into the back of his skull, which made chills run through his spines.
As he walked towards them and stopped just in front of them and kneeled down on one knee as they kept staring at him.
"Princesses, I-" he managed to say, before both a blue and white blur tackled him him to the ground.
The overjoyed rulers were yelling "NOVA!" and giving him a iron crush death hug, when he looked up he saw that that both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna tackled him to the ground hugging him.
"Princesses, can you let...... go ........can't......breeeaaaaatttthheee!" Nova struggled to say, as his face starting taking a darker shade of blue, which got the princesses to quickly release the drake and calm themselves.
"Sir Nova! It has been far to long since thou has seen thee. What has thou done in the last few decades?" Luna said in her royal slang. Nova then looked at her, then at Celestia, and saying four simple words.
"What have YOU done?" Nova asked as he walked away, towards a certain stain glass window that joined the others that brightly glistened in the light of the Lunar Princess' handiwork.
Luna and Celestia looked at one another, then at the drake, who's eyes quickly narrowed on one certain spot of the glass.
Luna then walked over to the drake that was a bit shorter then her, draping her right wing over him and looking up at the glass remembering what time it had represented. She then looked back down at the her lost kin.
"Novey, take off those ridiculous sunglasses," the Princess of Night sayed softly. "I would appreciate it if we could look mine little brother in the eye, and see what is troubles him so." Luna said as she kept her gaze locked on the eyes on the other side of the visor.
"Oooohhhhhhh, no these..are...S-special to me, I-i can't part with them and..." Nova stamered, trying to explain to his sisters. "Why are you looking at me like that...Why does Celestia have a net..." He then saw to two sisters grin at each other before holding the net up at him.
"Well this will not end well." Nova sighed as he ran away from the two alicorns.
-2 hours later-
"You never learn that dragons have apposible thumbs, instead of hooves." Nova grinned as he tied a perfect bow on the net that Luna and celestia were now entangled in.
"Little brother you forget that we have magic," Celestia warned.
"And if I were you I would turn around," Luna said as her horn lit up. Nova gave the two a raised eyebrow, eventually turning around to see what she was talking about. Out of nowhere, he was met with a dragon getting flung at him..
"Wait, not a dragon, a dragoness," nova thought in his head for a few seconds before coming back to reality.
"Oh for peat sake!" That was the last thing he said as he was met with the back of a dragoness to the chest, knocking him out cold.
"Oh sister, haven't you learned that the Drake Summoning Spell works differently on a drake?" Celestia groaned. "It brings the opposite gender from that drake!" Celestia said as she face hoofed multiple times.
Well I would say that the idea behind your story has really caught my eye and I want to see where it is going. I would like you to work on using your quotation so we can tell when someone is talking or not. To me it started to blur with the rest of the writing after a while. I would also recommended that after you write a chapter you go back and read it out loud slowly to see if it sounds right while also looking for grammar errors. But I do feel like you have something that could become very interesting once the story really picks up.
Will do thanks for the help I'll try better with my next chapter
4324635
Do you have any recommendations for what the two unknown dragonesses should look like cause I have no clue and I need them for the next chapter
4324679 Well that is kinda hard to say, it really depends on what their role is, what stage of life they are in,and if they have a relation to Spike (family wise) or not. I would say ask yourself these question and that could help you get a idea where to go. And if not you can message me and we can talk about it to see what can be done.
4324699 ok i shall keep that in mind thank you
You have massive punctuation errors, the biggest one is thatyou are missing basic quotation marks in between dialogue. Don't get me started on the grammar. Also the whole chapter was very rushed that it's very hard to comprehend what's going on.
You introduce two oc characters that immediate jump into action without giving any clue on who they are. It wouldn't matter if they were in the background role, but apparently one of them is best pals with the princesses.
4324718 i am very sorry about the grammer Ill try better in the next chapter I promise
Holy crap, I read the first paragraph and I had to stop. You DO know you're suppose to use quotation marks, right?
Capitalize character's names; they teach you this in grade school, dude.
Also,
That shit? Fucking stop. Ellipses are THREE periods, you do not use any more or less.
At first I thought this was interesting but it's meh.
4325124 I know right.
I'm sorry but Use capitalization, use proper grammar, check for spelling issues. AND FOR PETES SAKE I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON IN THIS STORY
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4327432 Hey, no one's first story is perfect. It is an interesting concept, just needed polishing. :) Thanks for the shoutout!
4332259 True.
4332259 I'm sorry for that I was just mad because I kept failing and not getting my story on the site
4342218 hey, that's alright.
4342235 thanks I was making this sTory it's my first it's called adventures of Equestria if you see it remember to go nice on the way I had to make the story.
4342242 I'll be sure to check it out!
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What?
Are y'all serious here?
Hey, pony got swag.