• Member Since 30th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 27th, 2018

Feather Gear


My primary trade is engineering, but I like to do a bit of reading and writing in my spare time.

E

Rainbow Dash receives a strange letter inviting her to the Gala. Not only does she not want to go, but her friend Pinkie is making her go on this date. The letter has some very instructions on it as well about how she should come and where to meet. Who sent this letter? I guess she'll find out when they go later tonight.


Hey, this is my first story... Yeah... It's... Yeah. I did because I found this challenge and I wanted to give it a try. Now, the challenge required that I write a story that is 100-500 words long... I think I went passed that. I'm surprised how easy it was to get over 1000. But still, I probably could have done a lot better. Speaking of, if anypony has any hints or tips, please leave a comment! Anything else, mostly just comments, please leave what you will.
And on a side note, I actually have a sequel in mind. I'd probably fix and improve this one first before I write the next one, but I'm leaving it up to you guys. If you want me to write another, just tell me. Thanks for reading!
(This story is unedited by the way.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 7 )

Congratulations on writing a story! That's an accomplishment in itself, and really the best way to learn to write... keep writing, keep learning, keep improving.

The biggest technical issue is verb tense - you go back and forth from present to past a lot. You want to pick one and stick with it. Normally speaking, past tense is the most straightforward to a reader.
Example: When she was done, Pinkie took a step back and examines her work.
^ Using both in the same sentence.

And it'd also help to go back through and look for minor editing mistakes - I caught several typos throughout. Even better if you can find someone else to help with this.

That's pretty good :pinkiesmile:! If you are looking for an editor or something I'd be glad to help!

This is actually a pretty good first attempt. It suffers from some early writer flaws such as it wraps up really quickly and being a really basic premise. It is however effective for what it is.

For your future stories I recommend reading some stories that are short (1 0r few chapters of reasonable length) and are highly regarded. When reading take note of what you think works in those stories and apply it to your writing.

4291361
Thank you! I'll make sure to take that into account when I edit this.

4289226
Um... :twilightblush: Yeah, I do that sometimes. Thanks for catching that. I'm just glad that this is a rough draft. I kinda wrote it in one night~ :scootangel: But yes, thank you for reading.

4290789
Thank you for reading~! I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass on your offer though. Sorry :fluttershysad:

Awww! Its so cute!

Awwwwww that was sweet
I LOVED IT!!

Aww intensifies.

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