And so begins the lessons
If you were to tell me to not take romance seriously, I’d slap you upside the head. Love is serious business. It’s like war: Anything goes and that’s why you must prepare for the worst. Since I was helping Discord, the master of wrongness, I was going to utilize my full arsenal to make this work.
This venture into the field of love was going to be like frolicking in Tartarus…Which I have done before. ‘Daemon blood is so hard to get out of your fur. At least Chrysalis was of some help in that regard.’
The two of us were currently in a quiet, peaceful meadow outside of town. I chose the location because sometimes….I can be a little rough. That and I knew Discord. If he was going to mess things up, I’d rather they’d just happen to me and not the innocent townsponies.
I was currently wearing the silver uniform of an acting commander of the Crystal Empire. The silk clothes fit my body perfectly if I do so say myself. Several medals and awards littered my chest, nearly filling it. Of course, those weren’t all my medals, I had several more back in my empire. I knew I shouldn’t have even brought this many, but I just felt like showing off to Discord. ‘Maybe I just want to one-up him on something or another.’ A pointing baton was within my magical grasp. A standing chalk board stood behind me.
The god of chaos was sitting behind a student’s booth, dressed in short blue jeans, a white tee shirt with dark blue stripes, and a small, brown whirly copter hat. He was juggling a small, purple ball of flame between his fingers to keep himself occupied while I got ready.
Clearing my throat as to get the spirit of mischief’s attention, I used my magic to whack the pointing baton at the chalk board behind me. The only word on it said ‘love’ in an overly done, royal style. Discord quickly snuffed out the fireball and started writing down on a piece of paper on his desk with a fancy peacock feather.
“If love is sure to result in victory, then you must love.” I shouted at him like a drill sergeant would do to a new private. “Cupid said that and I’d say he knows a little more about love then you do pal, because he invented it,” I couldn’t help but smirk with the next thing I was about to say. “But then I perfected it so that no living being could beat me at my own game.”
“So love is a game?” Discord brightened up.
I whacked the desk with the baton, causing the spirit to jolt back in surprise. “Do not speak out of line when I am talking, maggot.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Discord squeaked out.
“This isn’t a motherbucking game,” I snorted in anger. “This is love. The sooner you realize that, the longer you’ll survive.”
Discord gave me an ‘unamused’ stare. “I think you’re taking this military thing a little too far, Candy.”
I pouted. “Let me do my thing.” I stomped the ground in frustration. ‘Gah, he ruined the mood.’
Discord chuckled, obviously finding my frustration cute. “Of course, you’re the master here.”
Smiling brightly, I nodded. “That I am, my dear pupil. Are you ready for your first lesson?” I switched to a more motherly teacher tone, seeing as my gruff drill sergeant routine wasn’t going to work on him.
“Yes, Mrs. Candy,” Discord chirped like a young student wishing to please their teacher.
“Good. Now, do you know what you did wrong last time you met Applejack?”
Discord’s ears pinned back and he glanced away from her. “I….forced myself on to her.” He slumped a little in his chair.
“Correct. That is a big no-no in the game of love. You must let it come naturally, not with force. Do you understand?” When Discord nodded but didn’t look at me, I frowned. “Don’t beat yourself up just yet. You still have a chance to make it up to her?”
Perking up, he righted himself back into his seat.
“There’s an event coming up a week’s time from now: Hearts and Hooves’ Day.”
Discord rolled his eyes. “Oh joy. I bet that’s your favorite holiday.”
“It is.” I chirped happily. Oh how I love that day. It’s the day of romance and finding your soul mate, settling down and raising a family. It’s also kind of celebrating me in a way. It’s like a loving version of the Summer Sun Celebration.
“Of course it is, but what does that have to do with me?”
I pointed to him. “You’re going to escort her around the festival as her date.”
Discord raised an eyebrow. I’m glad it didn’t do anything funny like last time, ‘cause I wasn’t in the mood for his antics. This was a meeting about love, not antics of chaos…Okay, they’re pretty much the same thing, but you get the gist. “And what makes you think that she’ll let me take her to the fair? I may not be an expert, but she’s isn’t a ‘lovey dovey’” Discord made hyphens with his fingers. “kind of mare.”
“By following some simple steps,” I used my magic to change the black board. Instead of ‘love’, it read ‘Step one: Assist her’. “You see, Applejack is a pony who’s lived her entire life working on a farm. Ergo, she would want someone who could help out with the chores, live the lifestyle, etc, etc.”
“Manuel labor?” Discord pinched the bridge of his snout. “You are trying to make this experience a living imprisonment.”
“Well, that’s the only way you’re going to be able to hang out with her.”
“And pray tell, how are you able to come to that conclusion?”
“Twilight is very thorough in her letters.” She is. She really is, almost to a scary, stalkerish level. I worry about that mare sometimes.
“I can imagine,” and just like that, a little though bubble appeared over Discord’s head.
Inside dwelled Twilight Sparkle, my dear sister in law. She was currently in her library, writing down several notes. “Today, Rainbow Dash’s girth seemed to have increased by two point one centimeters. Given her lifestyle and previous reports, she seems to be taking five second longer naps than normal. Given the lengths of her previous naps, I'd have to say that this has been going on over the course of the past four days.”
Discord looked at me and gave me a ‘what the hay’ kind of look.
I just sighed. Given Discord’s nature, I wasn’t sure whether that was the real Twilight or not…But just listening to her, I knew the truth. “She’s always like that.”
Twilight perked up and looked at her through the bubble. Oh she looked surprised to see her, but she didn’t do anything rash. Given how everything that had happened to her in the last two years, it was understandable. “Cadance? Why are you talking out of a giant, floating…” her eyes narrowed. “Is Discord with you?”
Discord appeared by my side and waved over at her. “Hello, egghead.”
“Does that answer your question?” I said.
Twilight sighed. “Yes…Unfortunately, yes. Why is he there with you? Is he trying to ruin your day?”
“No, I’m helping him with a little project.”
Twilight’s ears perked up. “Project? As in a scientific, data collecting, kind of project?”
Noticing the glint in her eyes, I started to sweat. “No, not that kind.”
“Awww,” Twilight whined. “That’s too bad….But I’d be glad to help regardless. I’m sure I can find a book about whatever you are doing.”
‘I bet you could.’ I couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread coming on. Don’t get me wrong, I love Twilight like a little sister. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had and she’s always have a place in my heart…That said, she was terrible in the field of love. Seriously, she is just terrible. She couldn’t find love even if it smacked into her.
That was my bad. My little brother, Prince Blueblood, wanted to train with me and I didn’t see Twilight there…But they looked so cute all tangled up together…’Focus, Cadance. One ship at a time.’
So I stood there, trying to come up with a good excuse. Luckily, Discord picked the best option at the time.
“Bye egghead,” and with a snap, the bubble burst. The two of us stood in silence for a few moments. “Your sister needs a different hobby.”
“Eyup.”
________________________________________________________________________
*Fluttershy’s cottage*
Ah couldn’t help but sigh as ah held the lil’ tea cup in mah hooves. Ah’m normally not the type of mare to seek help, ah prefer doin’ stuff myself, but times have changed. ‘And so have my friends.’ Ah couldn’t help but think of one particular ‘friend’ when ah thought that, bringin’ a scowl on my features.
‘Who does he think he is, tryin’ to court me?’ Ah beat down the risin’ anger. Ah didn’t want ta spook Fluttershy none.
Speakin’ of Fluttershy, she came trottin’ into the room. “Are you comfortable?”
Sittin’ back on her couch, ah nodded. Fluttershy didn’t have the most luxurious house, but dog garn, she had comfy furniture. Puts my own to shame.
Smilin’, she took a seat not far a ways from me. Between us stood a small table with a tea set in place. “That’s good to hear.”
“Where do ya find this stuff?” Ah asked, pattin’ the couch. “It’s some mighty comfy stuff.”
“Oh, my family sent them,” Fluttershy smiled. “They’re always looking out for me. If it wasn’t for them, I would never have been able to afford this house.”
Ah couldn’t help but smile. “Sounds like you’ve got quite the family.”
Fluttershy nodded. “I do, but this isn’t about them, is it Applejack?”
“Can’t a mare just want ta hang out with her friend?” My eyes shifted about, tryin’ not to look at her. Ah knew ah came here for her help, but ah kind of wanted to put it off fer a while. Goin' to ponies for advice just felt strange ta me. Most of the time, ponies came to me fer advice.
“Yes, but you came here for something else. I’m sorry for saying this, but you’re acting off today.”
Ah sighed. “Yer quite perceptive, aren’t ya sugarcube.”
“I have to be. My animal friends can’t exactly talk like us ponies, so I have to read their body language. Over the years, I’ve perfected the art. But I don’t need that to see that you’re nervous about something.”
“Am ah that easy to read?”
Fluttershy’s ears fell back against her head. “Yes…I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, Fluttershy. Ah ain’t the best at hidin’ stuff. Could be because ah’m an Apple, could be because of my Element. Don’t rightly know.”
“So, if it’s alright with you, could you please tell me what’s wrong?”
“Discord.” Ah just blurted out. ‘No point in trottin’ around the issue any longer.’
Fluttershy sighed, picked up the tea pot on the small counter between them, and poured herself a cup. Lil’ whiffs of vapor rose from the hot tea. “What did he do this time?”
“He…” Ah bit mah lip, unsure of how to word it. “He…wants to court me?”
Fluttershy’s eyes widened and she set down the tea pot. “He wants to court you?”
Ah nodded. “He even wanted to marry me.” Ah grew a little queasy at the thought.
“That’s…that’s strange even for Discord. Did he say why?”
“He got hit in the head by an apple.”
Fluttershy sighed deeply and rubbed her forehead. “Oh, Discord…”
“Ah don’t know what to do.” Ah couldn’t help but shake in anxiety. “Ah’ve had stallions wantin’ me, but Discord…Ah don’t know how to take it.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to work something out.”
“No, ya didn’t see the look in his eyes.” My shakin’ got worse and tea started to pour out of the cup. My mind couldn’t help but picture Discord like he was, standin’ over my family. “He’s determined about this. He won’t let this go, ah tells ya.”
“Knowing Discord, he’ll get bored. He’ll leave you…”
“NO!” Ah snapped, causing Fluttershy ta flinch. Ah hated doin’ that to her, but ah had to stop that train of thought. “Ya don’t understand. He wants me to love him. Do ya know what that means, Fluttershy? He wants me to open up an’ give him my heart.”
“That doesn’t sound so…”
“It is bad. Ah don’t want to, but he’ll make me.” Ah couldn’t help but notice how sore my eyes were and the water runnin’ down my face. “He’ll make me love him. He’ll take away everythin’ ah have an’ laugh about it.”
“Discord isn’t a heartbreaker, Applejack.” Fluttershy said with some force. “He’s not going to make you love him.
“’Course he is," ah scoffed. "He wants to see how far this thin’ will go an’ then….and then…” Ah couldn’t bring myself to finish it.
“Applejack…” Fluttershy quickly went to my side and pulled me into a hug.
“Ah’m scared,” Ah told her. My tears stained her yellow coat. Normally, ah’d never tell anypony that, but this was Fluttershy. She’d understand. “Ah’m scared of fallin’ in love with him. Ah’ve never done it before.”
“I know you’re scared. I’d be scared to if someone came onto me like that,” Fluttershy pulled back an’ wiped away mah tears. “But Discord is our friend. He wouldn’t hurt us. Not like that. Not ever.”
Ah snorted. “Ah’m not too sure ‘bout that. He’s a tricky one.”
Fluttershy giggled. “He sure is, but he has a good heart buried somewhere under those tricks. He isn’t going to use you.”
Ah knew Fluttershy knew what she was talkin’ ‘bout, but ah couldn’t wave off the dread ah was feelin’. Ah still didn’t trust Discord. He was a no good varmint who liked to mess with ponies day in and day out. Ah was sure as a pig is pink that he was up ta somethin’. Ah just hoped that my heart could survive this lil’ trick of his.
Fluttershy sighed once more. “How about this? The next time me and Discord get together, I’ll talk to him about this.”
Ah couldn’t help but smile. Discord was woven around Fluttershy’s hoof tightly. She’d get him off her back in a jiffy if things went south. “Thanks, Fluttershy.”
“What are friends for.”
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So the shenanigans begin... again... shenan-again.
It also seems that Candy's been taking speech lessons from
SoldierShining Armor hasn't she?D'aawww
Poor AJ. Great concept, I think it's very likely that she'd be afraid of the fact that Discord could break her heart.
man i like this story.
What you did there, I saw it.
So we have had dr who references and tf2 references! Wow! I feel lucky
discord is best pony
4458815
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4456673 Glad to hear it.
Hopefully, I can keep this up.
Great chapter, though.
4458838
My dad thought I was having a panic attack or something.
Yes, yes I am; so much so that I actually started screaming the second I finished that accursed sentence.
4458863
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But seriously, did that anger you that much?
4458895
.
I hate Blueblood, and shipping him with anypony, especially Twilight, even as a passing joke, makes me want to hurt someone. Badly
4458946 Oh...Well, don't you worry. I would never do that....*snickers evilly*
4458954
...you wouldn't dare!
...Would you?
4458971 Oh no, I won't....In this story!
4458992
I have never understood the anger the fandom has for Blueblood. Then again every fanbase needs a punching bag, so it either Blueblood or Flash Sentry.
I really like this fic, except the way you write Applejack really pisses me off. And seeing as she is one of the main characters, that's a bit important. Sorry, I really like the fic, it's just...her accent.
4465433 So, you don't hate the character, you hate her accent?...Really? It can't be that bad, can it?
4467241 Eh, it's alright. I love the character, the plot, and most of the dialogue. It's just really jarring to see AJ's accent written like that. Rest assured, you have my full support in this story!
Except for the fact I don't like how you write her accent. That's the one thing I always try to mention to writers of our benevolent apple pony.
4467241
Readers know its Applejack. They don't need an accent while in her head to know it. Now I'm from Texas myself and if I want to bust out a drawl, "Imma one to let it come outta my speech-a-fyin' when I wanna open my pie hole and let my native dialect slip up here n' there iff'in I'm wantin' to communicate it verbally," but my thoughts don't need to be considering I'm the one narrating which doesn't need a dialect filter or anything because if I do that, the entire work gets to fight through a potentially confusing narrator. Now that doesn't mean I won't describe the smell of a dead skunk worse than a basket of spoiled vinegar washed over smelly burnt rubber bands on a sunny summer Sunday afternoon, "but, shoot, if I go all openin' my mouth, I might just slur a word-er-two into one. It's all about findin' a proper balance, darlin'."
You need to strike a happy medium. Some readers get offended if you drop the G off every ing word. I found that one out the hard way in my creative writing class at college. However, I still do drop the G from "ing" words when I know it's unnecessary in dialogue. It just don't feel right if I let it hang on there.
Try reading The Hairy Ape. It's a classic tragic play about a man vs. social standings. The main character is dagum unreadable with how the playwright wrote his accent. The same thing happens here with AJ for some people. That work will sell you off dialect wordplay 100% of the time in one fell swoop.
4850162 In my case I usually just drop the end letter from a few of the words (i.e. 'and' becomes 'an' and 'going' becomes 'goin'), but yeah, I don't usually make the accent that thick. I might make it so she says 'the' as 'tha' occasionally, but I leave 'I' as 'I' and don't make it 'ah'.
But that's just me.
peaceful meadow
This is a great name for a pony BTW!!!
4459680
Or both.
I want to see TwiXBlood!
Or is it BlueLight?