• Member Since 14th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 23rd, 2018

Night Music


Here I am, back at it again, doing absolutely nothing.

Comments ( 40 )

a bit unpolished and the switching between bold and regular font is a little jarring but very enjoyable none the less. if i might make a suggestion out with the bold and in with the italic, which in my experience is usually used to show thoughts. also....

seoenquirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/firstpost.jpg

hope to see more greatness from you soon!

Gonna give this a chance. Please don't make me regret it.

"What was it my grandma used to say? What was it now?" Bertram thought before his eyes lit up.

"When your rife with devastation, there's a simple explanation, you're a toy makers creation trapped inside a crystal ball, and which ever way he tilts it, know that we must be resilient, we won't let them break our spirits as we sing our silly song..."

The hell is this shit, man? :rainbowhuh:

And don't say "Gypsy Bard." You know damn well that's not what I'm asking.

4437235 I don't know if that's the origin of it but it was sang by Panki Poi :pinkiehappy: during an episode of Witchcraft is Magic which is a hilarious redubbed series you can find on youtube. I know they have a website but the links in it are often shut down.

This series has promise but one thing irks me. He's just going along with this and he hasn't even attempted to speak yet. Other than that, it seems fine.

4437777
:facehoof:
It says right in the summery that the guy is mute...

4437235 :trollestia: Honestly, I have no clue what you are asking...

4436951 I shall do just that thank you. :twilightsmile:

4438077 Oh shit. Sorry.

4437774 I said "And don't say 'Gypsy Bard.' You know damn well that's not what I'm asking." because I knew where the song itself came from....


4438130 And what I'm asking, is how much balls did it take to hit publish and leave that in there? This is some of the worst brony pandering I've ever seen. The protagonist has no valid reason to recall that song. Even if, somehow, his grandma sang a FiW song. It has no bearing on the events happening to him at the time.

So much reach was needed to quote Gypsy Bard here not even the entire Covenant Armada could glass it.

Author before publishing:
ano.lolcathost.org/thumbs//1313062803067.png

4438261 I didn't know that was the name of it. Just trying to be helpful.

On another note, it's not pandering just to make a reference. It's a bit silly but watching a show for little girls and writing fan fics about it is silly so it fits right in.

Okay, I come back barely 5-6 hours, apparently after putting this out there and having comments raiding the comment section and me replying to them.



4438261 Sorry, one of my friends got into my work and screwed with it, bastard can't leave my shit alone. I have to change it back.

4438142
i thank you for listening to my suggestion, that is one of the marks of a truly great writer or story teller.

4438938 :twilightsmile:Well I have to take in the ideas of people who like my stories, can't just ignore them.:ajsleepy: That would be rude. :applejackunsure:

The protagonist is far too accepting of his situation.

4440030 Don't worry, I never wrote anything about before he got onto that train. Next chapter, just you wait.

Seems intersiring. When's the next chapter

4473142 Near the end of my school year, we are being bombarded by tests, so there is little time for writing. But don't worry, it'll come.

If I may make a recommedation... try not to use bold for thoughts. It's really jarring and makes me think the character is actually shouting. Try to use italics instead. :twilightsmile:

"Well why not? They are just the cutest things I have ever seen." Bertram thought as the ponies got closer and closer to his cage.

-sounds like he's shouting.

Well why not? They are just the cutest things I have ever seen, Bertram thought as the ponies got closer and closer to his cage.

-more common and actually looks like inner thought

4482408 I'm actually working on that right now, a friend and summer storm down in the comments told me to use italics, so I'm actually working on fixing the current one and the future chapter. Thank you for the feedback, I really need it.

i like it and hope you tie it in to maxtheblacks story

Dude this story is f***in' awesome

The story is great but make it a little pit longer chapters.

i love it please continue

Ha famous last words

never say what could go wrong EVER
:facehoof:

Bullies are the reason I'm a closet brony
Hi

4620176 Hello, but how are you a closet brony if the bullies know about it?

please continue

this a very good story so far, and I can't wait to read more. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

4620176 IF people know you are a brony then your not really in the closet about it.

4620281
He's saying bullies would...bully him if they found out.

4896596 Ah, that makes much more sense now. :rainbowderp::rainbowhuh::eeyup:

5852518 Well... I was playing some Fallout 3, but I haven't done anything with this in a while. I guess I could try to put something out by tomorrow.

Not my usual type of story but you got my interest.

I like the story so far but I had an issue with discerning who's perspective is in focus in this chapter. Also maybe put some sort of time gauge for example from between time he awoke and is sold to help maybe.:pinkiesmile:

He said it. Murphy, do your job, and screw him over!

WHY IS CELESTIA IGNORING THE FACT THAT THOSE TWO WERE BULLYING HER AND HE INTERVENED?!

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