• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 15th, 2023

Featherdust418


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1000 years ago, Discord fought a battle against the Royal Sisters Celestia and Luna... and won. He locked them away in the sun and moon respectively, and has reigned as king, shrouding Equestria in chaos and darkness. For 1000 years, the ponies of Equestria suffered, learning to live by stealing, lying, being greedy and angry, and yes, even at times... by killing. This is what ponies know- this is their life. However, there is hope... an unknown hope, deep beneath Canterlot, in the Canterlot caves. There is a secret community there, called the "Harmony Underground". A Unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle, who has lived in safety of the "Harmony Underground", finds out about the terrible and harsh outside world, as well as the true horror of Discord's rule. Now, there is only one thing she has set on her heart- to stop Discord, and bring peace and harmony back to the land! How will she do this? By finding and utilizing the ancient artifacts known as the Elements of Harmony! She just has to find them, and then figure out how exactly they work...
(Cover art not mine, also I do not own MLP:FIM.)

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 7 )

Already I like the premise, and I wonder if you will try to attempt a connection between Discord and Fluttershy in this alternate universe. Looking forward to more chapters.

9685604
Thanks for commenting, and I'm pleased to hear that you're enjoying it so far :twilightsmile:
As for Discord and Fluttershy... Well, this AU's Discord is much darker than the on in the show. Also the idea for this story was one I had waaaay back when, even before Discord and Futtershy became friends. That being said, I may incorporate something between the two of them into this story further down the road... also it will not be DiscordxFluttershy. I hope to put out more chapters soon, and I also hope you'll like what I have planned so far. Thanks again for reading and the comment as well! :pinkiehappy:

9686603
I get that, but that doesn't mean that Discord and Fluttershy still can't develop a little or even strong friendship.

JMP

Hmm...decent so far, but the dialogue seems a little stilted and forced. There's also a few missed line breaks here and there.

9697524
Thank you for the comment, and for showing an interest in my story! Can you perhaps show some examples of the stilted dialogue and some of the missed line breaks? Hopefully I won't miss anything in the next chapter, the previous two (prologue and chapter one) were written by me some time ago, with me fixing it up a bit recently. As I write out chapter two I want to do my best, so any mistakes that I am shown I will try and avoid. Thank you again!

JMP

9697572
Well, there's no space between dialogue exchanges for about..half the chapter? Starting with Twilight's "Things have been good", the remaining dialogue paragraphs tend to go one Twilight line, one Shining line, space, one Twilight line, one Shining line, etc.

"Twily, I know you want to go up there. But you also know that its too dangerous. As captain of the guard, I am able to go, but even I have to know my limits. I don't go roaming around looking for things, that would be foolish and put our whole community at risk. I simply stick to the plan, go up there, and get back down as quickly as possible. In-and-out, simple as that."
"Yeesh, I only asked of what you had seen, not that I wanted to go up... why do you always jump to that conclusion?"
Shining's jaw dropped slowly, as he tried to think of a response. When he couldn't come up with anything, he put his hooves to his temples and began to rub them. Finally, he exclaimed,

Things like that would normally have a space between the characters' lines.

As for stilted...well, ok, Twilight's lie aside (she's scheming, so it's fine), but I felt

"You know what Spike? That sounds great! I'll hurry up and eat, and you go wash up and get ready for our visit!"

read kinda awkwardly I guess, as well as the sudden shift here

"That is true. Oh hey- we're here!"

And no worries. Your story is interesting so far, and I'm more than happy to try and provide constructive feedback.

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