• Published 25th Apr 2014
  • 10,662 Views, 524 Comments

Dating Of A Godly Variety - RainbowBob

He's the God Emperor of Mankind, and she's Princess Celestia of Equestria. With these two dating, you can expect almost anything to happen. Hopefully Equestria survives their relationship in one piece...

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Chapter 1: Return Of The Emperor

Luna knocked her hoof repeatedly against Celestia’s bedroom door, the noise of hoof banging against wood echoing down the castle’s empty halls. “Tia! Tia, please, come out of your room! You’ve been in there for days!”

“Go away, Lulu!” Celestia called out from the other side. “Leave me to wallow in my filth and what remains of my dignity!”

Luna stopped knocking and paused. “Sister, I know for a fact you’re the biggest neatfreak on the planet. Besides, you lost what little you had of your dignity long ago, back when those pictures leaked on the internet with you—”

Celestia opened her door and stuck her head out, a look of pure fury on her face. “Luna, I thought we promised never to mention that incident every again?”

“Yes, we did,” Luna replied, sticking her tongue out at her sister while squeezing herself through her doorway into Celestia’s room. “You should know by now I’m an awful promise keeper.”

Sighing as Luna shoved her way inside, Celestia slammed her door shut. “Well, not that you’re in my room, what exactly is your plan?” Celestia asked, her frown only deepening as Luna hopped into her bed. “Convince me to leave? Blackmail me somehow?”

“Nah. I was thinking I’ll just stay here until you finally spill the beans about what’s bothering you.”

Celestia scoffed. “You can’t seriously believe that I’ll just say what’s wrong if you just stay here long enough?”

Luna stretched and grunted, scrunching her body on Celestia’s sheets to get more comfortable in her bed. “Pretty much. I’m already comfortable. Now all we need to do is a waiting game.” Luna winked. “And this is coming from the mare who waited a thousand years to leave her imprisonment on the moon.”


With a groan, Celestia climbed into bed as well, laying down next to her sister as both stared up at the ceiling. “Well, I have to begin this, I guess I should start by saying that I’ve been a bit… unhappy, as of late.”

You don’t say?”

Celestia glanced at her sister. “The witty sarcasm isn’t helping, Luna.”

Luna shrugged. “Just trying to help break the mood with some humor, dear sister. But please, continue about what is bothering you.”

“Well, I just feel like I’m getting nowhere in life. Like I’m just drifting down a never ending river that I’ve traveled for hundreds of years now with no break in the lull of the monotony.”

“Wouldn’t the recent events of me returning, Discord’s return, the changeling invasion, and that incident with Sombra count as breaks?” Luna asked.

Celestia pouted, her cheeks filling with air before she released it in a half-hearted sigh. “I suppose. But the breaks I’m thinking about are more… related to me, that is.”

“A bit selfish now, Tia?” Luna snickered. “Where’s that generous spirit of yours?”

“Beaten into a bloody pulp by my selfishness,” Celestia replied dryly. “I mean, I do care about Equestria and my little ponies. They’re my top priority at all hours of the day and night. The thing is, because they’re my top priority, I have no time to think about myself. My needs. I’ve always put them to the side for the good of Equestria. But the thing is… I’m just tired of it.”

“Well, it’s to be expected, dear sister. No ruler can be a leader for so long before realizing they need to focus on themselves rather than their country every once in a while. Only way to stay sane, I suppose.” Flipping onto her stomach, Luna smiled at her sister. “So, what does Celestia feel like she deserves more than anything in the world for all the hard work that she’s done?”

Celestia’s pupils rose to her top of her eyes, her hooves tapping hesitantly together underneath her chin. “Weeeeeell… I guess someone to love wouldn’t hurt. It’s been so long since I’ve actually had someone I could call my own sweetheart.”

“But isn’t that why we put you on a dating website in the first place?” Luna asked. “Heck, I made you the bio and everything.”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Ugh, don’t remind me. Luna, that site was a dead end from the start. There wasn’t one date I had that didn’t end in disaster or me getting physically or mentally injured.”

“Well, there was that one date…”

“I nearly died!” Celestia reminded her.

“I saved you, let’s not forget about that.”

“But still, I came closer to death than ever before on that date!” Celestia covered her face with her hooves and groaned. “Not to mention, my date just happened to be dead.”

“Well, from how you described him before, he was actually quite handsome,” Luna said, holding her head up with a hoof underneath her chin. “When he wasn’t decomposing that is. Ruggedly good looks, chiseled jaw, wavy hair, a body to die for, baby blue eyes like pools of sapphire that spoke to the very soul itself…”

“You’ve been reading my diary again, haven’t you?” Celestia declared, tackling Luna out of her bed and to the floor. “Where did you find it this time?”

Luna teleported out of her sister’s revenge driven hold, appearing on the other side of the room. “Taped behind the toilet seat, but it doesn’t matter! You had a good date for once, or at least potential suitor before it all went to Tartarus! Why don’t you call this guy again for a second one?”

“I can’t!”

“Nonsense, you’re a princess, of course you—”

“I just can’t, Luna,” Celestia replied sharply, her early anger giving way to despair. “I just… it just can’t happen.”

Noticing her sister’s hurt feelings, Luna stepped closer, but Celestia turned away from her, drawing closer to the balcony overlooking the castle below. “Sister…”

“Luna, he was more amazing than anyone I could possibly imagine,” Celestia whispered, her mane still flowing in the air even with no breeze to speak of. “In those few seconds we were together, I saw him for what he truly is. Beauty so great everything else paled within his presence, an intellect unmatched by even the greatest minds in the world, a cunning so resourceful it could build from nothing something so great it outshines all else, strength that could move mountains with just a push, and a pride for his people, his species, that held true even through the worse of events. It was like staring into perfection itself, Luna.” Celestia shivered. “And all I want to do now is wrap perfection in my hooves and never let go.”

“But sister, if he was to one to ask you on a date in the first place, can you not arrange a second?”

Celestia shook her head. “I wish it was that simple, Luna, but it is all for naught. He is of a different world. One much more violent, bloodier, grittier, and all around darker than our own. He needed me for my help, and I fear that is all he wanted me for.” Celestia shivered again, though in a much more disgusted and less lustful way than before. “Plus, in his current form, he’s still a mummified corpse, that will probably remain that way for who knows how long.”

“Well, that’s certainly a deal-breaker in any relationship.” Luna went to Celestia’s side and offered her the comfort of a one-winged hug, all while nuzzling her sister’s cheek affectionately. “But do not despair, dear sister, I am sure there is someone for you out there. All you have to do is wait and see.”

“But Luna, I am sick of waiting. I want that someone now,” Celestia said, her voice cracking. “I… I’ve waited for all my immortal life now, and still nothing! I thought at first I didn’t need someone in my life, but after these past few dates you’ve forced me on, I know now I must have someone at my side. I need someone. And no matter how long I wait, I just have to accept it won’t happen.”

“Tia, please, don’t be like that.”

“Be like what, Luna?” Celestia asked, pushing her sister away. “Be accepting in my cursed fate? Because I already accepted that long ago. Now I just had to be reminded of it again!”


Celestia slammed her hoof on the floor, cutting Luna off. “Don’t sister me, Luna! If you hadn’t forced me on those dates in the first place, none of this would have happened. I would have just been compliant in my destiny to remain unloved!”

“Please, Tia—”

“I’m never going to have someone in my life! You know it, I know it, a pony with eyes knows it! Now just stop rubbing it in!”

Luna pressed her hoof against Celestia’s lips, ending her tirade before it reached peak supernova levels. “Sorry for the choice of words, Celestia, but would you shove a sock in it and just listen?”

Both sisters stood still, silent as can be. Surely enough, a sound could be heard. Like a piece of paper being torn apart. If that piece of paper was the universe, that is. Down below, in the castle grounds, a hole in the fabric of spacetime could be seen opening up, and with it energies from another dimension were dispersing into their world in an onslaught of power unlike anything the sister had ever seen before.

“...Well, that’s certainly different,” Luna remarked, leaning over the balcony railing to look at the newly made portal.

“Yes, quite so,” Celestia agreed.

After a few seconds of staring at the portal, Celestia and Luna locked eyes, both of theirs filled with fear and the appropriate amounts of sudden realization.

“We should probably check that out,” Luna said.

Celestia jumped off the railing, spreading out her wings to catch a breeze to ride all the way to the bottom of the tower. “Already ahead of you!”

Both sisters made a mad flying dash to the ground, landing before the open portal leading to whichever chaotic dimension it belonged to. The energies running rampant from it was like a bursting dam, destructive and sweeping away all in its path. Celestia and Luna could barely stand before it without kneeling a bit from its sheer power alone.

“Sister, what could it possibly be?” Luna asked, holding a hoof over her eyes so that dirt wouldn’t be kicked up into them.

Celestia gritted her teeth, taking a step closer. “I’m not sure!” she answered. “But… but it seems familiar!”

In fact, it was. That strange place, the plane between worlds, the space of existence that was both there and not there. There was where she met the God Emperor of Mankind. In a blackness filled with teeming chaos, fighting creatures of the most horrifying might in a never ending battle of wills, his entire existence being nothing but pain and an unknown sorrow that she still couldn’t put her hoof on.

Yes, she remembered what it was called. The Warp. A place where the God Emperor battled against the forces of Chaos each and every day, her best guess for doing so is to make sure they don’t harm his species.

Celestia drew nearer, an unexplainable urge making her go closer to the plane of endless chaos. Luna held out a hoof, shouting, “Sister, what are you doing? You’ll never survive what’s in there!”

“But Luna, he’s in there too!” Celestia shouted out.

“Tia, stop!”

Celestia ignored her sister’s pleas, insteading taking another step, and another, all for the purpose of being close to the Warp. And from this Warp, she could see a figure draw itself closer. A figure clad in gold armor of the finest degree, bathed in a light of holiness unlike any other.

The portal closed. From its remains stood him. The one Celestia had been pining over ever since she first laid eyes on him.

The God Emperor of Mankind stood as tall as a tree before the princesses, his head blocking out the sun. Looking down to Celestia, his hardened expression softened in an instant, a small smile that made Celestia’s heart melt appearing on his cheeks. “Ah, if it isn’t you.”

“Me?” Celestia asked, her voice filled with awe.

“Yes, you.” The God Emperor got down to one knee, allowing them to look somewhat eye to eye. “The one who helped save me. Celestia, Princess of Equestria. It’s been a long time.”

“But that only happened a week ago,” Celestia said.

He chuckled, his voice that of honeysuckle and dew-covered roses. “For you, it might be. But in my world, or universe, rather, time runs much differently than your own. But that doesn’t mean I forget the service you fulfilled for me, and the debt I swore to keep to you.”

“Okay… I’m a bit on the confused side here,” Luna mentioned. Neither Celestia or the God Emperor paid much mind to her, however, much to Luna’s chargin.

“Please, Mister God Emperor, it was no trouble, really.” Celestia blushed, becoming flustered just looking into his eyes. “I-I was just helping you out is all.”

“Ah, but it was no mere help you imparted unto me, my dear. For what you did saved countless trillions of lives all across the galaxy. Both myself and all of mankind cannot thank you enough.”

“Um, hell, guys, still lost here!” Luna shouted.

Celestia’s face only grew redder. “R-really, it was nothing. D-did you say… trillions of lives?”

He smirked, nodding his head. “Yes. With your power, I managed to fight off the forces of Chaos that much longer. What you have done is a greater service than anyone has ever done for me before. Mankind cannot thank you enough for your deed in its survival.”

“You know what, forget it!” Luna turned around, waving goodbye to the pair. “Enjoy the lovey-dovey eyes! I sure don’t!”

“If that’s true, then why did your guards try to kill me?” Celestia asked. “And why aren’t you with your people now?”

The Emperor sighed, a sigh so deep with grief that Celestia couldn’t help but frown. “The reasons for that is a story I do not think you would enjoy hearing, but I suspect would like to know nonetheless.” Getting back up to two feet, he asked, “Perhaps a story you wouldn’t mind hearing over a cup of coffee?”

“You’re… seriously asking me out on a date?”

The God Emperor chuckled, shrugging his ridiculously large shoulder pads. “Hey, I didn’t get to call you like you wanted me to. I’m thinking this could make up for it.”

Coughing into her hoof while regaining back her regal aurora, Celestia lead the way to the nearest cafe they could reach. “We’ll see,” Celestia said, “but make sure to throw in a crumpet or two with that cup of coffee to sweeten the deal.”

“I’ll be sure to,” the God Emperor agreed with a laugh.

Author's Note:

Reading For Chapter One