• Published 4th May 2014
  • 6,567 Views, 599 Comments

Love Needs No Reason - Evowizard25

Discord is lonely and looking for something to spice up his life. Luckily for him, and unfortunately for Applejack, he's found the one thing that can help him out.

  • ...

Farm work and chaos don't mix well

“The secret to buckin’ is controllin’ your breathin’,” ah started.

Chasin’ Discord took some time. The slippery daemon was harder to catch than a weasel in fall. Luckily for me, ah finally nabbed the son of a crossbow. Don’t rightly know if ah was just lucky or he let me win. The way he was laughin’ makes me think the second. ‘Course, he put Sasha back where she belonged and we could finally get back to work.

So, here ah was standin’ before ‘Sasha’, with a few buckets around her to catch the apples.

“Of course,” Discord nodded, scribblin’ down notes on a small notepad with some fancy smancy feather pen. He wore a pair of broken glasses, ya would more likely see on one of ‘em nerd ponies. At least, that’s what ah’ve heard. Aint right for me to group ‘em up like that.

Ah don’t see why he was writtin’ this all down. Ah doubted the spirit could forget somethin’ so easy to remember. That and he didn’t seem like the ‘bookish’ kind of pony…er thing to keep reconds and such. Still, he’d learn one way or another.

“Ya got to face away from the tree, like so,” ah turned away from ‘Sasha’, givin’ myself a good distance to buck her good. “Give yourself some space. Too close and ya won’t be able to use enough force, but too far, you’ll miss ‘em entirely.”

“Uh-huh,” Discord’s scribblin’ went on, takin’ up a bit of speed.

“Loosen up your muscles,” ah rolled my shoulders and legs around, tryin’ to get rid of the kinks and such. “Ya can’t properly buck if you’re all tense. You’ll pull a muscle or worse.”

“Yes, uh-huh,” his tone was becomin’ more urgent as well as his writin’. Ah paid it no mind.

“Ya got to get a grip on the earth below ya,” my hooves dug into the ground. “Keep your gate wide, but still near enough that you’re not unbalanced.”

“Oh my chaos,” Discord exclaimed. Ah could see smoke comin’ from the notepad as his pen flew across it faster than a jackrabbit in a hailstorm.

‘What the hay is up with him?’ Ah though, but knew better than to voice my question. Ah had already gotten over my previous headache. Ah didn’t need a new one.

“Then ya rear your legs back, like so,” ah demonstrated flawlessly, if ah do say so myself. No pony out rears an Apple. Ah could feel my muscles strain and store energy for the oncoming buck. “Make sure to wind yourself up and keep your breathin’ level.”

“Sweet apples, this is heavy,” Discord said, his writin’ faster than ever before.

Fightin’ back my annoyance, ah kept my breathin’ in check. Ah didn’t want Discord’s wackiness to end me up with a sprained leg or somethin’. “Then, ya release.” The pent up kick was sent straight into the bark of the tree. Ah was thankful Discord didn’t teleport this one away, else ah’d have ended up worse than the last time. The sweet sound of apples fallin’ into baskets rang in my ear. Ah sighed in contentment. ‘Aint nothin’ better than this.’

“YES,” Discord exclaimed, enthralled by his writtin’. Steam was comin’ from the pad as his hand went as fast as Dash in a race. “YES!”

“DANGNABIT, DISCORD!” Ah yelled in frustration. “What the hay are you doin’?”

Discord immediately stopped what he was doing. He smiled innocently at me, while his glasses just flew away. He turned the notepad around. “I drawed a pony.” The picture was me…exactly like that Mona mare or somethin’ like that art piece Rarity took me to see once.

“Errr…” Ah really didn’t know how to react to that. “That’s interestin’.”

“No it isn’t,” Discord said, nonchalantly throwin’ the notepad behind him…Which exploded.

I was covered in soot, surrounded by the burning embers of what used to be my bush disguise.

Coughing up smoke, I began to wonder why I had decided to observe the duo up close. Discord wasn’t a being you wanted to get within throwing distance of. Yet, I dared to move a little closer. For what? To get a closer piece of the action?...Well, truth be told, looking through a spyglass for hours isn’t the most comfortable thing. Again, I could use a scrying spell, but I preferred a more hooves on approach when on a love case.

I was now questioning that decision. That and I was wondering how I was going to get back at Discord for this. Oh, there had been no harm done. I doubted Discord would mean any lasting harm to anyone and us alicorns are made of tougher stuff then the normal pony.

Throw a rock at a pony: receive bruise.

Throw a rock at an alicorn: slightly annoy them.

Throw a boulder at a pony: dead.

Throw a boulder at an Alicorn? ‘I get miffed. We weren’t supposed to be using any objects in that duel, Chrysalis.’ I snorted. That was the last time I decided to have a fair, no magic, hoof to hoof fight with Chrysalis in the ‘Valley of Boulders’. She was always a bit of a cheat.

Back to more pressing issues, I glared at Discord’s back. ‘If you blow me up one more time, I swear, your hands will be pinned to my wall. Accident or no accident.’

“Now,” Discord clapped his hands together. “Shall we get to bucking?”

Ah stood there, not movin’ a muscle except to twitch my eye. “Did ya just explode somethin’ on my farm?”

Discord nodded. “Yes, indeedy~”

Grittin’ my teeth, ah glared at him. “Ya do know ya could have hurt my trees, right?”

Realization dawned on Discord’s face. “Errr….maybe.” He nervously looked around.

Ah face-hooved and sighed. Puttin’ my hoof down to face him, ah said “Discord, listen up and listen good.”

Discord leaned down, cupped a paw behind his ear as said ear grew three times in size. “I’m listening.”

“Don’t mess with my trees, ya got that. We need these trees to live, or were ya not listenin’ to me before?”

“Perish the thought,” Discord scoffed. “You had my full attention.”

Ah raised an eyebrow.

“Okay,” Discord relented. “Most of my attention, but I’ll say this. I’m the god of chaos, having most of my attention means a lot.”

“Ah’ll take your word for it.”

Discord straightened himself and walked over to the tree. Well, not walk, more like strut. The big lug was tryin’ to show off and look macho. Didn’t work, but ah got to give him some points for effort. ‘Maybe if the string-bean had some actual muscles, ah’d be sweatin’.’

Discord eyed ‘Sasha’ as he came to a stop in front of her. “I’m sorry it had to come to this, Sasha. Know this isn’t personal.” Instead of doin’ like ah told him to, he leaned back on his tail like one of them kangaroos, liftin’ his legs up into the air. Springing his tail forward, his hooves/feet came into contact with the tree. Instead of fallin’ down, like any reasonable apples would, the apples shot up into the sky, like they were fired from canons.

My mouth fell open as ah watched the beauts disappear. “My…my apples.”

Discord rubbed his chin, payin’ my distress no mind. “I think I may have put too much ‘umph’ into that strike. Maybe some ‘urgh’ will do.”

“NO!” Ah hollered quickly. “No more buckin’.” If it was the last thin’ ah did, ah’d make sure this varmint never bucked another tree in his life. Celestia knows what he’d do to the rest of ‘em.

Discord sighed. “Very well then, my dear Applejack. What shall we do now?”

“How about, feedin’ the livestock?” Couldn’t hurt none to have him help out with the pigs and such. Surely, he’d be so grossed out that he’d pack up and leave.

Ah was wrong. Ah was so wrong.

Ah should’ve known Discord would mess this up. He’s a messed up critter, that’s what he is. Ah should’ve kept my mouth shut and tried applebuckin’ again.

But here ah was inside my family’s, now enlarged, kitchen. Hay, ya could’ve fit a third of the house in here, it was so big. And it was so shiny and neat, like somethin’ outta those fancy cookin’ shows ah watched.

‘What can I say? A pony so serious about cookin’ apple products is certainly somethin’ to see.’

But that wasn’t what was happenin’ here. No, Discord and me were now wearin’ chef outfits. The pigs, the ones we were supposed to be feedin’ grub, were strapped to baby chairs with a large conveyer belt force feeding them donuts. ‘Course, the pigs didn’t seem to mind. They actually seemed happy. ‘Course they are. Pigs are happiest when they’re fed.’

Lookin’ back at Discord, ready to tell him off, ah stopped. The varmint was sharpenin’ two big knives against one another. He was peerin’ down at some book, mumblin’ incoherently to himself. ‘Incoherently? Stars above, ah know some fancy words, don’t I?’

The hungry look on his face got me to worryin’…More so than ah already was. “Discord, what the hay is goin’ on here?”

“I’m feeding the pigs, my dear Applejack,” Discord didn’t even turn to look at me when he said that.

“Why are ya sharpenin’ knives and feedin’ ‘em donuts?”

“’Cause donuts are fattening and I’m hungry.”
Whatever ah was about to say just died in my throat. Rubbin’ my ears, ah tried to make heads and tails of what he just said. “What?”

“I’m hungry, so I’m making us some bacon.” Discord licked his lips with his long, snake-like tongue.

“We don’t eat the pigs, you idiot.”

Discord raised an eyebrow. “Then why have pigs at all?”

Ah…honestly never knew why. Ah mean, breedin’ pigs is just a family tradition. No reason to stop it really. So, ah just shrugged. “Contests.”

Discord groaned in frustration, before turnin’ everythin’ back to normal in a flash. “I’ll skip lunch then.”

Ah sighed. “Look, if ya work hard...Ah’ll bake ya a pie.”

The next thing ah knew, Discord had picked me up in a tight embrace. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea how long it’s been since I’ve had pie.”

Ah scoffed. “Ah saw ya eatin’ one a couple of days ago…upside down.”

“But it wasn’t a good, home-made apple pie,” Discord teleported us to the ground. Instead of huggin’ me, he was holdin’ my fore-hooves in his paws. “A pie made by these hooves is something I’d treasure always.”

Ah couldn’t help but blush at that. ‘Dangnabbit Discord, stop makin’ me like ya. Ah know what game you’re playin’.’ Fightin’ back my blush, ah coughed to get him back on track. “Yeah…Let’s move on.”

“Yes, let’s,” Discord purred. Before lettin’ go, he gave my hoof a quick kiss. It was really hard to hide my blush and Discord’s growin’ grin told me he saw it. “Now, what’s next?”

“Fixin’ the fences.”

Ah don’t…Ah just don’t even.

The frustration ah felt, as ah mumbled angrily into my hoof, was mighty big. All ah wanted was to fix the fences. Really, ah thought Discord would just snap his fingers and ah’d scold him for being a no good, lazy varmint. Enope, that’s not what happened. No what happened was this…

“I think set number two is doing a marvelous job,” Discord said. The both of us were loungin’ on some foldable, white chairs. Ah didn’t really have choice, since he just poofed me onto the darn thing.

The things he was talkin’ about were the fence posts….As ridiculous as it sounds, they were actually fencin’. The posts had grown arms and legs and duelin’ away like their lives depended on it. Numbers hovered over different duos, tellin’ me who was who.

Not that ah really cared.

“Discord,” ah said, takin’ my hoof from my face. “Really?” Ah shot my hooves forward at the fencin’ posts. “Just really?”

Discord gave me a serious stare. “My dear Applejack, did you honestly think I would miss an opportunity like this?”

“We’re supposed to be fixin’ them.”

“They are fixed,” Discord rolled his eyes. “I assure you, little fence posts will never again plague this farm.”

Ah had to grit my teeth to stop myself from chewin’ him out. “Just..Let’s move on to somethin’ else. Ah’m sure a good barn raisin’ will do ya some good.”

“Raise this barn~

Raise this barn~

One, two, three, four~

Discord twirled around the destroyed barn, his magic in full flux. Boards, nails, and all sorts of materials flew into the air.

“I am Discord~

I’ll raise this barn~

One, two, three, four~”

Ah couldn’t believe it. Discord was singin’…And he was good at it. Of course, seein’ all that stuff sucked into a tornado around the barn’s foundations was a tad worryin’. Ah half expected somethin’ to fly out and strike me. Ah doubted it, since this was Discord, but it was a naggin’ thought.

“Spin, spin, spin, goes the stuff~

Till I have had enough~”

The tornado ceased to be, revealin’ a perfectly good barn.

“Finish it off with a bright red bow~”

And just like that, a giant bow appeared on the buildin’. Kind of like Apple Bloom’s if ah had to say.

“Now it’s time to end this show~”

Discord bowed before me. Ah decided to humor him, with a lil’ laugh and clap of my hooves. “Ya actually did somethin’ right for once. Ah’m kind of shocked, but proud.”

“Wait there’s more,” Discord giddily replied.

My smiled instantly left my face, replaced by dread. ‘Why me?’ “Discord, that isn’t…” But he’d already teleported over to the barn.

“Raise this barn~

Raise this barn~

One, two, three, four~”

With each count, somethin’ seemed to stir underneath the barn. Ah could only watch on in horror at what was transpirin’ before my very eyes.

“This lil’ draconequus will raise this barn~

One, two, three, four~”

Again, more rumblin’ under the barn.

The next moment, ah found myself in a lab, wearin’ a scientist get-up, with a bunch of Discords wearin’ the same. A large screen showed the barn outside.

“Watch, my dear Applejack~

As the barn is launched to black~”

Discord looked at his pointin’ finger.

“Come on Georgie, just push the button~

And start some space fun~”

Discord then pressed a big, red, threatenin’ button. Immediately, the barn shook violently. It rose from the ground, with large metal tubes underneath it that spewed fire. Luckily, the fire didn’t seem to burn anythin’, just propel the barn up into the air, till ah couldn’t see it.

The Discords broke out into cheer, congratulating each other like they actually did somethin’ good. Ah just did my best not to buck each and every one of ‘em. ‘Nasty varmints.’

Discord, the real Discord, took my hoof and shook. “I’d like to thank you for helping with the first ever lunar barn launch. This is a momentous occasion to be celebrated…privately of course.” His lewd smile just made me blush through my anger.

“D-discord,” ah tried to refrain from stutterin’. “What the hay goes on through your head?”

“A lot of things,” Discord snapped his fingers and away went the clothes, lab, and all the other Discords. It was just me and him in the field again. “I’m a creature of many thoughts, my dear Applejack.”

“Like ruining a perfectly good barn?”

Discord rolled his eyes. “If it bothers you that much, then here,” he snapped his fingers and the barn was back in its proper place. “All spiff and span. You’ve really got to learn to take a joke.”

“Ah can take a joke just fine, ya varmint,” ah snorted in anger. “But ah don’t like ya messin’ with my property.”

Discord sighed. “If we’re going to be a couple, you’re going to have to get used to my quirks.”

“And what if ah don’t want to be with ya?” Ah asked, glarin’ at him. “What if ah told ya to never come near me again? Ah could be right happy about that, ya know.”

A hurt expression was what ah saw in return. Discord looked away, unable to look at me. “What’s next?” His tone was broken and hurt.

‘Ah shucks, now ah feel bad.’ My anger didn’t seem to want to hang around anymore, so all ah had was guilt. Ah knew Discord was the god of chaos. Antics was his livelihood, the same with Pinkie Pie. Ah never yelled at her, or called her varmint…Ah thought it, but never said it out loud. Ah didn’t want to hurt her feelin’s. “Ah’m sorry. That was wrong of me to say.”

Discord looked surprised. “You’re apologizing? My dear Applejack, it was I was kept yanking your tail, so to speak. I should be apologizing.”

“Ya don’t have to apologize. You’re you. You can’t help but be a pain in the rump.”

“Thanks,” Discord grumbled, obviously not exactly happy about bein’ called that. “But again, I’m the one in the wrong.”

“No, ah’m in the wrong.”

Discord glared at me. “No, I’m in the wrong.”

Ah stomped my hoof in anger. “No, ah am.”

Discord got into my face. “I’m the wrongest being alive and you know that.”

“Ya are just doin’ your job. Ah’m the one bein’ a stubborn, no nonsense, stick in the mud here. So that makes me the wrongest bein’ alive.”

We kept glarin’ at each other for a moment. Why couldn’t he see that ah was wrong? Ah don’t know why he was defendin’ me and takin’ the blame. ‘Maybe he does like me.’ Ah shook that thought away, feelin’ even more frustrated because of it.

“Let’s just go milk the cows,” ah said, breakin’ the silence. There was no way Discord would find a way to make that weird, savin’ the both of us from havin’ this argument again.

Discord gasped. “Applejack, I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.”

“What?” ‘What’s he on about now?’

“I mean, I know you are into me,” Discord sent me a charmin’ smile, to which ah just rolled my eyes. “But cows? Ugh. I’m not exactly thrilled by female bovine myself.”

“The hay are ya goin’ on about now?”

He picked me up with one of his arms, keepin’ me close. “I mean, I’d rather milk something a little more tantalizing.” He grinned, which just made me nervous. “Like you.” He booped my nose.

What ah did next was his own fault.

‘Stupid, stupid, stupid.’ That’s what I kept thinking about with how Discord just acted. He and Applejack were having a moment, a real moment. They were arguing, yes, but they were trying to save the other’s face. They actually cared about one another and it made me squeal in excitement.

But no, Discord had to ruin it by making a lewd comment. Yes, some mares liked that. They liked the comments and looks because it made them feel special, or they found it humorous. Applejack wasn’t one of those mares.


So here I was, making my way down to the farm. I originally intended to keep myself hidden, but circumstances had forced my hoof. Still, Applejack didn’t need to know that I was helping Discord. Not until the plan actually worked out.

When I caught up to the pair, the scene before me almost made me fall over in laughter. Discord’s limbs were tied together beneath him. He was looking up at Applejack, who was laying on top of him. She was certainly as grump as Discord was shocked.

“Good evening,” I said, bowing my head. Applejack was one of the owners of this farm and it was only fair I show them respect on their property.

Applejack quickly locked her eyes on me, looking mighty confused. “Princess Cadance? What are ya doin’ here?”

“I heard about your famous apple family pies and decided to come over for a visit,” I told her. “A vacation for more was overdue, so I jumped on the first train over here.”

Applejack smiled. “Well, good to see ya takin’ some time off. I’m sure Twi will love havin’ ya around.”

I nodded. Spending time with Twilight would certainly be a bonus to this mission. “So, pray tell, why are you lounging on Discord?”

Applejack blushed and looked away. “No reason.”

I chuckled. “Of course.”

Applejack jumped off and headed to her home. “Ah’ll go and get a pie started. It’ll be done in no time at all.”

“I can’t wait,” I called back. When she far enough away, I sighed and walked over to Discord. “You had to say that, didn’t you?”

Discord chuckled. “Eyup!”

“If I had to ask, how did she manage to tie you up?”

Discord frowned. “That mare is a master of the lasso.”

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