• Published 4th May 2014
  • 6,555 Views, 599 Comments

Love Needs No Reason - Evowizard25

Discord is lonely and looking for something to spice up his life. Luckily for him, and unfortunately for Applejack, he's found the one thing that can help him out.

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It's not spying if you care about your target

Of all the things ah’ve heard in all my life, this was the most confusin’ thing out of all of ‘em. Ah mean, Discord had a daughter? He actually got with someone before me? Ah don’t know why ah couldn’t help but grit my teeth at that thought.

‘Not jealous. Ah’m not, but it would have been nice to know. Lousy varmint.’

“Now I know what you’re thinking,” Screwball spoke up, cutting off my train of thought. “This is probably the most confusing thing you’ve ever heard.”

“Darn right it is.”

Screwball sighed. “It’s a long story. You might want to sit down.”

“Nah, ah think ah’ll stand. There aint nothin' ya can do to knock this mare down,” ah stomped my hooves down a little more forcefully than ah intended, shakin’ the earth a bit. It’s a bad habit, ah know. Us Earth ponies are mighty strong. Doesn’t hurt that ah spend most of my time workin’ out either.

Screwball had to keep herself from fallin’ over. “Applejack.” Her tone was that of a stern mother.

Ah sighed. “Sorry. Don’t know my own strength at times.”

“Don’t fret a bit about it,” Screwball dismissed it with a wave of her hoof. “Common feats of one’s own are often overdone to an extent due to familiarity.”

Did ah mention that Screwball was mighty smart? Well, she is. She was the mare who taught me and Mac a few things here and there. Ah may have gone to school for a bit, but after….the accident, she home-schooled us. That and a little help from Aunt and Uncle Orange didn’t hurt neither.

“Right. Now, what’s this about ya bein’ his daughter? Don’t take this the wrong way, but….”

“He doesn’t seem the type to settle down? Start a family? Actually lay a female?” Screwball cut me off.

“Yeah, all that.” From what ah could tell, Discord screamed virgin. ‘Ah mean, really? Who would want that guy anywhere near their bed? What, with his charming smile, the way he could coil his body around me ever so softly. How he could stroke my mane gently and make me laugh…..DARN IT, DISCORD! Ah was tryin’ to make a point to myself.’

“Well suffice it to say, I’m not his daughter.”

Ah let out a content sigh and ah didn’t know why.

‘Oh ya do know.’

‘Shut up.’

“Well, not biologically,” Screwball said. “More in spirit. I mean, he used a part of his very soul to make me. Add in a bunch of magic and rock candy and BOOM! You’ve got little ol’ Screwball.” She giggled.

“Why? Why go to all the fuss to make ya? No offense, Screwball.”

“None taken,” Screwball smiled wistfully. “He wanted a child, a little filly of his own. You see, he got jealous of all the ponies who had kids of their own. Discord never liked adults, but kids were a different story. He always felt that kids could understand his chaos. They could laugh and play all they wanted. Their imaginations were so crazy and off the wall that he couldn’t help himself but indulge them. Eventually, he made me to find out what it would be like to have one all his own.”


“Was he a good father? Oh most definitely,” Screwball frowned. “But he was also a tyrant at times. Not to me. He’d never hurt me, but….the things he did to some ponies….I’m just glad he’s a good guy now. I’ve been meaning to talk to him for some time. The perfect moment just hasn’t come up.”

“Does he….”

“Know that I’m still alive? Probably. He did make me immortal.”

Ah frowned. “Do ya have to keep cuttin’ me off?”

Screwball smirked. “I’m sorry, Applejack, but you’re so easy to read. I just have to look at your face to know what you’re going to ask. Perhaps you should have listened a bit more carefully during our lessons about deceit. Honesty can only get you so far in business, but then again, it is a good thing I failed in that regard. Eternal night and an insane father don’t go hoof to hoof.”

“No they don’t,” ah nodded. Ah honestly didn’t know who would win in a fight between Nightmare Moon and Discord. ‘Course, my bits would be on Discord, but that may be just showin’ a little favoritism.

“Now let’s get back on track, shall we?” Screwball said. “This conversation has been rather illuminating for all of us, but I want to know about you. What is going on between you and my father?”

“He’s courtin’ me,” ah plainly said. It was a bit weird tellin’ a mare older than me that her father was takin’ an interest in a mare like myself. It’s weirder still than ah’m considerin’ it. Ah mean, that’d make me related to Diamond Tiara. Ah’d be that spoiled brat’s grandmother. ‘Makes me feel old.’

Screwball’s jaw dropped…literally. It was like one of those Sunday paper cartoons. ‘Yep. No doubt about it. She’s Discord’s….Or one of Pinkie’s kin. Hard to tell.’
Pullin’ it back up, Screwball sputtered, “He’s what?”

“Courtin’ me. He’s not very good at it.”

“I would think so….” Screwball was silent for a moment, makin’ me nervous. Ah didn’t want her to hate me or anythin’. “So….do you like him back?”

“……Maybe.” Ah frowned and looked away. “Don’t rightfully know at times. He can be so….”

“Irritating? Aggressively outgoing? Idiotic beyond measure?”

“Yeah….Okay, stop it.”

Screwball laughed and ah couldn’t help but chuckle with her. “I’ll try.”

“Anyways, yeah ah like him. ‘Course, ah don’t like him romantically like he wants me to….Ah’m not ready.”

“Well, just don’t lead him on. Be honest. Discord may love a lie to twist another around the bend, but a truth from the heart will curb some of his mannerisms. If you’d like, I could step in.”

“Much obliged,” ah tilted my hat in thanks. “Though, ah can take care of myself.”

“Of course you can. I wouldn’t expect anything less from an Apple. I remember your Granny Smith bucking a Manticore so hard he flew across the entirety of Sweet Apple Acres and into the heart of the Everfree Forest.”

Ah frowned. “…Oh right. Yer that old.”

Screwball gasped. “Applejack, I am offended.”

Ah rolled my eyes and she laughed. “Is that all ya needed to know?”

“That’s more than I needed to know,” Screwball answered. “This is between you and Discord to decide, but I’ll keep an eye on you just in case he tries anything funny. Besides, I always wanted a mother.”

The color from my face faded in an instant and ah probably looked like ah had seen a cockatrice. Screwball’s laughter must have been heard sheer cross Ponyville.

“I’ll just leave you be,” Screwball stopped laughin’, but still had a playful smirk on her face. “My father will probably be here any minute and I’d like to wait a little bit longer before we meet. I need to prepare the family for it and…” She sighed. “It’s going to get complicated.”

‘Yer tellin’ me.’

“So ta ta,” Screwball said as she left me paralyzed.
*Diamond Tiara*

“Ugh,” I groaned as I watched my big sister sign even more autographs. Her fans had her completely surrounded. “Seriously? She, like, lives here. Who the hay doesn’t have her autograph in Ponyville?”

Don’t get me wrong. It’s great to know your big sister is famous. It’s only right that the rich family would have such outstanding members in our bloodline. Dad wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea of Long Play and Vinyl becoming DJs, but I thought it sounded awesome. He wouldn’t let me try it through. My big sister sometimes teaches me when he’s not around. It’s fun, but yeah, not something I want to make a career out of. Maybe it would be a good hobby or something like that.

Still, with all that fame came so many problems. Like the fact that I was pretty much invisible to all these ponies, including my big sister. ‘Do they know who I am? I’m Diamond Tiara. I’ll be running this town when I’m a grown-up.’ I wanted to drag Vinyl away from all her fans so we could actually play together. We never get to do that nowadays.
But I kept my mouth shut like a good girl. It was her time to shine, not mine. So, I was content at the moment to just have my blue sherbet ice-cream. I like to mix up my flavor choice now and again. It was good for the most part, so no complaints. Though, I would have preferred stopping by Sugar Cube Corner. All their treats are sublime and Pinkie’s actually kind of fun. I wouldn’t admit it so freely to anyone, but it’s true.

Pinkie would play with me if I asked. She did on occasion, but I made sure no one was around when I did. I can’t let someone see me play little pony games. Not even with Pinkie Pie, the most infantile adult I knew. She would play with me, but I wanted my big sister. She was the bestest at everything.

I sighed and continued to lick my treat. However, I soon noticed something stirring in the bushes nearby. They were just ordinary bushes. Ones that laid upon a hill that you could see quite a bit of the marketplace from. I say that from experience.

So, like any bored filly would do, I went to investigate. What do I find when I pull back the bushes? Spike, Princess Cadance, and the freaking changeling queen herself. Suffice it to say, I was stunned beyond words.

“What are you doing?”

Okay, I was exaggerating. I always have something to say. A lot of ponies think I’m rude when I’m just speaking my mind. I can’t help it if they don’t like my opinion. ‘They should be begging for it.’

The three of them looked away from their binoculars and towards me.

“Ummmm,” Princess Cadance didn’t seem to know what to say.

“IGNORE US!” Queen Chrysalis thought she knew what to say.

“Spying,” Spike told the truth. The two older ponies glared at him. “What? It’s kind of obvious.”

“Yeah,” I smiled. Spike was always truthful and kind of sweet. We didn’t talk that much, just when I went to the library every now and again to check out some books. “It’s really obvious.”

“I’d like to think you’re lying,” Chyrsalis stuck her nose up into the air, like I like to do. “I’m much too regal to be wasting my efforts to personally spy on anyone.”

“Which is why you brought the popcorn,” Cadance added. She giggled at Chrysalis’s glare.

“I had the munchies,” Chrysalis shot at her.

“Munchies?” I said. “What are you? Three?” Chyrsalis snorted and went back to spying.

“So,” I started up, walking close until I was among them. This was a perfect opportunity to get up in the world. I mean, who can say they personally know two rulers of rather important countries? Not many ponies. “Who’re spying on?”

“Screw….” Chrysalis shoved her hoof into Spike’s mouth to cut him off.

I humphed and quickly took his binoculars. Unfortunately, he had them around his neck, so it kind of chocked him….And brought him to my side. ‘His scales feel nice….for a dragon.’

When I saw who they were spying on….

“WHAT THE BUCK?!!!” I turned to glare at them. “YOU’RE SPYING ON MY MOTHER!”

Both Chrysalis and Cadance took me up in their arms and put a hoof over my mouth.

“Not so loud,” Cadance begged.

“You’re going to arouse suspicion,” Chrysalis added. She then chuckled. “Arouse suspicion.”

“Oh grow up,” Cadance rolled her eyes.

“Can’t I have a moment to laugh at an asinine joke?” Chrysalis shot back at her. “I mean, it doesn’t hurt at all. It’s how I deal with my little brother’s….chaotic nature. Most of his jokes are terrible.”

“Well,” Cadance said. “Just keep them to yourself…..” She giggled. “How do you even arouse suspicion? Does it have a little weakpoint under its….”

“Cadance,” Chrysalis warned. “Children.”

“Oh,” Cadance said. “You started it.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did.”

“You both did,” Spike had been able to get himself out of the binocular’s chokehold. “And I’m sorry Diamond. These two can be blockheads every now and again.”
Said blockheads glared at the dragon, before releasing me.

“Anyways,” Cadance started. “We’re not spying on your mother. We’re spying on Applejack.”

“Oh,” I nodded. “That makes way more sense….Can I join?”

“I don’t think….” Chrysalis started.

“I’ll tell everyone that you were spying on my mother and miss Applejack,” I smirked. “My daddy will make sure you never step a hoof into this town again, royalty or not.”

“….I like her,” Chrysalis smirked.

Discord is a great musician. He absolutely loves that form of art in every way possible. He loved playing the piano, violin, you name it. He often would have a little private concert for me and my critters. He didn’t start out doing it, but when I got sick one time, really sick, he wanted to make me feel better. Oh, he couldn’t cure me, but he made me smile. That was important.

I once asked him why he loved it so. He told me that music was chaos. It was just a bunch of random notes brought together to make something wondrous. Oh he said that some may argue. That ponies thought it was organized and content, but he said otherwise and he made a compelling argument. I had to agree.

Why am I talking about music? Well, Discord was currently playing the flugelhorn right now as we walked through Ponvyille Streets. Well, he was actually marching while wearing kind of an anthropomorphic version of the Crystal Empire’s armor. He actually looked quite good in it.

The two of us were headed over to Applejack’s stand. My saddlebags were full and there wasn’t anything else I needed. So, I decided to drop by and see how she was doing. Perhaps even see for myself the two in action. Maybe I could get a sense of what was really going on between them.

As we neared the stand, something was odd about Applejack. She seemed to be pale and…she wasn’t moving. “Oh dear.”

“Oh dear is right,” Discord had stopped playing. “Something is wrong with my dear Applejack. This calls for immediate action.” He turned the flugelhorn into a little ‘snap on’ earing and put it on my ear. It looked cute. Then, with a snap of his fingers, he turned his armor into a nurse outfit. “Stand back. This might just get dicey.”

“Be careful,” I said.

Discord then sauntered over to Applejack and looked her over. “I think I know what’s happening. The thousand yard stare. So dreadful. There is only one cure.” He quickly picked her up in his arms and laid her across the stand. He stroked her mane and smirked. “Mouth to mouth resuscitation.” As he leaned down slowly, Applejack awoke with a start.

“AHHHHHH!” She slammed her hoof into his face.

Discord squealed in pain and took a couple steps backwards. “Well, you could have just said no.”

“What? Who? Where?” Applejack seemed confused about everything for a moment, before she sighed. “Oh yeah…”

“Discord!” I gasped and flew over to him. I picked out a medically treated cotton swab. “Here, let me treat your booboos.”

“Yes mommy,” Discord snorted and lifted his hands away from his face. It wasn’t a bad bruise, but it was noticeable. It wouldn’t last long, given his immortal nature. He’d quickly heal in no time. Still, I wanted to help so I cleaned away the dirt and little streaks of blood. Applejack was an earth pony, so I’m glad Discord is immortal. That would have most likely been rather…severe if not.

“Discord?” Applejack’s tone held a little worry. “Are ya alright? Ah didn’t mean to hit ya like that.”

“My fault really,” Discord said, wincing as I touched a sore spot. “Mares tend to act a little crazy when in my presence. I attribute it to my dashing good looks.”

“Well, ya don’t look so dashin’ now.” Applejack laughed, but it was a little strained. “…Still, sorry.”

Discord waved a dismissive claw, making the nurse outfit disappear. “Don’t, Applejack. I’m sure karma still has some ways to go to make everything even. Next thing you’ll know, I’ll be thrown into some wacky universe with super powered heroes or something.” He gagged. “Or worse, cuddly heart bears. Now that is a nightmare if I ever thought of one.”

Applejack was silent for a moment. I wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She had hit somepony. She usually was a lot more in control of herself and even if it was Discord, she felt a little guilty. “How about an apple on the house. That always brings a smile to my face.”

“I think I’ll pass,” Discord said. “I already had a few before coming here. I even decided to invite a few of those bats of yours to a little brunch.”

“……Beg yer pardon?”

“Oh you know,” Discord started and I felt some warning bells go off in my head. “Those little vampire bats on your property. I thought it odd that you would keep those things so close to your livelihood, but then I knew it must be for a reason. I was going to visit them, but I can be so lazy sometimes. So, I decided to invite them to a little get together closer to the house. They seemed rather chaotic, so I couldn’t help it.”

I looked over to see Applejack glaring at him. “Ya varmint! Those bats were supposed to stay in their sanctuary.”

“I’ll put them back,” Discord rolled his eyes. He snapped his fingers. “There. Done.”

“Ah put up a sign,” Applejack growled. “A Celestia blasted sign. Can’t ya read?”

“All the time I’m afraid,” Discord sighed. “It gets rather tiresome, reading. Oh sure, you find some funny little journals or interesting little facts, but who wants to read about math? I don’t.”

“Discord, let’s get back on track.” Applejack poked him harshly. “Ya took those destructive critters and put them near my family. Do ya think that would be a good thing in my book?”

“Err….” Discord seemed uneasy. “I just thought it would be a little fun. No one was hurt and they didn’t have the time to do your crops any significant damage. There’s no reason to be upset.”

“Upset?” Applejack ground her teeth rather loudly. “Ah’m not upset. Why would ya think ah’m upset?”

“You look like you’re about to buck me,” Discord pointed out and then booped her nose. “And not in the good way, I might add. Though, I have to say, you are so radiant when you’re angry. Like a little goddess.”

I blushed. It was kind of odd to hear Discord compliment somepony like that. Looking at Applejack, her blush was far more severe than mine.

“Ya…ya..YA IDIOT!” Applejack turned to buck him, but he teleported to her front. She glared at him. “Ah aint no goddess and shut up with the compliments. Yer just tryin’ to make me forget about yer little get together with the vampire fruit bats. Well, ah aint the type to forget.”

“But you are the type to forgive,” Discord then turned into a chibi version of himself. “Please forgive me, Applejack-chan~” His voice was childlike and oh so cute. I wanted to pick him up and hug him.

Applejack sighed. “Fine, but yer not off the hook. Ah’m gonna make ya sweat come tomorrow….” She scowled when the chibi Discord smirked. “STOP THINKIN’ SO DIRTY!”

Discord turned to his full size and pulled her into a hug. “I can’t help it. I’m a dirty, dirty boy.” He chuckled. Then, Discord’s magic snapped the two apart. Discord was covered in soot, while Applejack was in a maid’s outfit, complete with a feather duster. “But I think you can help…clean up my act.”

Applejack glared at him. “Ah’ll clean ya, Discord. Ah’ll clean ya so good ya’ll walk funny.”

“Ooh,” Discord squealed in delight. “I knew you liked to rough and tumble.”

Applejack screamed in fury and chased after him, wielding the duster like a sword.

I chuckled. The two seemed so odd together, but it was so cute. ‘I think they’ll do each other nicely…’ I blushed. ‘I need to pick my word choice out better.’

Author's Note:

Finally! I got out another chapter.

I hope you all liked it and please leave a comment. They help get new chapters out sooner.

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