All that glitters was probably made with dark magic and should be disposed of
Cleaning up the Mess
“This—is—RIDICULOUS!” Twilight cried as she used her magic to break off another chunk of gold from the ground. The flat piece of gold glowed purple as Twilight levitated it into a large white bucket sitting next to her. “I don’t usually pull the princess card, but don’t we have… like… royal magicians who can deal with this stuff?!”
“Non-princesses usually don’t have the knowledge of how to dispel dark magic,” Cadance explained as she stood a few yards from Twilight, also engaged in the task of breaking chunks of gold and dumping them into a white bucket. She sighed before continuing, “And yes, it is kind of ridiculous.”
“FRET NOT FELLOW PRINCESS!” Luna boomed from a few yards away. “WITH OUR COMBINED stre…” Luna trailed off as her eyes stared off into the distance. She quickly shook head from side to side and regained her focus as she continued, “…STRENGTHS WE SHALL OVER… over… over…” Finding yelling, talking, or even remaining conscious difficult, Luna collapsed to the ground and began gently snoring. “SNORT… Zzzzzzzzzzzz… SNORT… Zzzzzzzzzzzz…”
Alright, so not so gently.
Twilight sighed. “There she goes again.”
“Well, she’s not usually up at this hour…” Cadance said.
“Really, we should just get her a cup of coffee…” Twilight mused.
Cadance shook her head. “Celestia said under no circumstances are we to give Luna coffee. Apparently she over indulged when she attempted to do her nightly duties followed by Celestia’s daily duties and then another round of her nightly tasks…”
“SISTER!” Luna cried as she stood atop a massive pile of mugs, coffee kettles, and to-go cups. Her eyes were wide and red while her pupils were tiny. She stared out into open space looking at nothing and yet everything all at once. “I FEEL LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING!” Luna paused briefly before spreading her wings and adding, “I’LL BET I COULD FLY!”
Celestia stared up at Luna with an unamused expression. “I’m switching you to decaf!” she announced.
“You poke her…” Twilight said quietly as she and Cadance hovered over the snoozing Princess of the Night.
“Me?!” Cadance said in a protesting tone. “I poked her last time! You poke her!”
“But she yells when she’s woken up!” Twilight whined.
“Well, we’re both standing right here so what’s the difference?!”
Twilight huffed out a “Fine!” and began prodding Luna in the side with a forehoof. “Princess Luna?” Twilight called out. “Wake up! You passed out again!”
Luna giggled softly as her legs twitched ever so slightly. She began to murmur in her sleep, “Why, Big McIntosh… fancy seeing you at the palace…”
Twilight and Cadance raised their eyebrows and exchanged glances.
“… I was just about to enjoy a nice evening soak in my large, royal bathtub…” A small, sultry smile appeared on Luna’s face. “Care to join me?”
Twilight frowned. “All in favor of not waking up Princess Luna?”
“Aye,” Cadance said simply.
Twilight nodded. “Aye.”
The two princesses sighed as they went back to the slow, laborious task of breaking gold from the ground and disposing of it. Twilight spoke up again, “So why exactly couldn’t Princess Celestia come and help?”
Cadance shrugged. “She said her schedule was already packed with duties for the day…”
“Of course she did…” Twilight grumbled out irritably.
“THE DARK MAGIC HAS ALREADY TAKEN A TOLL ON DEAR SISTER!” Luna cried.
“AHH!” Twilight and Cadance cried as they jumped slightly. They stared back at Luna, who gazed back at them with wide, alert eyes that quickly closed before Luna’s head hit the ground and she began snoring once more. “SNORT… Zzzzzzzzzzzz…”
“Huh…” Twilight uttered. “What do you think she meant by that?”
A grey, bespectacled unicorn mare examined a scroll in front of her with dark-brown eyes and smiled to herself. Her brown mane and tail were each tied up in a bun. With a pinkish glow, she opened a set of arching double-glass doors in front of her and stepped out into the bright day. The light bathed over her, making her pen and inkwell cutie mark that much easier to see. Her red cravat bounced slightly as she trotted along.
“Princess Celestia,” the mare called out. “Good news, we’re a whole five minutes ahead of schedule. You have plenty of time to get to the School for Gifted Unicorns graduation ceremony.”
Princess Celestia turned from the balcony and nodded with a small smile. A large blue and gold telescope sat on a tripod at the edge. “Thank you, Raven. It’ll be good to get there before Floribunda gets anxious; she’s such a stickler for punctuality.”
Raven shook her head. “I don’t know why you humor her so.”
“Well, she is very influential with the other parents,” Celestia said.
Raven nodded. “Yes, but you’re a princess for crying-out-loud.”
Celestia chuckled. “True, but I dislike using my title if I can avoid it.” She turned back towards the edge of the balcony and frowned.
“Something troubling you?” Raven asked.
Celestia nodded. “Ponyville looks… different… It seems to be changing quite rapidly…”
Raven frowned. “Do you think there’s trouble?”
“Probably nothing Twilight can’t handle,” Celestia said. “Still…” she murmured as she stared at the telescope, “… I suppose a quick peek wouldn’t hurt…” Celestia peered into the eyepiece just in time to be blinded by the dazzling reflection of sunlight off the gold that suddenly covered the streets and lawns of Ponyville. “AAAAAH!” Celestia cried as she pulled her eye away from the telescope and placed a forehoof over it.
“Princess!” Raven called out in alarm. “Are you alright?!”
“I’m fine, Raven…” Celestia said as she removed her hoof and attempted to open her eye. “OW!” she cried before closing her eye and placing her forehoof back.
“What happened?!” Raven said as the panic in her voice increased. “Is Ponyville in trouble?!”
“Probably not dire trouble,” Celestia said. “However, it looks like someone is on the loose with a bit of dark magic.” Celestia shot Raven a serious look. “Please send word to Princess Cadance in the Crystal Empire and let her know she’s needed in Ponyville.”
Raven nodded. “Of course!”
“Also, wake my sister and tell her the same,” Celestia said.
Raven frowned. “But… your sister yells when she is woken up.”
Celestia nodded. “Yes, I know.”
“Also… she talks in her sleep…” Raven added in displeasure.
“Yes, I know!” Celestia said with a bit more force. “However, her magic skills as a princess are needed.”
“Alright…” Raven said in a begrudging tone.
“Also, please find me an eye patch,” Celestia said as she trotted away from the telescope.
“Should I cancel your other appointments?”
Celestia shook her head. “That won’t be necessary, though I hope Floribunda is understanding about the delay.”
Raven followed Celestia and sighed. “She won’t be…”
-Fifteen minutes later-
With a yellow glow, Celestia lifted a black eyepatch up and around her eye. “Thank you Raven, though I’m guessing we are a bit behind in the schedule now.”
Raven nodded as she and Celestia trotted down a long castle corridor. “I’m afraid it took me some time to locate the eyepatch.”
Celestia sighed as she began to speak. “Perhaps we should keep eyepatches hidden throughout the palace in case of emergencies…” she mused.
Raven frowned. “That doesn’t seem practical…”
“Never mind,” Celestia said. “Has my sister been awo—”
“SISTER!”
Celestia and Raven turned to see a slightly disheveled looking Luna standing tall in the corridor.
“I HAVE BEEN AROSE FROM MY SLUMBER TO DO BATTLE WITH THE FORCES OF DARKNESS! I SEE THEY HAVE ALREADY LEFT THEIR MARK ON—” Without warning, Luna collapsed to the ground and began snoring. “SNORT… Zzzzzzzzzzzz…”
Celestia just sighed and shook her head. “Please just find somepony to drag her onto a train to Ponyville!”
Raven nodded and broke off into a gallop. “Right away, Princess!”
Luna giggled softly in her sleep. “Why captain… your flanks are looking particularly captivating in the moonlight…”
Celestia looked up and shouted, “AND ASK THEM TO RUN A COMB THROUGH HER MANE WHILE THEY’RE AT IT!”
Cadance contemplated Luna’s words briefly and shrugged. “Who knows… still no sense complaining about it…”
Twilight frowned. “Oh, don’t try to smooth this over with senseless rhetoric! This has got to be the worst Princess duty ever!”
Cadance rolled her eyes as she broke another piece of gold from the ground. “I’m sure there is worse…”
“Tick-tock, Princess,” an unhappy looking pink unicorn mare said as Celestia walked across the red carpet into the grand hall. The unicorn’s white mane stood up on her head, ending in a small swirl, and she wore a large diamond brooch on her neck that matched her earrings. Her cutie mark was a rose in full bloom. Additionally, a downtrodden-looking grey unicorn stallion followed a few steps behind. His mane was short and parted down the middle and he wore a purple bowtie. His cutie mark was a simple rake.
“Hello, Floribunda and Chance…” Celestia uttered out in a tired voice as she nodded at the pink then grey stallion respectively.
Chance looked up at Celestia in concern. “Your highness? Are you alright? Whatever happened to your—“
“Quiet, Chance!” Floribunda exclaimed. “Whatever it was is no excuse for this farce of a graduation!”
Celestia looked at Floribunda blankly as she blinked with her one visible eye. “Why, whatever do you mean?” This has got to be absolutely the worst Princess duty ever…
“WHEEEEEEEE!” An exuberant looking pink pony cried as she slid across the golden ground on her flank.
“Pinkie!” Twilight cried. “Stop enjoying the dark magic road! We’re trying to get rid of it!”
Pinkie skidded to a stop and quickly got up on her hooves. “Why would you want to get rid of this?!” Pinkie cried. She broke into a gallop before quickly sitting down and began sliding again, spinning around and around on her flank as she did. “It’s soOoOoOoOoOoO mUuUuUuUuUuUch FuUuUuU—”
‘Crash!’
“—OFFF—!” Pinkie exclaimed as she crashed into a crystal tree. She stared up, upside-down as she laid horizontally against the currently sparkling flora. “—uUuUuUuUn…” she concluded dizzily.
Twilight sighed. “Well… at least it couldn’t get any worse…”
“Excuse me, Princesses?” an elegant sounding voice called out.
Cadance scowled at Twilight. “You just had to tempt fate!”
“I’m sorry!” Twilight exclaimed. “This is just so hard!”
“Erm…” A grey earth pony mare with a long black mane, light purple eyes, a pink bowtie, and a purple treble clef mark cutie mark stood nervously a few yards from the princesses. She bowed. “Sorry your highnesses, it can wait.”
“Oh, it’s alright!” Cadance assured. “We’re just doing a little cleanup.”
“Little?!” Twilight exclaimed.
Cadance shot Twilight a tight frown.
Twilight sighed. “Sorry, Octavia,” she said as her voice softened a bit. “What can we help you with?”
“Oh well… You see, my companions and I were actually just at Canterlot before we were teleported… it seems we were swapped out with a mariachi band!”
Still laying upside-down against the tree, Pinkie nodded her head up and down. “It’s true!”
Cadance nodded. “I see. Well, we’ll see you are on the next train back to Canterlot as soon as we can.”
Octavia smiled and bowed. “Thank you, Princess.”
Twilight frowned. “Wait! If you got teleported here, where is the mariachi band?!”
Floribunda motioned out to the grand hall. A mariachi band stood atop a stage as confused parents looked on and excited children danced. “Just what is going on with this music?!” she cried. “And the food all looks like it was made for a six year old's birthday party!” she cried.
Celestia scanned the room. noticing a buffet table covered with colorful cupcakes and sweet-looking treats where normally elegant-looking hors d'oeuvres would be served. A clown rode by on a unicycle as curious and happy children looked on, the children steering clear of a brown stallion with a short, tousled blonde in a white chef’s jacket who stared at the buffet table as he let out an endless stream of curses.
“Well,” Chance began in a meek voice, “at least the children seem happy…”
“Chance! Be silent!” Floribunda demanded. “This is a graduation ceremony! Not the circus!”
“Yes, dear…” Chance said weakly.
Floribunda looked up at Celestia. “I demand you do something.”
Celestia looked down at Floribunda, then up at the celebration with its happy children, then back down at Floribunda. “Yeah, well… I don’t give a flip,” she said flatly.
Floribunda smiled and nodded satisfactorily. “Good, I— Wait, what?!” she cried in confusion.
“I am exerting my royal privilege to not give a flip,” Celestia informed. “If you don’t like it, I suggest you dunk your head in the fountain until you cool off or consider just how much you’d like to visit the moon.”
Floribunda's mouth hung open. “The other parents will hear about this!” she cried. “I’m a respected member of this school and I shan’t be spoken to in this manner!”
Celestia lowered her head down and pressed it within inches of Floribunda’s face, making the size difference between the two mares abundantly clear.
“You and the other parents can bite my shiny, sun-adorned flank if they don’t like it,” Celestia said as she stared at Floribunda with her one angry eye.
Floribunda gulped and nodded.
Chance simply looked up at Celestia in absolute awe.
Celestia raised her head back up and smiled warmly. “Good,” she said as she turned to Chance. “Now Chance, it seems that clown is offering face painting and I think I’ll have him draw a swirly eye or some other such comical thing on my eyepatch. Care to join me?”
Chance smiled and nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, ma’am!”
“Come along then,” Celestia said cheerfully as she trotted on into the hall, Chance quickly following behind her.
Floribunda could only follow Celestia and her husband with her eyes as she looked on in disbelief. “What just… what just happened?”
“Hehehe…” Luna giggled out in her sleep. “Yes royal chef! I require more whipped cream! I can still see some blue on my body!”
“Cadance?” Twilight called out as she looked over Luna as the dark blue mare continued to talk in her sleep.
“Yes, Twilight?” Cadance replied as she looked away from the tree she was busy decrystalizing.
Twilight turned to Cadance. “Is it bad that I have a sudden urge to draw all over Princess Luna?”
Cadance pursed her lips. “That sounds very immature and childish… I’ll go get some ink and pens…”
The End.
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OMFG... That was interesting!!
Now to ACTUALLY READ It!!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahah
Huh. Interesting interpretation of events.
A lot of this was quite funny, especially Luna's sleep-talking. However, Celestia felt a bit too, brusque in her demeanor. It usually takes something like Discord to make her this irritable. Her intention wasn't out of character, but I felt like she could've told Floribunda off in a more polite way.
That's really my only contention here. Otherwise, this was quite an enjoyable read.
PFFFT. That is all. PFFFT
OMFG Im not only rotfl in text now... I give this story an A+ for making me laugh when I needed it most but a B- for having a somewhat confusing if any plot.
All in all a good story if you want a quick laugh.
Favorited.
4301650
Criticism accepted. I was wondering if I had Celestia blow her fuse a little early their, though given events from the comics, I also figured things have been coming to a boil with Floribunda for a while...
Happy you liked it, otherwise.
4301669
This one-shot is definitely leaning on the last episode to explain events quite a bit.
Happy you still liked it!
4301749 the last episode I actully I got to see was Maud pie... The time I sat down and watched an epidisde
I made an account just so i can tell you how much i love your story, here have a happy
and 
4301879
Well this is a fun read, you should feel proud that you did such a great job on it.
4302056
4301879 welcome to tha magical land of talking ponies and people who write stories...
Cadance shrugged. “She said her schedule was already packed with duties for the day…” trollesta
4302061 your welcome
Luna's dreams are awesome.
I imagined this as one of the comics while I read it. Very enjoyable story!
I too wondered where mariachi band ended up.
This was hilarious, I love it
4303544
Glad you enjoyed it!
Hilarious!!!
I love it!
4301749 Hmmmm, not sure how to take this one.
Not good, not bad...I'm seriously neutral on this...
"Sun why have you betrayed me?!!?!?!?!?!?" Said Princess Celestia.
Love this story. Its hilarious.
The story is pretty funny, but I think you need to use some kind of marker for the segues (or at least be consistent with the markers.) Some places you use a [hr] to segue to a new scene, then other places you don't.
An example would be this part:
You segue from a scene with Cadance, Twilight and (admittedly a sleeping) Luna, to the scene where it is just Celestia and Luna. There should be some kind of deliniation to point out to the reader that it is a rapid switch of scene (such as a [hr] if that is your chosen break), rather than relying on the elipsis, as it requires a re-read of the previous paragraphs to double-check that the scene has changed.
Beyond that, great to see events from the comics being incorporated into stories, that is always a plus.
one way to describe this.
and for good measure...
Celestia, "You know, I should probably get rid of the other few hundred dark magic artifacts I have squirreled away around here."
Twilight just stares blankly at her mentor, whom she finally realizes is a complete and utter troll.
I am surprise that Celestia did not say it was dire situtation so she does not have to go to the grudation cermony or reshedual it without telling the pricy unicorn and make it law she can't know.
4304499
Sorry about that. There are vertical lines in the original copy, but they didn't make it over the import. I had to hunt and add them back in and missed that spot. Thanks for catching it.
Glad you enjoyed the story.
Now we know where all the food and the 3 musicians got teleported to.I love the ending though
That was very enjoyable
also
Well, that was different. And absolutely hilarious
4303097 Well, since Rarity did nothing but transform things into other things most of the time, I just assumed she turned the Mariachi band INTO a duplicate Octavia and trio.
Hee! Poor Luna.
Though this episode raised an important question: Why do they just leave these incredibly dangerous things just lying around for any moron to screw with? That book, the Alicorn Amulet(which Twilight is probably using as a door stop or paper weight), Discord...
4305113
Ahhh, I get you on that one! I used to have that issue rather frequently too, until I ended up using the bb code directly in my gdocs files, so that way I don't miss anything after copy/pasting.
4307506
After watching so much of the show, I've simply had to conclude ponies (even adult or immortal Princess ponies) are often times not as wise or show as much common sense as the average human adult.
4307630 - The real reason it's a 'royal' duty is because... well... it's solid gold. How else is Celestia going to fund her lavish cake budget? The Equestrian economy runs on sweets... and illicit dark magic created gold.
It is things like this that make my nights that much better.
This is more Celestia-from-the-comics than Celestia-from-the-show -- in the comics and here she's far more relatable, far less serene. Makes a nice change, and you had me laughing, so good job!
Umm...what? I mean it was hilarious, but WHAT?!
The polite way to say "pucker up for sunbutt!"
Fav'd for good writing, comic references, and exactly the right amount of comedy (tons).
4307630 I have seen many 'average human adults'. I can assure you that your average pony, even at their worst, does in fact show the same level of Common Sense. This is because despite the name, Common Sense is in fact NOT common at all.
As for the story, I loved it. Luna was my favorite part too. Makes sense that the Princess Of The Night, and of Dreams, has the best dreams.
Wow that was hilarious.
Woo! Standing up to Floribunda! Good to see some IDW stuff mixed in. Me gusta!
Actually, she is
4316158
What makes you say that? Judging by the comics, she sleeps through a great portion of the day with situations like what happened in For Whom the Sweetie Belle Toils looking like a rare exception.
This was hilarious!
Enjoyed it :)
Let the moustaches begin.
That's so Raven.
this was so hilarious! I loved the references and why isn't it that tia didn't stand up to that unicorn earlier?? and then theres Luna..need i say more?
I think you already know by know, but for repeating the endless comments: this story is gold!
Best Celestia lines ever. We should get MEMJ to read those.